My wife's inquiries about a MMF threesome.

[James87 16]

Hello everyone,

 

This is my first ever thread on this site, and I am posting this on behalf of my wife. We've been a couple for 4 years now, and it is until recently that I've really started to develop a threesome fantasy.

 

I don't really think I thought about it ever, and I was disgusted with the thought of it until recently. I had a wet dream with my wife and another guy and it's safe to say that I haven't stopped thinking about it since then. Initially, I felt extremely guilty because we had never discussed it before and had vowed to be monogamous for the rest of the eternity. We are a lovey dovey couple you see, and we both have only ever thought about being intimate with each other. So yes this was uncharted territory for me, and I have been disgusted with myself ever since. I'd often think about her with another man while having sex or masturbating, and I've really found it enhances my orgasms which subsides by immense guilt.

 

It was until a two weeks ago that I finally decided to share this MMF fantasy of mine with my wife and it's safe to say she was pretty positive about it all. She laughed it off, and said I was being ridiculous but she was fine with me and with all the fantasizing. In the following days, she inquired about it daily and it was until a week after she did say, "I'll consider it for you". And when I asked really? She said, "Sure, we'll see. I can't promise though."

 

A day passes and I feel she starts to ignore what she said, and goes back to I only love you and I love being intimate with you.

 

Perhaps she is still indecisive, and I'm not the one to push her towards something she doesn't want to but her agreement in the prior week has really set off this thought from just being a fantasy to actually wanting to do it in real. Part of me feels she does fantasize about it secretly, but perhaps she's worried I might get jealous? I did ask her if my fantasy was normal to her and she added that I should be possessive instead. Despite gradual assurances that yes I do feel slightly possessive, but it's in a good way and that I enjoy the thought of having an MMF because I always put my her first and I think she will enjoy it once she does have it, she won't say it she wants it.

 

She says she doesn't understand the thought of it all, and what's enjoyable about an MMF and she has a few concerns about it. An amateur like me hasn't been able to fully tend to her queries and I felt like it was time to take this to experts, i.e you guys. I'll be posting all of the queries down below one by one:

 

1. Is having an MMF threesome normal? How taboo is it?

 

2. What is the enjoyment behind it all? Why does my husband enjoy the thought of it even though he is straight?

 

3. Is it more enjoyable than normal sex? Does two males really enhance it for the female in person?

 

4. Does it enhance your sexual life afterwards?

 

5. Will it be awkward? Do other women fantasize about it too?

 

6. Kindly share your experiences of an MMF threesome. Female feedback will be greatly appreciated, however males may feel free to share theirs as well.

 

I know all these questions have probably been asked on this forum a gazillion times, but my wife wanted answers specific to our case in person.

 

Thank you in advance!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

First, seeing that you are new to Swingersboard, I want to extend a sincere welcome.

 

Second, you present good questions.

 

1. Is having an MMF threesome normal? How taboo is it?

Neither MFM nor MMF are unusual. Very few members at this Web site would perceive either as taboo.

 

2. What is the enjoyment behind it all? Why does my husband enjoy the thought of it even though he is straight?

Although I do not go out of my way to find it, I understand the attraction of MFM. Many women enjoy the attention of two (or more) men at the same time.

 

3. Is it more enjoyable than normal sex? Does two males really enhance it for the female in person?

Is it more enjoyable than a man-and-woman encounter, no. But sex life is improved by occasional variety. So being a variant on the usual way boosts libido.

 

4. Does it enhance your sexual life afterwards?

Only if both of you enjoy the activity. It does not sound to me like your wife is going to enjoy this.

 

5. Will it be awkward? Do other women fantasize about it too?

Even if both of you decide that this is good for you, initial experiences can be awkward, usually owing to inexperience. Many woman have this fantasy.

 

6. Kindly share your experiences of an MMF threesome. Female feedback will be greatly appreciated, however males may feel free to share theirs as well.

I have never experienced MMF nor do I have a desire to do so. I have experienced MFM and although I do not go out of my way to find it nor does my wife, it has been enjoyable for us upon an occasion.

 

What concerns me is your statement, "I haven't stopped thinking about it since then." Obsession is not good. I suspect your wife is also sensing an obsession.

[dan63 106]

6. Kindly share your experiences of an MMF threesome. Female feedback will be greatly appreciated, however males may feel free to share theirs as well.

I have never experienced MMF nor do I have a desire to do so. I have experienced MFM and although I do not go out of my way to find it nor does my wife, it has been enjoyable for us upon an occasion.

 

 

Just to clear up what might be some confusion for you here and I understand the confusion because we had the same misunderstanding when we became involved. MMF refers to two men and woman where the men are also intimate with each other and this was what you asked about. MFM refers to a threesome where there is no intimate contact between the males. There are almost as many Acronyms in swinging as there are in the military.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

1. Is having an MMF threesome normal? How taboo is it?

 

Define 'normal'. Seriously. A threesome is unusual in our society, but polygamous marriages are common in other societies. What is 'normal' has no proper definition. It doesn't matter what we think. What is normal isn't really important anyway. If, ultimately, you and your wife become swingers, polyamorous, what have you, that is your 'normal', and no one else gets to define it for you. I would encourage you not to live in a world that is defined by what OTHERS think is normal. If you do, you're permanently living in a cage, one defined by others. That's not a pathway to happiness.

 

At first, it seemed not normal to be engaging in non-monogamy. Over time, this has faded, and non-monogamy is now normal for my wife and I.

 

Taboo? Meh. Sure, in our society it's probably considered taboo. So what! If society doesn't know about it, so what? As an aside, and perhaps informative, I've seen various things that have shown that people are far more upset about the idea of a couple being non-monogamous with permission than they are about the idea of one or both spouses cheating. Cheating is more 'normal', less 'taboo' than swinging. Let's see, cheating is harmful, evil, destructive, duplicitous...any number of negative terms. Swinging is...loving, caring, sharing, enjoying. Hrmm...what is taboo again? Don't believe what society tells you. Believe what you tell each other.

 

2. What is the enjoyment behind it all? Why does my husband enjoy the thought of it even though he is straight?

 

Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. If a guy watches porn where a man and a woman are having sex, is the watching guy not straight because of that? It's no different if a guy is watching his wife have sex with a man. Doesn't make him less straight. As to why the thought is enjoyable? Oh wow. I've spent the past nine years trying to figure that out. I can't tell you. All I know is despite upbringing, social programming, and prior monogamous experiences throughout my life, watching my wife have sex is incredibly erotic. Seeing her respond to a man inside of her is absolutely exquisite. Hell, just TYPING about it gets me horny, and we've been doing this for nine years now!

 

For my wife's part, she loves being the center of two men's sexual attention. She loves having sex and giving oral sex at the same time. It's her favorite thing. She loves having us play tag team with her, with me having sex with her, then the other guy for a while, then me, then the other guy... it's wonderful for her.

 

Don't expect there to be an explanation, per se, as to why. If it is something that both of you are turned on by, it's something that may never be adequately 'explained'. Just revel in it.

 

3. Is it more enjoyable than normal sex? Does two males really enhance it for the female in person?

 

See answer above. It's a very different experience, and nothing in monogamous 1:1 sex can prepare you for it. MFM sex can't hold a candle to 1:1 sex. 1:1 sex can't hold a candle to MFM sex. They are different. There are many different experiences you can have in an MFM you could never have in 1:1 sex. I love kissing my wife passionately as another man enters her for the first time. My wife loves having both of her breasts kissed at the same time by the two of us. As mentioned, my wife likes having sex and giving oral sex at the same time. My wife enjoys laying with her back against me while I hold her, caress her, kiss her...while another man is having sex with her. As mentioned, she loves the tag team. With one (long term) partner, she goes bareback, and loves having both of us cum in her. She loves me watching her. When we first started doing this, she always wanted me interacting with her, holding her, etc. She still loves that but now she also really enjoys me just sitting back, maybe off the bed, and just watching her. Some inner voyeur or something. Some of the most intensely aroused moments in her life have been while engaged in an MFM.

 

4. Does it enhance your sexual life afterwards?

 

Every couple I've heard talk of it have had a big increase in their 1:1 sexual activity both before their first time and after their first time doing something in swinging. It is a very, very intense sexual stimulant. If you stay doing it, some of that wears off...but at least for my wife and I, never completely.

 

 

5. Will it be awkward? Do other women fantasize about it too?

 

Awkward? Maybe. Some guys have a hard time their first experience, with feeling odd being sexual in front of another man. Their erections might not be totally cooperative. I had this problem our first time. I really enjoyed the lady in question. She was fantastic! We really clicked, and had a lot of fun playing...but mr. happy wasn't completely cooperative. There was one other time where it was a problem, but that had more to do with the woman than awkwardness. She just wasn't my type in bed. With time, being sexual with other people around becomes 'normal'. See question 1...

 

Oh hell yes, women fantasize about it too. In fact, there's a saying that women are really the ones that run swinging. If you think about it, this makes total sense. If guys were really running the show, few women would go along with it! Women are just as much into swinging as men are, and fantasize about it just as much.

 

6. Kindly share your experiences of an MMF threesome. Female feedback will be greatly appreciated, however males may feel free to share theirs as well.

 

My wife doesn't participate in this forum, though we frequently talk about things on this forum. She's just not a computer type However, I'll offer this; send me a private message, and we can exchange phone numbers. My wife would be very happy to talk to your wife and share her experiences. We've done this before, to the great relief of couples who got to talk to actual, real, live swingers Seriously, it can be a great benefit, even if you never go down this path.

 

I can say this; my wife had considerable trepidation before we got into swinging. Before I met my wife, I'd been involved for a short time with a woman who was married, and playing with permission. I was friends with both of them, and knew everything was on the up and up. I would not have had sex with her if she had been cheating on her husband. When my wife and I were dating, this came up. She was very upset about the idea, said it didn't matter if she was playing with permission, she was still cheating on her husband. I contradicted that, and we just left it as agree to disagree. Prior to nine years ago, I would have bet a zillion dollars that my wife would never...ever...ever...consider getting into swinging. It just wasn't going to happen. I didn't ask for it. I didn't really even consider it. I would have died a gloriously happy man if my wife and I remained monogamous, as I've been fortunate to find the perfect woman. Then one day...my wife said that one way in which having two men would be nice is by having two men massage her at the same time (she's addicted to massage). That started the discussion, and oodles of hours of discussion, research, question asking here, and talking over things over and over again, ...six months later we found ourselves playing with another couple. It was a very nice experience. We had our first MFM a few months after that, and enjoyed it. It wasn't perfect, but it was nice. A couple of weeks after that, we had an MMFM (yes, 3:1!) and one of the other guys was very good. My wife was intensely aroused, and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. She absolutely loved having sex with this particular guy. On the way home, she was all giddy in the car and said "Ok, NOW I'm a swinger!" Not that I was ever trying to 'sell it' to her, but she was absolutely sold. We've had many experiences since then, most of them MFMs. Only one, with another couple not an MFM, has been negative. See my answer to Q5 above

 

My wife used to get butterflies before having sex with a new sex partner in swinging. She was nervous. That's gone away now. Now, it's normal, fun, enjoyable, and very fulfilling. The first few years we got into swinging, we went to a number of swinger clubs. We don't do that really now, though we're not averse to it. Now, we're into longer term arrangements, but certainly not opposed to more traditional swinging. My wife has been seeing her current lover now for about two years. This is our 'normal'. It's not taboo to us, but we know it would be to (most of; 2 know) our friends, family and employers. The sexual thrill of it all has never completely worn off. My wife still fantasizes about partners.

 

Here's an idea I've seen offered before, to give your wife a tiny taste of what it might be like. While in bed with your wife, have her give you head while you use a nice penis shaped dildo on her. Encourage her to actively fantasize that the dildo is another man. Let her close her eyes and enjoy the thought, the fantasy, the possibility. Don't be surprised if she becomes wildly turned on, and finds it intensely erotic No, this isn't a way to 'convince' her and shouldn't be thought of that way. It's just a way to 'window shop', so to speak, to see what it might be like.

 

I know all these questions have probably been asked on this forum a gazillion times, but my wife wanted answers specific to our case in person. Thank you in advance!

 

You can ask as many questions as you like We will never turn you away. the people on this forum were very helpful to us when we first got into swinging, and over the years I've seen it be helpful to lots of other couples. Also, I'd like to point out that there are plenty of us here, myself included, who will tell you if you're barking up the wrong tree, headed in the wrong direction, whether red flags are going up, or even if we think you're just not compatible with swinging. Not everybody is.

 

I would say that you should not be surprised if your wife changes her mind back and forth many times. She of course has the right to change her mind, even in the act of having sex. It's ok. There's no contract here, no obligation. Your wife seems very receptive to the idea, and that's a good first step. It's just a first step. You have a journey in front of you, one the two of you need to take hand in hand, whether it leads to swinging or not. Never try to rush her, just open doors. Be patient. One day passing is nothing. I know of some couples that have taken more than ten years to get to the point of inviting others into their bed. As mentioned, it took us six months. Your excitement about the possible fulfillment of this fantasy may be driving you too hard. Step back, relax, take a breath.

 

Understand; sex is a very different thing for women than it is for men. For a woman, she is bringing a man physically into her body, inside of her. Most women do not easily separate sex from love, whereas most men have an easier time of that. I think because of this it takes more women more time to adapt to this thought than men. Not every woman is the same of course, and stereotypes fail on first contact with reality.

 

For her part, she shouldn't agree to have sex with another man only because you have this fantasy. My wife is very much motivated by my desire for her to have sex with others, but it is not by any means the only motivation, or even the prime motivation. It's part of the whole picture. She loves how much I love it, and loves it more because I love it, but she would love it anyway even if I didn't love it (but still approved).

 

Also, and I can't stress this enough, if you can't talk about this out of the bedroom while doing mundane normal day to day stuff, it's possible this is _only_ a fantasy, and might not be anything more. Even if that's all it is, just a fantasy, stop being disgusted by it. It is not disgusting at all, even if you act on it. What is disgusting is determined only by you and your wife. Some people find BDSM disgusting. Some think oral sex is disgusting. Some think having sex with the lights on is disgusting. Some think porn is disgusting. Don't live your life by other people's measures of what is "acceptable". Live it by _your_ measures and that of your wife's. Her having sex with another man isn't disgusting, nor is your wanting her to do so. My wife just said yesterday; when she is having sex with another man it is an act of love on my part, and on her part. It's true.

 

By the way, my wife just stopped by and said "what is disgusting is cheating!"

 

Feel free to take us up on the offer to talk on the phone. We are in earnest.

[luvin eye full 140]

James87

 

While the above is great advice, i would just like to say only do this if your both on board and never push it.

 

So do you guys have any other fantasy's ? that you have tried and experienced. ( role play - any thing else )

I only ask to gauge where you to are at with other sexual stuff ( though if your talking then that's great )

 

Are you really ready for your wife to have sex with some one else.

 

I'm not trying to put you off the idea just some times a fantasy is just that and better left there, like i would say to all newbies think and talk about what is good about this and all so what to do if it all goes wrong for one or both of you.

 

Best of luck.

 

Regards

[James87 16]

SW_PA_Couple

 

Thank you for your detailed reply. I'd like to apologize for my inexperience since I meddled with the jargon here. What I meant was an MFM threesome instead of MMF.

 

However, I do agree with the obsession part. The moment I've felt she's ignoring the threesome talk, I've found it hard to pick up an erection. I've never had any issues with an erection before and I am fairly young, so it is indeed alarming. Any advice on that?

[James87 16]

Dan63

 

Again I want to apologize for the incovenience and thank you for providing enlightenment on the issue. I did not know MMF and MFM were seperate Acronyms and what I really meant was to discuss MFM! If it wasn't for you I'd have never known.

[James87 16]

bbarnsworth

 

I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for explaining everything in such a detailed manner. It goes to show how much you care about our problem in hand and me and my wife are really thankful to you. In fact she found your reply amusing and enlightening to read!

 

Now since the formalities are out of the way, it's safe to say that I agree with everything you've just mentioned. I will however provide more background to why the guilt exists. I was in a hurry when I made this profile, and used US as our country of origin. We are from Pakistan and I will be changing it to that soon once I find a way to do so haha. We were both brought up in a society where sex outside of marriage is considered a taboo and engaged in copulation after marriage. Love and sex have always been a single entity for the both of us, and it is until recently that we both have started to understand that they can be enjoyed seperately; Me more than my wife to say the least.

 

So the guilt has to come from the fact that since we were brought up in a monogamous society and enjoying the thought of sharing my beautiful wife with another man isn't considered "mainstream" here. People hardly bring up their sex lives, and the ones who do aren't exactly mature enough to consider it serious talk.

 

However cheating does exist in our society which is decided to open up and talk about the unseen posibilities, and we have firmly agreed that if any of us feels the need to "cheat" it is better than we will consider the alternate lifestyle. However, I will add that we both did say, oh I'd never do such a thing.

 

As for your own personal experience, I must say that is exactly what I feel about it all. Just reading all that has made me excited and I I'm sitting here thinking about the exact same scenarios with my wife. However, I will have to wait and see how it all fares. We are still young, and there a lot of years ahead of us. But I really want to make the best of the sex years of our lives which is why I keep getting impatient!

 

I'd love to private message you my wife's number if your wife has no issues talking over such a long distance!

[James87 16]

luvin eye full

 

We are pretty playful if you ask me. We've roleplayed quite a few times and we are pretty open about everything.

 

And as far as I am concerned I think I'm prepared. If it was a one off fantasy I think I'd have stopped thinking about it. But I haven't. I'm not sure about my wife though and I won't push her towards it until she is completely ready!

[James87 16]

Alexandsandra

 

Thanking you for responding to this thread! Can you tell me why you think it may not be a good idea? I'd love to know your thoughts!

[dan63 106]

We are from Pakistan

 

When I read this my first thought was gosh no, no way you could ever engage in swinging in such a religiously conservative country. Me thinking the advice to check out a swingers club in that area would be impossible since I didn't figure there were any. Much to my surprise I did some googling and to my amazement there are quite a few clubs in that country. If your wife is truly interested in learning more I would suggest a trip to one of the clubs. But go to the club with the agreement that NOTHING is going to happen the first time and stick with it. If she likes it, and probably a 50/50 chance on that then I would recommend a trip back. When she sees that the people there look just like her neighbors and friends and they aren't a bunch of sex crazed men, she might become more accepting of the idea. Take baby steps. It is going to take a while to reverse the years of indoctrination that she has had that this is some kind of activity that only an infidel would partake in.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

alexandsandra, I agree with what you've said, but I don't necessarily hear alarm bells going off. If James87 said they were going off to a swinger resort this weekend, yeah I'd hear the alarm bells going off non-stop. Here, I just see a couple just beginning their journey which might lead to swinging. They're new to it. They're bound to have a lot of preconceptions that don't work. We were all there once.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

James87; I can't claim any great understanding of society in Pakistan. I know things in the abstract, such as society being dominated by Islamic paradigms. I know that in Islam, a man can marry more than one wife, but sex outside of the marriage? My preconceptions are this is dangerous territory to trod, and possibly illegal in your country. Do be careful. This might be something you have to travel outside of Pakistan to enjoy, if ever you come to the point of wanting to try.

 

Dan63's advice is very good. It is very true; swingers come from all walks of life. Also, it is very sage advice to go to a club without any expectations except to have fun (and that does not mean playing fun!).

 

International calls are no problem

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I'm not sure about my wife though and I won't push her towards it until she is completely ready!

 

This is the key. It's much better to let someone find their own way to somewhere with you walking along beside them than it is to be behind them pushing them along. Pushing someone into something never works out well over the long run. Yes, the short term objective may be met, but in doing so, you've usually made it a one time time deal at best and caused plenty of resentment too.

 

Just keep doing what you are doing - talking, having fun with whatever baby steps she is comfortable taking, and then just see what happens.

[luvin eye full 140]

James87 - Good to hear that your not going to push it for now. I'll ask this though. Is your want to for fill a fantasy so important that you would go after it even if your wife is only agreeing because your her husband?

 

I'm not saying this is the case, just trying to find out how far you are will to go with it if your wife in fact does not share your fantasy like you.

 

Regards.

[Guest]

So James87 what did you and your partner decide?