Do you have sex on the "first date"?

[ionsawmill 86]

Just curious about something. There have been several posts recently about things that come up during sex that were never discussed before sexual contact: kissing, bisexuality, anal, etc. I wondered how many times most people meet before having sex and how much time is spent previous to that in discussing sexual fantasies, likes/dislikes and the rules of the first sexual encounter.

 

The poll is only the first part of this question. I'd just like to know how many couples and singles engage in some sort of sexual activity on the first meeting. In the thread, I'd appreciate any comments regarding pre-swing preparation with regards to communication between all parties involved.

 

So what is it? Do you get right down to business and hope everything works out or is there a rigorous screening/boundary-setting process.

 

My inquiring mind wants to know.

 

T.H.

 

[wrnakedru 38]

Our first "in person" meeting with a couple we have had initial contact on line with is always in a neutral location for the expressed purpose of getting to know each other with the understanding before hand that we do not "kiss on the first date."

 

We do attend some "house parties"; i.e. parties held in the home of friends attended by those in the lifestyle. The option to have sexual activity is there - bedrooms have been prepared for it, a hot tub may be available for those interested etc. Even in this scenario we are not likely to have bedroom activity; definitely not with those we have met that evening for the first time, and even so with those we have known for quite sometime. Perhaps this has to do with discretion, as activity between participants rarely goes unnoticed by others. But more likely, it is that activity in this type scenario carries with it unwritten rules of courtesy regarding the utilization of a bedroom for "too long" a period of time. That sort of pre-determined boundary is not one we wish to impose on our enjoyment of activity.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

We've engaged in encounters on the first meeting.

 

Within minutes of meeting each other.

 

Some we never got their names.

 

And some just bite you.

[fun_pairTX 26]

At our parties the drawers hit the floor at the door. That way nobody has to search for a bedroom. "Excuse me Miss, would you kindly remove your butt from the Queso dip?

[Brit_Pair 62]

We haven't yet played on a first date. It's always been comforting to know that you can meet a new couple for an hour or two, drink, chat, make sure the pre-requisite chemistry (or at least the building blocks for it) are in place, and then head home alone to discuss what (if anything) happens next.

 

That said, if we were really bowled over by a couple - if there was unmistakeable, irresistable chemistry from the outset, and everything else was right - then we'd consider it.

[angihay 15]

We chatted for about 2 months before we meet in person. We did play on the first meeting but felt comfortable with the other parties through chatting before. Don't think we could ever just meet and then go to town without the chatting and friendship first.

[ionsawmill 86]

What I hear most people saying is that the email/chat stage may be more than sufficient to clear up any misconceptions that you or the other party may have regarding sexual content and, in this case, you would feel comfortable having sex on the first meeting.

 

For comparison, I'd like to know how many of you who are married or in long term relationships treat the first meeting differently than you would have when you were outside the lifestyle and single. In other words, if you will have sex on the first date as a swinger, were you likely to have sex on the first date before you started swinging?

 

For me, that's an easy answer. When I was single, I never had sex on the first date. In some cases, I didn't even kiss on the first date. Now that I'm married and we've decided to "supplement" our relationship through swinging, the same rules apply: the first date is the job interview, not on-the-job training. We make it clear from the start that sex is not even a possibility on the first date. I think that takes a lot of pressure off that first meeting, knowing that you have time to discuss things privately before moving to the next stage.

[yawanna 17]

When I was single I almost always had sex on the first date (what a slut! ). If I liked him and he liked me, bang zoom not a problem. The only people involved or who could be effected were right there, and it was just the 2 of us.

 

Meeting with couples in swinging, there are now 4 people to take into consideration, and 2 separate relationships to take care for.

 

It naturally takes a bit longer for 4 people to learn about each other before deciding to kick it up a notch

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Well, it depends on where we are and what our purpose is.

 

If we meet a couple in a "neutral" location, say a friend's house or a restaurant, then, no, it's not "sex on the first date", and we'll take them time at getting to know them first.

 

But, if we're at a on-premise club with the purpose of "getting it on", then we'll play with a couple if we hit it off with them during the night. But we're not looking to become long-term friends with them, either.

[duwannaball 16]

Both myself and DD, when we were single, have had sex on the first date or when meeting someone new thru friends or a party or whatever the situation happen to be.

 

When I met someone I liked and the chemistry was there, I would wait as long as it took until it felt right then make the move. In some cases it took several dates before it felt right, in others (like my wife of 14 years) it only took a few hours before the sparks were flying and needed attention.

 

We haven't experienced the lifestyle yet, but are interested and will probably be doing so soon, we both believe that when it happens we will progress with the same idea of, "if it feels right, then do it together", as long as you are responsible for your own actions. I think when we do swing it will depend on the people and the situation, just like when we were single.

 

Butch-

[akamgaxoxo 25]

I am gonna have to say it depends on the circumstances...however, most that we have played with, we chatted online or on the phone for a few weeks ahead of time. We discussed in detail what were our likes, dislikes, and fantasies and oh yeah bounderies. This was all very key for us, and I think it helped our friends out to know this stuff ahead of time, and well it made the wait very hot indeed. facelick We did not have the kind of friendship at the beginning that we do now, as we have built that up as we went along....

[Bu&Sandra 15]

We are on the first date people. Period. We are in the lifestyle to have sex with other people/couples. We are not in the lifestyle to "date" other couples and people. For us swinging is all about the sex. Perhaps we are not the norm but we aren't looking for a relationship we are looking for sex.We already have a great relationship with eachother.

[WesternSwing 504]

It's only happened once.

 

Mr. WS

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

We will have sex on the first date if the circumstances and stars align themselves. I think the real question here (and a very valid one) is if you have sex on the first date how do you make sure that you discuss any boundaries, etc. I just drag the other woman aside and let her know what our status is and make sure they are ok with our limits.... or depending on the situation if all four of us are in a position to easily discuss it together we will do that before we ever proceed to a playroom.

 

To answer the question in your second post... both of us have had sex on the first date as singles.... and I do look at swinging as kind of like dating for couples, so it does make sense that we would do what we were comfortable with before. For ourselves, we didn't have sex with each other on our first date... but I did give him a BJ.

[des1re06 200]

If we can get past the initial awkwardness of the first meeting, and everyone is in agreement. Singles are easier, and house parties.

 

We're evolving.

 

Mrs. D

[LFM2 1,482]

We've had sex on a first date. It was easier with a single because of limitation purposes. We went back to his house and were free to talk about our compatibilities.

 

Couples are a bit harder since you have two people to "bond" with while talking about compatibilities.

[good times 991]

Well, since we normally meet folks at the clubs, and all the clubs we go to are on-premise, I would have to say that we usually have sex on the first date. Then again, is that really a date?

[Guest MrsVan]

MrVan and I usually do not play on the first date unless chemistry is right..It is funny that this thread appeared because this past weekend MrVan and I went out to a vanilla bar and while there, we saw this couple walk in the door and I thought they looked familiar..Then all the sudden MrVan is telling me what pictures they have on their profile..

 

This couple was checking us out as they walked around and then after a few minutes the husband signaled MrVan to come over and yes, they were in the LS. We hit it off great with them and if they were not meeting vanilla friends that night at the bar, we probably would have asked to see if they wanted to go back to our place..

 

We typically do not play on the first date but that night we both were feeling it..

 

MrsVan

[havefuninsun 122]

We have played on the first date, but feel like we've gotten to know the couple through email and chat first.

 

As a single, I never had sex on the first date, but when Mr. Fun was single, his goal was to ALWAYS have sex on the first date

 

(MrsVan -- what a fun, sexy story!)

[MRSfun 152]

I can do ya on the first date. If you impress me

[sweet_tna 680]

We will! Since it's usually a couple weeks between first contact and the actual date, we've usually had time to chat and get to know the couple well enought to feel comfortable. So if the chemistry is right, bring it on!

 

=)

[The Fuse 1,012]

Yes, we'll have sex on a first date. Usually we've talked about enough of what we're into first, so that there aren't any rude surprises. In fact, we've never had a bad encounter on a first date. Wait... we've never had a bad encounter, at all (although a few forgettable ones). Most of the time we wait, but only because we like anticipation.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We are a couple that will have sex on the first date if the mood is right and if the couple are into what we are.

[two42lovers 273]

We often have sex on the first meeting, but how can it not depend on the circumstances?

[johnnysee2 15]

For me personally I've had sex on the first date many times, but then I'm an old guy and not young and spry like I was when I wasin my prime, so being with out sex for a long period of time is something no man wants to be without, and if the oppurtunity comes up, then if you and the lady agree you set your limits and adhere to themn, for me I happen to enjoy anal sex and that is a question I would put forward to herand if she is ok with it then we can proceed without any apprehension or surprises..I also enjoy a woman who has the talents to use her oral sex techniquies and who enjoys taking her man all the way down and enjoying him when he cumms and with a smile in her eyes....I do believe that the older people in this lifestyle know how to handle those ideas and do so very well...If everyone enjoys the evening or what ever time of day it is, just maybe they will want to enjoy the experiance again....Johnnysee2

[Alura 2,774]

Mrs. Alura and I had sex on our first date (and second, third, fourth...) with each other and continued when we started swinging if the situation was right.

[NiceGuys1st 15]

I most often meet with women swingers. Since we both know why we're here, we usually get right into it - even a "quickie" will do - before going on to more traditional dating activities. At the end of the evening we're back in bed, but this time much more relaxed and can take our time exploring each other. I find it's best to get that first fuck over with early on so that we don't waste time wondering all night and then have it turn out to be a disaster.

[s_couple 48]

Did that once, but not our preference. We like to limit our first date/meet to dinner/drinking/dancing and second base only and then go home. That way, we can talk about the encounter privately and wait it out (usually a week) to see if we're really interested in the other couple or not. This will ensure that neither of us will take one for the team.

[starman 17]

If I might have sex on a first date depends uponme, her, how we feel together, how sexy she is, if there is any chemistry between us. I have enjoyed the pleasure of having sex on the first date. It was the first time we met in person, and since we were both nudists, hav ing met at a single nudist website, we already knew something about each other. While talking with her on the phone, we knew we were hitting it off and that something might happen when we did meet. So there we were on our first date, at a nudist club, and when she took her clothes off, and I saw her beautiful body, I saw a whole woman, not jsut her butt, not just her breasts, not just her pussy. I saw a woman I could fall in love with. Afterwards, back in the room, we were hugging, and starting to explore each others bodies, somewthing you can't do out amongst the other nudists, and we knew we were going to make love. We both had an enjoyable time together, and it was a preelude to our trying many different things together.

Bob

[funcouple99 35]

Yes, 95% of the time. We get so few outs that we chat and talk for awhile before we meet. After the first 6 months we mainly get refferals and makes it even easier. If we don't play on the first date it is becuase of the other couple/single, not us. In fact we always have a back up plan... a single or couple on back up just encase. Takes the presure off the first date couple... so we aren't pushy... damn horn balls we are but are planners.

[NHswingSet 38]

if we feel a connection there is no reason not to!

[occ 148]

Of course we have sex on the first date. It is recreational. It is fun. It is exciting. Why wait?

[prairieshadows 95]

For us, we have had sex on the first "date" when we've met other couples....we haven't always had the best results with this, because with many of the couples we had swapped with on the first meeting. Many of whom we'd swapped with, and then when we tried to set up another meeting with them, they would blow us off or just didn't seem interested. Like they got sex from us and moved on. We usually try to have at least a date or 2 before we do anything else, but there have been a few couples we've met where we just clicked right away, and got a great vibe from them, and it led to some really hot fun that night. I think for us it really depends on how well we connect with the other couple if we have sex on that first date.

[swing52001 15]

Sex on the first date? Of course! That said, circumstance certainly has some authority over the decision. My preference is to at least get to know potential playmate/s through chat and email but sometimes the opportunity for fun is far more enticing than conversation over drinks. Call it chemistry, or kismet, or anything you like. That flash of electricity between two bodies eager to satisfy lust and want, gets me every time.

[SwingerGirl 132]

I'm a total slut I more than likely always want to have sex on the first date even when I wasn't swinging and even when I was in a relationship. In fact, if the conversation gets boring, I am like... Ok can we have sex now?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

It is the exception rather than the rule, but interestingly, some of the best nights have been that way and led to repeat encounters and even lasting friendships. I'd be remiss though if I didn't also say that almost all of the worst experiences were first date play. So it definitely can work out great, I just think the odds are lower that it will.

[njbm 2,871]

We usually do not. We want to talk among ourselves privately to make sure we are both into it. However, we abandon that rule when we are on a lifestyle cruise or vacation. We have a non-verbal secret signal to indicate if we are both ready to play. One no vote is a veto.

[padoc 1,703]

OK…we're on the upper end of the swinging age curve. We've fulfilled most of our fantasies, some more than once or even more than twice. If we meet a sexy, compatible couple, our mind set is why wait? Neither couple will get younger, thinner or better looking if we abide by the silly concept of not playing on the "first date". We are both children of the 60's and fully accept the mantra, "if it feels good, do it" and we tend to live by the Grass Roots song, "love the one you're with". From our experience, 10 years ago, we met a couple from NJ, recent transplants to SWFL like us. We went out with them 4-5 times, sorta played (soft swap) after the 5th night out and planned for a 6th date, a party at our pool the following weekend. On Wednesday, the wife left a message that her husband had had a massive heart attack on the golf course Monday morning and died. We went to the funeral, she sold everything and moved back to North Jersey and we decided that we'd never, EVER put off playtime with an attractive couple for some silly rule like not playing on the 1st date. Tempus fugit/Carpe Dium. We\d rather have fun than regrets.

[njbm 2,871]

We’ve lost friends in their 50s and 60s. Sorry to hear. You do have to take the bull by the horns sometimes or nothing’s going to happen.

 

As your probable elder, love the one you’re with was by Crosby, Stills and Nash if I recall correctly. The Grass Roots did la, la, la, la, live for today, equally sagacious.

[padoc 1,703]

DAMN!!! you are right and I should have known better! But yeah, Live for Today does apply as well.

[AdamGunn2 398]

I’m going to presume that by ‘date’, you mean a get-together at a restaurant, bar, coffee-shop, park, etc.

 

In those situations, where we agreed to meet a couple or single male though a swing site, we always told them we normally don’t have sex on the first date. (If it was a single male, we said ‘never.’) Then we got into the situation, and we learned that we knew if we wanted to have sex with them/him, why not do it on the first date? On the other hand, if either (or both) of us knew it was never gonna happen, we could walk away with no hurt feelings.

 

Now, if we just bumped into a couple or single at our club, and all were agreeable, it was let’s-find-a-room.  But I don’t think that’s ‘dating.’