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intuition897

We're out of the closet: confronted by our adult daughter

Do your kids know?  

40 members have voted

  1. 1. Do your kids know?

    • Adult/teen kids know and are cool with it.
      12
    • Adult/teen kids know and are uncomfortable with it.
      1
    • We have given our younger children age-appropriate truthful explanations.
      3
    • Our children know, but they were negatively affected by it.
      0
    • Our kids don't know, but we will tell them if they ask.
      7
    • Our kids don't know, and that's how we want to keep it!!
      18


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You handled this well. Ours all, now, what we're up to. I believe that you will appreciate "no longer need to explain."

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So I had a interesting chat with my daughter last night....

 

She has frequently complimented her Dad and I on our relationship in the past, and I'm sure this was a mystery to her, as she explained she suspected it for a very long time now, since they were kids.

 

We don't get into the hairy details of what we do in the bedroom - and I have no intention of starting now - but I don't want to pretend like we don't have a sex life. And I don't want to pretend that this is not a part of who and what we are. Because it is, and it's something we both love. It's not dirty. It's not deviant. It's not harmful to our relationship, to anyone else's, or to society. It has been a very positive experience and a deeply beneficial relationship philosophy.

 

I'm hoping we can now be more open with our kids, without having to come up with stupid cover stories that - deep down - we knew they didn't believe anyway.

 

Yup.

 

What the kids care about is neither who you are dating nor who you are fucking. What the kids care about is the relationship that the parents have with other and, ultimately, why the parental relationship works. They know all about divorce, and loss, and what it's like for those other kids. They look at mom and dad and gauge how things are going. Mom and Dad are, for better or worse, their relationship role models. And yes, that matters.

 

Whether the LS is for them at a particular point on their lives turns out to be immaterial. What matters to them is the security they see in a well-adjusted, loving relationship.

 

Those who have been in the LS for a while can judge the veracity of this next statement: After an LS date, we are typically much happier, affectionate, and playful with each other. The reason is likely that every LS date seems to make us value each other more.

 

What matters to the kids is not that you go out on a date. What matters to the kids is how you behave with each other the next day.

 

Kids pay attention to such things. At least our daughter did/does.

 

We're pretty sure that we are like every other married couple on this board--we occasionally grate on each other. It's pretty refreshing when adult daughter notices and offers in response, "So when are you two going out with your 'special friends' again?"

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We have a don't ask don't tell policy in my house.

 

I am pretty certain my older kids suspect our sex life is active and outside of the normal. They and we don't really push the issue.

 

Both are single, hard working, career focused and reasonably unattached, or casually attached. So I don't really ask about their SO's or their relationship status, or frankly lack thereof.

 

So while we are not exactly out with our lifestyle, we are not exactly closed off about it.

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We have a don't ask don't tell policy in my house.

 

So while we are not exactly out with our lifestyle, we are not exactly closed off about it.

 

This has been us, too. Our daughter and I got finished talking and got ready to go back in the house (we had been sitting in the truck in the driveway, having just gotten back from the store), and she said, "Oh God. I have to go change my shirt; I'm all sweaty from asking you about that!!" LOL She was more nervous about it than I was. She said she wasn't sure how I'd react to her bringing it up, so again, kudos to her for having the brass to do so.

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If they ask, we will tell, but from past answers to other (non-related) questions, I'm pretty sure that they won't ask because they really don't want to know.

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In a set of unlikely circumstances, we have four babies under the age of three in our lives right now. Tiring for people who are 63 and 72, but delightful and precious. I pray for them to be strong, and would love nothing more than if they grow up in a world that has this kind of wisdom and honesty. Kudos.

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OMG, how do you have time to sleep, let alone have sex!

I was evidently not clear--the little ones are "in our lives," but we are not their sole caretakers. Can you imagine that? They still wear us out, but we do have sex about three times a week.

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...."Yeah sure, Mom. I know why you want to go there." she said, "You want to shop for your big weekend." She grinned at me. "Party woman."

 

"Okay, fine," I said, "I want to see what they have. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable."

 

"I don't want to make YOU uncomfortable." she said.

 

"Don't worry about that. It doesn't make me uncomfortable at all."

 

So - and this is kind of weird - she and I went shopping for lingerie. She's, like, helping me pick stuff out....

 

We're headed on a swinger cruise this summer. There are eight theme nights. Who is most excited about organizing the outfits? Our (adult) daughter. She does a fair bit of cosplay, so we are getting quasi-professional advice! Up to each couple what they want their adult kids to know. Kids are mostly happy that their parents are happy.

 

If I could leave my kids with any life lessons about love and marriage, it's to show them what real love, passion and mutual respect look like. I can only pray that they find the forever kind of love we've found.

 

Amen.

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I miss those younger days when I knew everything. Luckily as I get older I have forgotten some of that everything I already knew making me open to new ideas...:lol:

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Our two boys are now 38 and 40. We have never told them but I am sure they're known for years. I know Bill, our long term playmate's son and daughter who are friends with and about the same ages as our sons know. Bill has told his father. So there a lot of people who know we play. We don't advertise we play but we have never really hidden it either.

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