Will I feel any different watching wife full soft or soft swap?

[Markjorge1 59]

Unsure how I feel about watching my wife having sex with another guy. I feel fine with the idea of watching her soft swap with another guy. Is there any difference in the two. She wants full swap so should I just agree to it or will I regret it and be jealous? Any advice or information on how you felt watching your wife full swap?

[dan63 106]

I believe there is only one person who would even have a clue to the answer to that question and it is YOU!

 

I would suggest trying soft swap at first and see how you feel about it. If you get jealous about that then you certainly wouldn't want to move forward, it would only get worse.

 

I would never recommend go along to get along.

 

Baby steps.

 

Dan

[Markjorge1 59]

My wife is shy about wanting to explain we are soft swap and feels it would be easier to not have to have restrictions in place and if it feels right just enjoy a full swap. I am totally on board with a soft swap and rather turned on by the both of us enjoying ourselves together and watching each other with another couple however, I am still unsure if I am ready to watch my wife be penetrated. I want here to have a great time and not feel limited but I don't want to put myself in an uncomfortable situation.

[luvin eye full 140]

Well 1st off you both need to be on the same page - tell me if you go for a soft swap would you wife have any problems changing it to full if felt like it?

 

I think the best thing to do is no swap at all and really talk before doing any thing.

I'm not tring to put you off the idea just talk it out 1st.

[Markjorge1 59]

We have been talking all the time about it. She says she does not want to make me do anything I am not comfortable with. She told me she is fine with just watching or soft swap. I just want her to be satisfied and enjoy herself. I don't want her to go to club and be disappointed. I don't want her to find a guy who she has a connection with and wants to full swap with then have to stop because I am holding her back. I also don't want to make sure I am fine with her doing a full swap and I am not upset after watching her I know I am ready for soft swap, not 100 percent sure about full but I don't want her disappointed when we leave.

[Scaredstiff 129]

No need to rush in is there? You say yourself you might regret a full swap so draw the line short of that for now, if you do meet Mr wonderful I'm sure he'll be happy to arrange a future meet, always go at the pace of the slowest mover and re-evaluate your boundaries when you have had time to assess how you both feel.

You may be surprised by your feelings when your actually in a certain situation, we've had complete role reversal a few times.

Our first club visit we agreed beforehand to just play with each other and soak up the atmosphere, it worked for us, we could both relax as we knew what was on or off the table so no nasty surprises, each time we visit the club we push things a little further.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Starting slow and setting some boundaries to experiment is wise.

 

I knew going in that I was 100% on board for soft swap. Once we'd gotten that going, when the subject of full swap came up, I knew what the dynamic was and where she was at and knew I was OK with that, too. She wasn't sure about anything at all with me, but once it set in that it really was just "play" for me, she got comfortable.

 

Whether it's different or not is a matter of personal taste and it depends on your idea of "soft". We've all got personal buttons to push based on our ideas about sex. Some of those early conversations about how we respond to things were pretty surprising. Talking it all the way through seems really important.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Nobody with think less of you if you tell them up front that you are currently 'soft swap' only. We all have been here before and while some people have jumped into the deep end, most of us have had a soft swap limit at one time of another. There's no rush, take your time and enjoy the ride!

[Markjorge1 59]

That's exactly why I am seeking advice. It is all new to us and when my wife and I talk about our limits and turn ons, I am totally fine with her performing and receiving oral from both men and women. She would rather a full swap but is fine with just soft it that's all I am comfortable with. I see your point about oral may be more intimate but I just want to make sure I am okay with her having intercourse.

[dan63 106]

Personally I'm amazed when men think oral sex is less of a personal act than intercourse. \

 

I believe you can attribute much of this to one of our former presidents.

[Markjorge1 59]

Will it be a major turn on watching her? I get so turned on with the thought of watching her involved in soft swap. It does make me hot and excited? How does everyone else feel watching their partners have sex with someone else?

[Markjorge1 59]

Lol. I meant does everyone turned on by watching their partner have sex or do some people not even care or do some not like it?

[njbm 2,881]

Yes

[Markjorge1 59]

Can you explain how I will feel different? Good different or bad?

[njbm 2,881]

You have to experience it yourself. No one can predict how you will feel, even you.

[luvin eye full 140]

Markjorge1

 

Don't do any thing that you do not want too -EVER - if your wife can not except the fact your not at that point yet then it just shows what is really behind her wanting full swap!

 

I know it sounds harsh - but no harsher then you having to do something you do not feel 100% with just to please her - i mean really what is important here, the bond you two have ? or how many guys you let your wife fuck just please her?

 

And does she even know this is what your thinking - would she be happy if she found out later that you now just did it for her?

then there's the real threat of you starting to hate her for it. ( the list goes on )

 

You must talk to her and be at pace with every thing you agree to for your marriage sake, and to those that just say yer go for it she'll love you for it - swing is a team sport, please remember they are not long time swingers.

 

They need to know that it can be great fun and it could screw up every thing.

 

i do hope it goes well for the both of you not just one getting what they want.

[Guest]

Certainly determining how you feel about soft swaps is one step. But, its not the same. Our first swinging experience was an MFM. I was all in, wife, then GF, was excited, receptive but nervous. As things got started, kissing, feeling, touching, things that would be done in a soft swap, I was fine with all of that. When she dropped down to her knees and started sucking him early on, I found that exciting. All was well until he entered her and I heard her make that moan that she makes, and murmur yes, oh give it me. Suddenly I had doubts, jealousy, had we made a mistake? Too late now, she was totally into it, but then she got me into it. It took 3 or so times before I had no such thoughts and could say I was totally excited by it all.

[JandKinBoise 858]

I was terrified at how I might feel and react seeing my wife penetrated. But once it started happening, I ended up guiding him into her. There was jealousy involved, but there were a lot of emotions involved. It was very intense but we were hooked. Good luck, don't over-think, be forgiving.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

This IS Pandoras box...you won't know how you feel until you are at the edge of that cliff (or just over the edge). That's why everyone says to take it slow, so you have time to check if you want to take that next step (it's a biggie, it can go either way, but it will either be awesome or a long fall). It's okay to say you want to stop, it's okay to keep going, but only you will know which is the right option and no matter how much you think and talk about it, you won't know until it's time to choose. From hearing what you have had to say, I do think that you will be okay, but set the goal at soft swap for the time being. Even if the wife finds a guy that she is interested in, there's always next time. Take your time and ENJOY what is going on. Good luck and keep us updated.

[Markjorge1 59]

My wife and I have been talking and we are so excited and intrigued to begin opening Pandora's box together. We want to watch others and perform in front of others. We want to go at our pace and see what happens. Can't wait! She keeps telling me how watching other women perform oral on me will drive her over the edge. We are heading to clubs in July and it can't come soon enough!

[Onlyme89 19]

What do you class as soft swap?

 

We class everything apart from penetrative sex as soft swap.

 

So your wife can kiss, have oral, be played with and pretty much anything apart from have full sex?

 

We have never really seen the point, oral sex and kissing etc are far more intimate than having penetrative sex. If you are thinking you cant handle watching her have sex then the chances are you wont be able to handle soft swap either.

 

Why not go to a club and just play with each other infront of others? Afterall you must really be into each other to even consider swinging, there is no rush to touch anyone else. After doing the voyeur thing you may be extremely happy you didnt go any further..

[adamgunn 1,460]

I’ll be the devil’s advocate here.

 

I do think there is a difference between non-vaginal-penetrative playing around and full-on sex.

 

As others have pointed out, there’s various stages to soft-swap. Fondling, licking, kissing, him giving her oral sex, her giving him oral sex, and penetration of her with a finger. Each of these is going to give you some amount of angst.

 

And, of course, the greatest angst of all will come when his penis penetrates her lady parts.

 

Now, how much angst do you want to have? How much can you stand? You may have some idea, but I promise you that you won’t know until it’s going down.

 

I don’t know that you’ll feel ‘different’ if you let her have soft-swap than if she goes full. For me, I remember that yes, there was a feeling of uncomfortableness, but it was more than balanced by the excitement of seeing my lady having a great time.

 

My advice to you is to let her begin in soft-swap, and ask her to get your permission before she lets him put it in. That way, you’ll have some control.

 

Now, here’s the good news. For most guys who let this happen, the second time is a lot easier, and by the fifth you’ll probably be cheering her on.

 

Good luck, let us know what happens.

[Markjorge1 59]

Although I haven't experienced yet, I do feel there is a difference with soft swap and penetration. In my mind I am fine with watching my wife perform oral and kiss and lick and have the same done to her. She loves to suck cock and lick and be licked and that is such a turn on for me. Hopefully I will be totally hot and excited by watching her. If this goes well I think I will be open to trying full. I do want to try soft first and see how it goes.

[JM153 346]

Our advice is similar to others with this caveat. If you meet a couple that attracts either one of you then discuss them with each other. If it is a go for both of you then start the seduction. If either of you are not attracted then just proceed to play with each other. If you do decide to play with another couple and they agree be honest with them. Tell them you are new and therefore do not know just where your boundaries are. That you want to go slow and check with each other often and before taking it further. If they are still agreeable, then move forward, but be sure to check in with each other before each new step. Make sure that it is all right with the other to take that next step. You both or either of you may stop it sooner than you now think or you may both want to take it all the way to a full swap. As to what the other couple will think, it does not matter. It is your marriage and your relationship that matters. If they are honest they were in your same place at one time. If they are the kind that does not understand where your coming from they are not the right ones for you to start with. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[couplers 4,655]

... if it bothers you, never do it again. See, for us, our first night at a Swing Club, instead of a lot of rules and barriers, we simply said, "no crime, no foul" and we'd review it the next day. Maybe we'd never do it again,but we tried it. Even if one of us didn't like something that happened, it was to be left back at the Club. Forever. Well, not to put too fine a point on it, we had a lot of sex. With other people. It was magnificent.

 

 

 

Agreed ^^. There are many things in life we try and don't like - restaurants, vacation spots - but that doesn't mean we give up eating out or going on vacation. Your wife had sex partners before you and if anything happens to you will have others after you. So if she has sex partners during marriage, what's the difference. We live to regret things we haven't tried rather than those we have. And I say this as a jealous woman who has come to see my jealousy as validation of my husband's desirability.

[Markjorge1 59]

That's want my wife says. She said we both had other partners in the past. Sex is just sex. It's not love. She says she loves me and that is all that matters. If we do full swap it's just for fun and pleasure and it doesn't mean anything else. She is fine either way with soft or full and she wants me to be comfortable and relax and enjoy ourselves.

[luvin eye full 140]

Hi Markjorge1 - if your wife says sex is just sex why will she not go at your pace then?

 

I'm sorry man but i just see a big red flag from everything you posted so far.

 

Swinging to us is a team sport - if my wife (and she has as have I) at some stage said hold up a bit, let's ease into that a little slowly then there would be no if's but's or maybe's - we go as slow as the slowest partner at the time.

 

Now those slow days maybe long gone - but respect and love for each other are timeless, when one keeps trying to talk the other into it - then that's the red flag.

 

The advice on here should be taken with a grain of salt - everyone I have ever known in real life has had the same as us - go with the slowest partner.

[couplers 4,655]

That's want my wife says. She said we both had other partners in the past. Sex is just sex. It's not love. She says she loves me and that is all that matters. If we do full swap it's just for fun and pleasure and it doesn't mean anything else. She is fine either way with soft or full and she wants me to be comfortable and relax and enjoy ourselves.

 

 

 

Hi Markjorge1 - if your wife says sex is just sex why will she not go at your pace then?

 

I'm sorry man but i just see a big red flag from everything you posted so far.

 

Swinging to us is a team sport - if my wife (and she has as have I) at some stage said hold up a bit, let's ease into that a little slowly then there would be no if's but's or maybe's - we go as slow as the slowest partner at the time.

 

Now those slow days maybe long gone - but respect and love for each other are timeless, when one keeps trying to talk the other into it - then that's the red flag.

 

The advice on here should be taken with a grain of salt - everyone I have ever known in real life has had the same as us - go with the slowest partner.

 

It's not the sex, but I agree it's how you treat one another. There needs to be communication, respect and deference not only in how a couple handle their sex life, but in everything really.

[Markjorge1 59]

We have been communicating a lot about our wants and desires. This site has helped us open up more to each other about our feelings and what we expect from the lifestyle. We are very eager to take the next step at our pace, together.

[luvin eye full 140]

That's great Markjorge1 - When it's together at your pace for both then I think you will have far more good times and far less problems (well from your side any way - who knows what crazy arsed people you'll meet lol)

 

My wife and I have been together for over 30 years now and as couplers said - love and respect for each other as well as every thing else is in every thing we do apart and together or with others.

 

Here's hoping for some great times in every thing you guys do.

[Thenotoriousdud 25]

I have a very simple answer to most "I'm on the fence" type questions. The experience will NOT be fulfilling unless all involved are 110% into it. Passionless, tentative, worried and unsure are not words that go well with lifestyle sex. Yeah, it can be done but is it all it can be? Probably not. When it's right, you'll feel it in the pit of your gut. You'll feel like you maybe shouldn't do it but, you know that you will in spite of that. Be sure.

[Alura 2,774]

My late wife and I had talked so much about sex with others that we didn't hesitate to try it when the opportunity arose (so to speak). Sometime before, Laura had done a sexy single dude and told me her story from before the first kiss to the last. She seduced him and I helped her plan it. Our first couple experience started with swapped kissing in our living room where Mrs. Playmate and I remained at first. When the heat had risen considerably, with everybody nude, Laura and Mr. Playmate went into the bedroom.

 

Mrs. Playmate had finished her second tongue-inspired climax when the noise in the bedroom grew in volume. We decided see what was so inspiring my wife. As we entered the bedroom, Laura was on her back with widely spread thighs, her hand guiding Mr. Playmate's cock into place. She huskily said into his ear, "Fuck Me! I'm gonna come! Fuck Me!" She audibly gasped as he penetrated her. She grabbed his buttocks and stretched her legs skyward, her toes pointing toward the ceiling, the whites of her eyes visible. That was the most erotic sight I had ever seen. It's still in the top several.

 

Mrs. Playmate leaned across the bed and made a similar suggestion to me. She and I watched her husband slide furiously within my wife. There was no doubt of what was going on when he pumped semen into Laura while she sucked his tongue. They eventually turned over. Laura slid off and, with her smile wrapped around Mr. Playmate's semi-turgid cock, grinned lewdly into our eyes.

 

I never felt any jealousy, just very much aroused. Laura and I had agreed that we would make our first swap exciting for ourselves and our playmates, knowing only that our marriage and our love for each other would not change. If a couple has developed fear-free communication, there is no limit to what either of you may do with others. Y'all are likely to talk about it afterward, and probably be anxious to make love together.

 

In my opinion, that's why people swing.

[Markjorge1 59]

My late wife and I had talked so much about sex with others that we didn't hesitate to try it when the opportunity arose (so to speak). Sometime before, Laura had done a sexy single dude and told me her story from before the first kiss to the last. She seduced him and I helped her plan it. Our first couple experience started with swapped kissing in our living room where Mrs. Playmate and I remained at first. When the heat had risen considerably, with everybody nude, Laura and Mr. Playmate went into the bedroom.

 

Mrs. Playmate had finished her second tongue-inspired climax when the noise in the bedroom grew in volume. We decided see what was so inspiring my wife. As we entered the bedroom, Laura was on her back with widely spread thighs, her hand guiding Mr. Playmate's cock into place. She huskily said into his ear, "Fuck Me!

Mrs. Playmate leaned across the bed and made a similar suggestion to me. She and I watched her husband slide furiously within my wife. There was no doubt of what was going on when he pumped semen into Laura while she sucked his tongue. They eventually turned over. Laura slid off and, with her smile wrapped around Mr. Playmate's semi-turgid cock, grinned lewdly into our eyes.

 

I never felt any jealousy, just very much aroused. Laura and I had agreed that we would make our first swap exciting for ourselves and our playmates, knowing only that our marriage and our love for each other would not change. If a couple has developed fear-free communication, there is no limit to what either of you may do with others. Y'all are likely to talk about it afterward, and probably be anxious to make love together.

 

In my opinion, that's why people swing.

 

That was soo hot I hope our experiences can be this great! So excited

[Alura 2,774]

That was soo hot I hope our experiences can be this great! So excited

 

Your experience will be that which you and your wife make it, Markjorge. Laura was the first to admit that she ramped up the show when we swapped. It wasn't that she was acting. The orgasms were quite real, but she did wild things she didn't do when she and I made love.

 

Good luck to y'all!

[eldiablo311 201]

First I would say for sure go at the pace of the slowest person, don't do anything they aren't ready for! Second, make sure all parties agree to stop, at any point in time, if anybody starts feeling uncomfortable with the situation. Remember the other person/persons you invite into your bedroom have feelings too and you need to make very sure, before things start that everyone is on the same page with what is going to happen and understands all boundaries. Also make sure to talk with you wife before, during, and after the experience...a lot! You want to go into it understanding that as a couple you are agreeing to a experience "wild" sexual experience together, and that neither of you will hold what happens against each other afterwards as long as you both stick to the boundaries you both setup beforehand.

 

Remember at all times that this is something you and your wife are essentially doing for each other and the other person is a temporary guest into your relationship. In the end all that really matters is how you guys feel. Again that is not to say to disregard the other person/persons feelings.

[oc1234 435]

My wife and I had no rules before we started. We had friends we really liked who nudists like us, so we often visited each others houses. As time went on, the four of use started flirting a lot, me with the other wife, and the other man with my wife. One night he was lying on the floor with my wife and I was lying with his wife. He started massaging my nude wife and I followed suit with his wife. After about 10 minutes, she nodded with a smile on her face in the direction her husband and my wife.

 

They were having intercourse which was the most exciting thing I had ever seen. I turned back to his wife and starting massaging those parts of her body that I had been carefully avoiding. After a few minutes she and I got up and went into the bedroom where it was much more comfortable to have sex. After we finished we got up and went to the living room so they could have the bed. While we listened to them playing in the bedroom, his wife whispered to me that her husband had wanted to have sex with my wife for a very long time.

 

After they left that night, we fell asleep. When we woke up the next morning we asked each other if it had really happened or was it just a dream. Our next thing we said was how great it had been and how much we wanted to do it again. Neither of us had any jealousy or regrets. That was over 30 years ago. The other couple eventually divorced, but we have remained friends with both of them. The husband is our best friend and we have continued to play with him. We are now in a poly relationship with him and have a mixture of threesomes and, he and my wife playing alone at his place.

[eldiablo311 201]

I feel like, now that I have been married for almost 5 years and together for 10, that marriage and a relationship is what you define it to be. It is not up to society or anybody else to tell you what a "happy relationship" is or what it is "supposed to look like". This is up to the couple to define for themselves. I feel that one of the beauties of being married and being with someone you love is that you can make your own rules together and you can share with each other your deepest, darkest fantasies and thoughts without fear of being judged. When you are in that kind of relationship you can explore new things together, without fear, and have some fun, crazy adventures that you will remember for the rest of your lives. I feel like that is what marriage should be, no matter how you choose to define your particular marriage.