Cautious conversation starters

[MDcouple121211 18]

Well, we are still planning our trip in June for the first club visit and I've been continuing research on this site but the one question that I have only seen alluded to and not overtly addressed, is conversation.

 

Being introverts, which still strikes me as odd that we both have exhibitionist style fantasies, how does one carry on and host a conversation with out giving out too much personal info? Typically conversation revolves around work which I'd rather not disclose in this situation until we know them better.

 

Granted it is club focused around sex, but we aren't planning on playing with anyone, so I don't see that topic "coming" up. (bumdum-tish). Oddly enough, I don't mind discussing that topic...

 

I am sure we are both going to be the average newbies looking like deer in a headlights. But I want it to be as good an experience as possible for us and anyone who is kind enough to talk to us. I don't want to come off as rude or standoffish. I'm sure this is common for new people.

 

Others have suggested getting up and dancing, well, my dancing is so bad it would make someone call for an ambulance because I was having a seizure or something (that or Chris Farley's Chip'n'Dale dancer). My dearest wife, is roughly the same. The Dance Fairy was hungover when it gave us our skills. We actually tried dance lessons once. He somehow managed to succeed in teaching us some basic rumba without throwing himself off a ledge in frustration.

 

So if we are actually successful in striking up a conversation and it rolls around to topics not to be disclosed yet, how does one steer around it without being rude? I know there are others with sensitive employment out there. Or is this not that big a deal?

 

Not really looking for ice breakers or conversation topics I guess, or at least I don't think anyway.

 

Thanks again for your input!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We usually ask: Have you been here before? How long have you been in the lifestyle? How did you get started? Have you been to other clubs? This will give you quite a bit of information and people will usually talk for quite awhile and ask you about your situation in return. If there is an attraction these topics will often lead to racier conversation: how they like to play, fantasies, past experiences, etc.

 

We rarely talk about work or kids in a swing situation.

 

You can also ask about hobbies, pets, sports, vacations. There are lots of things people like to talk about.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I read back through your question and I think maybe you're asking what to say if someone asks about your line of work?

 

It doesn't happen too often, but you can say something general like I own a business or I work for the government, or it's boring. If they persist (very rare), just say you'd rather talk about fun than work.

[Alura 2,774]

That which you get from swinging will be in direct proportion to the amount you're willing to invest. If you answer vaguely other people will read it as reluctance and be less willing to open up themselves.

 

Still, It's understandable that a couple won't be willing to bare their souls to strangers. If someone asks "What do you do for a living?" one can simply say, "We're really new at this and not yet at ease talking about our vanilla lives." That has the advantage of being true.

 

"Let's talk about ideas instead. How do y'all feel about foursomes? Both couples together or in separate rooms?" If someone asks you to dance, simply say,"We're not dancers. Would y'all like to sit down and chat for awhile?"

 

As the four of you exchange more and more ideas, y'all and your prospective partners will feel more at ease. If you remain closed and non-communicative, you will never gain trust and swinging will always be less than thrilling.

 

That's my opinion.

[Scaredstiff 129]

We've never been asked what we do for work while in a club, Mrs Scared worries about disclosing her job but it honestly never came up, a lot of the talk has been about clothes between the girls lol and of course shoes, try not to overthink it and turn it into a big obstacle , we found it easy to lose our inhibitions in a club environment which was the opposite to how we thought we'd feel, swingers are usually very easy to talk to from our experience

[MDcouple121211 18]

Appreciate the input one and all.

 

I hadn't realized how rambling my post was so I apologize for that. Was trying to interject some humor especially on a topic of not communicating to show I'm not a complete stick in the mud.

 

I understand it's a social event and my whole concern was specifically a discussion of work, but also more generally the overall direction of conversation which you fine folks have covered.

 

We're not opposed to opening up eventually but want to know someone first. "Quid pro quo, Clarice." (In hind sight I guess a Hannibal Lecter quote probably isn't best in this forum....kinda creepy!)

 

I also have a tendency to research new items to death and that is likely what im doing. I'm also posting questions or concerns both of us will have to try to ease the Mrs' s concerns too.

 

Again thank you for the responses. I do feel considerably more relaxed about that topic. Just hoping the rest of the stars align and we can actually go! Can't line the munchkin-minder up yet and thats the biggest one!

[Scaredstiff 129]

We usually end up chatting about the other couples experiences, sometimes they have a funny story, sadly we don't have enough experiences yet to chat about them forever but people usually like to know what made us decide to try swinging, who's idea it was etc.

Be wary though that sometimes people might mistake shyness for not being interested, so if you are interested it might be worth mentioning that or complimenting them early on

[luv2was 117]

I do not think it is at all unusual that you both have "Exhibitionist Fantasies", yet tend to me more introverted in your daily ("vanilla") life. Opposites can attract, even within your own personality.

 

Based on my personal experience, the sooner you can embrace your whole "self", the happier you will be in the long-run.

 

If pure and simple exhibitionism is a top-level thing for y'all, there are several ways to dip your toes in the water. One can be done without ever leaving the house. Webcams are a popular outlet, and it can be pretty easy to remain anonymous. A rather extreme example of this is https://chaturbate.com/

 

I can relate too. V&E(voyeurism & exhibitionism) is a personal favorite of mine. One of my girlfriends got into it almost as much as I do, and we had a blast putting on web shows. Just a thought, for an easy start into that arena.

 

:-)

[Guest]

Initial conversations tend to focus on whether you have been here before (at this club) and how long you have been in the life style, broadly, what is your level of experience and preferences. If talk goes on, you may get a what do you do for a living or where do you work. We respond very broadly, I’m in sales or I work in the western suburbs. If I’m not standing right there with hubby, and I’ll get the do you play alone questions and so on. Consider, the other party is there with a focus on sex, just like the two of you. There conversation is intended to get them to their goal just as yours is.

[Markjorge1 59]

How long do you usually talk before someone suggests playing together?

[Alura 2,774]

How long do you usually talk before someone suggests playing together?

 

Twenty-three minutes and thirty-one seconds.

 

Seriously, this depends on what you are able to learn and what positive indications you receive from the other couple. A couple must build a consensus, a trust, and information must be exchanged, more about philosophies than events. Laura and I found that conversation during a first meeting often centered more on where she bought her dress or jewelry than the lifestyle. We thought this showed a discomfort so we tried to ease their fears. Personal compliments, aimed at the gentleman as well as the lady, helped. Don't say anything that isn't true. That will set you back in your goal.

 

Learn about body language. There are a number of good books on it. A top indicator is when the other couple glances at your lips from time to time while talking. They're wondering what it might be like to kiss you. Look them in their eyes when you talk. They might not consciously catch the meaning if you occasionally glance at their lips and smile, but most will get the meaning subconsciously and open their minds to the possibility

 

The length of time is unimportant. How much you learn about how they think is vital.

 

That's my opinion.

[Markjorge1 59]

We are shy and are not sure about how and when to approach the subject of starting to play. If we are interested in the couple we do not want to spend all night talking, we would rather just pose the question sooner rather than later. If the couple is in agreement then let's get it on, if not then we will move on to another couple.

[njbm 2,881]

We have a simple physical signal that we give to each other to indicate whether we will play with another couple. It's a secret! That way we do not have to take a break in the discussion to decide if we would play. If either of us says no, it's a no for both. We can play separately at parties. Then we decide on partners ourselves.

 

To answer the last question, someone has to initiate. Ask! We've been shot down plenty. Their loss!

[Markjorge1 59]

My and I were discussing how do we let each other know if we are interested in the other couple. If the couple asks us we will say yes or know but I don't want to ask the other couple if my wife is not interested and I do t want her to ask if I am not interested. What are some ideas of signs or signals we can give each other?

[njbm 2,881]

Part of the fun is inventing your own signal! Look at baseball third base coaches for inspiration.

[Alura 2,774]

I think most experienced swingers will tell you it is best if your wife asks, Markjorge. If she knows the couple will not be invited unless she does it, it makes your communication much easier. You only need to signal your feelings to her.