Swinging with married men?

[Guest]

Swinging With Married Men?

 

Hi there.

 

Me and my partner are a fairly new to the world of swinging and we have encountered a situational / ethical problem that has us a little confused.

 

Firstly let me explain that "ME" the male of the couple has had a fair few swinging experiences over the last 10 years including MMF + FFM threesomes and foursomes with couples. But that within the last few years I have met a new life partner (the female of the couple) and we are taking our first steps into the world of swinging as a couple. So far we have had several MMF threesomes which we have really enjoyed and there has been no problems.

 

Taking into account we are both bi-curious people and that I have had more experience than my girlfriend we have decided to start by meeting other men for MMF threesomes which so far my girl friend has really enjoyed Sadly however we have hit a bit of a situational / ethical problem as every guy we speak with online ends up been married or cheating on their girl friends.

 

That basically every man we speak with turns out to be cheating on his partner, that they have a unknowing wife or girlfriend at home which has left us fairly unsure / confused.

 

Firstly one of the ideas of swing is that we don't need to cheat, sadly however every guy we speak with tries to drag us into some secret affair where they want to treat us like the dirty little secret whilst their wife or girlfriend sits at home.

 

Secondly these men seem to want to treat us like blow up sex dolls, or a quick sneaky sex drop. In other words they have very little interest in us as people, they are not even interested in hearing our names, all they really want is to come and meet us, have a quick sex session for 40 mins and then pull up their pants and run out the door before their wife realises they are gone.

 

These married / none single men always want to meet when it suits them and want to meet us in their work cloths or gym gear, meaning they want to sneak around to meet us after work or after a gym session meaning they have no chance to bath, no chance to trim pubic hair and we just end up with this stale smelling man sat in front of us who just wants a quick dirty bang and spends half the time looking at his watch or phone hoping the wife doesn't contact him.

 

They become agitated if your not having sex within 10 minutes of meeting them and have no time to spend getting to know us as a couple, they also seem to lie about personal information such as their real names / what area they live in / what they do for a job, all because their leading this affair / cheating lifestyle.

 

Putting it blunt me and my partner are confused about what to do?

 

THE PRO'S: Are that a married man is less likely to be sleeping around a lot (less STD risk for us) and also a married man is less likely to try and steal my girlfriend, less likely to cause major problems as he doesn't want to risk his marriage or family finding out.

 

THE CON'S: Are if this man is lying to his wife & family he will not think twice about lying to us, that basically all he wants is a quick 40 min bang when it suits him, he doesn't treat us with time, patience, respect but instead just wants to shove his stale penis in my girlfriend as quickly as possible and be back home before his wife or girlfriend. The cons are this affair could blow up in our faces and his wife or other family might turn up looking for us that we are basically helping this person break his marriage vows or personal word.

 

 

From my point of view it also feels weird that sure I do like MMF threesomes a lot but actually this other man is the one getting two women, after all he is getting his wife or girlfriend, then banging my girlfriend as well. That he gets two women and all we get is a rushed sex romp once every few weeks when he can sneak away from his partner.

 

Guess I'm confused because from previous experience in past relationships I have had single men from MMF threesomes trying to steal / stalk my girlfriend, that on a few occasions me and ex partner met single men for threesomes and they just became obsessed with my girlfriend very quickly indeed and tried to get her cheating, asked her to meet alone, turned up at our home without been invited, asked her to leave me or meet them alone for sex.

 

My idea of a great threesome is spending an afternoon all having fun, relaxing for 3 or 4 hours and having sex together 3 or 4 times and trying loads of fun stuff, but that is not possible with a attached or married man, all they want is to run in our house for 30 mins and empty their balls before running off home quickly.

 

It would seem with a single man they become obsessed with my girlfriend and want to steal her away or get her cheating, where an attached man just want to treat us as a quick 30 minute blow up doll session where we get zero respect and are dragged into some dangerous affair that could backfire on us.

 

I already know if a married man is willing to lie to his wife and family then he won't think twice about lying his head off to us.

 

The question on our mind is....

 

Should we meet married men, or is it just too risky?

 

Thanks for any advice you can offer.

[couplers 4,656]

Your instincts are correct that playing with married men (or men in a committed relationship) who are cheating is nasty, with potential drama as well.

 

I would look for an married couple who has the same approach as you do. If your not looking for swapping sex for you, only MFMs, then look for another couple that mirrors your situation, whether that is a bi experience for yur wife, for you or for both. Patience, the right couple is out there.

[luvin eye full 140]

I agree Couplers hit the nail on the head here 100% the ones you want to play with are out there and will be happy to find you as they probably are having the same problems.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

First, I welcome you to Swingersboard. My wife and I have been solicited by men who are hiding things from a spouse or significant other. But we have also had success in meeting men who are truly single, earnest, personable, and capable. I believe that what shields us from people having hidden agendas is the fact that we have settled upon using only two truly-effective swing hook-up Web sites. We tried many over the years and judged them by the amount of foolishness that went on rather than the number of hits that our on-line profiles would receive. Another strategy that led to our success was to meet people at private swing clubs.

 

What methods do you use for finding these men? I suspect that you could maybe use better.

[Guest]

Hey folks, thank you for the replies

 

Perhaps I should have explained the situation a little better, but regarding meeting a couple I think its probably still too soon for us to be meeting another couple.

 

Like stated above "As a Couple" were are still taking our first steps into the world of swinging and like you can probably appreciate dealing with 1 extra person can be a challenging or even nerve racking experience where as dealing with another couple / two other minds can be even more complicated. Putting it very blunt I do feel blessed to have a open minded girlfriend but I do not want to throw her in the deep end and put her off the entire idea.

 

The vast majority of my girlfriend experience has been with men so that is whats she is use to / feels comfy with, so our original plan was to begin by meeting some single men and having plenty of fun with them and then in time move on to other women and couples. From my point of view I basically wanted to get my girlfriend really use to this situation with me and other guys before I throw her into bed with other naked women or couples. For now at least I feel meeting another couple or a single women might freak my girlfriend out a little too much, it would be nice to start with what she is use to, men.

 

As for where we meet these people?

 

Well we mainly use online web sites that are popular in the UK, in fact we could probably do with finding a few more good free sites.

 

I have looked at single women in our area and the pickings are very very slim indeed, I have also looked at other couples and there is a very small amount in our area that might suit us, with that in mind I have also looked at so called single men and there are LOADS to pick from but each time we try speaking with one of them it all sounds great until they mention their wife or girlfriend at home that doesn't know anything about their secret swinging life, basically they end up asking us to have affairs and be their dirty little secret and sex bang couple.

 

The idea of a swinging club also puts me off a little, firstly there isn't a good swinging club near us and secondly like explained above I do not wish to throw my girlfriend into the deep end, I mean yes she is amazing, yes she is open minded, but I have learnt from past mistakes that jumping in the deep end straight away tends to freak my partner out and makes them dislike the idea. Putting it very blunt in the past if I have rushed my girlfriends in bed with another women it has freaked them out and made them dislike the idea, I feel the same might happen with a swing club.

 

I guess to me this boils down to an ethical question as it basically seems about 80% of the men on line are cheating. There are hundreds of male profiles none of which have face pictures, all of them using the key word "Discreet, Discreet, Discreet" and when you look at the penis or body pictures they do have showing you can see their wives cloths or make up on the dressing table behind them. Most of the time when I look at these photos there are actually family pictures hung on the wall behind the naked man in the picture or pink flowery bed sheets that their wives have picked.

 

For example I have not met many men in my life who would decorate their bedroom in a pastel colour and have pink bedding and women's make up on the shelves. When I ask these men if they are married or seeing anyone and pretend like we are not bothered it usually spills out they have a wife or girlfriend and are looking for us to be their cheating partners.

 

I do feel a little trapped by this situation.

 

Why Trapped?

 

Well like stated:

 

Single Man: I have played with a fair few single guys in previous relationships and just been honest the results wasn't good With my ex girlfriend we perhaps played with 10 single guys and only 1 of them ever turned out to be any good, but even he was lying to us and hiding a partner at home. The truly SINGLE MEN that we played with actually seem to become obsessed with my girlfriend really quickly, in fact I had about 3 or 4 different single men trying to steal my ex girlfriend, that we would have 1 or 2 threesomes together and all of a sudden they would begin stalking my girlfriend, trying to pass her their mobile number, asking her to meet them alone and cut out the threesome.

 

One single guy actually came banging on our door whilst I was at work, he then figured out where my girlfriend worked and harassed her at work, he turned up at her work and she actually had to run and lock herself in the managers office until he left. He actually stalked my girlfriend for about 3 months until it became so serious I tuck time off work and caught him in the act. This guy actually hid in some bushes over the road from our house and use to wait until I left for work, then after I had left he would run over the road and bang on our door trying to get my girlfriend to answer and have sex with him. In the end I tuck time off work and caught him and physically threw him off our property.

 

In some respects I'm kind of worried about single guys, worried that they will either try and steal or stalk my girlfriend OR that they will be sleeping around so much they will give a very high risk of STD'S. Yes sure if a nice honest single guy came along who wanted to share my girlfriend and have lots of good friendly fun then I'd be down for that, but in my experience single guys have a few threesomes and then want to meet the girl alone and cut the threesomes out.

 

Married / Attached Men: Well like explained above a married or attached man doesn't have the same risks as a single guy, but they also has an entire new set of problems, namely they can only meet when it suits them, they can only meet really quickly when their partner doesn't know, they can not offer us any type of friendship, they always lie about their true identity and their life, they basically want to drag us into an affair putting us in danger, they usually want to meet at strange times like just after they finish work seeing a stale unwashed guy turn up wanting a quick sex session.

 

The entire idea of sleeping with a attached / married person kind of turns me off I know deep down they are liars and cheaters, I know there are willing to risk their wives lives by having unprotected sex acts with other couples. I once met a married man for a social meeting and he basically said that he loved his wife but he wanted a lot more sex so use to visit prostitutes / street hookers, but now he has found swinging and wants to meet a nice couple as his sex toys.

 

I also find it kind of greedy because generally I find what these men are saying is....

 

"Hey I can not share my wife, she is my property, no one else can touch her, but hey I want to bang your girlfriend please"

 

 

It kind of feels like been stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

Meet a married man and perhaps be a little safer but get dragged into a lying affair by a cheating person.

 

Meet a single man and not have the affair but put my relationship in a lot more risk if he turns into a stalker type.

 

 

TV (or) Sissy Men: I'm unsure what terminology people use but sometimes I have considered meeting a more feminine type of man, the type of young thin man who doesn't get much attention from the ladies, who isn't a player, someone who would offer us more friendship. I am sure you all know the type of young man I'm talking about, the type of man who wants to be treated more like a girl. In previous years I have met a few of these type of men just as friends and it doesn't seem they get as much action as the general well built confident guys, plus they are not married.

 

Well forgive me for ranting on guess I just feel a bit down about the situation I'd very much like to meet someone and have lots of MMF threesome, I'd like to get my partner use to this subject in a way she feels comfy, I'd like us to experience a few different guys, but basically they all turn out to be married, and even if they are single they seem to be risky player types.

 

 

I will point out my girlfriend says she would probably be okay with the idea of playing with a married man because she views it as their risk not ours, however I really don't want some affair to blow up in our face and I also don't want to give my girlfriend the impression that I'm okay with affairs because really I'm not.

 

Guess it would be nice to meet a single guy who wants to see us, who wants a lot of sex and friendship with us. It does seem most single guys on these swing sites could meet us, could have a fantastic night of sex and fun, could have a incredible meet, then they go home that night and post to see if anyone else wants to meet, that they are always looking for the next best meet. Be nice if we could meet a nice quiet guy who would be happy getting some real experience with us.

 

Funny really the world is full of nice single guys who don't get much experience or friendship sadly its not those type of guys using swing sites.

 

Anyway perhaps I shouldn't rant on so much, just trying to figure out if we should meet a married man or risk a single player.

[JandKinBoise 858]

Our first rule was 'no married men'. That rule changed to 'no married men without their wife's consent'. That rule changed to 'married men are fine'.

 

When we started we were mid 40s. Most of the single men we found had issues. It was very hard to find a compatible guy. Eventually, we started accepting invitations to guys who admitted to being married and in a sexless relationship. We found these guys to be extremely passionate, thankful, generous and uninhibited. They had gone so long without sex that it was like Christmas for them. So yea, it's cheating, it's horrible and all.

 

My wife went into this not ever wanting to be 'the other woman'. But if a wife decides to become selfish and distant, that's a problem that can result in consequences. I think my wife justified it by thinking that she didn't cause the bad marriage, she was just the end result.

At the end of the day, we do what makes us happy.

 

You can eliminate some of your concerns simply by making sure the guy knows, going into a first meeting, there will be no sex. If he's married, he needs to sit thru dinner and answer some tough, sensitive questions. He needs to know that YOUR wife is who is in charge of this and all decisions will be made by her, on her terms, in her time. Then, by the time he shows up to fuck, he knows that he's been vetted and has had expectations defined. Then just hold on!

[Scaredstiff 129]

Which website are you using in the uk?

 

Why can't you just meet for socials until you find someone you are both happy with?

[Guest]

Hey we use Fab Swingers in the UK.

 

We could just meet people for social meets but like stated a good percent of them turn out to be married.

 

Either way its a little hard to tell if someone is right just by a social meet, however perhaps we need to ask deeper questions.

 

Do you know of any other good UK sites?

[Scaredstiff 129]

No can't recommend any other sites, we also use fab, we're not into meeting single guys so I can't really comment on how we've found it on that site, we've had conversations with a lot of couples that have turned out to be fake or flakes so I can only imagine it being worse with single men, I'd suggest going to a club but I think you said you'd been on the scene for years? So I'm guessing you already tried a club?

We find the pressure to have sex is a lot less there, not what we expected but I guess there are plenty of people to choose from at a club so there isn't a feeling of desperation coming from the other couples when we chat, though again I suppose the vibe could be very different on a Friday when single guys are allowed in but we honestly haven't experienced that.

We would never swing with a married man, we would feel guilty about it I'm sure and we wouldn't want to be involved in the drama of breaking a family up either, she would only have to follow him one night after all, but also I just don't think married men (and to some degree single men) are coming into this at the same angle as us, we're all about sharing experiences that are good for all parties , I think most guys just want easy sex like you say

[Scaredstiff 129]

There are quite a few group socials in the uk, people there tend to get to know each other and it's generally considered to be a safe environment, if you met a guy there you would be able to ask others who might know him, on that note if I were in your shoes I wouldn't ask a guy if he's married until your face to face, I can spot a lie a mile away but anyone can lie on a message.

we first got into this after fantasising about a mfm threesome, but as we've met more and more people my wife has found she is much more interested in the women generally speaking, that surprised us both, maybe a social meet would give your other half a chance to warm to the idea of a couple

[Guest]

Yes you are correct I have been involved with the lifestyle for some considerable years but have never actually been to a party or club.

 

I guess firstly its just not our scene, and secondly the entire idea kind of puts me off.

 

In years past I did actually meet 2 couples who regularly attended clubs & parties, and sure whilst they were lovely people, whilst they were very open minded, I have to say in the end we were put off by the sheer number of people they were seeing. I met with one couple and all had sex together several times before they admitted they were actually seeing another 2 or 3 couples and 2 or 3 singles as well, that for us it was suppose to be a special thing, whilst for them we were simply one couple amongst the bunch that they were seeing.

 

Some years later I met another couple who attended clubs and parties a lot but they explained they wasn't seeing anyone regular, again it was sometime after we had sex that they admitted they wasn't seeing anyone regular but instead would invite 5 or 6 men from the clubs to attend gang bangs at their house which again put us off. I guess my vision of swinging has always been a more personal at home kind of thing, something we can enjoy after work in a safe comfy environment with someone who wants to know us. I guess its a little greedy or over cautious but it would be nice to meet someone who was seeing us and not seeing us and lots of other people as well.

 

However regarding the original post it basically just seems every man we have spoken to online over this last 12 months has turned out to be married / attached. I find it kind of strange that really what these people want is an affair meaning they could join lots of sex / hook / affair web sites but instead they target swinging sites.

 

For us at least its a though choice, men have no interest in us as people and just want to use us like blow up dolls, that they just want sex and all normal decency goes out the window, in the past that effect has made my girlfriends feel dirty, used, at risk. Swinging with a couple seems to be really hard work at times because there are two people to impress and please and couples do seem to change their minds a lot, that its hard to be right for both partners. Where as single women in my experience can be great to meet, they offer friendship and respect, they offer a lot more than just sex but sadly in the past they have just ended up making my girlfriends feel jealous which causes upset and friction anyway.

 

I'm sure there is someone right out there but guess its just a matter of finding them....

[CostaRica 130]

So what you're actually looking for is a man to be exclusive with you with more of the relationship aspects of spending time together and hanging out, almost more like dating? It sounds to me like you might be treading the line between swinging and poly (which doesn't have to mean all three of you live together, it can be more casual dating). In a poly relationship you would have more luck setting up dates, hanging out more and being able to set the expectation with your third about how much dating was acceptable within the relationship. If that's the direction you want to go then you might want to try having your girlfriend find single men in vanilla settings and then introduce them to the idea of a threesome.

 

You're going to be hard pushed to find a single man in the swinging world, single or not, who wants to date and be exclusive because that's not what they're there for in my experience. Heck even most couples are into swinging for the variety and tend to dislike being exclusive (though it does happen from time to time, generally after couples have been seeing each other a while).

[Guest]

Hhhmm I'd not say "Exclusive" as such because I already know the vast majority of men are going to take whatever chances come along.

 

Guess my main concerns are that firstly a lot of single men who get into swinging are actually married / cheating which would mean us been dragged into some affair, such men do not actually have the TIME to peruse a proper friendship with us, they do not have the time to sit down and chat, to have a simple evening of mild friendship and fun but instead they just want to f**k and run off home quick, in my experience it seems most married or cheating men want a meet to last exactly as long as its takes them to cum. That alone has a detrimental effect on my girlfriend at the time, that my girlfriend ends up feeling used, dirty, like a sex toy, not respected because such men are always needing to have sex and then rush off out the door.

 

Some people would suggest going to clubs / parties however like explained above I have been with a few club / party couples and just been honest they were seeing to many people for my liking, this is not only a fairly big risk of STD'S / STI'S but again it has a negative impact on my relationship. Its a little hard to ask my girlfriend to have this playful sexual friendship with a person when they are actually seeing another 8 people on a monthly basis, this again would make my girlfriend worried, unsure, like she is nothing special just another sex toy.

 

Then we do move onto the men who are actually single, but sadly in the swinging world it seems the moment you include the sex subject all normal common decency goes straight out the window, that like Costa Rica said people look for variety meaning most single guys are simply here for sex, and to have sex with as many people as possible. Guess its hard to explain but basically a lot of the single guys we have spoke to simply come over as risky players who have very little interest in us personally other than the fact my girlfriend has a size 8 body and a vagina.

 

To me at least it seems when you include swing / sex into a single mans mind all normal friendship, all normal decency just goes straight out the window, often they do not even bother introducing themselves but simply ask if my girlfriend does anal sex or if she swallows, their messages are often based around what they would like to do with my girlfriend. That again has a negative effect on my girlfriend what am I suppose to do walk up to her and say....

 

"Wow big dick smasher 01 has sent us a message and has asked to cum in your bum, he hasn't said hello, he hasn't introduced himself, he hasn't made any attempt whatsoever at small talk or friendly introductions, it doesn't seem he wants to respect you as a person, he seems to want to treat you like a f**k object, yeah he has also spammed half the website and is basically looking to meet any takers, there has been no real discussion, no boundaries set, he just wants to blast you in the ass, shall we meet him?"

 

My girlfriend would very quickly say no. If you met a girl in a bar you would not walk up to her and say "You want it up the bum?" no instead you would introduce yourself, you would be polite, flirty, ask them some questions, strike up a normal decent friendly conversation. In real life you would not simply walk up and smash a dick picture in their face and ask for anal sex. You know just because I like threesomes it doesn't mean I want my girlfriend treating with total disrespect, doesn't mean I want her treating like some mindless f**k object, I'd rather she was treated like the gorgeous intelligent women she actually is but single men don't offer that on such sites.

 

Well like my original post said our main question was simply what to do about the married man situation?

 

It seems a lot of guys we speak to are either married or have an unknowing girlfriend at home, over the last 6 to 12 months about 90% of them men we have chatted to have admitted been married and asked us for some affair like deal where they can sneak around our house once a week to have my girlfriend before running off back to the wife.

 

The funny thing is there are thousands of men out there who are single, who are polite, who have decency and would be very thankful indeed to have sex with us, sadly it seems such men don't really use swing sites. The men we meet on swing sites are not interested in offering respect, mild friendship, they are often interested in offering affairs or for us to be a notch on a players bed post not of which helps to settle my partner into this idea

[Dr_Bear 18]

hey.

we did have the same problem but with women. We enjoy having FFM's in the exact manner you preffer MMF's : with friendship, friendship and chemistry. For MMF's we decided a swing club is ok (because of the obbsessed single man syndrome we also fear).

the problem with people on swinger sites is that they are extremely sexual. i get that we are all there for something sexual but some need a bit of human touch before getting horny.

women on swinger sites, except the fact that most were prostitutes, were behaving like one of the few clients in a really empty shopping mall. if they answered they were asking for dick size, breast size of my GF and so on. this approach was a total turn off for me so i tried something else. something that worked like a charm.

first, make a profile on a general dating site (like OK cupid) with pictures of both you and your girlfriend, fill in the profile (quality people do read entire profiles) just leave out the purpose of the profile.

search for single men with pictures (those without are probably married) and send them one nice long message. people who do not read long messages are the supperficial men you try to avoid.

We found 90% of the girls we had FFM's like this and even if it was hard (reply chance less than 5%) it's worth it! those girls did it because they LIKES US, not the ideea of an FFM. 80% of them had their first threesome with us!

Abandon the swinger sites.

i guess they work best for couples

[Guest 2B13RFUN]

If the man's wife is AWARE of the situation and is aquiescent to it, that's fine. If not, well, things could go sideways pretty quick. Not a position to be in at all.

[Sophy 569]

We have had threesomes were the man was clearly lying to his wife/partner

We do not ask or care much about it, that is their problem, all of them were grown men, adults, we are no one to judge them or question them more than necessary.

[Jane1902 476]

There are lots of married men on the vanilla sites too. A cheater is going to cheat but I am not going to help them. One of the ideals I hold to the lifestyle is being open and honest. A couple that shares their bed with a cheater may be honest with each other but are being hypocritical.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Our message to a single but not-so-single man: if you are found out, do not expect us to tell lies about what you were up to.

[Sweet.Pea 15]

I am now divorced from a cheating husband who used "swinging" as an excuse for his behavior. Just so you all know, at least one swing website is willing to surrender personal information, such as credit card information used to purchase a membership, to a legal entity. Ultimately none of these play partners were called for a deposition. But they could have been.

[Judy39 145]

I think that men you met were inconsiderate, disrespectful, and basically not worth your time, but married or even single status is a red herring here. You must be looking in the wrong place or not vetting people properly to have such poor experiences, time after time.

 

I joined and left Fab within days. It's terrible. I received dozens of messages daily that were impossible to respond to in those quantities. I don't believe for a minute that there are that many genuine swingers in the UK. Most must be desperate wankers. SDC.com works well for us - the vast majority of the profiles and interactions make perfect sense. No nonsense like on Fab.

 

Why not go to the club? Perhaps you already have, in the recent months? It's only overwhelming if you start screwing hot babes and forget who you came there with. If you (male part of the couple) only come to watch and play with your partner, first time, it's a great introduction and might work better than MMF. There's a new club in Leeds - Pandora - that opened in September and is supposed to be really good. Close enough to you but at the same time not at your doorstep. Give it a go? Or go to Netherlands / Germany, for an even better experience?

[Erik13 157]

We just had a MMF with a guy the other night who openly admitted his marriage was horrible and his wife doesn't care what he does. I highly doubt he told her, though.

[Guest]

It seems the excuse about having a bad marriage / sexless marriage is the usual excuse from every married guy wanting to swing alone.

 

If they are willing to lie to their wife and family.

 

If they are willing to put the STD risk over their wives and families heads.

 

Then they wouldn't even think twice about lying to us or putting us at risk.

 

Plus having a bad or sexless marriage doesn't change the fact they are asking you to have an affair, to sneak around, to be the dirty little secret they meet on their terms and their time frame.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

We just had a MMF with a guy the other night who openly admitted his marriage was horrible and his wife doesn't care what he does.

 

If it is so bad, then why doesn't he leave her instead of cheating on her? As SunandMoon said he has proven he is willing to say and do anything just to 'get some'. Way too much chance of drama: do YOU want to testify at the divorce? Cheating involves a total lack of love and trust and requires lies and deception. Swinging is the exact opposite. The only thing cheating and swinging have in common is that sex is involved.

[Erik13 157]

If it is so bad, then why doesn't he leave her instead of cheating on her? As SunandMoon said he has proven he is willing to say and do anything just to 'get some'. Way too much chance of drama: do YOU want to testify at the divorce? Cheating involves a total lack of love and trust and requires lies and deception. Swinging is the exact opposite. The only thing cheating and swinging have in common is that sex is involved.

I agree with what you're saying, but how would you know if any single guy is truly single?

[Guest]

In my experience if a guy truly is single then.....

 

- He can actually spend some time getting to know you.

 

- He can meet frequently and is happy to work with your time frame not his.

 

- He doesn't make excuses and jumps up and leaves 5 minutes after the sex finishes.

 

- When you meet it can last hours not just a quick 40 min bang so he can run home to the wife.

 

- He actually tells you things about his life and isn't super secretive.

 

- He doesn't check his phone every 5 minutes to see if his wife has messaged.

 

- He doesn't check his watch or phone looking how long he has left before the wife gets home.

 

- He gives you his real name and you can look at his profile on things like face book which says he is single.

 

- He turns up to meet you fully cleaned and bathed, most married men get noticed if they suddenly clean themselves tip to toe and leave the house for hours.

 

- He doesn't need to make silly excuses to leave the house, the classic I'm going to the gym darling, so he turns up in proper clothing not gym gear ect.

 

- He can meet at reasonable normal times, most married men want to meet really early in the morning when the wife is a sleep, or mid day when she is at work, or really late at night.

 

- He doesn't have any signs of wearing a wedding ring, that he has recently removed a wedding ring.

 

- He can actually accommodate people, is okay with people coming to his place.

 

- He answers texts messages quickly and continuously, he doesn't have to wait until really late at night or really early in the morning when the wife is asleep to answer messages.

 

- He can stay at your place or the hotel for a long time, even over night, or take a weekend trip away with you, married men struggle to do that stuff.

 

 

One of the biggest mistakes they make is.... They speak as A COUPLE.

 

 

Single guys use words like.

 

"My place... I watched a film... I went out the other night... My favourite music is"

 

Married or attached men use words like.

 

"Our place.... We watched a film the other night... We once went to that club... Our favourite music is"

 

 

Words like "Our" and "We" give a clear signal the man is speaking as a couple and not a single person.

 

 

LIKE STATED.

 

The main problem I have with all of this is that if a married man is willing to lie to his wife, lie to his family, risk his marriage, risk his home, potentially put his family in danger, risk and STD, risk possible divorces and courts, sneak around, meet random people from sex websites, potentially pay for sex from hookers and things like that.

 

If he is willing to do all of that to the person he loves / lives with / has married.

 

Then imagine what he is willing to do to us!!!!!!

 

We are strangers, he has no reason to be honest with us, no reason to respect out rules, he can not even respect the rules of his own relaitonship so he isn't going to give a fuck about the rules and boundaries of our relationship, he isn't going to care about our safety, our family, our future, if he can lie to wife's face then he isn't going to think twice about smashing our relationship under foot.

 

 

We actually met a married man for a coffee some months ago, we thought we would meet up for a coffee and see that this man had to say, firstly he turned up in his gym gear, that is the only way he could meet us by telling his wife he was off to the gym. He had not shaved, it didn't look like he had bathed, he hadn't done anything to alert his wife.

 

He said the same old story, wife is boring, wife is frigid, we have 3 children but she doesn't want sex none stop now, its all her fault, I'm this hard done to man who just wants to explore, I'm in a sexless marriage the three children just appeared magically, she stays at home all day looking after the entire home and family, she is boring, whilst she is at home I want to be out dipping my penis in women 20 years younger, I can meet you but on my terms once every few weeks when I can sneak away form the wife, I won't be able to stay long so I'd appreciate it if your partner got her pussy out for me to bash nice and quick so I can drop my load in her and run off out the door 5 seconds later to get home in time for the tea my wife is cooking, it really is all her fault, I'm a poor trapped man.

 

Yes he gave out all the normal blurb and then he said....

 

 

"It would be really great to meet a couple to play around with because its better than the prostitutes near my work"

 

He gave a very strong indication that he had been seeing local hookers, and I'm not talking about high class hookers, I'm talking about the unwashed scabby drug addicted slappers who stand of street corners with a tin of strong beer in their hand and shouting at people as they walk or drive past "You want any business love?" Eeerrrr NO THANKS SMACK HAG!!!!

 

I have seen the state of the street walking prostitutes with their scabby dirty hands and brown teeth, I wouldn't fuck them if they paid me.

 

The married man we met however wasn't only lying to his wife, wasn't only seeing prostitutes, but basically wanted us to be some kind of secret fuck dolls who he could nip round and see in his stinking gym gear and quickly have sex with for 40 minutes before he had to run off home.

 

If he is willing to treat his wife and children like that then he would not even think twice about putting massive risks over our heads.

 

Married men seriously aren't for us but sadly about 90% of the guys online seem to be married or have a girlfriend at home.

 

[Travelcpl 20]

I am now divorced from a cheating husband who used "swinging" as an excuse for his behavior. Just so you all know, at least one swing website is willing to surrender personal information, such as credit card information used to purchase a membership, to a legal entity. Ultimately none of these play partners were called for a deposition. But they could have been.

 

This post points up maybe the biggest danger of getting involved with a married guy. There is no doubt that if the plaintiff's lawyer wants to find you and use you as a witness you're going to court or at least a deposition. In some states the wife could even sue the couple for the tort of "alienation of affection." What a mess. Why risk it?

[Guest]

I'm not so sure court would be a problem because basically cheating on ones partner isn't actually a criminal offence, neither are divorce proceedings, they are both civil matters.

 

If a crime had been committed then I'm sure a judge could demand that you attend court as witnesses, for a civil matter however I'm GUESSING that they could only ASK you to come to court to which you could say "No" and that its a civil matter between the man and wife.

 

That said however I'm not a legal expert and am sure laws differ from country to country / state to state.

 

Personally however I'd not like to risk it, there are numerous ways playing with a married man could backfire in your face, for a start the married man is usually lying to everyone involved on some level.

 

 

I guess in my specific case married or attached men who want to cheat just make this lifestyle really difficult.

 

Me and my female partner would like to explore the realms of MFM threesomes a lot more but in our minds that includes been treated with respect, not been lied to, that we can meet someone and chat for a while, share some drinks, have a mild bit of friendship, when we do meet have sex 2 or 3 times, make an evening of the event.

 

However married / attached men just can not offer that, all they can offer is a super quick 40 minute banging session because there always clock watching and needing to run off home before the wife realises they are gone. They don't offer any polite chatter, friendship, longer fun packed evenings. They simply want to turn up, ram their cock in my girlfriend, and zip up their trousers and be out the door 5 seconds later, basically to treat us as fuck objects, or sex toys.

 

I don't like the hygiene levels of married men either, that basically a married man can not suddenly change his hygiene habits because his wife will notice meaning they don't trim pubic hair, often don't shave, don't bath properly. In many cases a married man has to use excuses to meet you, they tell their wives they are working late or heading to the gym and in most cases these married men haven't had a bath in 10 hours before they meet you, they sneak off and meet you after work or turn up in stinking gym gear.

 

I find their time keeping to be very annoying as well, firstly they can only meet you when its suits THEM, and then when you do meet such a man he basically expects to walk in the room to find the women naked with her legs open because hey he only has 40 minutes before he has to run away back to the wife. Instead they walk in and sit on the edge of the sofa and check their phone or watch every 30 seconds like your somehow causing them a massive problem by wanting to generally chat.

 

I find they often offend the women involved, they have a quick fuck and then just pull up their pants and want to get out the door, hardly any thank you's, no compliments, no time spent thanking the women, justt pants straight up and off out the door back to the wife.

 

 

One thing that does worry me is a lot of people who suspect their partner of cheating on them do use various tactics to find out.

 

They hire people to follow them / follow them themselves / install tracking devices in cars / track their mobile phones / get friends to follow them around.

 

In today's world a cheating husband can turn up at your door and his wife can be stud outside 10 minutes later.

 

Guess I just don't like what married men want us to be.... Cum buckets, sex objects, fuck toys, 40 minute bonk buddies.

 

My partner doesn't want some random guy to walk in the door, fuck her for 30 minutes, pull up his pants and leave.

 

That would make her feel used, disrespected, unsafe.

 

But that is all these guys offer as most of them are married or in relationships so its just a long list of guys all wanting to sneak around and cheat, all wanting to use my partner like a sneaky 40 min whore, and they don't even bath because the only chance they have to meet is after work.

[Erik13 157]

However married / attached men just can not offer that, all they can offer is a super quick 40 minute banging session because there always clock watching and needing to run off home before the wife realises they are gone. They don't offer any polite chatter, friendship, longer fun packed evenings. They simply want to turn up, ram their cock in my girlfriend, and zip up their trousers and be out the door 5 seconds later, basically to treat us as fuck objects, or sex toys.

 

 

 

 

 

But this is all we need. I don't want the guy hanging around for hours...Do our business, chat for a bit and have a smoke, then he can leave.

[Guest]

In some circumstances I'd agree quicker meets can be useful.

 

However when we do meet someone we would prefer to have sex 2 or 3 times which a cheating man with 40 minutes to spare can not do.

 

 

In my time I have dated a fair number of women, many of which I have tried threesomes with, and there are two areas that I find have annoyed these women a great deal, two areas which have caused them stress, frustration, and ended up putting them off this idea.

 

1. EFFORT: For a couple inviting someone over for some sexual fun can actually be an epic task, firstly it requires an amount of communication, you actually have to plan when you are both free, that basically you have to plan when you can have sex with someone else which already takes away a bit of the magic, that a lot of women prefer things to be spontaneous where the entire act of "Planning It" makes it feel like some seedy sexual meeting where they are been used. HOWEVER, after planning this event there is usually a great deal of effort that goes into preparing.

 

Generally if we have someone coming over we will return from work, will tidy the house a little, wash any pots, empty any bins and so on, we will change the bedding, arrange clean fresh clothes and underwear to use that night, will both bath or shower fully, will both brush teeth, in some cases trim pubic hair. For a women this can be a much more difficult task, some women for example will wash and condition their hair, trim their nails, shave their legs, pluck their eyebrows, use a hair dryer, add make up, perfume, before moving on to picking out underwear, what outfit to wear.

 

This process can take hours, the cleaning of the house, the cleaning of our bodies, changing the bedding, but actually for a lot of couples we haven't even got onto subjects like arranging child care for the evening, walking or feeding the pets, shopping for drinks and so on. In may cases preparing for an evening of fun can mean running around for 2 or 3 hours making sure everything is ready. We even have to adjust what we eat because its no good having a large heavy meal just before playing with someone, so sure what would have been a fairly easy relaxed night turns into 2 to 4 hours running around preparing.

 

THEN just to have some rushed man arrive, some guy who can only spend 40 to 60 minutes in our company, during which he wants to have full sex with my girlfriend is actually rather insulting. My girlfriend has spent longer in the shower that this guy wants to spend with us. Its actually taken my girlfriend longer to pick an outfit and underwear than this man will spend with us. My girlfriend has gone to extraordinary lengths to make sure she is clean, to make sure she is attractive, fresh, ready, and then we have some stale man show up who hasn't even bathed in hours because he is sneaking around after work and wants his quick banging session where he expects my girlfriend to drop her knickers 5 minutes after he has walked in the door.

 

My girlfriend has spent hours getting ready, she has done everything from conditioning her hair, cutting her nails, shaving her legs, trimming her nails, then some guy walks in the door who hasn't bothered to shave, hasn't trimmed his pubic hair, hasn't bathed for about 10 hours before he left for work that morning, and been fair this guy doesn't respect the effort we have put in, doesn't respect my girlfriend as a person, doesn't respect that we might need time to relax, might need time to chat a little first, instead all he wants to do it ram his dick into my girlfriend pussy and quickly pull up his pants and run to the door minutes later and scurry off back to his car so he can speed home back to the wife.

 

In turn my girlfriend thinks.....

 

Whats the point? This is too much effort? Why bother?

 

I have had 2 or 3 women say the exact same thing to me:

 

"Hey, I have to spend hours getting ready, we have to run around like mad preparing for this person to arrive, we have to make time out of our daily lives for this happen, generally we have to change the bedding, do a bit of general cleaning before they arrive, it can takes hours worth of effort to prepare for this person to arrive, and when they do arrive they treat us in a rude sex mad fashion and are only here 40 minutes before their running off out the door and jumping in their car, whats the point, its too much effort for no gain"

 

My girlfriend would probably appreciate some time to relax with this person, some time to chat with this person, some general foreplay and flirting, some compliments and recognition of the effort she has put in, then when we do have sex she would probably prefer more foreplay, a chance to explore 2 or 3 times, someone she can actually speak with between sex sessions, someone who does have the time to provide some general feedback. But she gets 0% of that because the married man or attached man is already pulling up his pants and is running towards the door.

 

 

2. USED: The other area I have noticed is how such men simply make my girlfriend feel used and not in a good way, that in reality what a lot of men offer is the same they would offer with a prostitute, a quick 40 minute bang where the girl is left dripping in cum without even a thank you. One of my ex girlfriend said is best when she said:

 

"Basically it makes me feel like a prostitute who isn't getting paid"

 

That it doesn't make the girl feel respected, liked, special, thanked or any other useful feeling, it just makes her feel like a blow up sex doll to strange men who simply want to rush in her vagina and run off home before the wife finds out where they have been.

 

One girl I dated once said....

 

"Imagine a man walking in your house, hardly talking to you at all, pulling off your clothes and ramming his dick up your bum with hardly any foreplay, cumming inside of you, leaving you feeling sore, violated, not respected at all, wiping his cock on your clean bedding and then walking out the door without even a thank you"

 

That is basically what men offer my girlfriend, basically she is a blow up sex doll, their entire actions proves that they do not care about her, do not care for her safety, her comfort, her well being, do not care at all about the effort she has put in, that the only things they care about are their penis, her vagina, and then getting home to the wife ASAP.

 

In many respects its the exact same as my girlfriend walking down the street naked and just opening her legs for totally random men. It doesn't make her feel safe, doesn't make her feel respected, doesn't allow any connection, feedback, positive communication, all she is to that man is a cum bucket, brainless sex object.

 

It doesn't actually matter than my partner is a highly educated person, doesn't actually matter that he is a person with feelings, none of that matters she has a vagina, and sure in the end that treatment makes her feel totally used and disrespected, makes her feel like a whore than isn't even worth spending 5 minutes with after.

 

 

OVERALL:

 

 

Its just a massive amount of negative feelings for my partner, what men offer in this lifestyle is no different from us walking outside now and inviting a total stranger into our home and letting him have 15 minutes in her pussy before he walks out the door again. In my experience a lot of women do actually want some form of respect from the people they chose to fuck, they want some form of general chatter, communication, compliments, some general care, attention, foreplay, flirting.

 

In most cases you would actually bother to get to know a women a little bit before sleeping with her, in most cases a women has chance to experience 2 or 3 dates with a man before sleeping together, sadly men in this lifestyle have 40 minutes to spare and they want 38 of those minutes to be fucking my girlfriend.

 

Guess I'm just sick of looking for a single guy who can actually spend some time with us only to find yet another sex crazed smelly married man who wants to rush my girlfriend into bed so he can bang her vagina and rush out the door when he is done.

 

It just creates loads of negative feelings within my girlfriend and then this entire subject ends up cancelled.

[Erik13 157]

Wow...you just hit the nail on the head. The guy showed up the other night straight out of the woods after hunting all day still in his hunting clothes.

He got a long blow job, threw his cock in for 5 strokes and came. He then just got up and got dressed, not even caring that my wife didn't cum.

I finished the job and made sure she was satisfied. We then had a quick smoke and he ran out the door. I actually like the fact that he doesn't stay long, but wasn't happy that he didn't care about my wife's pleasure. We need to have a talk about inviting him back.

[padoc 1,703]

Which is why we don't get involved with single guys! That's not to say we don't enjoy a 3-some occasionally but when we do, the 2nd penis belongs to the male half of another swinger couple with his wife/girlfriend's knowledge and consent. We've found that, unlike most singles who just want a warm and semi wet place to put it and get it off, committed swinger males generally understand that they are receiving a gift from Mrs Doc and me and she's treated accordingly.

[dan63 106]

Sun&Moon, please don't take me the wrong way here because I mean absolutely no offense by it. This is just my first immediate reaction after reading this entire thread.

 

In reading through all of your posts on this thread I saw many many many mentions of what you felt, what you saw and what you would do. I really saw very few mentions of what your wife wants or what she feels about different things. I really hope this doesn't mean that you haven't been talking to her about these things and ASKING HER how she feels about various things and asking her what SHE would like to do. I know you are the one with most of the experience in swinging, but that doesn't mean she can't have her own ideas. Has she said that she doesn't want another female involved? You said in your original post that you are both bi-curious. Maybe let her explore in this direction. You don't necessarily have to have sex with her playmate if that would make your wife uncomfortable. Would love to hear more of her thoughts.

[Guest]

Sun&Moon, please don't take me the wrong way here because I mean absolutely no offense by it. This is just my first immediate reaction after reading this entire thread.

 

In reading through all of your posts on this thread I saw many many many mentions of what you felt, what you saw and what you would do. I really saw very few mentions of what your wife wants or what she feels about different things. I really hope this doesn't mean that you haven't been talking to her about these things and ASKING HER how she feels about various things and asking her what SHE would like to do. I know you are the one with most of the experience in swinging, but that doesn't mean she can't have her own ideas. Has she said that she doesn't want another female involved? You said in your original post that you are both bi-curious. Maybe let her explore in this direction. You don't necessarily have to have sex with her playmate if that would make your wife uncomfortable. Would love to hear more of her thoughts.

 

 

Very observant Dan63.

 

Me and my partner have talked a great length about this subject.

 

However.....

 

I have enough experience with this lifestyle to already know how things end.

 

I'm not talking shit, I'm not making things up, I have actually lived through this numerous times, and its actually a simple but also complicated subject.

 

For example in the sexual aspect things are fairly simple, in the human emotion / human condition aspect things do become more complicated.

 

This does NOT account for everyone, but generally when a women starts out in this lifestyle, when her boyfriend or husband asks her to explore this lifestyle, then a large amount of women are drawn to the MFM subject because been with men is what they understand, been with guys it what they are use to, and been with another man is a lot less threatening than inviting another women straight into the mix. Its actually a very common occurrence.

 

- The man asks his girlfriend / wife to consider swinging.

- The girlfriend / wife doesn't feel confident enough to invite some single women in straight away.

- The girlfriend / wife is use to playing with guys, and inviting another guy in is less threatening to her.

- The male of the couple (if he doesn't mind other guys joining in) agrees that is probably a good place to start.

- That if you can get your girlfriend / wife use to playing with two guys, then later you can perhaps move on to couples or single women.

 

- THEN you do meet a guy and in comes the cheating, lying, sex addicted moron who actually treats you like a piece of shit, who actually treats you like a blow up sex object, who expects nothing more than a rude smelly 40 minute banging session before he runs off back home to the wife or girlfriend who has no idea whats going on.

 

Like Erik13 said "I hit the nail on the head"

 

- This man walks in wearing stinking work clothes / gym gear / hunting clothes / sports gear, he is unwashed, not shaved, not trimmed his pubic hair, because he can't actually do any of that because his wife would notice so he makes excuses "Just off hunting dear, Just off to the gym babes, Working late tonight darling" when really its all bullshit, instead he sneaks around to meet the couple.

 

- This man then proceeds to be rather rude, he is pressed for time, he doesn't want to chat at all, he doesn't want to make the women feel comfy, he doesn't want to compliment her, doesn't want to build any trust, and sits their on the edge of the sofa checking his watch every two minutes. During this awkward rushed time he lies to you various times because obviously he can not tell you the truth because his girlfriend or wife might find out, so sure he lies to you about his real name, lies to you about where he lives, lies to you about his job, lies to you about his real intentions.

 

- Then comes the sex, and sure feeling rushed the women ends up in bed with this guy who is basically a total stranger, who has spent 0% time getting to know her, who has answered questions with lies, he then proceeds to give her oral sex for about 2 minutes before sliding his cock up her pussy, he last maybe 15 strokes before he judders and cums. THEN before you even have chance to do anything else he is stud at the side of the bed pulling up his jeans and is already making shit totally crap excuses about why he has to leave NOW!!!! THIS SECOND!!!!! NOW!!!!! In many cases he doesn't even wait for you to get dressed and just heads towards the door.

 

- The girl receives no thank you, no after play, no romancing or compliments, no time to relax, no time to reflect, no feedback, and by the time the man is walking out the door her pussy juice is still warm on his cock. The man then speeds home to his girlfriend or wife and acts like nothing has happened. If your lucky you get text message 2 hours later when his wife is washing the pots or walking the dog to say he enjoyed his little 40 minute sex blast and his penis is looking forward to the next 40 minute hump.

 

 

THEN, After all of that......

 

 

The girl feels used, dirty, disrespected, feels like a sex object, doesn't feel connected to that man at all, doesn't feel sexy, doesn't feel special, feels like she has put in loads of effort just for some smelly strange man to appear and fuck her as quickly as possible, she ends up feeling like a prostitute, she feels silly that she has put in all this effort to look and smell nice when the guy can't even be bothered to trim his smelly cheese pubes, she feels a 30 or 40 minute bang with hardly any foreplay or trust building whatsoever just isn't worth it.

 

That sure some smelly lying man coming over for a 30 minute bonk job isn't worth the risk of catching an STD. If he had any respect for her as a women he would take the time to chat with her, take the time to discuss things, take the time for things to become easy, he would compliment her, flirt with her a little, try and build some basic trusts, he would actually show a interest in her, he would have bothered to wash his penis, trim his pubic hair, be clean and fresh for her, during sex he would have had the free time so we could explore more foreplay, he would ask the girl if what he is doing is okay, and after he has done he wouldn't just pull up his jeans and run to the door, instead he would say thank you, compliment the women, give any feedback, chat for a while, maybe even have sex again.

 

However 90% of men DON'T DO THAT, instead they rush in with unwashed smelly bodies, they lie, cheat, rush, forget any common decency, totally forgot how to treat a women, then rush out the door at super speed because they need to get home ASAP before the wife or girlfriend notices their gone.

 

THEN GUESS WHAT?

 

 

The girl your dating doesn't actually want to swing anymore, 3 or 4 sessions of that and suddenly she loses all interest, begins to hate the idea, feels totally disrespected and used, feels in danger, feels like a dirty sex object, and from that point you don't get to swing with any more men, never mind couples or women, captain cheating cheese dick has ruined all of that with his bullshit ideas about how to treat people. It honestly doesn't take many bad experiences with guys to put a women straight off this subject

 

I'm not just saying this, I have lived this, I have seen this happen with my own eyes more than once, sadly however nice guys, genuinely single guys, are virtually none existent in this lifestyle, about 90% of the guys out there are cheating, sneaking around, trying to rush people into sexual meets to please their cocks with no thought for anyone else.

 

One of the main problems with this lifestyle is MEN THINK WOMEN ARE PORN STARS!!!!!!

 

 

Porn Star: Can suck off 20 guys and not feel bad because she enjoys it, she is been paid for it, however lets be honest how many women are porn stars? Maybe 1% if that. That sure SOME WOMEN are perfectly okay with quick sex, random sex, gang bangs, dirty fuck romps, but actually those women account for maybe 1% of the female population. The other 99% of women are use to a more normal dating / romance / love type of feeling and for those women swinging can be a very difficult task.

 

I know LOADS OF WOMEN who do not like anal sex, who do not like men cumming in their mouths, who do not even want sex on a first date, but sure MEN THINK hey there on a swingers sites that means they are porn stars, that means they are dirty sex addicted fuck holes. NO actually they are just normal women / normal people, they have homes, they have jobs, they have problems, they have good days and bad days, they have feelings, they are human. BUT NO because their on a swing site every man imagines they are some dirty whore who spend all of their time thinking about getting their cock.

 

Its total bullshit, the vast majority of women don't think like that at all, the vast majority of women are more focused on their own partner, love, work, children, their lives, holidays, fun, and plenty of other things that does not include having some cheating smelly mans cock for 30 minutes. Us MEN are to blame, we assume just because a women is on a swinging site they are some dirty sex crazed slapper and not a person, us men spend most of our time thinking about sucking her pussy, licking her tits, smashing out cock in her vagina, we spend very little time thinking she is a person, this women actually has feelings, responsibilities, hopes, dreams, NO she is a vagina on legs, a walking pussy.

 

Why the fuck do you think sites like this even exist? Because so many people have problems and questions about swinging that they come to places like this to find answers. If swinging was so easy, if every women out there was a cum hungry cock slut then why would sites like this even exist? The FACTS ARE most women are NOT super confident sex crazed maniacs, most women are not porn stars, about 99% of the time women in this lifestyle are genuine decent people trying this subject out to please their boyfriend or husband, some of them grow to like the idea, some of them don't.

 

 

THE HUMAN CONDITION:

 

 

You have to understand that a large part of this subject does boil down to the human condition, it boils down to what the human brain expects, to what we are taught as children.

 

Lets look at a women, what are women taught, what are women's brains almost programmed to expect?

 

 

The vast majority of young women (and even boys) grow up with a notion that:

 

You grow up, you meet someone and fall in love, you have sex with that person, you get married, you buy a house, you make babies, you live a happy life.

 

There is no mention of swinging, there is no mention of group sex.

 

Here is another one that women virtually have hammered into them.

 

 

"Sex is bad, sleeping around is bad, you only have sex if your in love, sex before marriage is kind of against God, your a bad person if you have sex without been in love, cheating is WRONG, if your with someone you should only ever be with them, then you have babies and your only real job is to keep that baby ultra safe, men are cheating dick heads so don't trust them much"

 

 

Hey its no better for us guys, we have all sorts of none sense drilled into us from a young age.

 

"Stand up for yourself, don't show weakness, men don't cry, smash your cock into as many women as you can, be a player, you should like sports, you should drink beer, you should be though, men should work hard"

 

 

Personally I agree with only one of those statements "MEN SHOULD WORK HARD"

 

 

However the point is people are programmed from birth, they have all sorts of stuff pumped into their minds, they have hundreds and even thousands of years worth of human evolution pumped into their heads, women are generally brought up to expect this happy go lucky life where they will meet the perfect man, where there will fall in love, have babies and live happily ever after, where their not suppose to cheat, not suppose to have sex without love.

 

THEN.....

 

In steps cheating cheesy cock guy who thinks every women is a porn star, who thinks every women on a swinging site is a dirty fuck bucket who's willing to spread those legs. who thinks his cheesy unwashed cock for 15 strokes is good enough, who views women as a BANG HOLE. Then he wonders why on earth the women doesn't want to meet him again.

 

WHATS THE POINT?

 

The point is that most women are not brought up to invite totally random men in their house and let them blast away in their ass for 10 minutes and then just pull up trousers and walk out the door, that actually is not how life works. When this does happen a large percent of women have a very negative response to that situation, in my experience not many women want to treated like a sleazy porn star fuck object. OKAY SOME OF THEM DO, but the vast majority don't.

 

Porn Stars 1%

 

Everyone Else 99%

 

But that's the problem most guys into swinging go in expecting the 1%

 

 

They expect this randy sex crazed whore who wants nothing but cock, they expect this blow up sex object who they can JUST FUCK. Doesn't matter about been clean, doesn't matter about their feelings, doesn't matter about safety, all that matters is my cock in her pussy.

 

That's what men want from swinging but hey surprise the vast majority of women into this subject are just normal everyday people, they are not blow up dolls, they are not fuck buckets, they are not dirty whores or porn stars, in fact the vast majority of couples who are into this lifestyle have jobs, mortgages, homes, families, hopes and dreams, they are people trying to find some fun and enjoyment in their lives, they are not cum drinking slapper porn stars ready to take cheese dick whenever some horny mans wants.

 

I have actually been into this lifestyle for over 20 years and one of the biggest things that pisses me off about this lifestyle is how every guy out there expects women to be some sex crazed cock maniac porn star because actually that isn't true at all. Sure I'm a man, sure I like sex, I'm actually bisexual and I love sucking cock, but I already know treating a women like a slag, treating a women like a total sex object isn't going to get me very far with 99% of women out there.

 

Lets say your in a bar, would you walk up to a random women and say:

 

"Do you take up the ass?"

 

"Do you spit or swallow?"

 

"I'd love to smash your pussy?"

 

Would you walk up to a random women and just say that?

 

No? So why do guys say such things everyday in the swinging world, the women your speaking to are the exact same ones you see everyday in real life.

 

 

Swinging creates a condition, it creates a atmosphere that is almost against every social norm, that is against what most women actually want from life.

 

The bases fact here is that most women are not porn stars, most women are not cock hungry dirty slappers who want to gargle 40 mens cocks in a single night, but basically that is how men treat such women, if their on a swing site their basically a fuck pussy on legs, their a dirty porn star waiting to take my cheating load.

 

Basically attached guys are attracted to this lifestyle because they want easy no strings sex, the easiest way to get that is by fucking someone else's girlfriend or wife, they see swinging as an easy sex fix, an easy way to bang women without their wife finding out. Why these retards don't just join a hook up or affairs site is beyond me, why they don't just join a normal dating site with thousand of women just looking for fun is beyond me, instead they fill up swinging sites in hope of easy no string sex where they can treat the women like a fuck slag, and in the process totally ruin the chances for normal couples trying to get into this lifestyle together.

 

How many women have you met in your life who want to be treated like a easy free whore, how may women have you met in your life who spend their entire day thinking about totally random cheesy cocked cheating men, how many women do you know that wake up every morning thinking "Oh God please let a cheating lying sex crazed man come into my life today" Personally I don't know any women like that but basically that is what guys in swinging offer, a dirty, quick, cheaty fuck that makes the women feel like crap.

 

Like stated I know how this ends, guys make my partner feel like a totally used sex object, and then suddenly my partner doesn't want to swing anymore, thanks to these sexed crazed cheating guys. Sure you could say do it with a women or couple instead, but that is not always as easy as it sounds.

 

Personally I think the vast majority of men into this lifestyle would be much better joining a hook up site, affair site, general dating site, most men are here on swinging sites just looking for an easy fuck where the couple pays the price and not them, where the couple gets their desires destroyed but it doesn't matter as long as the guy in question is getting some pussy.

 

Personally I'm sick of so called single men and their cheating sex crazed lying bullshit, what they offer is not productive for most couples, and the couples who do say its productive are often male controlled couples who are lying to themselves. Like stated I know what happens, you introduce your partner to this lifestyle, along comes cheese cock cheating and lying man and then suddenly your partner isn't to hot on the idea of swinging anymore all thanks to Mr cheater who is only on swing sites looking for dirty quick bangs to please his nob.

[Sexykitty6364 38]

I play with a married man regularly. He is part of our group of friends. My husband and I are friends with his wife who knows he is LS but has no interest. It completely works for them. Not ALL married men are cheating. You simply have to know who you are getting in bed with.

[Erik13 157]

 

Why these retards don't just join a hook up or affairs site is beyond me, why they don't just join a normal dating site with thousand of women just looking for fun is beyond me, instead they fill up swinging sites in hope of easy no string sex where they can treat the women like a fuck slag, and in the process totally ruin the chances for normal couples trying to get into this lifestyle together.

 

 

Because that would mean dating, buying dinner, and emotional attachment. Both single guys we have been involved with ,one single and one married, seemed to hate the fact that I was there. It was almost like they expected me to leave for a while so they could have my wife to themselves.

[BabeAndApe 70]

There are plenty of genuine single men out there, but if you are having a hard time finding them, there are other options. One possibility: look for couples who swing, but don't have a hard rule about playing together. Some couples do play separately now and again; and some of those are also into MFM. You can talk to both of them about it together to be sure the wife is on board with it. We've only done MFM thus far and in the one case the man was married I spoke to the wife. The other gentlemen we knew from various kinky events over a period of time and knew were single.

[hlgcpl4fun 79]

It is easy. The couple should always be in control. If the male only wants to do this or that, tell him in no uncertain terms that does not work for you. Your way or the highway.