Doctors and swinging and what not

[MrSaxon 39]

So the wife and I aren't getting any younger, so we have to start with the physicals every year for real now. i have a history of cancer in my family, so I get to do the whole prostate exam. I don't have any hang ups about that, nor does she have any hang ups about Pap smears and mammograms. What we are curious about, though - do you tell your doctor you're a Lifestyler? Do they judge? Do you think a male or female doctor would be more accepting?

[larry818 58]

We met our doctor at a party years ago. He examines my wife quite frequently.

[Guest]

I can not see what benefit telling your doctor about swinging would have?

 

If your worried about sexual health issues such as STD'S then you can simply go to a sexual health / family planning like clinic and get screened for sexual transmitted diseases.

 

I find in each city I have lived there are 2 or 3 different places that will preform sexual screening, it doesn't have to be your doctor, there are often other clinics or places at the hospital where you can get checked out.

 

Personally I would avoid telling my doctor that your into swinging, in my opinion if that information reaches your doctors records it could come back and bite you very badly.

 

Few examples would be:

 

You apply for a sensitive job who asks to review your medical records, they see you are a swinger and decide not to hire you.

 

You somehow are involved in a court case, they look at your medical records and suddenly you are described as a sexual deviant.

 

You become involved in a break up or divorce like action, the other side use your medical records as a tool to attack you.

 

You have a young family / children, somehow your medical records come out letting people know your a swinger, suddenly child protection agencies are knocking on your door.

 

I can not really see a beneficial reason for telling your doctor?

 

If you simply want to talk about the subject that either use the forums, or go to see a therapist which might be expensive but they deal with this stuff all the time.

 

Some years ago after a bad car crash I went to see a therapist and she admitted one of the biggest questions she had been asked by couples during her 30+ year career was about swinging.

 

Telling a “Medical Doctor” about your lifestyle doesn't seem to achieve anything to me. If you are worried about sexual health then go and get screened at a clinic. If you want to get a prescription for things such as Viagra then simply buy them online off a well know chemist site. If you simply want to talk about the lifestyle chat on these forums or see a therapist.

 

Personally I'd avoid such things been put on my medical records.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

My family doctor and gynecologist know. Medical records are protected by law and can not be accessed by employers, divorce courts, traffic courts or randomly by child protective services professionals.

 

The best way to get appropriate care is for your doctor to know your risks.

[Guest]

We haven’t told our doctors but as a matter of routine, we asked long ago that our annual blood tests include STD’s, regardless of insurance coverage on those particular tests, including HIV. On the other hand, I have had more than one doc who was seemed interested in more than just my health. One of them lived in our neighborhood would stop, sit and join us a local sidewalk cafe’s on occasion. At a point, we thought he might be getting to a point where he was going to join us but then kind of disappeared from our social scene.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Concealing health information from your physician makes no sense. Your communications and for that matter your medical records are protected by privacy laws. You might be embarrassed by your sexual behavior. Your doctor is not. Your doctor's interest is to protect your health. S/he cannot help you manage health risk unless you acknowledge the risk. You will not be judged. Physician gender does not bear on acceptance. If you are uncomfortable speaking with your doctor, write it down and hand them a note. If you are uncomfortable communicating openly with your doctor, find another doctor.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

My wife and I believe that giving physicians and other medical care professionals complete information is in our interest. They are able to figure out things that we are not equipped to figure out.

[asncpl 729]

My doctor knows of my lifestyle. The more information a doctor has about you, the better he or she can alert you to health risks and treat any symptoms you may have. It's more than just a matter of STDs. I can't speak for other countries, but the U.S. has very strict medical privacy laws. A good doctor will not judge you, and I got a feeling doctors have heard or seen worse things that swingers. Now whether a male or female doctor is better, that's your preference. It's whatever you are most comfortable with.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

While I haven't just outright told my doctor, I have let him know that I'm 'sexually active'. What he assumes from that is on him.

[angelkin 1,326]

I have told my primary doc and my gyn that I/we participate in responsible non-monogamy. We discuss the risks and preventative measures needed and do testing accordingly on a schedule. My doctor needs to treat my lifestyle, not judge it.

[Guest]

Hhhmm can't say I agree here, medical records are protected by law but I have had two jobs ask to see my medical records.

 

I worked in a hospital and they asked to see my full medical records, I worked in a government building and they asked to see my full records.

 

Saying NO would have meant no job.

 

Saying YES if I had told my doctor about swinging would probably mean no job.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Hhhmm cant say I agree here, medical records are protected by law but I have had two jobs ask to see my medical records.

The FindLaw.com Web site or many similar can help you to find an attorney to initiate legal action against these prospective employers.

[njbm 2,870]

Sun and Moon is from the U.K. Laws may differ from US.

[EastInWest 1,524]

I agree wholeheartedly about it being good to be open with your doctor, but I sometimes work with "protected" medical records and wouldn't want this in the file. Yes, they're confidential, but you'd be surprised how many people can see them "as part of their job duties".

 

I do remember being explicitly asked about multiple partners by my doctor after coming back from Hong Kong. I couldn't tell if he had a medical reason for asking or if he was just nosy because he followed it up with "...some people come back from Asia and the things they tell me, I mean, wow." At that time, the answer was an honest "no".

 

I think I'd have to come up with a non-answer answer if it became relevant. "Why are you asking?" "Because if X, Y would be possible." "I suppose Y is possible. Let's look into it."

[dan63 106]

I originally read this thread back when it was originally active and it made me think. After reading this thread I discussed this with my wife. You see we have a rather "complicated" relationship with our doctor. Yes OUR doctor. We share the same doctor, but we also share the same church with the doctor and we are also very good friends with her. We mutually came to the agreement that we would tell our doctor during our last physical, which occurred about a month ago. We were supposed to have our physicals together like last year, but instead ended up having them on the same day a few hours apart. We had agreed that I would be the one to tell her.

 

When I was alone in the room with the Doctor and she was going thru the usual questions about your health etc, she was coming to the end of the process and when she asked if there was anything else, I became very serious and just to make sure she understood that things were fixing to get serious asked her, "I believe it is very important for my doctor to know about anything in my life that could affect my health, would you agree?" Of course she said yes, "so anything we talk about here will stay in this room and you can't tell anyone else?" A little taken aback by the change in tone, said, "yes that's right." And then I asked her if she could leave it out of her notes. She then said that I might have to remind her of it in about 5 years because she would probably forget it. She was wrong.

 

I then told her that we were involved in the "Swinging Lifestyle, do you know what that is? She then said, "think I do, but could you help me be sure." I told her it was partner swapping, then went on to tell her we always practice safe sex with condoms. (A little bit of a fib, we generally don't for oral) This relaxed her a good bit and then we went on to discuss the importance of practicing safe sex which I agree completely with and we discussed us going to the local heath clinic and getting STD screening a couple times a year and she seemed to be much more comfortable after understanding that we actually did kinda "know what we were doing."

 

After the fact we are both very comfortable that we told her and would only have done this in that exact setting with the full knowledge that it was in her official capacity.

 

I guess this just goes to show that some of these very thoughtful conversations on this board can actually affect people's actions.

[Robertobull 10]

My wife and I are both in the lifestyle. And we are both  physicians. The truth is, physicians judge. They are people. But this creates an unconscious bias that may lead to poor care. We go to a sex positive clinic with a colleague of ours (who we frequently play with, but by no means does a sex positive provider need to be in the lifestyle to “get it”). she opened up a clinic in our town that caters to lifestyleers and LGBTQ community. I suggest you get your care in a similar way. There are directories now on the net listing sex positive providers in your area.

[herpob 563]

On 8/15/2022 at 9:09 AM, Robertobull said:

My wife and I are both in the lifestyle. And we are both  physicians. The truth is, physicians judge. They are people. But this creates an unconscious bias that may lead to poor care. We go to a sex positive clinic with a colleague of ours (who we frequently play with, but by no means does a sex positive provider need to be in the lifestyle to “get it”). she opened up a clinic in our town that caters to lifestyleers and LGBTQ community. I suggest you get your care in a similar way. There are directories now on the net listing sex positive providers in your area.

Oh wow, thank you so much!

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

One of the silver linings of the pandemic is that nearly all Americans have become familiar with and have some level of confidence in home-centered testing. In principle, testing for STIs -- at least many-if-not-most-STIs -- could be translated into a 'kit' for private use. 

 

Suppose, for a moment, that a properly evaluated and FDA approved home STI testing kit was available to consumers that could either be bought anonymously for cash or would be 'covered' under insurance plans. Would that change the way you evaluate your own exposures and risks?

[AndrewandAnn 360]

Home administered STI/STD tests is an idea that is overdue.

 

However, whether or not the test results can be delivered at home is not something about which I can offer an educated opinion? 

 

It may be a case where, like COVID, home tests can quickly deliver (somewhat) reliable results in a very short period of time.

 

Or, it may be the case where patients will need to send off samples and have the test results communicated by a professional, similar to home test kits used for screening certain colon cancers.