To have a family or swing?

[Guest]

To Have A Family Or Swing?

 

I could please use a little advice on this subject.

 

However I guess this will end up been 5 or 6 questions rolled into one.

 

Forgive the long post but I guess it means a lot to me……

 

The background is that my girlfriend is currently 35 years old and we have recently bought a house together, now whilst we have not been together that long (one year) we are fairly sure on each other, we are in love and have both agreed swinging is something we would like to explore, in fact we have already had several MMF situations that have actually gone really well.

 

I’d actually say at times I can talk to my girlfriend more about swinging than I could with my ex partners and overall she has taken a “Happy To Try” like approach. In fact on out first MMF she did amazingly well and was really eager to get her hands on two naked guys. Have to say I was very impressed she was not only very sexy and confident but she also let us enjoy oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex and even DP all of which she seemed to enjoy a lot.

 

The problem however is with her been 35 years old, with us buying a new house she is now wanting children, that her body clock is ticking very fast and she wants us to start trying for children together, and when I say trying I mean within the next 3 or 4 months. I am happy to have children and think now is perhaps the right time in my life and I do love this girl a lot, however I am also a little afraid that a new family will totally destroy our swinging ambitions.

 

Firstly having a child will probably take my partner out of action for several years, that it may take us some months to get pregnant, then 9 months carrying a baby, then probably another 12 months to recover and get use to been a new parent. She has also said she would like two children so in reality she might be out of action for like 4 or 5 years in total, that it will put a massive stop to our swinging life and that in 4 or 5 years time she may have changed her mind totally leaving me trapped.

 

This perhaps sounds insane but I did raise the question that maybe we could meet someone nice now, someone who was more willing to be exclusive and to play through the pregnancy, she actually kind of liked the idea as long as it would be safe but I’m still thinking it might be too risky.

 

Perhaps another issue we have is that so far we have only tried MMF which has gone really well, however when I asked her about MFF which I’d really love to do she didn’t react so well. She explained that she has never been with another women and would be very jealous, that she has a strong jealous side but just been honest I was hoping in the future we could explore some very long MFF situations. Like I have said in other posts on here I actually love MMF threesomes, I love my girlfriend getting to explore two men, it turns me on a lot when I see my girlfriend with a nice clean hard dick in each hand so I am totally not against MMF situations.

 

However like I have stated in other posts I do actually find the MFF situation to be highly fun and in my experience women are often safer / nicer / cleaner / more friendly / more committed to us as play partners / less aggressive and so on. To be honest about things I was very much hoping we might try a very long term or even poly like MFF situation, I was hoping in my future we could have MMF fun but also plenty of MFF when the chance arrives.

 

I spoke to my girlfriend about this and her initial response was not good, she actually shouted at me a little and said “I have told you I would get too jealous” to which I explained she could pick a women she felt comfy with, a women she knows I’d not run away with. Perhaps a few weeks past and when I did mention the MFF subject again she actually said two things that worried me a little.

 

Firstly she said…. “When I’m pregnant maybe you could have another women to take care of you sexually so that all the pressure isn’t on me”

 

I explained that isn’t really what I wanted, that to me a big part of swinging is the fact I get to share with her, that we get to do it together as a team. To me it felt a bit strange like she was saying give me a baby and maybe you can have another women a little bit.

 

Sometime later I mentioned it again and said I was worried, that swinging has been in my life now for over 22 years, that I am a swinger and I’m worried that once we have children we will not be able to do that any more, that my desires will simply get dumped off,, she replied by saying.

 

“Give me children and you can do whatever you like”

 

It seemed really dismissive, almost like saying “Give me what I want and I do not give a f**k about what you do after that” which almost seemed like bribery of sorts.

 

I would point out that she is a very intelligent women, she is well educated, she is clean, attractive, but is perhaps a little fiery, she certainly stands her ground and doesn’t back down to anyone. Guess I’m trying to say she isn’t an idiot but she does have a strong desire to have children with me which seems to be ruling the situation.

 

I am a little worried in some respects because whilst our first few MMF threesomes have gone great she never really talks about the subject, sure she will listen to me talk, she will answer questions when asked but she “Herself” doesn’t seem very committed to the idea. I was hoping I’d found a real team mate, someone who could really enjoy this with me, who would make it a kind of hobby or pastime, who would really get involved and help me with the planning and choice making, but so far she hasn’t got that involved at all and never speaks about it unless I do.

 

One thing is for sure she enjoys f**king two men, when were in bed alone she asks me to talk to her about two men f**king her, she gets really turned on if I talk about gang bangs, when we have sex I often to speak to her about me and 3 or 4 other guys all doing her and she gets very horny. So basically she is willing to do it, she gets horny talking about it, she does enjoy it with other guys but just doesn’t seem that invested in the idea overall which is worrying to me.

 

I am a swinger and was opening the partner I spend my life with was also going to share that desire where my girlfriend just kind of seems willing to go along with things at least with other men, like stated above however I was kind of hoping we might end up in some real long term deals with men and with women, that we could explore both.

 

Guess what’s worrying me the most is that we will have children and then she will cancel the entire swing idea once she has her desire. I am happy to have children with her but I need to KNOW for sure that the swing option will still be there after / forever or else I’ll not be happy.

 

One other big question is how do you swing if you have 1 or 2 children in the house. I mean firstly let me explain that my vision of swinging has always been a very “At Home” sort of vision, that I have always just wanted to meet 1 nice person and then share nice evenings with them in our home. Yes people will say “Use Hotels” but honestly by the time we pay for childcare, travel, hotel, drinks, food then each threesome would cost us a fortune, as would going to clubs or events.

 

Like stated above we have just bought a new house (3 bedrooms) and on our bedroom door I have put a proper key lock + a strong bolt so basically if we were playing its not like anyone could just walk in, for example the kids couldn’t run in our bedroom and find mummy and daddy in bed with another man or women. I have spoken about that with my girlfriend and she says if the kids started crying she would simply slip on a robe and go to their room but still the entire idea of playing with children in the house just seems risky and makes me think even more MFF would be better.

 

I mean no offence I love MMF but I have seen what happens when you pick a bad man, when a man becomes obsessed with my girlfriend (I have seen that first hand) and can not cope with a guy stalking my girlfriend or trying to get her into a greedy affair if we have children together. Yes if the man is safe / nice then lets play but finding that would be even harder if we had kids in the house.

 

I guess my QUESTIONS ARE:

 

1.How can I guarantee swinging will still be there after we have children?

 

2.Could we play through a pregnancy or are we talking a few years off?

 

3.Can we still play in the house once we have children there?

 

4.Would it be better with a man or women?

 

5.Would it be safer going poly / friendly exclusive relationship type thing?

 

 

I kind of feel bad because on one side I have been into swing for like 22 years now, that basically this is who I am. But on the flip side I have a gorgeous women who wants a family with me so maybe my ideas of swinging aren’t so vital, but still I know I’d not be happy with it gone.

 

Very scared at this moment because I know time for my girlfriend is running out, we need to have children now or not at all, where on the flip side she could have kids then cancel swinging after.

 

Hopefully someone can talk some sense into me

 

 

x

[Lionheart72 2,190]

1.How can I guarantee swinging will still be there after we have children?

 

You can't. Life doesn't come with guarantees.

 

2.Could we play through a pregnancy or are we talking a few years off?

 

That is entirely up to you. My wife and I played a little into her first trimester, then took some time off... more because of a lot of life factors than just because of having a kid.

 

3.Can we still play in the house once we have children there?

 

I think that would depend on the house, the kids and the play. Practically speaking, we married people with children do continue to have sex. It's a little more difficult to find a quiet time and more likely to be interrupted at various ages, but it does happen. Adding more people into the mix makes it more complicated but not impossible. For my wife and I, we usually reserve our serious swinging playtime for nights when our son sleeps over with a friend or relative.

 

4.Would it be better with a man or women?

 

Again, I think it depends on the people involved. It sounds like your lady has no interest in playing with women, so I'd say that is the most significant factor to consider.

 

5.Would it be safer going poly / friendly exclusive relationship type thing?

 

Again, annoying I say "it depends" ... depends on what you mean by "safer," depends on your personal relationship dynamic with your partner and potential other partners. Certainly, I would be reluctant to invite complete strangers into my home for casual sex while a child is present... but to be honest, I'm reluctant to invite strangers into my house for any reason whatsoever, so I might not be the best to give advice on that front.

 

However, none of this addresses the elephant in the room. To my mind, the way you've described your situation raises a lot of red flags. Clearly, you want things (like MFF) that she doesn't. You are very interested in swinging and continuing to swing, and you obviously are concerned she isn't. She really wants a kid. You want a kid, but you also want some things to stay the same. (Very important note: Nothing will stay the same after you have a kid. Everything will change.)

 

It seems to me that you and your lady need to sit down and talk. A lot. About swinging, about starting a family, about what you want and need and wish for. Everything. Because having a kid, having a kid is huge... this is an entire human being who you are responsible for, for the rest of their lives. It really helps to have your act somewhat together before you take that on.

 

You can do it... the secret to success doesn't change - communicate, communicate, communicate.

[luvin eye full 140]

From what i read in your post about your girls reactions - I'd say she loves you and wants to have a family with you, she told you straight out that outside sex is not what she wants - she wants a family - with you period.

 

When you press her she says fine do what you want. ( because you can not get it though your head and she is tired of trying to tell you )

She has picked you to settle down with and have a family - tell her now before it gets worse for her - you know you don't want to settle down and be exclusive so why hurt her any more man.

 

To your questions the answer is no to all - because you will need two to play by them and from what you have said your not taking in what your girls is tell you, you think some how it's all going to work out and while your thinking that here's some thing Pink says - it's just you and your hand tonight.

[Gab32421 25]

I would need to be married to have kids but thats me personally. As for you, if you and her really only and I say only like MMF and you want to swing safely then go for it. If you want to try MFF as well, I would deal with the jealously issue first. I personally dont have that problem as my wife is bi and will do both which is good as I like both equally. Some hard decisions coming up mate, lay your cards on the table and see what she says and how you feel.

 

Good luck

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I think with the right person you can have a family and swing. I do think that one year is not long enough to make the life-long commitment that you make when you have a child with someone.

 

We started swinging when our kids were 5 and 2 years old. We very rarely swing at home. We pay our sitter $10 an hour. The babysitting plus going toa club or hotel party can get really expensive. It's worth it to us to have a night out, and not be worried about strangers in our home or little knocks at the door.

[katcha 28]

In my earlier life I was married, and she wanted children - me not so much.

 

Ultimately it was a big factor in our divorce, and to this day she is upset with me for not having a child with her because the opportunity for her to have kids passed.

 

I think you need to determine your priorities. Not to sound harsh, but you want your cake and eat it too, and as others have pointed out I don't think you are really listening to her.

 

I also think you need to ask yourself if you are potentially willing to give up the LS in order to have a family, with the small chance you can return to the LS later - and you may never return to it.

 

Here's another way to view it.....you may be asking her to give up having children so you can continue in the LS. She is asking you to potentially give up the LS to have children.

 

Not an easy decision.

 

C

[NWAtlSwing 522]

We have a family and swing. We took a few years off for the family part. Have a family. It is 10000000 times better than swinging.

[machiavel55 81]

To Have A Family Or Swing?.............Hopefully someone can talk some sense into me

 

 

x

 

Ok....you and maybe others will probably not agree with me, but the first thing that made me jump were the options....as far as I'm concerned if you're comparing and debating having kids vs swinging...I don't think you should have kids.

[couplers 4,656]

My suggestion is to look for a couple you both like and can be exclusive with. Then you can feel comfortable and safe and still swing. I'm in a poly situation, so something similar could work for you.

[luvin eye full 140]

So some of the answers here are like yher you can still do it if you do this or that - yes if you have some that wants to sure - but he does not have that.

 

Man your not getting the point - she does not want to do it!

 

you are not getting the answers you want so just keep pushing her, your blindly doing or hopping for what you want when you know it;s upsetting your partner to the point that she just gives in ( notice she did not say she would do it with you - just you can do what ever you want )

 

Do it and lose the girl that loves you / but you'll be ok with all the swinging your still doing - right?

[Guest]

Hey folks, thanks for the awesome replies.

 

I tuck Lionhearts advice of "You can do it... the secret to success doesn't change - communicate, communicate, communicate"

 

I decided to talk to my partner more about the subject and it seems I perhaps had my wires mixed up, either that or I have something to worry about.

 

I asked my partner if we could perhaps continue the threesome situation after we had children, and if we could explore MMF & MFF? I explained that when I had first asked about MFF she said she would be too jealous and it had worried me a little because I'd like to explore both MMF & MFF. In return she said:

 

"I'm not sure why you think we couldn't do it with women, I just meant I'd be too jealous until we had children, that children would give us a very solid anchor, that she would feel more secure if we had children"

 

Just to clarify I wasn't trying to decide between children or swinging, I was more worried that I'd have children and then she would stamp out / stop that situation all together. I'd like to have children with my partner, I do love her after all and if needed I guess I'd even quit swinging but just been honest I'd prefer not to. Guess my original post was more asking if we could do both?

 

However it does worry be slightly because her answers so far have swapped and changed, for example:

 

Regarding MFF at first she said NO I'd be too jealous.

 

Then she said, perhaps when I'm pregnant you could meet another women for some fun.

 

Then said, look give me a baby and you can do as you like.

 

Now is saying, give me a baby and then I'll feel more secure and we can do it together.

 

 

Seems the goal posts keep changing....

 

Suppose I'm a little paranoid about the subject, several ex partner have promised we can explore swinging together and then once they have moved in and got the feet under the table they change their minds and try and cancel it all off.

 

Personally I see having children as a wonderful exciting chance for my life, I want to give my partner children, but I also think having children is about the BIGGEST THING you can do in life, the sheer amount of time, energy, money, effort, constant attention these children will need is EPIC!!!!! It will change my entire life as it is now, that going out won't be so easy, seeing my mates won't be so easy, my life will be spent at work only to come home and look after the kids, clean, cook and so on.

 

Like I'm saying "Sure I'll have children with her, I'll preform this massive life changing situation, I'll do my dam best as a father, BUT can we please still have swing in the background as a treat, can we still maintain at least that"

 

I know one thing, those children would be first on the list no matter what, I'll work like a dog to make sure they are safe, I'll give up massive amounts of my time / freedom to make sure those children are happy. Just guess I was hoping in the background me and my partner could still have the swinging situation as a bit of exciting fun relax time for ourselves.

 

Yeah I agree the children would be number 1 on the list, but that doesn't mean we have to throw away everything in our lives.

 

I have to admit however having kids has never been a big burning passion of mine, sure it does "Feel Like The Right Time" in my life but its never been my biggest wish or dream. For my girlfriend however she has wanted children all her life and sure I'm willing to give her that dream, that dream which is a lifelong commitment, that dream that will change our entire lives, that dream which will cost us more money over the next 20 years than we can imagine, sure I'll do all of that.

 

But in some respects it does feel like she will get her ultimate dream, I have actually built her a brand new nursery room, new plaster, new flooring, fire boarded floor, new wiring, new plugs, new door, new door frames the full works, it even has a direct linked internet connection so she can log into a baby cam from anywhere in the world.

 

But yes in some respects it feels like she will get her ultimate life changing dream, where my desires might just get flushed down the toilet once that happens.

 

Also regarding the MFF situation I would explain that I actually love MMF. That the thought that turns me on the most is seeing my girlfriend with me and other guys, sadly however if we have children I just think single men are simply too unstable to have near our lives. I have had my fair share of MFF before and honestly we didn't experience even 1 problem, they turned out to be friendly, nice, clean, they respected our relationship, they never put us in danger.

 

Men on the other hand are the ones who come knocking on the door when I'm at work, they are the ones who sneak my girlfriend mobile numbers or ask them for affairs. I'm not really pushing for MFF but if we have children I think it might be the safer option.

 

I have spoken with my partner and said if we have 2 children I'm tempted to store some sperm in a sperm bank and to have the "Snip" so that I personally can not have children again. Sounds risky, sounds painful, little bit worried about it to be honest, not sure how it will effect my sex life / sex drive, BUT it would mean I could sleep with another girl all day long and not get her pregnant which cuts out the biggest risk in MFF situations.

 

In my experience at least women are the safer option, in the past I invited women around to my house and we had great friendly fun evenings with no drama. That if we did have children I'd feel a lot safer inviting a nice women around my house than a man. Guess one problem is that we really don't have much option to travel away, I have my business to look after 7 days a week, we would have children to look after, our home to look after, that ideally we could meet someone as a good friend and invite them over for evenings of friendship and fun, to me at least a women seems more suited to that and safer.

 

Still however I hear the star wars line ringing in my ear "ITS A TRAP"

 

That I'll have several children like my partner wants after which she will blow the swing subject out the water.

 

That if she does not keep her word to play with women then the only other options are dangerous men, quit all together, or maybe a couple but in the past I have found couples hard to gel with at times, it seems there is always one party who doesn't like the other ect.

 

Guess I was hoping to find a way where I could speak with my partner and really guarantee that swing would still be there after we have kids, but like Lionheart said there are no guarantees in life, I'll just have to suck it and see....

[CostaRica 130]

Her saying that she wouldn't be jealous after you have kids is a huge red flag. Nothing about having kids makes people suddenly less jealous or more secure. People who don't want to fuck women before they have kids generally don't want to fuck women after they have kids. (I mean, I'm guessing you're a straight male, will having kids make you secure enough to fuck another man?). This woman doesn't want to swing, she wants to have kids and is betting that if she tells you what you want to hear now, you will let it drop after you become a dad. You guys are headed for a very unhappy relationship if you continue down this path.

[Alura 2,774]

I was 42 when I married Mrs. Alura. She was 26. For seven years, we did not want children. We figured the world was over populated and would get along just fine without our genes.

 

Friends kept saying, "But y'all are the kind of people who should have kids!"

 

We quit swinging and worked on getting pregnant. Then we decided our son needed a sibling.

 

After raising both of them, I can't think of a more meaningful thing that has happened in my life.

 

Swinging was just as much fun with two kids as it had been with none.

[katcha 28]

I think this has been said many times in this forum.....

 

Swinging doesn't solve your problems, it shines a huge spot light on them. Having children isn't going to fix insecurity issues she is having.

 

When we first joined, I asked about jealousy, as K was concerned she might be jealous if I was with another female. She thought it might be ok for her to go ahead with another male, as did I.

 

The advice given to us was sound.....she shouldn't swing until she is comfortable with me doing it too. It isn't worth the risk in case she changes her mind because if she didn't I would resent her for it.

 

What I see is you're gambling with her desire to have children, and hedging your bet you can continue in the LS later. I honestly don't think you're ready for children.

 

Your comment "Suppose I'm a little paranoid about the subject, several ex partner have promised we can explore swinging together and then once they have moved in and got the feet under the table they change their minds and try and cancel it all off." is a huge red flag. Who's to say this partner won't do the same.

 

I would predict that if you had the children, and the jealousy issue doesn't go away, that will be the death strike to your relationship as you will resent her and the children, who will suffer the most.

 

I think you need to resolve this one way or the other before you have kids....and she may even change her mind later which you need to be okay with.

[Guest]

Perhaps some of my posts are getting lost in translation, some of the base facts would be:

 

1. Yes I'd like to have children and they would always be number one on our list.

 

2. My girlfriend is perfectly fine with MMF threesomes, she enjoys them a lot and has no issues there at all, just the opposite.

 

3. However after a considerable amount of time looking I'm sick of trying to meet a single man who could be considered safe, clean, honest, and respectful.

 

4. With previous partners meeting single guys has actually caused our relationship a fair bit of upset, frustration, or even damage.

 

5. I do class myself as an orally bisexual man, I do enjoy MMF threesome a lot, I really enjoy seeing my partner been pleased by two men at once, it is a big turn on for me.

 

6. Sadly however if we are having children then I simply think meeting single guys who hardly even respect us would be too dangerous.

 

7. In response I have asked my girlfriend to consider FMF and her first reaction was "No" but now she has said when we have children she will feel more secure so its a yes.

 

8. I am however a little worried that when we do have children she will drastically change her mind about the entire thing and I'll be kind of trapped by that point.

 

 

For those interested in reading more I'd say.....

 

I personally class myself as an orally bisexual male, I actually enjoy MMF threesomes an awful lot, I love seeing my girlfriend been pleased by two guys, it is a big turn on for me. BUT SADLY over the years I have found out that most men claiming to be single are either lying and cheating and want to drag us into their little affair world, or they simply have 0% interest in any normal decency or friendship and simply want to use my girlfriend as a mindless sex object for their amusement which often leaves my partners feeling used / disrespected / or even in danger by these player men.

 

Maybe this will take some explaining but in years past I have met single guys for 1,2 or even 3 social meetings, I have played with them in hotels, I have even experienced outdoor MMF sex, then after a while once we have got to know the man a little bit we invite them home to play. That please remember our ideal situation would be to meet a single and honest guy for a ongoing and very regular friendship and putting it simply we can not afford hotels all of the time so we end up inviting them back to our home. From that point we have faced various problems such as:

 

Men turning up at our door uninvited / men waiting until I go to work and then turning up at our door / men asking my partner for sexual affairs / men stalking my partner / men breaking our rules or sexual boundaries / men having no interest whatsoever in us as friends or people. That in my experience a single guy doesn't actually care about our rules or boundaries, they do not care if we have a mortgage, they do not care if we have children, they do not care if we have a happy future, they do not care about our lives, homes, relationship but simply the number one factor they care about is getting their penis wet and are not actually that bothered how they achieve that goal, needless to say its a far cry from the fun friendly situation we desire.

 

That yes we would love to meet a nice genuine single guy for a fun and regular friendship, but that is the entire point single guys into this lifestyle are not here for friendship, they are not here to respect a couple, they are not here for some kind of fun ongoing shared experience, they are not here to share nice relaxed evenings of fun and friendship, they are basically here to F**K, to sleep with as many women as they can, to drop their loads and get onto the next couple, to treat people like a once a month sex stop which is almost like treating people as blow up sex dolls. My experience of single men is they want to treat people like a condom, something they can cum into and they screw up and throw away without any thought of friendship or general everyday respect.

 

I have also had my experiences meeting other couples and just been honest I'm not that sure its for me because there is always some issue or surprise waiting, for example meeting a couple only to find the man has a serious case of erectile dysfunction, meeting a couple only to find out the man just wants to watch others and his wife, meeting a couple only to find out the man wants to dress up as a women as well, meeting a couple only to find out their idea of fun is snorting large amounts of drugs before sex, meeting a couple only to find out their idea of sexual play differs from yours greatly, meeting a couple only to find their house is a total dump, meeting a couple who's experience levels vastly outweigh your own.

 

Sure I have met couples, that myself and ex girlfriend met various couples hoping to build a nice ongoing friendship with them and usually we found some massive problem, that for us we imagined a nice safe fun friendship with that couple and is it turns out they were having 6 people bare back gang bangs every few weeks, going to meet a couple only to find out the male involved is basically a thug, going to meet couples who obviously have not spoken about this subject at all and they end up arguing with each other, meeting couples only to find out the man hasn't bathed himself in a week.

 

I am not saying all couples are bad just that I have had some funny experiences with them, that meeting just 1 couple who really seem to fit the bill, who want similar things to you, who have the same high sense of hygiene, who are both equally attracted to us seems very difficult, it almost reminds me of winning the lottery, that we might have to meet 100 or even a 1000 couples before we find the right one. I could show you a couples profile that are trying to speak with us at the moment, the man in question is covered head to toe in religious tattoo's and his pictures make him look like a cage fighter or some insane violent gang member, even his pictures look scary, so sure meeting a couple isn't always that easy, I have tried numerous times.

 

Then however we move onto WOMEN, and sure I am NOT saying women are perfect but I am simply going by my past experiences and sure I have met a good number of women for MFF threesomes and have to say we have not had even 1 bit of trouble. That me and ex partners have met various women and what we have received is a fun, safe, nice, exciting friendship with someone who does actually treat us like people. We have not only gained a fun and enjoyable friend who wants to spend time with us but we have gained an awesome clean sex partner who arrives fully bathed and in clean fresh clothes, we have had such fun enjoyable nights and never once felt in danger with a women, in most cases they have gone above and beyond to please us.

 

I do not make the rules of life, I do not decide how each gender acts, but in my experience we have invited a single women into our lives and they have acted perfectly, they have not made us feel threatened, they have been more than willing to respect our rules and boundaries, they have offered friendship to us equally, they have been willing to explore with both of us, they have never once asked me for an affair, they have never stalked us and it feels great to have such a friendship.

 

I think what I like the most about women is that sure we can meet a MAN, and usually that man meets us with 100% sex on the mind, they have sex once or twice and then pull up their jeans and head to the door sometimes without even a thank you. That sure men "Cum & Go" where I have had sex with a women in MFF situation and after some great sex they will perhaps giggle, smile, cuddle up and then they will say "WHAT NOW?" shall we eat, shall we watch a film, shall we chat, shall we have a walk in the park, that with a women the friendship and fun simply doesn't stop once you have finished the sex, they actually treat you like a person and not a sex object to be used.

 

Like stated above I'm not a greedy man who simply wants to railroad his partner into MFF threesomes, one of my biggest fantasies / desires is actually MMF threesomes but sadly over the years they have just not worked out that great.

 

What does all of this mean?

 

1. Meeting a decent enough man seems almost impossible, they do not offer the safety fun or friendship we are looking for. I also think if we had children meeting such men would be an even bigger risk.

 

2. Meeting couples feels like a lottery, that meeting the right one might take some serious effort and can be difficult to handle.

 

3. Meeting a women seems to offer us the perfect level of fun and friendship that we desire, we are respected and treated with safety.

 

 

In my mind at least if we have children together then the safest option would be to meet a nice single women and build a fun friendship with her, however if we do have children and my partner decides to kill off the MFF option then we are basically left with the more difficult or at times dangerous options. Whilst I love MMF threesomes I simply don't want to risk that if we have children, I have been messed around too much by single guys to put that risk over children's heads, couples are a long shot possibility where a women would probably offer us everything we desire in a safe friendly way.

 

Guess I'm rambling but yeah I am worried I'll have children with my partner and then she will cancel off the MFF option and it will put me in a strange position, even continue with the risky MMF that she likes, or pack it all in which I was hoping to avoid.

 

I don't really see the problem, I mean sure I'd like to have children, sure I will put them first in all of my actions, I will work my ass off to give them a good life, but I was simply hoping we could still maintain some of the swinging life nicely hidden away in the background. That having children does mean a massive life change, but it doesn't mean we have to throw away everything in our lives it just means we have to be more picky and cautious about who we play with, to me at least a women seems like the safest option.

 

You only have to look at crime figures to see that.

 

98% of violent crimes worldwide are committed by men.

 

99% of rapes are committed by men.

 

Something like 90% of all drug crimes are committed by men.

 

Yeah as a none married man with no kids I might be able to handle some of the drama and risks than single men bring, with children in our life I'm not sure how that would work.

 

I think one of the key problems here is that I expect a friendship and normal level of decency from the people we play with.

 

That doesn't happen often with men, but it does with women.

[luvin eye full 140]

Perhaps you just don't like to here the answers from her and keep pushing her for the ones you want to hear - do it and lose he,r your call mate!

[Dr_Bear 18]

i think that you kind of miss the point of human monogamous relationships - this is to love, care, help, share and have children. swinging should be a secondary effect of your beautyfull and full relationship, children included.

i read in your posts that you are a swinger and you had previous relationships where you enjoyed the swinger lifestyle. I get it that's important to you, but you need to take a step back and think how you view this girl : your partner, your life mate,the mother of your children,your swing partner of just a swing partner.

if it's the first, have those kids, raise them, experience all the things a family has to offer and you will see how your girlfriend will return to herself prior having children once the situation relaxes.

i have two chidren and we started FFM's in our first year of relationship. We never really stopped and had FFM's during both pregnancies, one even in the 9-th month.

women are sexual beings all their life but they need confort to open up. Your girl wants a family with you and if you put the shoulder and provide her with this she will provide tou with a swinger lifestlye.

People without children are shit scared because of their life might change and stuff they like might not happend. it's like buying a ugly station wagon because you will have children when in fact, actually having them would not require more than your hatchback

people with children manage to do everything they did before

they just figure it out togheter : grandparents, baby sitters, friends with children, sleepovers, etc.

for example : we do a lot of family stuff togheter when she's on her period. one weekend a month we send the children to their grandparents and we go out to a swingers club or have a lady invited to our place!

i think swinging is too important to you. it should be just another thing that you like doing with your wife. we have weekend nights when we both feel great, she is hot, shaved, dressed up, and we just roam the big city streets by night, eat street food and discuss a lot of stuff about everything, instead of going to the swingers club. you should try that too - put a healthy,strong and full of meaning relationship BEFORE swinging

good luck!