Wanting to swing but concerned about STD's.

[Coolppl 17]

The wife and I are interested in swinging but we have a big concern about STD's. Being more open sounds great but not at the cost of personal health. Any good advice on this topic?

[Guest]

Yes plenty of advice…..

 

Firstly its natural to be worried about such things, and yeah it is a difficult subject.

 

My advice for what its worth would be:

 

 

1 - STUDY: The first thing you can do is actually study the effects and symptoms of both STD’S (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) and STI’S (Sexually Transmitted Infections) as both are a little different. However by knowing the effects and symptoms they can at times be a little easier to detect, that putting it simply knowledge is power.

 

2 - CONDOMS: Well to me this is a very difficult subject, I mean yes in some respects condoms can keep you safe from “Some” STD’S / STI’S but actually the vast majority of these diseases or infections can also be spread by giving OR receiving oral sex. Some of them can be passed simply by kissing or physical contact, for example Pubic Lice can be spread simply by physical contact, Herpes can be spread simply by kissing, so yes I agree in some cases a condom might keep you safe but if your having unprotected oral sex it cuts out the effectiveness of a condom, that is my opinion.

 

3 - ASK: Perhaps one thing a lot of people forget is you can simply “ASK” the person your going to be playing with if they have any illnesses or infections, or if they have ever had any. The biggest reason to ask them is that in many countries now its actually illegal to sleep with someone if you knowingly have an infection or sexually transmitted disease. For example you could remind the person of that fact, that you could ask them together as a couple and simply drop into conversation that a lot of people are now been prosecuted for knowingly passing on infections or diseases, in some cases such as HIV / AIDS its classed as murder, but obviously each country has its own laws.

 

However you could simply say to the person “We just wanted to check that you have never had any STD’S / STI’S because the subject does worry us a little. I know in some places people are getting into serious trouble and even been arrested for murder or attempted murder for passing on disease and infections” You are not threatening them, you are not accusing them directly but just a simple reminder of the facts might make them think twice if they do have some infection or disease.

 

4 - WATCH: Now this part of advice can be “Hit & Miss” because sometimes diseases and infections actually have no showing symptoms, however in many cases people do develop symptoms and its these symptoms you need to watch out for, things such as:

 

Itching Genitals / Visible Rashes / Pain During Urination / Stomach Cramps / Discharge From Penis / Discharge From Vagina / Badly Smelling Genitals / Blotchy Skin / Sore Skin / Lumps Around Genitals / Pain During Ejaculation / Blisters / Pain During Sex / and so on…..

 

The point here is to watch and question potential partners, for example if you meet a person you can simply ask questions like “So have you had any recent problems sexually that we should know about?” If the person replies they sometimes have stomach cramps after sex then there is a red flag, if they reply it sometimes hurts when they ejaculate there is another red flag and so on. On meeting a person look out for rashes / sores / inflamed skin / itching constantly and so on.

 

5 - LISTEN: Perhaps the biggest way to stop someone with an STD / STI is simply by listening to what the person says and listening to their body language. For example if you ask someone if they have ever had an STI / STD and they answer very quickly whilst maintaining good eye contact then that can be a good sign. However if they pause and think, if they break eye contact and look away, if they are stuttering and struggling to answer the question quickly that is a bad sign.

 

In many cases you will find people who have, or have had STD’S / STI’S will become fairly on edge when speaking about the subject, they will often pause to think, often be unable to give clear direct fast answers, in many cases they will break eye contact, they will add delay words such as saying “Hhhhmmm, Eeerrrmmm” like they are thinking. In all honesty you do not need to think about this question its a very clear yes or no.

 

Learning about body language can help a lot, if you ask such a question and a person becomes a little on edge, if they fold their arms straight away / sit on their hands / make rapid eye movements / cover their mouth with their hands when they answer / try and change the subject and so on then these can all be signs of lying. Really your trying to spot a lie, but remember in some cases people might be lying or they may just become nervous because they don’t actually know the answer.

 

6 - CHECK OUTS: This is perhaps a sneaky tactic but you can simply ask WHERE / WHEN they last got checked for STD’S / STI’S and again watch their response for lies. However the real trick here is to become familiar with the sexual screening facilities in your area / city. For example in many small cities or large towns there are usually 2 or 3 places where you can get sexually screened.

 

I can only speak for the UK but in the UK many doctors surgeries don’t offer sexual screening, there are often special clinics within the city that have funding and equipment for sexual screening. That means if you get to know the procedures / locations / working practices of these facilities you can actually be a little more prepared, I will give an example:

 

Example: You meet a nice man and begin talking about playing together, you ask this man in a friendly normal conversation type of way when and where he last got checked out. He says he got checked out 3 or 4 months ago in the Saint Luke’s clinic. You ask the man how he got is results, how the clinic let him know? You say to him that you did now know the Saint Luke’s Clinic did sexual screening and ask what floor the clinic is on? You play dumb, you ask him if the reception area is big, if they were many people waiting to be seen.

 

The man says the Saint Luke’s Clinic is on the ground floor, he says the reception is just a small little room with about 10 seats, he says says they sent him a text message with his all clear results.

 

HOWEVER, you are familiar with the clinic, you actually know the clinic isn’t on the ground floor its on the third floor, you know that the reception or waiting area is actually a large open planned area with maybe 50 seats, you know that Saint Luke’s sends letters with results not text messages. In many cases you could simply CALL the clinic as remember they can not disclose anything about a patient but they can tell you all about their working patterns, they can tell you what floor the clinic is on, they can tell you how they send results, if they offer results by text message, how big the waiting area is ect.

 

True story but I once men a man who said he had been checked out at our local family planning clinic, when I asked where it was he couldn’t even tell me, he paused and pretended to think ad the final location he gave was not the real location of the clinic. He then told me he got the results by a letter to his doctor, I already knew that was fake because I have used that clinic 3 or 4 times and I know they do not send letters to your doctors, in total he knew very little at all about the clinic which proved to me he had never actually been at all and was working off what others had told him.

 

 

7 - HAD MEANS HAVE: This is just my personal opinion but many people who do have STD’S / STI’S will often tell you that they HAD this infection, they often tell you in a shy / nervous / on edge way, to some people saying they “HAD” an STI or STD is a sneaky way of them telling you they HAVE one, or they are unsure if they still do.

 

8 - WORK: This is perhaps a bit of odd ball advice but sometimes a persons profession can help ease your mind, for example doctors / nurses / police / army people generally all have health checks ups or random blood tests for other things. For example nurses are usually screened on occasion to make sure they do not have infections they cam pass to patients, where as people in the army have health checks on occasion so perhaps a person profession can help settle peoples minds.

 

9 - HYGIENE: This again is a bit of odd ball advice because STD’S / STI’S can happen in clean people or dirty people, for example a high paid law professional who baths everyday and wears a suit can catch and STD where as a dirty tramp on the street might be perfectly STD / STI free.

 

However the point for mentioning this is that people who do wear clean cloths, look after their bodies, have good hygiene, brush teeth and so on are the type of people who are more likely to get checked out. That if a person can not be bothered to look after their hygiene they probably won’t be bothered to get checked out either. For example if they can not be bothered to wash their cloths are they bothered to visit a clinic, if they can be bothered to brush their teeth can they be bothered to visit a clinic, in my eyes people with good hygiene are more likely to get checked out.

 

10 - GET CHECKED OUT: Your best protection is to get sexually screened yourself on a regular basis, keep in mind that some STD’S / STI’S actually have a 2 or 3 month incubation period, meaning you could sleep with an infected person but the disease might not show up on tests until 3 months later. With that in mind if you got checked out once every 6 months you will catch any infections quick. Remember you don’t have to tell your doctor you have threesomes, you simply have to say you had sexually relations with and want to get checked.

 

One good trick is to tell the doctor you slept with someone and then some months after found out they use to inject drugs. You can also tell the doctor you slept with someone and weeks later they said they had an infection of some sort. Failing that you can tell the doctor you had sex with someone and after you noticed they had lots of sores on the back of their legs. If you tell a such things they will send you for a full urine and blood tests which tests you for everything.

 

11 - SEXUAL PAST: You can sometimes limit your chances of getting an STD / STI by picking play partners who don’t have a massive sexual past. For example some people are very good at finding sex, some people just are not good at finding sex. Some men can sleep with a new women every week, some men go years without sex. If you find a partner who doesn’t have sex all the time then your own risks will be lowered a little.

 

12 - COUPLES: Often couples are good choices, they are often in longer relationships and have two people looking out for their sexual health. If they became ill there are two people to notice the symptoms, two people who might be getting checked out ect.

 

 

OVERALL:

 

It is a risk but the key aspect is to get checked out regular, in most cases infections are treatable if caught quick enough. You could use condoms and have no unprotected oral sex but that doesn’t sound that much fun so basically picking a clean partner is the best option.

 

In some cases you could ask the person to come and get checked out with you.

[Coolppl 17]

Very awesome and detailed advice. This should probably be a sticky some place. Thank you very much!!!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Much of the above information is not accurate or applicable in the United States.

 

CDC.gov is an excellent resource for scientific information. There are also many threads in this subgroup STD & Safe Sex Issues

[ViSexual 1,008]

When my wife and I were swinging, in the 70's, we never gave thought to STD's. But that was a different time and all five of the couples we swapped with were friends who weren't really active swingers. I don't remember any of us even considering condoms back then. If we'd remained active swingers, I'm not sure what measures we'd have taken in more recent years.

 

I really do feel for young couples these days!

[njbm 2,868]

The most common sexually transmitted infections are herpes (hsv) and human papilloma virus, which can lead to cervical cancer. Condoms reduce but do not eliminate risk. HPV can be avoided thru a vaccine recommended to people under age 26.

[njbm 2,868]

Do want to point out that HPV, while common, rarely results in cervical cancer.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Consider that there is a fair chance that something will happen. I picked up HPV and withdrew from swing for about a year. A few times over the last twelve years, we have acquired minor infections, all treatable. We have no illusions. Worse can happen. We decided. The reward justifies the risk. You should not go into this blindly.

[Guest]

Chlamydia is also now been treated at an epidemic scale

[Bluediamond 25]

This is perfect!! This thread is what got me to join

 

I me a man who swings.. I'm open to it. I have hsv2. I got it w out knowing it. There are so many who have stuff and don't know it! Condoms are not 100 percent protection. I suppose eating pussy and sucking cock are not safe either. I take acyclovir daily, I don't ever have outbreaks, the virus can be spread with no known symptoms. The prophet I may be disclosing to... how do I know they don't have something, also, they may have and not know it!

 

Any thoughts?

 

Btw I love the people on here!!❤️

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Other than saying that most swingers are much more conscious about STD's than the 'general' public, you never know (especially since they themselves may not know). That's why we promote 'safe sex' when we play. We try to limit the risks, but also know that everything in life has a risk. You can be run down crossing the street so we always look both ways before stepping off the curb. There's no guarantees. Not that I'm downplaying anything here and I'm sorry to hear that you were given an STD, but I feel the odds in the L/S are less than out of the L/S, and those odds are still rather small. We play safe, limit who and how many we play with, and accept any risk after that.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Because this was a hangup for Mrs. EastInWest, it's something we talked about at some length. It wasn't an easy conversation because she never talked as openly about these things.

 

Some of the thinking that we have:

 

- Many are curable, condoms are effective against most. Herpes is common, condoms aren't totally effective, but it also has more visible symptoms and is something we'd treat and live with if it happened. HIV isn't so visible and is not something we'd be OK with, but it's also not common and condoms are very effective for it, so we're comfortable with that.

 

- Neither of us have ever used a condom for oral, and we aren't about to start now. It's a relatively low-risk act.

 

- We'd like to think we'd use the same judgment about choosing acceptable partners that we'd use if we were single. HIV, in particular, is largely concentrated in certain high-risk populations and any hint of that would necessary warn us off, as it would in vanilla life.

[njbm 2,868]

I am not being critical, but judging people's character has no correlation to their potential to have a virus. They may have HPV or HSV and not even know it. Condoms are not fully protective against those viruses.

 

I agree that HIV is unlikely among Swingers and condoms are more effective against it.

 

If you are under 26 years old, you should get vaccinated against HPV!

[Bluediamond 25]

I feel like I should disclose if we happen to meet people who want to play with us at the club... just like I disclosed to my man friend who swings. He has accepted the risk and I gave him a PDF from Herpes Opportunity... a support group and forum. I take acyclovir daily which is supposed to be 80% effective at keeping the virus asleep. I have not had sex in over 2 yrs. The man I was with before that, when we split, I got tested for HIV twice in 6 months just to start with a clean slate... prior to that no sex for 5 yrs. so... I could give head to a guy that has hpv and get it or I could go down on a women... same thing. I haven't had anyone go down on me in 20 yrs. I guess it could be worse. I fell I have a responsibility to disclose.

[EastInWest 1,524]

I am not being critical, but judging people's character has no correlation to their potential to have a virus. They may have HPV or HSV and not even know it. Condoms are not fully protective against those viruses.

 

I agree that HIV is unlikely among Swingers and condoms are more effective against it.

 

If you are under 26 years old, you should get vaccinated against HPV!

 

Just for clarity, I'm not suggesting it's a matter of character. Only that some people tend to wear risky preferences on their sleeve. In single life, I had to stop my involvement with a couple of FWBs for this reason when I got the hint that they were not being conscientious in the rest of their life anymore.

 

Obviously, people lie or don't know, as well, but to paraphrase someone on another thread, 'people who resist using condoms are the people I absolutely have to insist use a condom, and it's easier just to find another partner'.

[njbm 2,868]

Men who are bisexual are more likely to have sex with gay men who are more likely to have HIV. People who play without condoms (bareback) are more likely to contract HPV or HSV or HIV. So do we not play with bi males or swingers who will play bareback? This is a quandary for us. As a couple who enjoys the lifestyle, I would say that STDs is our biggest concern. For those who poo poo it, having spreadable cold sores or checking for cervical cancer is not something that we would look forward to. And it is very common in the population. Sorry to be a wet blanket. Wish there was a free lunch.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

It is a legitimate concern. My wife and I started by playing with people we already knew.

 

Use condoms with strangers. My wife was on "the pill" and couldn't get pregnant so we always played "bareback".

[Dr_Bear 18]

Most STD's are treatable and, usually have symptoms. I think 90% of the people who swing are decent people and once they see they have a problem will go to the doctor, diagnose and treat it. Not go again to the swingers club!

 

99% of STD's and STI's are one of these :

 

- candidosis (treatable but may stick around for a bit) - usually women have a white/yellow secretion and the smell is close to that of fish. Men may have something that looks like cheese on their penis head. If you see/smell something like this, better not touch that person.

 

- Syphilis - treatable but a true pain in the ass. The good thing about it is that you can not get it if wearing a condom and people who have it usually have symptoms that show. A penis head of a man that has it looks diseased. Just check it on google to see how it looks.

 

- HPV. Not much to do about it. You can get it from a handshake. It's a reasonable weak virus that is usually eradicated by the body in a period of up to 2 years. Any woman but swinger women for sure, need to have a test called "papanicolau test". Doing it will reveal if there are any lesions on the cervix. If the test comes out ok, no worries until next year. If there are some lesions, a visit to the doctor to asses those lesions and see if HPV made them is needed. 99% of lesions heal themselves after the virus is eradicated by the body.

 

- hepatitis B. It's fairly frequent and cannot be "shared" if a condom is used. The biggest concentration of virus is in the sperm. Using a condom prevents this. Oral sex is quite safe also but better avoid sperm in the oral cavity and if you really like swallowing you should check for gum and teeth problems before leaving home. Having a wound somewhere in the mouth can help the virus pass thru sperm into your body. If swallowed, usually, the acid in your stomach will neutralize the virus.

 

- HIV see above. Using a condom is the golden rule. Oral sex should be ok, 99%.

 

All in all, to sum up, it goes like this. Use condom at any given time. No one should avoid them. Briefly inspect the genitals of other people before having oral sex. A man's penis should be evenly coloured all round without blisters,red spots, white stuff on it, no smell. A woman's vagina should not smell fishy, there should be no bruises, sore spots, blisters and no white-yellowish discharge. Have a papanicolau test each year. Swallow sperm and vaginal secretion at your own risk! If you do, check your mouth at home before leaving and don't brush your teeth (microlesions can be formed!).

 

As my name suggests I am a MD and my practice is GP. Have fun!

[njbm 2,868]

Thank you for your professional input, Dr. Bear. I do have concerns about HSV 1 and 2. It is my understanding that HSV 2 can spread even if condoms are used. I also understand that herpes is forever (incurable). Although anti-viral medication can suppress it. Some people admit they have it, some do not and others do not know they have it. Troubling!

[Dr_Bear 18]

Well Herpes is tricky

 

First of all, HSV1 goes to the mouth and HSV2 goes to your genitalia. If someone has HSV1 (almost every female I know ) and it's in an eruption phase you see it, you avoid it. If a guy has HSV2 you can see the blisters on his penis. If a woman as a eruption on HSV2, you can't see much...buuuuttt, it's HSV2 and if you perform oral sex on her, you might not get infected but give it to another woman if you perform oral sex on her after the first one

 

Also, HSV 1 or 2 it's really transmittable when in a eruption phase and someone with a good immunity usually does not get infected.

So, to sum up

1) We must assume the good nature of the people we swing with and trust them to stay at home when herpes is around. Most people know and do so.

2) You use a condom neatly wrapped around your penis to the base of it (not just the head!).

3) it's best to limit your oral sex to just one woman at a time.

4) don't go to a swingers club when having a cold, when really tired, hungry, burnt out by stress or physical activity. These are the moments when your immunity is at an all time low and you can catch stuff from people.

5) If really paranoid, a dose of acyclovir before going to the swingers club my give you some extra prevention (not proven by studies tho)

 

All types of herpes, HPV included, have spreads close to 90% in the general population. That sweet librarian you meet on Tinder probably has them both from her last and only boyfriend. I think only secluded tribes in the Amazon don't. My point is that even tho they are around, it's mostly harmless to handle them as a strong, healthy immune system usually deals swiftly with them. My Wife of 10 years had HSV1 from the day I meet her, I never got it.

 

Dude, if we take'em all into account, we will never fuck again . Monogamy with a single, really loyal partner is the only way to go if you don't want STD's and STI's to happen to you. No pain, no gain! Try to follow the general advice above, don't think with your genitalia and things will work out ok, most of the time.

[njbm 2,868]

Thank you! We're doomed! ( half kidding).

[Wornsilver 219]

I have resisted responding to this thread, but a cocktail and the other responders have been too much.

 

My second wife said she was infected with genital herpes. She had an affair with her psychiatrist and he explained that she must have gotten it from a bar of soap at the gym showers. This woman was not stupid!! She was a physician, a graduate of the Mayo Clinic. But it demonstrates how much your brain will stretch if you want it to.

 

Her first husband (a saint if there ever was one) did not get it although her outbreaks were sparse. I never got it. None of us used condoms or other protection.

 

While this infected woman was smart, she was also dumber than a bucket of hair.

 

I don't know if this adds to the discussion, but thought I would pass along.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

A momentary pause to remark that the quality of information and the focus on thoughtful, sensible behaviors in this thread is truly extraordinary. It speaks not just to the lifestyle community, but further to the caring attitude of those who take their time to post here. We have said it before and we will say it again: we number our lifestyle friends among our very best friends because of the transparency, honesty, and nonjudgmental attitudes they bring into our lives.

[PeterJ 940]

...My second wife said she was infected with genital herpes. She had an affair with her psychiatrist and he explained that she must have gotten it from a bar of soap at the gym showers...

 

Wow! Her shrink was a real bad boy. You aren't supposed to fuck your patients in the first place. Giving her an STD is frosting on the cake!

[SexyRedmondCpl 128]

If you are under 26 years old, you should get vaccinated against HPV!

 

Even if you are over 26, the vaccine is still effective. My PCP recommended it for both of us when I first told him we were non-monogamous. The way he explained it, the FDA recommended cutoff of 26 is based on the idea that you're done with risky sex by that age. Of course, since it's off-label use if you're above that age, insurance won't cover it but we still considered it worth the investment - lower the risk for us and any future partners, since HPV is quite often asymptomatic in men.

[Naughtyvanessa 49]

always "play safe"