When you aren't fancied but your partner is?

[PassionFruit 17]

We've played twice with a couple now or should I rephrase that,my partner has. He fancies the F something rotten and her fella gets off on watching her with other guys but her fella doesn't fancy me and never make a move on me. This happened for the second time last night, she wanted to get it on with my fella and then I join in later, I joined them an hour later after basically chatting with her fella and tried to interact with my fella and her when I went in the room with them but got nowhere. I'm left feeling horrible inside now. I don't get how my fella didn't involve me after knowing how much it upset me last time. He's got a couldn't give a shit attitude about the whole thing today. Anyone had a similar situation, any advice welcomed.

[njbm 2,859]

That is not how it is supposed to work. It would be best if you found a couple where both want to swap with both of you.

 

If the other husband does not want to play with you, your husband should decline to play with the other wife.

 

Another variant would be to attend a house or hotel party and either of you can play with whom you want. It does not have to be a couple for couple exchange.

[PassionFruit 17]

I think the fact that it happened for a second time was the kick in the teeth to be honest. I wouldn't knowingly swap with a couple if the female didn't fancy him, He normally sits back and watches girl on girl. I think a hotel party is a good idea. He could play with Megan Fox and I wouldn't get jealous, it's all about involving each other and having respect.

[Guest]

Yeah that does not sound right, however sounds like her husband is just into watching so I'd not take it personally.

 

Maybe he is worried his performance won't be good enough.

 

I'd say meet another couple

[Scaredstiff 129]

If it makes you feel bad don't do it, so you need to talk to your partner about not playing with this couple again, hopefully he'll have your back on this one, it's perfectly understandable why you feel this way

[PassionFruit 17]

I think you might be right about finding another couple, I guess I was testing the water going there a second time hoping for a different outcome to last time. The guy does get involved and play with other women too as he was chatting about it.

[PassionFruit 17]

Ps he's already used you sound jealous card and that's not the issue here.

[luvin eye full 140]

PassionFruit

 

It's not about the sex any more - it's about his attitude to you and your feelings, this is a huge red flag 0 stop swinging now and fix this before going ahead again.

Be firm say no more at lest until you can have some respect shown to yourself from him and any one else for that matter.

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

Usually it is the guy that the other female doesn't fancy and so he gets left out. When things didn't 'click' the first time, we wouldn't give them a second time. This is almost you having to 'take one for the team' so he can play. Move on, find another couple, and don't look back at all.

[Guest]

Usually it is the guy that the other female doesn't fancy and so he gets left out. When things didn't 'click' the first time, we wouldn't give them a second time. This is almost you having to 'take one for the team' so he can play. Move on, find another couple, and don't look back at all.

 

Yeah what they said ^^^^^

[machiavel55 81]

......... I'm left feeling horrible inside now. I don't get how my fella didn't involve me after knowing how much it upset me last time. He's got a couldn't give a shit attitude about the whole thing today. Anyone had a similar situation, any advice welcomed.

Wow! I enjoyed the LS for 35 years with 3 partners (not at the same time...lol). If any of these wonderful three women had at any time:

1) ignored me and not tried to include me

2) as you said...''had a could not give a shit attitude the next day''

 

I would have put a loud stop to any kind of swinging immediately and would have told her that her actions and her attitude was making me reconsider the existence of the primary relationship...ours!

My partners always knew that I do not believe in the bullshit excuses like, got carried away, booze, etc...if she did not remember at all times that just like she was always number one for me, I expected to be number one for her, than maybe it was time to find another partner. We're educated, intelligent adults saying we love each other, lets put some actions behind those words.

[Dont.Stop 339]

He's got a couldn't give a shit attitude about the whole thing today.

 

It's been said over and over that swinging puts a magnifying glass on your relationship. If things are great, they can get greater. But if things aren't so good, they will get worse.

I'd not recommend you find another couple to play with, but instead cancel any future notions of swinging until you and your partner dissect why his attitude is the way it is. If you can come to a satisfactory conclusion and resolution you can gradually discuss returning to the lifestyle, but not at all with this couple.

In the end you should both have an interest in the other's enjoyment. In some activities we willingly tag along for our partner's benefit even if we aren't quite as interested (I've sat through two Jimmy Buffet concerts, while Mrs. Stop agreed to go to Van Halen on Valentine's Day one year). But swinging isn't one of them. If you can't agree to make sure both are having a good time, then a different hobby would better suit the two of you.

[Guest]

It's been said over and over that swinging puts a magnifying glass on your relationship. If things are great, they can get greater. But if things aren't so good, they will get worse.

I'd not recommend you find another couple to play with, but instead cancel any future notions of swinging until you and your partner dissect why his attitude is the way it is. If you can come to a satisfactory conclusion and resolution you can gradually discuss returning to the lifestyle, but not at all with this couple.

In the end you should both have an interest in the other's enjoyment. In some activities we willingly tag along for our partner's benefit even if we aren't quite as interested (I've sat through two Jimmy Buffet concerts, while Mrs. Stop agreed to go to Van Halen on Valentine's Day one year). But swinging isn't one of them. If you can't agree to make sure both are having a good time, then a different hobby would better suit the two of you.

 

I agree with the above. You shouldn't have to 'take one for the team' just so he can have his fun. Put on the brakes and be firm about it until he understands how you feel and changes accordingly. Play partners don't come before your primary partner!