We threw in the towel...

[VirginiaLuv 42]

After using SDC, SLS, "Dirty Facebook", Kik, going on dates, and going to a Lifestyle party, we threw in the towel. We have a few friends we play with. After 2 years we are still blown away how difficult it seems to be to chat, meet, click. Hope others have better results than us. The good news is we really like each other and we can say we tried it and liked it. May try again in a few years.

 

What we learned....

 

1. Seems lots are looking to fill a void.

2. Lots of males dragging the wife along.

3. Tons of people want to do pic swap but nothing more.

4. Seems the wife intimidated at least half the couples.

5. People have magical cameras when taking pics of themselves or pics are 5 years old.

6. It seems to be a sport for most, which is fine, just tell people that.

7. Lots of couples are not married. That's fine, just tell people that.

 

All in all, we enjoyed our experiences. We will take this knowledge and use it in the future.

[njbm 2,868]

Understandable. We have had similar experiences. We meet with established friends more than we meet new couples.

[JandKinBoise 858]

Many people go into swinging having no idea what the real challenges are. Having sex with a virtual stranger is nothing compared to trying to find that stranger. A real skin thickening experience, I must say.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Finding another couple where everyone 'clicks' is not twice as hard and finding your partner, but 16 times harder (4 squared). That's AFTER removing the flakes, pic collectors, and train wrecks from the equation (which doesn't leave that many to start with). Nobody said it would be easy, and it sure isn't...but when you do make that connection {BOOM}. Looking forward to your return...

[AR1547 131]

After using SDC, SLS, "Dirty Facebook", Kik, going on dates, and going to a LS party, we threw in the towel. We have a few friends we play with. After 2 years we are still blown away how difficult it seems to be to chat, meet, click. Hope others have better results than us. The good news is we really like each other and we can say we tried it and liked it. May try again in a few years.

 

What we learned....

 

1. Seems lots are looking to fill a void

2. Lots of males dragging the wife along

3. Tons of people want to do pic swap but nothing more

4. Seems the wife intimidated at least half the couples

5. People have magical cameras when taking pics of themselves or pics are 5 years old.

6. It seems to be a sport for most, which is fine, just tell people that.

7. Lots of couples are not married. That's fine, just tell people that.

 

All in all, we enjoyed our experiences. We will take this knowledge and use it in the future.

 

 

If you really did all that, and were active enough to draw that many conclusions about that many things, then the only reason you didn't meet anyone along the way is because, deep down, you didn't really WANT TO. Yes, I'm judging.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

Understandable. We have had similar experiences. We meet with established friends more than we meet new couples.

Understand. We still meet our established friends.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

Many people go into swinging having no idea what the real challenges are. Having sex with a virtual stranger is nothing compared to trying to find that stranger. A real skin thickening experience, I must say.

We had no idea. We do now. It has made us better and tougher. No regrets here.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

Finding another couple where everyone 'clicks' is not twice as hard and finding your partner, but 16 times harder (4 squared). That's AFTER removing the flakes, pic collectors, and train wrecks from the equation (which doesn't leave that many to start with). Nobody said it would be easy, and it sure isn't...but when you do make that connection {BOOM}. Looking forward to your return...

Absolutely! We are so glad we met a few folks and we nurture those relationships. Thank you.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

If you really did all that, and were active enough to draw that many conclusions about that many things, then the only reason you didn't meet anyone along the way is because, deep down, you didn't really WANT TO. Yes, I'm judging.

You know nothing about us, our experiences, and deserve no reply.

[AR1547 131]

You know nothing about us, our experiences, and deserve no reply.

 

 

 

But I got one.

 

I know what you put out there for public consumption. If you do that, don't be surprised when someone draws their own conclusion about it. You made broad brush judgements about a large number of people in a geographical area. So, right back at you. At this point, my guess is that seeing pictures of you would clear up most of my questions about why you "threw in the towell". Happy hunting, if you want to.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

But I got one.

 

I know what you put out there for public consumption. If you do that, don't be surprised when someone draws their own conclusion about it. You made broad brush judgements about a large number of people in a geographical area. So, right back at you. At this point, my guess is that seeing pictures of you would clear up most of my questions about why you "threw in the towell". Happy hunting, if you want to.

"towell" ?? Did you mean "towel" ?

 

I reread our entire post. No judgment here. These are our experiences. This is what happened. Curious what you are implying about photos.... Either you are trying to say we are ugly and/or out of shape. Ha ha, you crack me up. You won't be seeing any pics of us. You are correct, we put it out there. You drew a conclusion. You drew the wrong conclusion, but you did draw one nonetheless. We still enjoyed the experience and will probably have a few FWB over our life span. Hope everyone has more good than bad experiences.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Virginia, I feel for you. Finding the right guy is an exhausting process, I agree. I once figured out that we would only meet between 2% and 3% of the guys who sent us a first email, my ex slept with perhaps 2/3s of those. Meaning for every 100 first emails, only 1 or 2 made it into her bed.

 

We had much better luck with swing clubs, where if we didn't hook up with a couple, there was always a single guy around that my wife could play with.

 

Yes, it's tough. But keep on trucking.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

Virginia, I feel for you. Finding the right guy is an exhausting process, I agree. I once figured out that we would only meet between 2% and 3% of the guys who sent us a first email, my ex slept with perhaps 2/3s of those. Meaning for every 100 first emails, only 1 or 2 made it into her bed.

 

We had much better luck with swing clubs, where if we didn't hook up with a couple, there was always a single guy around that my wife could play with.

 

Yes, it's tough. But keep on trucking.

Adam, thanks for the reply. You pretty much described us. We got tired of going through 100 guys to get 1-2. Ironically we got 10 women out of the same 100, we only played with couples. We have talked about it a good bit. We will be doing exactly what you said..... If we decide to attempt to meet someone, we will go to a LS party or the only LS bar we know of and see how that goes. Taking a break has given us time to decide how we want to move forward. Hope you have a great day.

[njbm 2,868]

If you want to play in this sport, you have to accept that a .250 batting average is great. The four way match is elusive. It's unusual for both of us to have a good sexual experience with another couple. I think that is the same for most Swingers.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Sometimes some space is needed, sometimes walking away is needed, but you can always come back (if that is what you decide to do). Good luck with your future choices and we hope you continue to pop in every now and then.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

If you want to play in this sport, you have to accept that a .250 batting average is great. The four way match is elusive. It's unusual for both of us to have a good sexual experience with another couple. I think that is the same for most Swingers.

This speaks volume. Maybe we should have found this forum 2 years ago. Very open and honest reply. Thank you. At least we know it wasn't just our experiences.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

Sometimes some space is needed, sometimes walking away is needed, but you can always come back (if that is what you decide to do). Good luck with your future choices and we hope you continue to pop in every now and then.

We did need time and space from the LS. If we turn the SLS, SDC,.or dirty Facebook back on, we will probably not view them as a means to meet new folks but as a means to communicate with folks we have already met. The club, party, bar seems like a better choice and skip all the "messages to get to know each other". We are not "quitters" but we definitely needed to take a step back and evaluate our methods and time spent versus benefits. It was too frustrating to continue on its path. We are going on a date at the end of the month, just us. We have decided to just "go with it". We may just go dancing, or the Topless bar, or even pop in at a party.... But, we are going on a date with each other and anything else is a bonus..... Thank you for the positive reply!

[kikonkrome 844]

I think you are doing the right thing. Take a break. Swinging can be tough on the ego, it can also just take time that you might want to spend elsewhere.

 

I would also offer this. It's pretty shallow, don't expect a lot of depth. I mean we have great lifestyle friends now. Initially they were not and it took a while for our relationships to develop. Kinda got to remember that when meeting new people.

 

One of the things I like about finding new people is the 'unknown', it's exciting for me.

 

Wish you guys the best.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

I think you are doing the right thing. Take a break. Swinging can be tough on the ego, it can also just take time that you might want to spend elsewhere.

 

I would also offer this. It's pretty shallow, don't expect a lot of depth. I mean we have great lifestyle friends now. Initially they were not and it took a while for our relationships to develop. Kinda got to remember that when meeting new people.

 

One of the things I like about finding new people is the 'unknown' it's exciting for me.

 

Wish you guys the best.

Yes, we are spending time on the lake and riding motorcycles in the mountains. We will come back with a fresh outlook. Thanks for the nice input.

[Guest]

Thank you for that- that was a very honest post, with some great insights. We seem to be in the very fortunate minority, in that we found an awesome couple in just our second encounter, whom we still meet and play with, and we really like them. They've been far more 'mature', consistent and enjoyable than all others that we've met- the four of us have joked that we should just all move in together, we get along so well! Mrs. C has posted before that she admires those couples who've had disastrous first meetings and not been deterred from countinuing. Had we encountered 'bad' meetings right at the beginning, we might have 'thrown in the towel' right then! As someone else here has already said, swinging is a very 'skin-thickening' experience. Hang in there!

[VirginiaLuv 42]

Thank you for that- that was a very honest post, with some great insights. We seem to be in the very fortunate minority, in that we found an awesome couple in just our second encounter, whom we still meet and play with, and we really like them. They've been far more 'mature', consistent and enjoyable than all others that we've met- the four of us have joked that we should just all move in together, we get along so well! Mrs. C has posted before that she admires those couples who've had disastrous first meetings and not been deterred from countinuing. Had we encountered 'bad' meetings right at the beginning, we might have 'thrown in the towel' right then! As someone else here has already said, swinging is a very 'skin-thickening' experience. Hang in there!

Thank you for the nice words and encouragement. We did have a rough start but met a very nice couple. We still hang out and chat with them. It just got too consuming and frustrating trying to meet new folks. We actually put 1 pic back on SLS this weekend. We are going to approach replies and conversation differently now. Thanks to everyone for helpful replies.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

Well, we decided to get back in the saddle. Life is good. Thanks for all the good advice!

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Congratulations! Good judgement emerges from unhappy experiences. The lessons of life--and the lifestyle--are often hard-won yet help in so many dimensions. Blessing to you both.

[njbm 2,868]

Good for you guys for getting back in. We slowed things down this year. Less but better experiences.

[findinganswers 369]

We have never met a couple on line. We are fortunate to have started this with friends and those friends have other friends that we have met. So many say don't play with friends, we have found it the best way to enjoy what we do. I don't know how people look at pictures read profiles and decide to meet. We have looked on the sites. It is so obvious that most are not real. The least a couple who truly is real should do is post a dressed picture of both of you together. Maybe some are attracted to up close pictures, we just get a chuckle from them. For those who think it is only husbands pushing their wives, for us it was my wife who pushed. It was with her best friend and husband. For us the best way to meet new people is to be introduced by people you already know.

[cplnluv1 871]

Going through profiles has become a chore. We are all looking for the gold nugget or diamond but there is so much coal to sift through. We have made a game of it. Real or Fake. Green Flag or Red Flag. There are the typical giveaways that the pictures are fake. Run the pictures through Tineye. With all the precautions we still get caught with imposters. We learned not to care. We know that if they are not who they say they are we still have each other at the end of the night.

Our first meeting with a couple had all the red flags in place. They ended up being real. Yes they were a great looking couple, too good to be posted pictures. They were real and also the guy was an asshole.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

I hate that lots are having the same results but feel the same way. We too find humor in some messages we get. We also turned it in to a "game" or fun to see who is real. We are both in a better place mentally from where we were. We laugh going to a date and say "Bet we say the "bail, bail, bail" code word in 1 hour or less. Ha ha. We are back to enjoying this. Thanks for all the replies so far.

[njbm 2,868]

No harm in going out to dinner and talking about erotic adventures!

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

This is why we say don't waste time with email and texting. The fastest way to find out about a couple is to meet them. Make a date and see if there is anything there. Fakers won't set a date and flakes and assholes will quickly be eliminated. Got to eliminate the chaff from the wheat somehow.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

All good stuff. We laugh about all this stuff now. It's an adventure. ... Lol

[forsure79 26]

Thank you. AR1547 just doesn't want to admit they had the same experience.

[Thenotoriousdud 25]

I found this is the normal experience guys and it's way frustrating. We want that earth-shattering sexual experience that we get when were alone, to happen with our lifestyle partners. It's ok to have high expectations, we're lifestylers, we're not out here to fall over and sex up anyone that pays attention. You are allowed to be as choosy as you want to be with who you get naked with. It sounds like that one responder is one of those, "You met me so you HAVE to fuck me" types. We've been at it for 2 yrs, we're in shape, young, attractive etc. and we've only had 2 satisfying experiences. One was just ok in comparison to that 1 Blockbuster experience. The rest we're tap out material. We have great sex when it's just the two of us, we're not going to add some people only to dull our edge a bit. Not ever will this happen. Don't change what you expect from this lifestyle because someone says your being to picky. Keep doing you.

[VirginiaLuv 42]

I found this is the normal experience guys and it's way frustrating. We want that earth-shattering sexual experience that we get when were alone, to happen with our lifestyle partners. It's ok to have high expectations, we're lifestylers, we're not out here to fall over and sex up anyone that pays attention. You are allowed to be as choosy as you want to be with who you get naked with. It sounds like that one responder is one of those, "You met me so you HAVE to fuck me" types. We've been at it for 2 yrs, we're in shape, young, attractive etc. and we've only had 2 satisfying experiences. One was just ok in comparison to that 1 Blockbuster experience. The rest we're tap out material. We have great sex when it's just the two of us, we're not going to add some people only to dull our edge a bit. Not ever will this happen. Don't change what you expect from this lifestyle because someone says your being to picky. Keep doing you.

 

Good advice! We were told by 1 awesome couple "Do what YOU want to do!".... So simple, but so effective. ....