Abrupt endings- and why?

[Guest]

Good day to all! Mr. T here- the lesser half of the ravishing Mrs. C. So, I have a question: anyone out there have or had a partner who abruptly called it quits on you in the LS- as in, announced that they no longer wanted to participate? If so, was there a reason given? What did you do/how did you respond? Did you resume the LS after a time, and if so, how long did it take before you both started up again- assuming that you both stopped playing together?

[ViSexual 1,008]

We had been married about four years when we were seduced by another couple we had known for several years. I knew that my wife had liked, and maybe even had a crush, on the other husband all along so it was pretty easy for him to seduce her. I liked the other wife and she and I both had no problem with our spouses enjoying each other.

 

After that, we swapped with four others, all were friends first. After our last time, probably three years later, for no particular reason, my wife told be that she just wasn't interested in doing these things anymore.

 

I was disappointed but respected her decision and wedid quit.

 

About twenty years later her interest seemed to return and we had a few more years of, mostly soft-wing, adventures. She sort of just lost interest again and that was the end.

 

I hope that gives you some insight to what might be happening with your wife. Sometimes, some folks, find it exciting enough to give it a try but not enough to continue. And, of course, it also could be that she was just trying it for you.

[JandKinBoise 858]

It's not uncommon. Sometimes life just gets in the way but sometimes underlying reasons are the cause. Knowing the reason may not help, and the wife may not want to discuss that. She may not even know why the drive is gone. When my wife wanted to quit, I just said ok and that was that. I figured if she wanted me to know why, she'd tell me.

[Erik13 157]

We have a couple that we played with and had great experiences. They text us almost every day to say hi, but everytime we try to make plans with them, they're too busy.

Weird.

[njbm 2,880]

Not everyone is wired for this hobby.

[CostaRica 130]

We had an amazing couple who were new but dove right in, then after a while they said they were taking a break because he needed surgery, they subsequently deleted our ongoing kik chat and we never heard from them again. We pretty much shrugged and carried on carrying on, who knows what is going on in their relationship.

 

I once went through a phase where I couldn't even stand to hear my husband comment that he found another woman attractive (which is especially weird when you consider that I'm bi and love looking at other women). I wasn't feeling completely comfortable and appreciated in the relationship so all extra curricular activity stopped until I was feeling secure and appreciated again.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Even though two couples are 'involved' with each other doesn't mean that they are really involved with each other (especially the every day life things). Could be anything that caused them to take a break (or even leave). As pointed out it could be anything from illness or surgery to problems in their relationship to them just not wanting to do it anymore. They may come back...they may not, but as always you should wish them the best and let them know that you are there if they need any assistance...but then give them the space that they have requested. Enjoy the moments as they happen and only look back to revisit fond memories.

[Guest]

Hey, everyone! Thank you so much for all your responses! Such good advice and well thought-out. Certainly good advice for all of us! I think I need to be more specific in my question: what I am wondering is, if any of you has had a spouse/significant other who has pulled the plug on swinging in general- as in, announced that they no longer wanted to participate? If so, was there a reason given? What did you do/how did you respond? Did you resume the LS after a time; and if so, how long did it take before you both started up again- assuming that you both stopped playing together?

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Since it was Ms. Gold who wanted to even go down this path, I haven't experienced this but I do know if she were to say that she wanted to stop...we would stop on a dime. I would hope that she told me the reason why, but it wouldn't matter if she didn't. That she was willing to have us explore this is more than I ever expected in life. I would take what I've seen and experienced and walk away with a big old smile on my face and never look back. SHE is the most important thing in my life...swinging is just the sprinkles on our ice cream sundae of life.

[luvin eye full 140]

Well the reasons are many from feelings for a play partner to what would our kids think of us if they every found out and everything in between.

 

Yes we stopped for quite a few years and it was only after this time i found out why ( guilt mainly from a play time that threw her some unexpected good times, as it was not expected - to explain more would take pages lol )

 

So it was like we had a play time then the next day or so it was no more - and i never cared one bit - to many get caught up in themselves and before you know it sex with others is just or more so important then your real life partner ( seen it happen to many times )

 

So if one partner says that's it then fine stop it's only outside sex - you and your partner are what counts ( then others to a lesser degree )

[Babblebrox 21]

My now ex-wife and I played with other people (strictly together, never separate) for over two years before she called an end to it. She claimed that she had absolutely no libido, for me or anyone else. Later it would turn out that the "anyone else" bit was false. A short while after stopping she asked if we could not just open the relationship again but also start playing apart from each other. Obviously I was not comfortable with this but went along with it to see where it went.

 

Turns out she had the hots for a coworker and only opened up the relationship to get him. Her libido was plenty strong, just not for me. After several blatant rule breaks I confronted her. She ended the marriage on the spot.

[Wornsilver 219]

My wife had heard me whine about not having the youthful flings due to a strange, abusive relationship that lasted a looooonnng time. She wanted me to have some "experiences," so she brought it up. We had a blast for a couple of years, and then that old bugaboo, "LIFE", stepped in and everything got derailed. I have brought it up since then, she has been careful to reinforce our relationship, but let me know that due to meds, maybe some body-image issues (unwarranted), her libido has gone missing. I respect that, would do anything for her, would like to have some more lifestyle experiences, but like so many other guys, she is the most important person in my life.

 

I heard a cute story recently: a guy and his wife were coming out of the theater after seeing "Fifty Shades..." and the wife said she was really turned on. He said, "Great." She said, "No, not for you, for William." That actually says a lot to me about one of the differences between male and female wiring.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

My ex put an abrupt end to our playing after several years of activity. To be fair, we were never super active. While we went to a lot of parties and clubs, we only had maybe two full swaps and he was only ever open to playing with couples where it was all or none (which limited things a great deal). Looking back, I don't think he was ever fully comfortable with the lifestyle. That said, it was (and probably always will be) part of who I am and taking that away put a huge dent in our communication. It was far from the thing that lead to our split, but probably played a role, just as my realization of how much I missed it played a role (but there were a lot of other contributing factors).

 

As others said, not everyone is wired for this lifestyle (including some who really want to be).