Tired of being frustrated with her (Vent)

[MixxedCpl360 29]

Ok so this will be more of me venting than anything else. Getting a little frustrated with my wife and the lifestyle if that is what you want to call what we are in/doing. One of the biggest frustrations for me is this - we have to drive over 2 hours in notoriously bad traffic to our favorite (and only one we have attended) swing club. It's nearly $200 for the hotel room and $100 for us to attend. She doesn't go out of her way to talk with anyone and I attempt conversations with others for us or she waits until other people contact us first. And we only have sex with each other there. No exploring no attempting new experiences just her and I having our normal sex. Yeah we could just have sex with each other at home.

 

Recently she had another encounter with our (really hers) FWB that I happened to walk in on. I'm cool with that and afterwards she said she was interested in giving me my fantasy of a 3some with her. Now let's keep this in perspective. This will be the third time in our nearly 20 marriage that she has told me that we will have a 3some only for it to never happen as she usually chickens out with some lame ass excuse. She also had some rules/boundaries for me that included no kissing at all, no me giving oral, more than likely no PIV into the other woman. Basically a "3some" where I'm more or less expected to watch and fuck her. Now she has kissed this other woman lots, both have gone done on each other plus fingered each other. Sounds like she wants fun for herself but not for me. She says most of these rules for me are no longer there for our supposed "3some" with the exception of kissing but based on her history of offering 3somes and nothing happening I'm not holding my breath. Which I already to her.

 

Just a little frustrated with this whole "swinging" thing as it seems like a big waste of or our time. No particular reason for this post just needed to vent.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Off hand, I'd say you're not swinging. She has a friend with benefits.

 

You need to talk to her about it. Tell her you are not OK with the way things are. Figure out together what needs to change and make those changes.

[dan63 106]

It is interesting, as I was reading thru the OP I was thinking that the FWB that you caught her with was going to be a male. Did I get a surprise. I am somewhat curious, what activities you both have on the table where you have both said you are willing to try? Have you ever offered to give her a mfm? Is this something she would be interested in? I'm just wondering what the wife would have to say about things if we could talk to her privately.

 

I completely apologize Mr. Mixxedcpl if I have misread what is going on.

 

On a different note, I understand exactly what you mean about traveling to a club and having to spend the night. We spend about $200 every time. We are checking out our first house party this weekend. Hopefully that should be a LOT MORE FUN and somewhat less expensive.

 

I can understand your frustration with the expense of going to the club, a club Saturday night is in the vicinity of $200.

[MixxedCpl360 29]

It is interesting, as I was reading thru the OP I was thinking that the FWB that you caught her with was going to be a male. Did I get a surprise. I am somewhat curious, what activities you both have on the table where you have both said you are willing to try? Have you ever offered to give her a mfm? Is this something she would be interested in? I'm just wondering what the wife would have to say about things if we could talk to her privately.

 

I completely apologize Mr. Mixxedcpl if I have misread what is going on.

 

On a different note, I understand exactly what you mean about traveling to a club and having to spend the night. We spend about $200 every time. We are checking out our first house party this weekend. Hopefully that should be a LOT MORE FUN and somewhat less expensive.

 

 

 

I can understand your frustration with the expense of going to the club, a club Saturday night is in the vicinity of $200.

dan63 yes I told her I was curious about possibly seeing her with another guy but she seems to crinkle her nose in "disgust" at this. But if my memory serves me correct I thought she told me years ago that she had a fantasy of a MFM. But if you were to ask her today she will tell you she has no sexual fantasies. Riiight....

 

Off hand, I'd say you're not swinging. She has a friend with benefits.

 

You need to talk to her about it. Tell her you are not OK with the way things are. Figure out together what needs to change and make those changes.

I agree with you Lionheart. We are not swinging but this is an expensive way of people watching.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

It sounds like either she isn't into the swinging thing (but is bi-curious) or she doesn't trust you enough to let down her defenses and allow you to play as well. Talk to her...I mean REALLY talk to her (not talk down to her or tell her how what she is doing is wrong). It's communication that improves the trust and trust that increases the love. It seems like she feels she has to hold back. At the same time, you need to respect the speed that she is comfortable with moving. ALWAYS move at the speed the slowest member wants to move. Don't pressure her, this will only lead to bad things. Bottom line is communicate with her and find out just what she is feeling and wants. Let us know how things progress.

[bryonboru 60]

In our adventures it is all play or no play, keeps it simple.

[MixxedCpl360 29]

It sounds like either she isn't into the swinging thing (but is bi-curious) or she doesn't trust you enough to let down her defenses and allow you to play as well. Talk to her...I mean REALLY talk to her (not talk down to her or tell her how what she is doing is wrong). It's communication that improves the trust and trust that increases the love. It seems like she feels she has to hold back. At the same time, you need to respect the speed that she is comfortable with moving. ALWAYS move at the speed the slowest member wants to move. Don't pressure her, this will only lead to bad things. Bottom line is communicate with her and find out just what she is feeling and wants. Let us know how things progress.

 

I am all for going at her pace no doubt. I don't wanna scare her off. But it seems like no forward steps are being made towards any kind of progress towards a goal.

 

And what kind of trust are you talking about? Do you mean she doesn't trust that I won't abandon her or break rules, etc.?

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

And what kind of trust are you talking about? Do you mean she doesn't trust that I won't abandon her or break rules, etc.?

 

If you are REALLY communicating, the you could just ask her and she would tell you. If you can't or she can't, then it is most likely a trust deficiency. Either way, it's never a bad thing to try and improve your trust and communication...it all leads back to helping increase the love. She needs to know that no matter what she says, you will always be there for her and with her.