Is there a better way of phrasing this? If so, please use it. (A Rant)

[SJBluebirds 195]

Please allow me to vent for a moment.

 

Understand that Clubs and Parties simply aren't an easy option for us -- geography, location, and demographics are the biggest culprits, regarding face-to-face swing socialization.

 

There is, however, an active community online, especially through SLS, in this area. Only, we're getting nowhere. In the time since we moved here, we've met two couples, both of whom just up and disappeared after an initial meetup, another couple that was very interested, but were uncomfortably close to our 'Vanilla' lives (and we absolutely cannot risk mixing the two). Other than that, there's been a lot of e-mail, phone, and text communication, which invariably comes to an unexpected stop.

 

'Stop' as in the 'two couples who just up and disappeared', above. Usually, it's after we share face photos (and I've posted about that elsewhere on swingersboard!).

 

So, aside from the sudden silence, there's a phrase that keeps getting used over and over -- as if there's a Swinger/Lifestyle email template everyone is using. The phrase is:

 

"After much consideration, we don't feel there's a connection."

 

Jeepers! Aside from the fact that there was a lot of connection and interest up until I sent my face photo, could people *please* stop using that phrase? Or if it's a party/club, could you use something other than "We don't think you'll fit in with our crowd."?

 

It's just gotten beyond tiresome. Jeez.

 

/End of Rant.

[njbm 2,880]

Welcome to the club. We think that we are attractive, although we are older than most Swingers. We just had a very nice dinner with a couple. We asked(24 hours later by text) if they would like to come to our house to play and go out to dinner at a later date. Radio silence. We've been blown off more than we've been blown. We've opened our pictures for people who rejected us before we saw their face pictures. I don't know if they would have been of interest to us. This is a rough hobby for all but the top 1%. And they may not get action because people are intimidated. You are going to have to hang in there if you want to continue. I don't blame people who give up.

[SJBluebirds 195]

Welcome to the club. We think that we are attractive, although we are older than most Swingers. We just had a very nice dinner with a couple. We asked(24 hours later by text) if they would like to come to our house to play and go out to dinner at a later date. Radio silence. We've been blown off more than we've been blown. We've opened our pictures for people who rejected us before we saw their face pictures. I don't know if they would have been of interest to us. This is a rough hobby for all but the top 1%. And they may not get action because people are intimidated. You are going to have to hang in there if you want to continue. I don't blame people who give up.

 

We're sure you two have no problem meeting other couples -- despite the occasional 'radio silence'. You're close to a major metropolitan area, much as we used to be. And in population-centers, it's really a 'numbers game' in terms of meeting.

 

When we lived in the SF Bay Area, our biggest problem was scheduling: the availability of other couples was fantastic. We now live in rural Western New York (such a better quality of life -- no regrets in moving!), but it's a relative backwater in terms of meeting people. Sure, there's a swing club close to us (walking distance, actually!), but with such a small population, the odds of meeting 'vanilla' friends or even (ugh!) family is simply too great to risk! That's why we're sticking to online searching.

 

And, we've seen your photos. You two look great! We doubt the 'radio silence' is because of your photos!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I expect that there are ways more diplomatic than this for saying no, thank you. Once a phrase like this gets loose, there's no putting it back into the box.

 

The way that my wife and I avoid this awkwardness is to have our full-face pictures up-front and on-display at our profile. But I know that many people are not able to afford the luxury of this kind of exposure.

[njbm 2,880]

It is easier for us to meet people due to the population of our area. But we get turned down more than accepted. By a lot. Thanks for the compliment. We think we look above average. My wife is the magnet. I am just the wingman.

[angelkin 1,326]

 

So, aside from the sudden silence, there's a phrase that keeps getting used over and over -- as if there's a Swinger/Lifestyle email template everyone is using. The phrase is:

 

"After much consideration, we don't feel there's a connection."

 

 

 

I believe, if memory serves, that SLS email has a "form letter" function...either a list of optional phrases or you can make your own "form letter" for email responses.

[Travelcpl 20]

We've been blown off more than we've been blown.

Good one. Should be chapter 1 in every swinger manual.

[Guest]

The first thing I'd suggest is CHANGING YOUR PHOTO'S....

 

If like you say people are put off you when you share your private / face photo's then it leads me to think there is something wrong with those photo's.

 

I can not remember if this was on Face Book or some other social network or even dating site but some years ago there was an option where people openly voted on your best profile picture. You uploaded about 5 different pictures of yourself and random people from around the world voted on which picture was the best and I have to say the results were very surprising, they often picked the picture you didn't see as the best and the difference in votes was large, some pictures got all of the votes and it wasn't often the one you didn't imagine.

 

However from my experience there are plenty of things that can out people off regarding photo's.

 

That people often make a lot of mistakes regarding photo's, some of the things that can put people off are:

 

1. MESSY: If the background of your photo's is messy, clothes on the floor, unwashed pants on the floor, empty beer cans on the table, over flowing ash trays, empty pizza boxes. If a person see's a dirty room / messy background, dirty socks on the floor then they will assume your hygiene isn't great and it can put them off meeting you.

 

2. BONDAGE: If you have pictures where bondage / tying up / gimp masks / leather straps / whips / uniforms are involved that again can put people off, some people love the restraint tying up like fantasy where others hate that subject and it can put people off. I noticed a lot of peoples profiles where they are handcuffed, covered in sex restraint tape, tied up with obscure knots and it often puts us off as that is not what we are looking for.

 

3. CROSS DRESSING: Sometimes men like to wear women's clothes, such as wearing women's knickers or stockings, this again can put a lot of people off as they imagine meeting a man dressed as a women. In my opinion not a great deal of people want to meet a middle aged man dressed up as a women so that can put people off.

 

4. SEXUAL PICTURES: I have noticed if you post pictures of you playing with other people then that can also put people off. You might imagine that by posting pictures of you playing with other people that it verifies you as genuine, but actually it can out people off because they will assume your sleeping around loads, that you already have sexual friends, that you will want to photo them and post pictures of them on line for everyone to see.

 

5. SWING CLUBS: I often find taking pictures of yourselves at a swingers clubs / swingers party / sex party can also put people off. In fact even mentioning in your profile that you have attended / want to attend sexual clubs and parties can put people off because they will assume your sleeping with a lot of people.

 

6. SMOKING: If you have pictures of yourselves smoking, that can be a big turn off for a lot of people as they will assume you stink of stale smoke.

 

7. ALCOHOL: Pictures of your drinking can sometimes put people off, a lot of people don't drink alcohol at all and if you have pictures sat round a table full of drinks and raising beer glasses in the air it can make people assume your heavy drinkers, that you want to be drunk during meets and so on.

 

8. BODY HYGIENE: Can be another big thing that puts people off. If you have pictures of your husband / boyfriend and his pubic hair is massively overgrown / not trimmed at all it can look messy. If you have pictures of your wife / girlfriend and her hair hasn't been washed or died it can look messy. Things like dirty finger nails, messy hair, old tattered clothes, nose hair, big messy beards, overgrown eyebrows can all put people off and make them think your hygiene isn't the best.

 

9. FAMILY LIFE: Sometimes I find a lot of people take photo's in their own homes, that you will see pictures of people in family bedrooms, they have light pastel walls, flowery bedding, magazines on the side, washing racks full of clothes in the background, blurry family photo's on the walls and it looks like your average middle aged family home and honestly that isn't always the most sexy look. The best profile pictures are the ones that look clean, inviting, with minimal things in the background. People often don't look at your average family bedroom and get horny.

 

10. CLASHING CLOTHES: I have seen a lot of photo's where people wear clothes that clash very badly indeed, for example a women wearing pink knickers but a orange flowery bra. Loud colours and clashing colours can put people off, flowery patterns can also make people look older.

 

11. SPORTS: Sometimes people will take photo's of themselves wearing sports gear such as football supporting tops, ice hockey team tops, tennis gear and again that can put people off. I generally avoid colours that are associated with local sports teams. For example my home city has two local football teams, one in blue and the other in red and simply by wearing those colours people assume you are a big sports supporter, that your sports mad and maybe it doesn't match their lifestyle, or maybe they think you support the team they don't like.

 

12. RELIGION: If you have religious things in the background of your photo's, pictures of Jesus, crosses, pictures of the last supper, Bibles, that can also put people off as can political posters ect.

 

 

OVERALL:

 

Perhaps there is something wrong with your pictures, if people are out off when you share your pictures then maybe they are just bad pictures that make you look bigger / fatter / older / less clean than you actually are. Perhaps a classic example I see a lot is a chubby middle aged man with a huge grizzly beard smiling at the camera, and it might be a nice picture of that man but its not actually very sexually inviting to other people.

 

My suggestion would be to spend a free day pampering yourselves, fully shave / trim pubic hair / dye hair if needed / trim eyebrows / cut nails / fully brush teeth / de-clutter the background of any mess or family photos / wear nice clean matching clothes / remove any flowery bedding / make sure you and the background look clean, fresh, inviting and then take a lot more pictures in different light settings and from different angles.

 

Turn into a photographer for a month, take some pictures of yourselves in the park / in the woods / in your living room / bedroom / maybe even in the bath. Just go NUTS taking pictures and then after your done pick the best pictures from the bunch and keep some in reserve so you can try changing them on a regular basis. In some cases changing all of your pictures can make you appear as a brand new couple.

[rjmax2003 21]

Great information about pictures... interesting to read. We hadn't thought of it, but we have seen many of the things you touch on in pictures people put up. And while we may not have said it out loud, it does influence how you feel.

 

Good advice.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

"After much consideration, we don't feel there's a connection."

 

/End of Rant.

 

You'll have to accept the fact that everybody you come in contact with is not going to be compatible. Don't take it personally. It can be frustrating trying to find someone to play with when you are dealing with strangers.

 

You don't want to do it with anyone who is willing do you? That can be dangerous. I'm hoping that you are as careful and selective as they are.

 

I'm guessing that you are just as selective as any one else. I think everyone here has their own personal kink. It can take a lot of effort, logistics, and money to meet someone who they have never met in person, to play with. How much effort and money, and safety, are you willing to gamble with.

 

I don't like rejection. No one does. Don't take it personally and move on to the next profile.

 

Good luck! When you find that special person or couple the experience can be unforgettable.