How to get wife go full swap from soft swap?

[musicman1848 16]

So....my wife and I have had a few encounters with some close friends. We are all very cool outside of the LS. Over a year of encounters, but almost each time, wife has been on her period so she has been understandably reluctant. She has gone soft swap, and her friend and I have gone full swap, with the encouragement of her and her friend's husband. We all meet regularly with no expectations. But if something happens, it does...again, with the encouragement of her and her friend's husband. I am not jealous, and want her to have fun too, and also her friend's husband...I don't want it one sided...but, while my wife seems ok with me and her friend being full swap, I want her to feel comfortable going full swap as well. I think she just needs a little nudge. Any suggestions?

 

Btw, we both, them and us, have very strong relationships and we all speak openly about it all. I just want her to feel at ease.

[njbm 2,871]

Your wife will let you know when she is ready. You hit the target by not aiming for the target.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Any suggestions?

 

Yes: Tell her what you just told us. Listen to what she says in response. Talk it out and see where things go.

[musicman1848 16]

Thanks. Any way you could clarify the last sentence? New to all of this.

[musicman1848 16]

Thanks for the advice. We have talked about it at length. I have even expressed that I want her to have enjoyment as well. Made it clear that not only will I not be jealous, but I think it would be exciting for her to go all the way...even that maybe she might like something about it that I might not be able to provide. But I still think she is reserved. She was raised very conservative so I am surprised she has been so open with ensuring I am having pleasure.

 

I'm thinking that maybe I should suggest we play in the same room but stay spouse exclusive for her to gain confidence and not feel pressure. Again. We talk about everything...there are no secrets and I think this is why we all have such strong relationships together and with each other. Everything considered, might this be a good step?

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with. Don't rush, don't pressure her, let her make the decision when the time is right (and it may never be). Enjoy the trip as much as the destination. She will be ready when she is ready. In the mean time, just let here know that you support her with whatever she decides to do.

[musicman1848 16]

Never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with. Don't rush, don't pressure her, let her make the decision when the time is right (and it may never be). Enjoy the trip as much as the destination. She will be ready when she is ready. In the mean time, just let here know that you support her with whatever she decides to do.

 

Probably the best advice I could have asked for. Never move faster than the slowest member. Thank you for your reply. It is close to what her friend said to me just a few days ago.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I didn't notice anything in your posts about what sort of attraction she has to him? Maybe the sexual attraction isn't there for her to go beyond just some playing around soft swap? The vanilla friendship may be so strong and well-established that she just doesn't think of him in an sexual way. Or, maybe she is perfectly happy with him as a friend but he just doesn't interest her that much sexually, whether he be friend or stranger. She may be just too nice to come right out and say that, even to you, so is to content to just let things go on as they have been.

 

I would also add that if she really wanted this to happen, she would be making sure these get-togethers were planned for when she was NOT on her period, instead it sounds like almost the opposite is happening.

[couplers 4,640]

... Over a year of encounters, but almost each time, wife has been on her period so she has been understandably reluctant... Any suggestions?

 

Yes. Two of us women in our poly family are on contraceptives that suppress our periods.

 

 

But there may be another reason your wife doesn't want to move forward - she may not find her potential playmates sufficiently attractive. Talk to her and allow her to choose who she finds sexually attractive and exciting. It may be a guy at the gym, a woman at the coffee shop, the couple down the street. Let her pursue it on her terms with your support.

[lnw 145]

What Couplers said crossed my mind also and was the case with us.

 

Sounds like this is the only couple you have been with. We were soft swap early on and I know she mentioned that while she was fine with soft, she just did not find the attration to go full. But it did happen with another couple later on and now she feels free to do full if the chemistry is there for more activity.

[Sophy 569]

We started as a softswap couple only, do not overthink it, it will happen when she feels is the right time: with the right guy and/or couple, just keep having fun and enjoy the moment.