Are you 'out'? To Family? To Vanilla Friends?

[SJBluebirds 195]

Weird situation here.

 

We've had some initial meets with some other couples, and have found that they are 'out', in terms of the Swinging Lifestyle, to family and friends. One couple is fairly well-known in the local area for their vanilla lives, and make no secret about it at all. We discovered they were 'out' because they use the same face photo on SLS as they do on Facebook. Turns out he and I went to the same school, and have mutual friends on FB.... so, that's both weird and a reason not to be Facebook Friends.

 

Another couple -- very open to family and friends, including their teen/young adult children -- turned out to be the parents of a girlfriend one of our kids was dating (we were going to meet in the 'vanilla' world the next night! -- how weird is that?!)! Again, we decided NOT to pursue any play with them, because they were so open with their daughter, it was a near certainty to get back to our own kids.

 

Are we just old fuddy-duddies for keeping all of our 'adult' non-monogamous interests secret? Or are we just completely out-of-touch with the young hep-cats these days?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

You're in the majority. Our adult children know. Others know. But neither of us have employment requiring a security clearance. We hold no high political office nor do we get up on TV pulpits preaching brimstone and Hellfire for those who sin.

[njbm 2,873]

We are in the closet. I think that most people in the lifestyle are. It is not well understood in the real world and I'd rather not explain it.

[SexyRedmondCpl 128]

We are in the closet. I think that most people in the lifestyle are. It is not well understood in the real world and I'd rather not explain it.

 

This exactly. We have a few vanill-ish friends who know. And a cousin who may or may not know, having somehow found our couple's Twitter (no real names, but the picture's us). Otherwise, yeah, rather not justify our choices.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Generally speaking, in the dysfunctional neo-puritan culture of the US, sex is something not-talked-about. So, we don't talk about it. Simple as that.

 

Edit: That said, my profile pic on here is actually one I also use on Facebook from time to time.

[SJBluebirds 195]

That said, my profile pic on here is actually one I also use on Facebook from time to time.

 

Very risky, in my estimation. TinEye is not your friend, in this instance.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Very risky, in my estimation. TinEye is not your friend, in this instance.

 

No real risk for me. I'd take being fired for it as a favor and my family and friends already know my basic "accept me as I am or don't let the door hit you on the ass as you leave" philosophy.

[couplers 4,648]

We (three women, two men, five children in a poly family) are known as the "professionals, but sort of hippies two families with all those kids that share a big house and a half together" nice people in the neighborhood. As to who is fucking whom, like most people - we don't discuss it. Folks draw their own conclusions and don't confront us with it.

[SJBluebirds 195]

We (three women, two men, five children in a poly family) are known as the "professionals, but sort of hippies two families with all those kids that share a big house and a half together" nice people in the neighborhood. As to who is fucking whom, like most people - we don't discuss it. Folks draw their own conclusions and don't confront us with it.

 

With respect, Couplers, that's not an applicable situation.

 

Polyamory is -- almost by definition -- 'Open'. The 'Amory' part names it as a loving relationship among all the partners, so it's open. One should always shout "Love' from the rooftops, because if you can't do that, it's not really love. Does that make sense?

 

Swinging is different; it's casual. Participants might be friends, they might not. They might even have just met. It's this sort of situation, this lifestyle, that some couples we've met have been 'open' about their participation. And that's what's been weirding us out.

[Erik13 157]

Most of our vanilla friends know. While they're not into, they love hearing the stories!

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Modern life--"it's complicated".

 

Our daughter knows. She is helping design the outfits for our next cruise's theme nights. She's happy that mom and dad are still happy and still together having met 42 years ago. Adult kids (different from teenage kids" seem to understand the idea of discretion.

 

Vanilla friends, not so much. We do not broadcast, as a rule they do not seem particularly interested. Interestingly, we periodically do social events where vanilla and LS friends are present. Our LS friends have vanilla lives like everyone else, and the interactions are uniformly gracious. The only issue that arises is "how do you know [us]?", and the universal answer is that we met through "friends of friends".

 

People manage their relationships as they choose. Since we are, for all intents and purposes, just a long-married couple happy together, no one pays us any mind. We like it that way.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Family doesn't need (or usually want) to know. We don't see any reason to tell our friends. They don't tell us about what kind of sex they like, so why would we think of telling them (other than to brag...and occasionally I would love to be able to brag about this but it's safer to just keep it quiet)? With others having their own opinions/beliefs/religious faith/self imposed morals, it's difficult to know how they might react with the information. There are just too many people looking for a reason to belittle others or attempt to feel superior to freely hand out ammo to them. Add to this that we both have jobs that could be 'sensitive' to this information becoming commonplace and the risk far outweighs any reward.

[Laceysplaydate 16]

We are out to all family except the wife's mom and that's bc she's a worrier and we want to be in the lifestyle long enough to tell her we have been doing it awhile and are still happy, even happier since swinging. Husband's grown boys and spouses know, and all of our close friends who we hang out with know. We love not having to hide anything around friends and family but have found that when we tell other swinging couples they applaud us for our openness but are freaked out about hanging out with us bc basically they know being seen with us or being the new couple that shows up to hang out at parties and games means everyone around us knows THEY swing, and most couples we have met are NOT ok with anyone knowing who they don't personally choose to tell. Guilt by association... So it has bit us in the ass a few times. So beware that being open can be a very big issue for a lot of couples and will result in no play with some who you otherwise hit it off well with and would have played had it not been for them bolting.

[Travelcpl 20]

Not out. One of us had a security clearance until recently. That would have been an interesting conversation with the FBI. To this day we do not do local play. Which really limits our options.

[Aaron911 45]

Omg yes, we been outed by someone bitter and all of our family and friends know... it just makes everything extremely awkward lol.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Uh-huh, I can only imagine what a nightmare that would be

 

So how did you handle it when the news broke? Try to deny, just ignored all the tqlk, approached it head on and seized the initiative by telling them more than they wanted to know, or ?

[Aaron911 45]

Uh-huh, I can only imagine what a nightmare that would be

 

So how did you handle it when the news broke? Try to deny, just ignored all the tqlk, approached it head on and seized the initiative by telling them more than they wanted to know, or ?

 

We initially freaked out and went into denial but surprisingly everyone around us understood and kinda just never talked about it again. Granted we lost a few friends but for the most part the backlash wasnt that bad but there's alot of damage control.