Help

[Heavenlyass 19]

So my husband and I have played with a few couples the latest couple he met on an sls website and talked to them before he told me about it

He said they seemed nice, we met in person and yes they were nice but I just wasn't attracted to them and we have nothing in common, I told him I wasn't feeling them n he seemed sad. So against my better judgment I agreed to play with them cause he really wanted to. It was probably the worst sex I've ever had he went down on me and that was decent but when he started to fuck me I could barely tell he was inside me and it was literally over in a couple minutes he jumped up n came back n put on a new condone n attempted to try again and it wasn't working

Besides that horrible sex this couple is very vanilla besides the swinging and I don't even know if they have a good sex life between them, (my husband and I are into hard core kink) the next day they were already askin if we could meet them again that night or if not when would be the soonest we could meet them, I told my husband the sec was horrible for me and I didn't enjoy myself he says they guy was probably just to excited cause I'm so much younger and hotter than his wife

My husband had a great time and wants to meet them again but it was horrible for me and I didn't enjoy the lame sex I got and getting to look over at my husband pounding the shit out of the other woman exactly how I love to get fucked

Now my husband wants to play with them again

 

Should I be upset that he wants to play with a couple that I didn't enjoy being with

Or should I just let it go and try again and hope it's better next time

 

I'm very open about sex and can easily have sex with someone n it mean nothing and I forget about it the next day but this guy was horrible in bed

And than after was telling me how amazing I am

And I'm just thinking he has no idea I didn't even get a chance to do anything

Please help

[luvin eye full 140]

Well 1st of don't just take one for the team -

If your husband can not stop with them and go to the next then ask him why?

 

So what do you want out of a play partner - some that screws you like your husband does?

 

Think about what you want and tell him also let your next play partner if you like some thing as well. Though i don't think it would help to tell them you can hardly feel them lol.

 

Communication that's what you guys need and until that is at a level that you both get some thing out of this then stop for every ones sake.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

As already said, never 'take one for the team'...just don't. It usually doesn't end well.

 

Second, if one person says no, then the answer for the couple is also no. No questions, no repercussions. There are other couples out there, just move on to the next. You are a team, play as a team and decide as a team. Neither of you should have to do something (or someone) they don't want to do. Just let him know this...or point him to this thread. He needs to be reminded that YOU come first and everything else comes after that.

[Heavenlyass 19]

I'm not saying I expect to have the same thing I have with my husband because I don't I understand that he knows me and knows what I like so I'm not expecting that but I at least expect it to be good otherwise why should I bother

I'm just upset that after I told him I didn't enjoy myself he even still wants to mess with them

I just feel like he's being a little self-centered and not considering my feelings

Am I right to be upset about this or should I just get over it

Because if he told me he didn't enjoy an experience with a couple I wouldn't ask to play with them again but that's just me

He is also not very understanding of my need to have some kind of attraction to the person I play with either mentally or physically attractive and he says that it's just for fun it's just an experience and that that shouldn't matter that much

I just don't know if I could enjoy an experience if there wasn't some kind of attraction

[luvin eye full 140]

Hey Heavenlyass

 

You do have the right to be unset that he does not factor in your feelings - this is not team work, which most of us work out before or very quickly when starting.

Also there are many girls and some boys that want some type of attraction involved, i think most people need some thing to go with.

 

but he's not playing as a team and this will effect your take on any and all playtime's and partners, for myself i can normally find something to like in every one - BUT if the old girl says nope then that's it and same for myself with her.

 

If this continues you will end up having drama's while out playing and that will follow you - some couples are just known for drama.

 

So it's back to communication - and if will not listen to your side and take notice / playing as a team. Then Stop until he does.

[HoustonCple 23]

Just quietly throwing this out there.

 

In our play she has control of everything. PERIOD

 

If my wife says no, then that's it.

 

But there has been times when she has had for fun than I. Other times I have more fun than her. The after glow sex is amazing for a week or so. But we play perhaps once a month to supplement our sex lives.

[Heavenlyass 19]

I'm fine with one partner having more fun

But if one of us didn't enjoy it at all in my opinion thier is no point in playing with that couple again

It's just for fun so if it isn't fun I don't wanna do it

[Heavenlyass 19]

Thank

You so much for the reply I appreciate everyone's advice!!!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

I'm just upset that after I told him I didn't enjoy myself he even still wants to mess with them

I just feel like he's being a little self-centered and not considering my feelings

Am I right to be upset about this or should I just get over it

 

You are right which is why he needs to be told this. Guys sometimes forget to think things all the way thru...especially when it's the little head doing the thinking. It sounds like he is attracted to the wife and so he wants to keep playing with her. What he needs to be reminded is that YOU should always come first. In swinging, as already stated, the woman usually controls the show. He needs to remember that without you being on board this doesn't happen. There's only one you, one wife, one woman he loves. The rest of this is just fun. He has to be reminded this. If you are not on board the results are...not good. There are other women out there, and some of them have other good men. Go find another couple to play with.

 

Don't be 'upset'...that's an emotional response and can sound petty...like you don't want him to have his fun. Guys like facts over emotions. Tell him that the other guy is a poor lover and you don't want to play with them again because of that. That you want the two of you to find another couple to play with (you're a team, keep reminding him of that, and you still want to play, just not with that couple). Also let him know if he still wants to keep playing with her, then you would rather stop swinging totally (because the other guy is a lousy lover). If that doesn't get him to move on, then you have much bigger problems. Good luck and keep us up to date.

[padoc 1,703]

Agree with Gold!!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Give the guy a second chance. The first time might have been nervousness as your husband said. He might not have felt worthy about having sex with someone as awesome as you.

 

My vote is to "try again and hope it's better next time".

[Heavenlyass 19]

I would consider trying again if I liked the guy or was attracted to him but I'm not really feeling it

 

I'm beginning to struggle with this lifestyle more and more I really enjoy the idea of it I just fear that my husband is to one track mind for this to be successful I think he gets carried away and forget about me and my feelings

 

For a follow up one night my hubby and I were getting it on I was dressed like a naughty school girl n riding him we had taken a break for a sec and he got a text message from the guy

Apparently the guy had texted him early and asked what we were doing n the hubby had said we were about to get t on and the guy asked if his wife could join us cause he was at work and would love pics and wanted pics of the wife going down on me ( she never played with a girl)

So the hubby asked me if it was ok if she came over ( I didn't want her to come over we were having a good time already it was a work night it was 1030pm and we always said we wouldn't play with others in our bed) but he was very eager n I could tell by his tone he wanted it bad so I said yes he got so excited

So she came over as soon as the door was closed he was making out with her

He kissed me to than I kissed her he touched my Pusey a little than started fingering her grabi her n grinding her it was all ok at first we went to the room we were all kissing n touching than she started to lick me and he licked her that was all fine n fun

But after I came she never touched my pussy again barely payed attention to me and I had to initiate any interaction with her

Well ok I just think she did it cause her husband told her to so ok she's not bi no biggie

But my husband kept playing with mostly her she was the center of attention

I licked her made her cum n he did fuck me from behind for a few minutes but after she came he didn't really play with me again

After that he fingered and licked her than he started fucking her mouth so I was just there n decided to try to be involved so I took out a wand n made her cum

Than he fingered n licked her again

He must have made her cum 4 times by now n she was breathing heavy n got up to leave

I was like yay now I can have my husband n get some attention her and I went to the living room and she got dressed we hugged n than she was like oh let me say good by to him

So she walked over to the room to say good by they started making out saying it was fun etc

The goodby was taking to long so I said I'll brb I went to get water

I came back n they were naked n she was sucking him off ( we have a rule we don't play alone, it's his rule that he requested)

I was fuming at this point I walked away to cool off sat on the couch for a sec

Than came back n she was still going at it

Than he asked if we could all fuck I said ok so he pulls out a condom n starts fucking her missionary he says kiss me so I do I stopped for a sec to look at the situation

than flips her n fucks her in a different position n I just get to sit thier and watch she starts screaming n coming than he cumS

And than she sits up like we're done n starts chatting

While I sit thier unsatisfied thinking this B just had the time of her life was the center of attention in my bed I made her come multiple times n my husband probably made her cum 4-5 times

He made me cum 0 times he licked me 0 times

Than she left n he was like what's wrong

I told him I felt ignored n he said sorry I thought u wanted to play with her and have ur bi time so wanted to let you I told him that wasn't ok that he should have played with me toon he just said sorry

Than I said when she got up to leave why didn't he let her leave why did they go at it again

N he said she wanted to

Than I asked why didn't he fuck me to why did he only fuck her and he said he wanted to fuck her so she would leave n he could play with me

I know he felt bad but I don't understand how he could play with basically only her make her cum so many times and not think to try to make me cum even once

Not think to make sure I was getting pleased

 

I really felt he put in a huge effort to make sure she had a great time n he forgot about me

I felt at that moment he wanted her more than me

And I can't stop thinking about that now every time he tells me thier isn't anyone he wants more than me I don't believe it

 

I know he loves me and wants me n wants to be with me we have an amazing sex life she is so devoted to me when others aren't with us in the bedroom

But I think when sex with others starts happening the kinkyness with other people is the most important thing at that time n he forgets about me and my feeling

 

I'm really struggling to get past this and to trust that he won't do this again

 

How can I get past this?? Please help

I haven't been able to sleep and I can't stop thinking about this

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

My answer stays the same:

 

You are right which is why he needs to be told this. Guys sometimes forget to think things all the way thru...especially when it's the little head doing the thinking. It sounds like he is attracted to the wife and so he wants to keep playing with her. What he needs to be reminded is that YOU should always come first. In swinging, as already stated, the woman usually controls the show. He needs to remember that without you being on board this doesn't happen. There's only one you, one wife, one woman he loves. The rest of this is just fun. He has to be reminded this. If you are not on board the results are...not good. There are other women out there, and some of them have other good men. Go find another couple to play with.

 

Don't be 'upset'...that's an emotional response and can sound petty...like you don't want him to have his fun. Guys like facts over emotions. Tell him that the other guy is a poor lover and you don't want to play with them again because of that. That you want the two of you to find another couple to play with (you're a team, keep reminding him of that, and you still want to play, just not with that couple). Also let him know if he still wants to keep playing with her, then you would rather stop swinging totally (because the other guy is a lousy lover). If that doesn't get him to move on, then you have much bigger problems. Good luck and keep us up to date.

 

I will add that I think you both need to put swinging on indefinite hold. It sounds like either you and/or your relationship isn't ready for this. It's not a bad thing, just a thing. Some people are just not cut out for this. Either way, it sounds like there are still trust issues that need to be improved upon (not you trusting him but just needing more trust and security in your relationship in general). Talk to him and tell him you BOTH need to take a break. This couple has been a problem since the beginning and you both keep going back to the same well and wonder why the water doesn't taste different. Quit doing the same things but expecting a different outcome.

[luvin eye full 140]

Yep time to say stop ( for now anyway )

 

Your husband still loves you - but the new toys are so much fun - so how long have you guys been together? and out of that time how long before you started playing with others?

 

I think what is going on is that he ( like many other husbands and wives ) is taking you for granted - your last post really shows it.

It's not that he does not love you or anything - he just thinks it will be all ok and your not really going to stop so he wants all he can get. ( selfish behavior )

 

What happens to little kids that will not share and hog all the candy?

Time to put your foot down and hard to snap him out of it i think.

 

Best of luck.

[Heavenlyass 19]

So we have been together 4 yrs I know he loves me but I just don't see how it is ok in any three way relationship that the husband would make the girl cum but not his wife

I tried talking to him and he apologized but said that I didn't make him cum either n said that he just thought I wanted some bi time and wanted to let me play with her

I don't think he can relate or grasp why it hurt me

He just isn't seeing my point so I dropped it n just wanted to move on than he brings it up again days later after we talked

I told him the main thing is it bothered me that he made her cum and not me n his response was she just cums easier

I think we're at a standstill

But I do believe he wouldn't make this mistake again

But honestly does anyone have a threesome with thier wife n another girl n not make sure thier wife cums???

Anyone

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

What happens to little kids that will not share and hog all the candy?

Time to put your foot down and hard to snap him out of it i think.

 

You are letting him get away with it so why wouldn't he? (not saying that this is right or acceptable, but its most likely how he sees it). It even has a name: New Relationship Energy or NRE. The new girl is...new and exciting. A new play toy and he is going to play with it as often and as much as he can...until it gets old. You are the toy that he's had for awhile and while you are his all time favorite, you have been tossed to the side until he gets tired of the new toy. Stop allowing him to do this. You've been told by several people that you need to stop swinging until he gets his priorities straightened but it doesn't sound like you are being firm enough with him (or that he is taking you seriously). If you can't be more firm, then send him to this thread and we will try to explain it directly to him.

 

For him: Any man lucky enough to have a woman who will allow him this pleasure and honor of playing with another woman should ALWAYS make sure that his SO (Significant Other) gets as much attention, if not more, than the other woman...always, without exception. She is your queen and should always be treated as such. Any man who is making his SO do something that she doesn't totally enjoy (as in having sex with a guy who she doesn't enjoy having sex with) or is willing to put someone else's pleasure above his SO's will quickly find that he no longer has a SO. In swinging, the woman is the one in control...don't ever forget this. There are other couples out there, find a new couple where you both can enjoy the experience but you need to walk away from this couple...now. What you are doing is hurting your woman.