Swap situation not equal

[dgds8386 15]

My husband and I have been in the LS for about 6 months now. We have had some fun experiences and some not so fun ones. Our first full swap couple experience was one of the not so good...it started out "even" - we were all flirting and having fun. After dinner and drinks, we went back to our room, and my husband and the other wife were really into each other. The husband and I proceeded to kiss and such, but he could not get an erection. Maybe alcohol, maybe he was not really into me (but he kept telling me he was), but he got really self conscious and nothing really happened between us. Meanwhile, my husband proceeded to have fun. I figured this was an isolated thing, but about two weeks ago, it happened again with a different couple. Nothing was happening for me, but my husband and the other wife were very into each other and I did not know what to do. My question is, when one "couple" is having a lot of fun in a full swap, but the other is really struggling, what is the right thing to do? Should I ask my husband to stop having sex mid way? He says it is difficult for him to tell if I am having fun, but letting him go at it while I get nothing out of it seems unfair. What have others done in this situation?

[Guest]

This situation with men not been able to preform / not getting hard / feeling nervous happens an awful lot during the first 3 or 4 meets.

 

Firstly a lot of men a nervous when sleeping with a new women, the added fact that 1 or 2 other people are there watching adds even more tension.

 

When sleeping with a new women a lot of men will become nervous, will wonder if they are good enough, if their body is good enough for this new women, if their penis is big enough, they will also feel sheepish as they do not actually know what this new women likes, do I treat her softly, do I kiss her lots, do I treat her rough, does she mind me giving her oral sex, does she mind giving me oral sex, how do I begin. It takes some men 3 or 4 meets to become comfy with a new women.

 

Really is no different from when you were single and dating, how many times have you dated a new man and for the first few attempts he was terrible, he fumbled around, he came really quickly, failed to get hard. Even with just 1 man and 1 women in a normal dating situation this stuff happens to some men at first. I'm a man and it has happened to me before, in my experience if I meet a totally new women and end up sleeping with her I can sometimes be nervous at first, unsure what she likes, where if I meet a women I already kind of know well then its a little easier but still it takes 3 or 4 meets to get into the swing of things.

 

Secondly I think where swinging it concerned a lot of men become nervous because their girlfriend or wife is there, that sure they want to sleep with this new women, they want to have sex but kind of fear they will get told off for it by their wife or girlfriend, that they will have sex with this new women then several hours after the meet they will get in trouble from their own wife or girlfriend. In a lot of cases a couple will have group sex seeing the husband of the couple enjoy a new women then a day or two later his own girlfriend or wife becomes very jealous about the situation and unleashes hell, sometimes a man needs 3 or 4 attempts before he knows his own girlfriend or wife is comfy with the situation.

 

Thirdly another man been present can effect some men, for example if you meet a man who has a much better body than your boyfriend or husband, that you meet another man who has a better body, bigger muscles, bigger penis, better sex drive, better paid job, more hobbies in common with the women then sure it can suddenly effect a man. Some men don't even like been naked near another man let alone letting a fitter, sexier, better hung man sleep with your wife or girlfriend in front of their eyes.

 

I think the main point is there is a lot of reasons this can happen and sometimes it will become a lot better and easier if you meet the man 3 or 4 times and let his nerves settle.

[njbm 2,859]

I don't know if this helps, but we try to have a vanilla first date with no pressure to play. We are more relaxed and ready to play the second time. Even anxious as the suspense builds.

 

My wife's latest partner had some condom related erection problems, as did I. My wife used lube to give the other guy a hand job. Kaboom! He seemed to enjoy it!

 

Hope things work out!

[Lionheart72 2,189]

The question is - what is the right thing to do for you? If you feel that you want to ask your husband to stop "mid way" and leave because you're not having fun, you have that right. At it's heart, swinging is a shared activity for a couple.

 

You and your husband should talk more about this, and develop some rules and guidelines for how you want to handle this going forward. Make it clear to him that you're not ok with him playing when you're not having fun (and, fair is fair, if he's not having fun and you are that's not ok either). You may want to work out some kind of signal or clear way to express to each other that the session isn't working for you and politely back out.

[MarniJohn 172]

My husband told me the "trick" to getting an erection in these situations is to be the first in action. He had the problem the first few times but discovered if he started having intercourse before i did, he could get erect. If he was watching me play it would distract him. I'm not a guy, just relating his experience!

[EastInWest 1,524]

Life is a little short to spend it trying to screw somebody you aren't enjoying.

 

If you want him to keep going, that's OK. If you want to stop it, you are 110% justified.

 

Our sessions are hardly "even", but it works for us because of what we're there for. Everybody is different and you can reasonably ask your husband to slow down and play at the speed your needs call for.

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

It's always a good idea to check on and check in with your partner. If they're having a problem, then you should also hit the pause button. See if temporarily switching back can help and then proceed. If one of the men cannot perform, then he should at least do what he can to make it enjoyable for the woman (he does still have a tongue...). Bottom line is if one of us isn't having a good time then we should both stop (or pause). This is a team sport and you should both be having fun and playing as a team. Otherwise it can quickly become 'taking one for the team'...never a good idea.