What my wife wants...

[NovaScotiaRange 15]

Hey everybody: We're new here. My wife started asking me not too long ago if we could get into the "lifestyle". When I asked what she meant she told me that some of our friends (she won't tell me which ones) have been into swinging for a while and told her about it, and she thinks it sounds like a lot of fun.

 

She has always fantasized about public sex and she wants to go to a swingers party and have us do it with 'everyone in the place watching us'. Sounds pretty scary to me. Never done anything like this before. It's just, when she told me what she wanted to do to me, she had her nails dug into my arm, and was just trembling. Oh, and "Mister, I'm going to doggystyle buttf*ck the sh*t outta you!" Wow. I liked hearing that part. It's always turned me on when she gets in a dirty talking mood. I'm really pretty hesitant about doing something like this but she says "You can just totally have your way with me. Bend me over the table and real animal f*ck me. You know, just plow me!" Well, I like that part. It's just the part about people watching. To me, that sounds terrifying. She says no, it's really hot.

 

She wants to do her other fantasy,too. What's that I says. "Being in a great big orgy With people screaming out orgasms all around us." I'm afraid of every guy in the place running up and jumping on her. She's a very beautiful lady, and I'm not sure I can handle something like that. She says she'll be busy making me scream. I can't believe she's got me thinking about doing this.

 

Does anybody else like doing stuff like this? Is it normal? If there are some out there who have done things like this and it worked out okay, I would really like to hear your stories before committing to Nanette that I will do this. It just sounds scary to me. Although, it was a turn on with her trembling, nails dug into my arm, telling me how hard she was going to do me. Wow. She thinks it could be fun to do some swapping. I'm not so sure about doing that. What is wanting to do it with an audience even called? So scary. Is this something you CAN do at a club or party? Would some be willing to just watch, without touching her, if I can't handle it?

 

Thank you. from Oby and Nanette.

[luvin eye full 140]

Hey there.

 

Yes it can be a lot of fun - but also can be a lot of hurt. that's the truth.

 

It will take some really good communication from both of you and trust and most importantly love.

 

So do you have any rules like if you did go to screw her in front of strangers will it be just you two or can you guys do others? ( though are they strangers? or does she already know them? and how would you know if she will not tell you - hmmm trust may need some work )

 

I would think that you can fuck the shit out of your wife already - can you not?

 

Have a talk to her about more details and what she expects, Does she just think she'll go and take other guys and what happens if you do not like it? we need more info to give better help.

 

Best of luck though.

[Guest]

Firstly the term "Lifestyle" is just a nicer more covert way of saying "Swinging" or I personally prefer the term "Group Sex" which usually people label as threesomes / foursomes / gang bangs / orgies and so on.

 

Secondly a large number of the men on these sites would probably love a wife like yours, that for most guys into this lifestyle its a long, difficult, up hill battle to even get their wife interested in this lifestyle at all, and even then the mans interest is usually a lot stronger than the women's. Honestly some guys on here will have spent many months or even years trying to speak to their wife about this subject only to be faced by a scared, prudish, quiet, anti sexual and paranoid women who throws up every objection in the book and lacks all interest in the subject of further exciting sexual play.

 

In a recent study regarding sex it was estimated that around 40% of women worldwide don't even like sex, that about 40% of women simply see sex as been a "Job" to keep their husbands happy, that they view sex as a simple tool used for making babies and nothing else, that a good number of women take very little enjoyment from sex. Perhaps their husbands are simply bad at sex, perhaps their husbands simply care for their own pleasure and not the women's, but regardless a large number of women have openly admitted they are not interested in sex that much.

 

Some years ago when I was first learning about this lifestyle I began some social experiments of my own, one example would be....

 

When I met a new women (with no children) to date I would ask her, what are the 10 best and most vital things in your life?

 

They would perhaps giggle at me asking such a strange questions, then they would pause and think and would usually say.

 

1. My Friends

2. My Family

3. My Pets

4. My Phone

5. My Lap Top

6. My Nights Out

7. My Chocolate (Haha)

8. My Television Shows

9. My Face Book

10. My Hobbies

 

 

What I noticed is that "SEX" was not even on their list, that the man they were dating was not even on that list, in some cases their own husband was not even on that list.

 

I guess the point is a lot of women spend their time thinking about everything but sex, where us men think about sex everyday.

 

With that in mind please imagine trying to get a girl interested in "Group Sex" who doesn't even think about sex at all. Trying to get a women to join in with your fantasy of group sex when actually their minds and entire lives are focused on other things. For example I have dated various women who will happily TALK AT ME for 2 or even 3 hours solid about their pet cat, but try and get them talking about sex and the entire conversation is blocked out and lasts 5 minutes if your lucky.

 

As a man do you have any idea what its like to have a women putting a lap top / mobile phone / chocolate / pets higher on the list than you. Higher on the list that your own relaitonship with them, because that is what the majority of men face in this lifestyle, a long, difficult, uphill battle trying to get their wife or girlfriend to even be interested a small amount in this subject.

 

Your wife however seems very interested in this subject, she seems to put YOU and SEX high on her list, and that means potentially you can have her and others as well, that you can explore together.

 

ANYWAY.....

 

One bit of advice I will give, or shall I say one warning I will give is that.

 

The couple of "Friends" who have been speaking to your wife about group sex have probably done so hoping to have group sex with your wife. Perhaps I'm wrong but sometimes certain couples do look for lonely under sexed wives and try and tempt them into threesomes. It would perhaps be wise to find out who these friends are and exactly what they have been saying / asking your wife.

 

Personally I'd try exploring this lifestyle as your wife at least is eager where most are not at all.

 

 

Good Luck x

[ViSexual 1,008]

Now, honestly, if my wife said that to me I'd be on cloud nine. When we did swing, she was usually pretty reserved and quiet about what she enjoyed or wanted to do.

 

But I can understand your apprehensions. It sounds like this came out of the blue. Like Luvin eye full wrote, take your time and discuss it more. And, hey, talking it out can be lots of fun too. Your wife sounds like a gun lady and you just might have as much fun as she will.

 

OK, one more thought, she hasn't told you which of your friends are swingers but give some thought to all of your friends and see if there isn't a wife or two that you just might love to have sex with.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Does anybody else like doing stuff like this?

 

Once upon a time, we did stuff like that at least once month.

 

Is it normal?

 

Define normal.

 

What is wanting to do it with an audience even called?

 

Exhibitionism.

 

Is this something you CAN do at a club or party?

 

Depends on the club or party, but as I alluded to, it is a thing that my wife and I have done at swingers clubs in the past... both having sex "in public" and having gangbangs.

 

Would some be willing to just watch, without touching her, if I can't handle it?

 

Yes. In fact, the first rule of every club I've ever been to boiled down to "look, don't touch, until given express permission otherwise."

 

Of course, none of that addresses your actual question... Is this a good idea for you?

 

Right now, honestly, based on your post I don't think it is. You don't sound ready yet.

 

Your wife has a fantasy and she's excited about it. That excitement is affecting you. However, it also scares you. That's ok, but that fear is telling you something and you should listen it. You've taken a good first step... looking for more information (and you've come to a great place to find it).

 

Swinging is exciting, but the key to success isn't excitement or wild sex. It's openness, honesty, trust and - above all - communication. The decision to swing really shouldn't be made with a hardon. It should be made calmly, rationally, fully dressed and probably over breakfast. First, you need to learn more about this. You evidently have friends in the lifestyle. I suggest you talk to them. Tell your wife about your concerns and your fears. Tell her your willing to learn more but not ready to do anything yet. Read. Ask more questions. Take it slow.

 

My $.02, for whatever it's worth.

[JandKinBoise 858]

If you don't think you would like to see your wife have sex with other men, then you won't. A lot of men go into this not expecting the reaction they get when they see that.

This problem usually stems from being insecure in your relationship. I remember the exact moment my view of my relationship changed and I knew I was secure enough to see her enjoy another man. Before then, I wouldn't have considered it. Be very careful, take your time, talk a lot and hopefully..enjoy!

[dan63 106]

Excellent advice given above. Slow and easy wins the day. The suggestion about continuing to learn is dead on.

 

My wife and I have been easing into the LS since February of this year and after a total of 6 club visits and two house parties we have just now reached the point of a true soft swap, and that is cool. It sounds like your wife would like to dive into the deep end of the pool right away, but I would suggest you show her this forum and that way you can both learn and decide with an informed mind if the swinging lifestyle is right for you.

 

If you do want to "give an inch" to you wife I would recommend a visit to a good local lifestyle club. Before you go you need to get your wife's agreement that you are only there to watch or at the most play with each other if the mood strikes. And stick with this agreement on the first visit, EVEN IF YOU change YOUR mind. If you want to go farther there will be plenty of opportunities in the future. Keeping the promise to each other will only help to build the trust that will be so necessary later if you decide to move forward.

 

If you are worried about embarrassment from having sex with your wife in front of others, the best advice I would have in that situation is just do what you should be doing ANYTIME you have sex with your wife, give her 100% of your attention and tune out any other people that might be around. It really is a lot of fun to be at a club really getting it on with your wife and when you finish you look around and you have attracted a crowd. This is a good thing, it means your doing it right.

 

My 2 cents.

[machiavel55 81]

If you don't think you would like to see your wife have sex with other men, then you won't. A lot of men go into this not expecting the reaction they get when they see that.

This problem usually stems from being insecure in your relationship. I remember the exact moment my view of my relationship changed and I knew I was secure enough to see her enjoy another man. Before then, I wouldn't have considered it. Be very careful, take your time, talk a lot and hopefully..enjoy!

 

This always pisses me off....your sexual preferences and his are most likely not the same, you know why? you're a bi-male (kudos to you for that, twice as many candidates!) but I don't think a bi-male is wired like a straight male, so stop talking about being insecure! A man who enjoys watching his wife have sex with another man is not more secure than a man who does not. He's just wired differently. If NovaScotiaRange ever discovers he is in one way or another bi-curious, things will change. But saying you're more secure because you can watch your wife with another man is much easier when the other man is a potential play partner for you too, one on one, not the same when the other penis is just that, another penis. You can't compare both situations and you can't compare both men, because their motivations are oceans apart.

[ViSexual 1,008]

You know, I don't think that being bisexual or not has much to do with it. Now being married, instead of single, sure would. If it's your girlfriend instead of your wife it might have lots of different implications. There are lots of straight husbands who enjoy watching their wives with other men and lots of bisexual husbands who don't.

[Markjorge1 59]

Your wife's fantasies are very normal. It's amazing that she has the courage to tell you. If they all seem scary to you, take your time and talk about them. Talk when you are having breakfast or on a walk. Discuss the pros and cons. Tell her your fantasies. Discuss our fears and go to a club and watch.

 

My wife and I are going this weekend for the first time. We had lots of discussions. She is more eager for a full swap, I am only ready for a soft swap so that's how we are going to start. If we want more we will look for full swap and maybe more.

There is no need to rush into anything or say no to anything at this point. Enjoy it. Most guys would love for their wives to be this open. I am very lucky as well. Can't wait. Two more days until our first time.

[padoc 1,703]

We LOVE doing "that stuff"!!! Here are a few examples:

We've engaged in this hobby for 15 years and still enjoy playing. Early in our exploration, we went to a pool party at a club near Harrisburg Pa. There may have been 10 other couples and a few singles naked around the pool. After awhile, the heat, adult beverages and teasing got to us and we went inside and kind of fell onto a bed in an open area just off the pool and we boinked our brains out. When we finished, we heard several comments about how hot our play was. When we looked up, there were 3 couples and a guy standing naked around the bed who had watched nearly the whole thing. All 4 guys were sporting erections so we must have done something right.

Fully dressed at a swingers club in Philly, We were standing talking to the wife of a couple we knew and there were several others around us. The wife gave me a very sensuous kiss which gave me an immediate hard on which Mrs Doc noticed. She said to us, "don't let me interrupt you two" and she unzipped me and gave me a tremendous public bj while the other wife continued to kiss me. Incredibly erotic and when I came, Mrs Doc got applause from the bystanders.

Our first orgy experience occurred at a club in northern Maryland. One of the rooms had 2 double beds crammed together in a rather small room. We were fairly new and were hanging with a group of 3 other couples who were much more experienced than we. They invited us back to that room with them. We said we weren't sure how far we were willing to go and all three couples were OK with that. It was so damned hot watching the foreplay and the switching off between them as they all got undressed. We got naked too and put ourselves in the far corner of one of the beds where we could play but could also watch and listen while the other 3 couples were getting it on and getting off. It was seriously erotic. We didn't engage much with the group although there were a few hands on Mrs Doc's boobs and I remember one of the women guiding my dick back into my wife after I slipped out (for a newbie, that was REALLY hot). As we were reaching our climaxes, we were being caressed but not demandingly groped by several people. They were gentle and un-intrusive but it was such a turn on and we came like crazy while they watched and urged us on. As we were driving home that night Mrs Doc said, "OMG honey, THAT was fun. Maybe next time we can get more involved with the others".

I don't know how "normal" any of this is but we've shared lots of erotic experiences with others over a decade and a half. There are very few things we haven't tried, most things at least twice and we've no regrets. OP, your wife's fantasies are nothing to be afraid of. On the contrary, she showed a lot of courage and trust to share them with you. I hope you find the courage and trust within yourself to explore those fantasies with her. She sounds like a lot of fun.

[NovaScotiaRange 15]

We LOVE doing "that stuff"!!! Here are a few examples:

We've engaged in this hobby for 15 years and still enjoy playing. Early in our exploration, we went to a pool party at a club near Harrisburg Pa. There may have been 10 other couples and a few singles naked around the pool. After awhile, the heat, adult beverages and teasing got to us and we went inside and kind of fell onto a bed in an open area just off the pool and we boinked our brains out. When we finished, we heard several comments about how hot our play was. When we looked up, there were 3 couples and a guy standing naked around the bed who had watched nearly the whole thing. All 4 guys were sporting erections so we must have done something right.

Fully dressed at a swingers club in Philly, We were standing talking to the wife of a couple we knew and there were several others around us. The wife gave me a very sensuous kiss which gave me an immediate hard on which Mrs Doc noticed. She said to us, "don't let me interrupt you two" and she unzipped me and gave me a tremendous public bj while the other wife continued to kiss me. Incredibly erotic and when I came, Mrs Doc got applause from the bystanders.

Our first orgy experience occurred at a club in northern Maryland. One of the rooms had 2 double beds crammed together in a rather small room. We were fairly new and were hanging with a group of 3 other couples who were much more experienced than we. They invited us back to that room with them. We said we weren't sure how far we were willing to go and all three couples were OK with that. It was so damned hot watching the foreplay and the switching off between them as they all got undressed. We got naked too and put ourselves in the far corner of one of the beds where we could play but could also watch and listen while the other 3 couples were getting it on and getting off. It was seriously erotic. We didn't engage much with the group although there were a few hands on Mrs Doc's boobs and I remember one of the women guiding my dick back into my wife after I slipped out (for a newbie, that was REALLY hot). As we were reaching our climaxes, we were being caressed but not demandingly groped by several people. They were gentle and un-intrusive but it was such a turn on and we came like crazy while they watched and urged us on. As we were driving home that night Mrs Doc said, "OMG honey, THAT was fun. Maybe next time we can get more involved with the others".

I don't know how "normal" any of this is but we've shared lots of erotic experiences with others over a decade and a half. There are very few things we haven't tried, most things at least twice and we've no regrets. OP, your wife's fantasies are nothing to be afraid of. On the contrary, she showed a lot of courage and trust to share them with you. I hope you find the courage and trust within yourself to explore those fantasies with her. She sounds like a lot of fun.

My Nanette read through your post and thought it was very hot. Now she wants to give me a BJ in front of everybody,too!

[BabeAndApe 70]

I would tell her:

 

"I am glad you shared your fantasies with me. I haven't had as much time to think about this as you have. Let's talk some more!"

 

Get more information, ask for details of fantasies, ask for boundaries and her thoughts on rules, etc. Don't be afraid to take it slow and say "For now I'm open to X" and loosen your boundaries over time as (and if) you grow more comfortable. I would find out who this couple is and what they have been saying. But, its also possible (as she won't identify them) that they are a fictional conceit to hang her fantasies on. If so, I recommend not being angry. It can be hard opening yourself up to being vulnerable and laying your desires bare for your partner. This takes trust, time, and communication. If its right, you'll get there... together.

[MadlyInLuv 94]

Disclaimer: My wife and I are not in the lifestyle. I started coming here because we are interested in exhibitionism in a club or group sex type setting.

 

If you wife is reading this thread, I want to address this to her: Go only as fast as the slowest partner. So in other words -- don't rush your hubby too fast. Maybe just go to a club or a party and have firm set rules only to observe the first time. Ease him into it. Stick a toe in the water. Then progress slowly from there. Slow and steady and communicate, fantasize, and enjoy everything together.

 

Hope that helps! Did I do that advice right guys? I'm a newbie here myself.

[EastInWest 1,524]

So, with two different things going on here... The orgy fantasy, if you're not into it, you're not into it. After a few years of conversation, we started a little over a year ago and have gone as far as playing with two other couples, but an orgy/gangbang is more my fantasy than hers. If she decides she wants to do it, that's cool, if not, I respect that, too. There's a lot of work to get there if you're starting from a position where even exhibitionism/voyeurism is taboo to begin with.

 

The exhibitionism fantasy is much more accessible and if you're open to it, doing it in a safe club environment, it seems to me that the worst that can happen is you decide it's not for you. Having sex with other people around is not uncommon at all.

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

Going from zero to 100 might e an issue. Go to a club and start out slow and see what happens.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Swinging isn't for everyone and for many the fantasy works out way better than the reality. Stage fright is a real thing (not to scare you) and I'm guessing that may be part of your fear of having sex in front of people (performance anxiety). That said, try to think less about that aspect and more about whether or not sharing your wife (or even having sex in front of others who are also potentially having sex) is really something YOU want to do.

[Calfun58 16]

We took the plunge into a sex club this past weekend. Like you, I was a bit reluctant. But it could not have been better. There for us was no swapping. We did not hesitate to take the plunge to making love in the play area. We loved it. It was an amazing positive experience for us. At the end of the evening (morning) we had made some contacts and have every intention of exploring further. But we did not swap or play with other couples. Was there some touching, some foreplay? Yes. But it was at our option. The club we attended (Twist in SF) was safe and everyone respectful of the rules. And our sex was off the charts. That said, spectators were around bit no one was groping, no one demanding sex. It was all up to us. We felt welcome. We fit in. Its all personal. Don't want to go beyond watching and having some sex with your SO in a semi-public venue? No problem. Baby steps, stop if its not fun. If you choose to give it a whirl and stand by your boundaries it can be an amazing experience. My 2 cents........................

[B&H 23]

My wife and I have discussed going to a club and exploring our sexuality for years. Talking about bisexual encounters gets us going in bed. We were in town for our night out over the holidays, and she brought it up again. She either wanted to go to a strip club or a lifestyle club. I chose some options presented them to her for some research and she chose a local lifestyle club. I then sent her some etiquette information and a post or two from here to review. The info on this board is very instructive. We had our talk last night, talked about fears and desires, and set our rules. I told her this first time was all about her and she appreciates that. Then, at the end, she said that she was actually worried that she would love it and go all nympho. That could be fun. Then we fucked like rabbits. The sex life is defiantly better fantasizing about swinging. Can’t want to see what it is like after our first visit next weekend.

[NovaScotiaRange 15]

Yes. Anxious about whether I can physically do it while being watched. Although listening to Nanette talk about the dirty things she says she will do to me makes me think about doing it...

[jnrswinger 62]

My first concern would be which of these "friends" (that she won't tell you who they are!!) does she already want to fuck? Why the secrecy? If she knows why shouldn't you? Sounds like she just wants to get you into it so she has an excuse for some fun with some friends she fancies.