Do most of your meetings with other couples peter out after 1, 2 or 3 encounters?

[njbm 2,880]

We find that that is the case. We had dinner with long time swinger friends and they find that is the case. We played with them several times and we are not feeling it anymore. My wife says that people are in this for something new.

[Guest]

In my experience of meeting couples the short answer is YES, many meetings with couples seem to fizzle out after 2 to 4 meetings.

 

I basically think people are too picky, that each couples is looking for a specific set of things, each couple is looking for their perfect match and they very easily become disheartened when they figure out you are not their perfect match. But guess that is the point no one is perfect, to actually find your "Perfect Match" would be similar odds to winning the lottery.

 

In my experience its the little things that can make a difference, for example.

 

You meet a couple who doesn't drink alcohol at all, and they are put off you because you have a few glasses of wine before playing.

 

You meet a couple with a very high sense of hygiene, and they become put off you because you didn't trim your pubic hair before playing.

 

You meet a couple who like classical music, but they are put off you because you like hip hop.

 

You meet a couple who has very strong political views, but they become put off you because you don't give a shit about politics.

 

Basically its dam hard to be everything someone desires.

 

 

I also think that a lot of couples don't talk enough, we have all been there before, you meet a new couple, you sit their nervously chatting for a while, you make small talk, you speak about everyday things, speak about hobbies, music, films, before someone "Usually The Man" stands up and says "Right Lets Get Upstairs" and within 5 minutes your all laid on the bed kissing and undressing each other.

 

I think we sometimes forget to ask couples some of the key questions which can easily be done my email.

 

Questions such as:

 

What do you expect in a play situation?

What are your views on smoking, drinking, drugs?

Is there any hygiene requirements you really like in another couple?

Do you have anything you don't want?

Do you have any things that turn you off about people?

When you have met couples before why has it gone wrong?

Is there anything we can do or say to help the situation be easier?

Do you think it would help if we had more social meetings as well?

 

 

If you listen to what a couple says then you should be able to get an idea about what they want, what turns them off badly.

 

I also think sometimes you have to be brave and be the ones who ask to meet again. I think in some cases the couple is sitting at home wondering why you haven't asked to meet them again, wondering why you haven't messaged, and your also sat there wondering why they haven't asked to meet again. Sometimes it takes someone to say "Come on were meeting this weekend"

 

One thing that perhaps would help is simply been very honest and saying....

 

"Hey were not perfect, I'm sure there will be some things that won't be your ideal,, but we are here, are clean, are willing and would like to get to know you and can iron out such things over time"

 

 

But yes the simple answer is that meetings with couples do often fizzle out after 2 or 3 meets which can be a shame.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Let's face it. What most of us are really after is, and excuse the crude way of saying it, 'strange'. It's the excitement of someone new. And, after a few times, it's just not newanymore. And the more times you're with another person, the more chance of it going to another level that you're really not wanting. It's just difficult to have only a good friendship with someone you're also sleeping with. We only repeated with one couple. And they were friends. It was one of those rare times when we, all four of us, liked all of the others. We were comfortable having sex in front of the others or going out separately because of the trust of the friendships. But, after a few months of being sexually active with each other, we all realized that it was getting a little dangerous. We remained friends but we didn't swap anymore.

[njbm 2,880]

We used to worry about romantic entanglement, but that has not been an issue. I think we like the excitement of new partners. But there have been some couples where we wanted another meeting and they did not. And some where they wanted to meet again and we did not.

[cplnluv1 872]

Yes! We like the newness of a couple or we find that we don't click with one. If we get to a third meeting it now becomes very predictable to what will happen. We have this discussion where my husband has questioned my enthusiasm with a couple. We are always looking for new experiences.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

If we 'click' with the other couple, then no. We are looking for FWB so the friends part is important to us. We want to take the time to get to know them first before jumping into bed. The one main couple that we've been 'dating', well we've been dating for over 3 years now. We've gone on vacations together and weekend get-aways. We are careful to keep romantic entanglements separate and have rules to prevent them from happening. This is what works for us and probably doesn't work for some others, but it's all good. If we meet a couple and there isn't a connection, usually we all know it and it ends naturally.

[Shore2Please 612]

We have played with our first couple for several years and we are still enjoying. I still get a tingle in anticipating seeing them. My husband has told me he enjoys our vacations with them. Our relationship has even grown. In the beginning I was adamant about separate rooms. Now we have even more fun together.

[angelkin 1,326]

We are not having luck at the initial meeting...dinner or drinks, and we are typically disinterested after just a bit of conversation. It's just damned difficult to find a 4 way match.

 

We've come to the conclusion that we are just snobs or too damn picky...but why step outside our relationship for playtime with those who are not a good match?

[njbm 2,880]

We have sometimes played when we should not. Awkward! The four way match is very difficult.

I think some turn to MFM due to the difficulty of the four way match. It's not my interest.

[findinganswers 369]

We swing with friends and what is better than enjoying people you really like. I have to go along with those who say it is exciting to expand into new experiences and enjoy the same thing with people you click with.

[Guest]

Most of them have occurred at couples clubs so the expectation is that we have met, are being intimate one evening or a couples times if its at a resort like Desires, and not that it will be a long term thing. With MFM, it’s been similar, most have been just random meetings at a bar, one time events. That is, until we included friends, although you read of many disadvantages to that and warnings as to why not, with friends, it can be more ongoing. Also, we spend several weeks each winter in FL and have been more open in MFM with “regulars” at the bar and those relationships seem to move towards longer term friendships, almost same time next year type of things…...

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I agree. It's not new or exciting usually after the third time. It was exciting and new the first time but not mind blowing. The second time was hoping it got better. The third time you realize it's not going to get any better. Time to move on?

[njbm 2,880]

I thought we would learn new techniques in sex from swinging, but not too much. Only met a few rascals who showed us a thing or two.

[Guest]

From my experiences I'd say a lot of problems happen between couples because the man + women you end up meeting have not actually communicated anywhere near enough about this subject.

 

I have met a fair few couples where its basically the man pushing the swinging subject and his wife or girlfriend not been anywhere near as interested.

 

I think a lot of men speak their girlfriend or wife into trying swinging and then after 2 or 3 meets his wife or girlfriend plays up / gets worried / gets upset / rises issues.

[njbm 2,880]

We can often tell at the first meeting if the wife is into it or is being pushed into it If the wife is not into it, we don't swing. It doesn't get better. We want everyone to be enthusiastic or at least in favor of playing and not coerced.

[adamgunn 1,460]

We had a some friends that we liked so much we had a years long relationship with them, swapping regularly.

 

But, at the same time, we sought out other couples, and single men for her.

 

It was the best of both worlds.

[kikonkrome 844]

We have one long term friendship. But there are long periods of time between us getting together. It's pretty cool when we find time to be together. It would not be cool and fun if we saw each other once a month, maybe get together a couple of times a year. I think the frequency is a big part of it.