He fucks them differently. Please help.

[Bluediamond 25]

I am a single female who met a man on Tinder. I'll try to keep this brief.

 

We both work 55-65 hrs a week. We both are very fit and sexual. There was quite the amount of open dialogue. Due to our busy schedules, hard time connecting, neither one of us looking for a serious relationship... he's raising 2 kids, I'm firm on not getting involved due to wanting to relocate to another state in near future.

 

He mentioned the topic of being in the lifestyle, I knew what he meant. I was a single female member at a club for about 6 months in 2005. I was on board, we went to a club together, had great sex with a couple next to us. The 2nd couple the women was a petite late 50s, smelled great, her husband a nice man but I wasn't attracted to him. My partner was interested in her, I was too.

 

Here's the problem. I did not mind engaging with her husband...it was so so, he was warm and kind. I noticed though when my partner was with his wife, he did her missionary style, was kissing her face and looking at her while he was fucking her, kissing her passionately, talking with her face to face buried inside her, her legs wrapped around him. He pushed her legs behind her ears the whole time facing and talking to her. I felt like he was so much more sensual, intimate, sexual to her.

 

It wasn't a jealously thing. I like myself and trust me, I was approached by several men and women. I appreciated all the compliments people gave me. I'm loving and very sensitive, a caring about others type personality. I don't have an ego. I just be myself...am thankful and grateful that I am seen as attractive and sexy.

 

I wanted what HE was giving her. We had sex one time at his place when we first met. It was quick, enjoyable, I spent the night, felt comfortable with him, the quicky was great in the morning.

 

The second party he invited me to we ended up in a playroom. He likes to fuck me from behind doggy style, spank me, and I like that. I ended up bracing myself on the bed where another couple was. She was in her early 20's and thin, sexy, pretty. Her boyfriend was late 20s early 30s maybe...so so...I felt more towards her than I did him. I started caressing them both.... anyway my friend asked if they swapped, they did. Again he mounted her, totally forgot that I was there, I mechanically fucked her boyfriend. I watched my partner's body twitch as he came inside this gal, after he'd been facing her, kissing her.

 

This man was a gentleman to me both times in introducing me to people he knew at both parties, opening car doors, making sure I had water. I felt both times like we were a married couple that had been together 10 years and we're looking for something to spice up our sex lives. He went down on both women by the way but not with me. I wanted the passion and intimacy that he shared with them...total strangers. We are both in our mid 50.

 

I did not have an orgasm this second party. I knew he had spent everything he had on this gal.

 

I'm sure he will contact me again.. btw he is very well liked in the community, he's not a creep or a leach. He is even allowed to go to these things as a single male.

I want to be a part of this... I'm 55, enjoy sex, had nothing for 2 years, I'm not getting any younger.

 

I plan on telling him how I feel in a calm manner when my emotions have died down. My feelings are hurt. HE of course did not hurt my feelings, I am in full charge of those. I am disappointed that he doesn't feel that same intimacy with me as he did them. Next time he invites me I will pass, tell him I'm going stag from now on, that way I don't feel obligated to be with the other woman's unattractive partner. I sound like a bitch don't I! lol I'm sure the 2 other men are very nice, they had gorgeous sexy wives, girlfriends...

 

The fact that he does not feel that way towards me sexually is not bad, or wrong...it is how he feels. However it does not work for me In other words, we are not compatible sexually. I will not give up. I will go as a single female and have no problem doing that.

 

I will speak with him in a non accusing manner. I'm just disappointed he doesn't want me the way I want him. This whole thing may be strange because we are not a couple. I know he does not attend these things all the time because people would ask him Hey, where ya been?!

 

I deserve more than what I got. The fact is that my intuition is eating at me. Am I being too sensitive? Has anyone encountered this? I want to tell him that I still feel he is a great father, animal lover, I find him very sexy, gorgeous... if we bump into each other at a party I do not want it to be awkward, I want to hug each other and say Hey!!! How ya doing?

[Guest]

Tricky situation....

 

There are many things that could be the cause / problem, for example.

 

1. NEW WOMEN: Its actually very natural for a man to be very passionate / into a new women. When a man first starts dating a women then usually he is all over them, giving them oral sex, giving them lots of foreplay, staring into their eyes, having amazing sex sessions, shoving his face in her bum, because basically she is NEW for that moment she seems perfect, yet after a man dates her for a while the novelty soon wears off and the passion simmers down. In other words with a new women a man is all action, after dating them a while what was so exciting at first become normal.

 

2. RELATIONSHIP: You have told this man you do not want a relationship, sometimes to stop themselves becoming connected a man will avoid eye contact, avoid romantic situations. That maybe this guy is just trying to give you what he thinks you want. You have asked for sex without ties, sex for fun, so he probably he thinks banging you from behind is a less passionate thing and is what you want.

 

3. YOUR DESIRES: Some years ago I dated a girl briefly who told me she loved doggy style sex, she loved been fucked from behind, so basically I just did that loads, then after a few months she got upset with me and said I never look into her eyes when we have sex, that I always take her from behind. I was very confused and said "But that is what you said you enjoyed?" and she said "Yeah but not ALL the time" as it turns out I had made a mistake, I thought she wanted that all the time but she didn't, I did what she had said but it turned out to be wrong. Maybe you told him you like it form behind and he thinks you mean always.

 

4. COMFORT: In fairness the missionary position is the normal / most usual sexual position so when your with a new women a lot of men pick that option, its whats normal, its easy to understand, it requires little planning or communication. Usually when I meet a new girl we have missionary sex at first and then when I get to know her better, when I get to know her desires, her body better we then move onto things like doggy style and other positions. Kind of like saying he feels more comfy with you so doesn't mind taking you from behind and spanking you, where he might not do that with a brand new women he has just met that night.

 

 

Really there a lots of reasons, my advice would be to tell him you don't always want it doggy style and see what he does.

[luvin eye full 140]

He probably thinks you just want to screw him so little passion just screwing, let him know that you like what you have seen him do with the others and would like to try it as well.

I think that once he knows that's part of what you want he'll give it to you, even if you just say - hey I don't want a full on relationship but I would not mind if you screw me like the others now and again - I am human you know lol.

 

I really think you will get what your after - if what you have said about him is accurate.

 

Best of luck and let us know what happens.

[Bluediamond 25]

Oh gosh!!! Thank you all for the lengthy replies!!�� I wish I could hug you!!

 

Part of the awkwardness I think is that we're not a couple. He introduces me as his friend Chris.

 

He also had made it clear that he is not ready for a committed relationship. The fact too that we've been to 2 parties, and fucked at his place once, so really only 3 encounters since we met in May.

 

His style of missionary however...I could see him deeply kissing and talking and stroking their hair... laying on her, just feeling himself inside her...

I need to let it go until he contacts me again.

 

Thank you all! I'll be back

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

I deserve more than what I got.

 

Yes you do, but with him you have already told him that you don't want hardly anything. No relationship, he's busy with kids, and your both busy with work. Simplest way to take care of this is to just ask him. Just casually mention that you would like to be with him the way he is with the other women. It sounds like this is his usual MO (and he's only had a couple of opportunities with you to start with). Of course since you are not in a relationship, I don't think he will have any problem seeing you at the club without him. It's just like him seeing some of the other women he's been with there so I wouldn't worry about that. It sounds like so far he's been giving you what you asked for. If you want more with him, ask. If not and you want to continue by yourself, I really wouldn't worry about it. I think everything will be okay. Let us know how things go...

[Bluediamond 25]

I truly appreciate all the support from you guys... so last nite I texted him Hi. I of course was at work. He texted back "Hey sexy" with a kiss, and some pics of his daughters and dogs out on his boat yesterday afternoon.

 

Lovin eye full above said as well to tell him what I want.

 

Here is the text I sent:

 

Ya kno... I so much love when you share stuff like this w me. You are such a wonderful father to your girls and pets... makes you overwhelmingly, even more attractive, and sexy than you already are physically, speaking of which

 

I have had a visual that I cannot stop thinking about... your masculine, fit, sexy, tan body on top of that hot young gal, Hilary... watching you ride her, her legs behind her ears, or bent upwards so you could penetrate as deeply as possible, seeing that ass of yours tighten up as you pumped your stiff cock into her wet pussy... I loved the sound you both made.

I saw you quiver when you came in her ))). I could hardly keep my mind on her boyfriend. Needless to say I've been making myself cum every nite since then. Do me me a favor woulja? Fuck ME like that sometime.. pretty please. I know I'm not as young, but I'm strong and I can take it too. I still need to have my way with a Marine damn it!

 

He answered back:

Okay now I'm super hard after waking up 20 minutes ago you write the most sexual stories I love it and watching your body with him was amazing too, that's the part of watching people having sex, it's erotic.

 

 

I really don't think he even knew I was alive when he was in the midst of doing her... but that part is ok.

 

I told him today that there's a party I am going to next weekend that has a military theme. I mentioned I was going to get my own membership there, I can go stag or take him as my guest. He said he hopes he can make it.

 

We WILL be having s conversation beforehand. The last 2 parties I ended up with the gal he was fucking partner and I wasn't really into them. I think this can be a sticky situation... I may just go stag because I'm mad at the fact that I put his needs over mine. How do you not hurt feelings. I shoulda said go with her... he asked if they swapped, they said yes. It's hard because each scenario is different and unplanned. This will never happen again! It may be that in time I'll find that we really are not compatible in this arena. There's such a grey area cause we are not a couple.

 

I hope I can help someone else on this forum at some point:) thank U

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Why are you wasting more time on him? What is he giving you, what need is he fulfilling? Why are you even THINKING about doing anything else with him? You are his admission ticket, nothing more. Please, realize that you don't need him, that you are so much more without him than with him. Let it and him go!

 

As I posted (just before this) in another forum about you:

 

...You and this guy are more f*ck buddies than even FWB...and barely even that. You are just his ticket to getting into someplace that (probably) doesn't allow single guys to go. You are doing the right thing and you will quickly find that you have your pick of almost anyone there. It WILL be okay and you will probably enjoy yourself more since you will be the one making the choices. Embrace your inner unicorn and just go for it. You are the diamond here (rare, beautiful and valuable)...

 

You deserve better that a guy using you as an admission ticket. Stay where you are and you won't find what you deserve...

[Travelcpl 20]

GoldCoCouple is absolutely right. Don't let yourself be an entry ticket. There's thousands of couples looking for a unicorn that would treat you better.

P.S. we'll be in WA next week. Hahahhaha

[Bluediamond 25]

Thank you so much for your response!

 

After all the support from here, listening to my gut that something wasn't right, the dust settling etc... I'm over it! Definitely a learning experience that I have gained valuable knowledge in. I know that I am a vibrant, sexy, thoughtful, kind, passionate unicorn!

 

Where in Washington? Club Sapphires is in Seattle area.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Unicorns have wings so they can fly...

[luvin eye full 140]

So you told him and he still does not get it? oh man - his loss for sure.

 

Can I ask though do you see him outside of parties? Like if you texted him "hey I'm horny tonight" will he go for it or only at parties?

 

I'm just asking to try and figure out if he's only taking you along to swap you out or if there is more to it? Like fuckbuddies. Anyway the others are right - single chicks can and do get what they are looking for - just remember to let others know what you like (in a non pushy way lol) and you will get it.

[Bluediamond 25]

I made a decision last nite. After reading different blogs including this site, I will no longer attend parties.

 

A while back I posted that I have herpes. This man that I have been talking about, when we met, I told him that. He was ok with it, he wears a condom. When he took me to the first party he said not to disclose that because I'm taking valtrax daily, am xtremely fit and healthy and don't get outbreaks. Also... if 1 in 3 have it, there's probably someone in the club that has it and not saying anything.

 

This has been haunting me and I no longer can justify, feel good about my behavior.

 

I met s couple online whom I was supposed to meet for coffee this Friday. I emailed them and told them that I was going to tell them at our meeting...which I was...but why waste their time waiting, so I disclosed. I'm sure I will hear back from them.

 

I feel relieved about my decision. I will not go this Saturday. To the club or get my own membership. I have a wonderful life and I believe if I do the right things...the right things will show up in my experiences

 

There is a herpes swinger website that I made a profile for, but nobody comes up in my area. Oh well...if that's all I have to bitch about I'm doing quite well I'd say!! Lol.

 

I have not heard from my "friend"... when I do I'll tell him the same

 

I want to keep in touch with you guys and hopefully meet up someday I live in the Everett, Seattle area.

 

Thank you all!

 

I will reply to Luvin eye full, and thank you Gold Co Couple for your above sentiment!!

[Bluediamond 25]

I have only seen him 3 times. We both work extremely long hours. And weekends. I went to his house once, then the other 2 times were the parties.

 

I'll update after he and I talk, when if he contacts me. He cannot use the excuse tho that he was more face to face, passionate, sensual, sexual with the other 2 women because he and I were above board from the beginning about not starting up a relationship. Those women were total strangers, I am almost a stranger... hell we met 2 and 1/2 months ago.

[luvin eye full 140]

Well I think you are doing everything the right way - I have the same thinking as goldcocouple in so much as you are the gem lol.

 

I think if you are a unicorn or a site that is for swingers with or with out herpes (as long as your up front - and I do think you are) then you will get many proposals and you will be able to pick and chose, but is that what you really want? Or would you be happy to have a fuckbuddy where it can be a bit more to your liking?

 

I get the feeling (I do not know why) that you would be happy to find someone and have a one on one relationship (within your non-committal boundaries of course). Something that gives you the intimacy without the long term commitment - is that right or am I just way off lol?

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

I'm sure I will hear back from them.

 

Don't be so sure, this is up to them. Stop being so hard on yourself! No matter how hard you try, the caring, intelligent person that you are leaks through in your posts. Quit fighting it so hard and just accept it...your are a great catch.

 

I agree with luvin with

I think if you are a unicorn or a site that is for swingers with or with out herpes (as long as your up front - and I do think you are) then you will get many proposals and you will be able to pick and chose, but is that what you really want?

but more importantly, you need to do whatever makes you happy (I hope works makes you happy, you seem to do enough of it).