My husband is interested but I am not.. Help!

[Dhv88 15]

Okay..so after our wedding two years ago, I was curious about swinging and wanted to try it out. After a few sessions I didn't seem that into it. Maybe it was a jealously factor or that I was not satisfied by it. I tried to tell my husband this but he seemed very into it so I went along just for his pleasure and had sex with guys who I could hardly stand because my husband hit it off with the lady.

 

The other day we were vacationing in Greece and he wanted to try out the swinging club there. I was totally tired after the flight and tried to say no, but he was like you want to screw my happiness. I wanted to try stuff with you etc. So we went and ended up watching few other couples having sex.

 

So my husband gets horny and wants to join the orgy, so we get undressed. There was this other Spanish couple and we were next to them and then my husband suddenly asks me if I want to suck her. I say no but he still pushes me into her and asks me to do it while he fingers her. I actually feel betrayed by this because we have no idea who the other couple is. I don't think she was comfortable in it either and I feel my husband prioritizes swinging more than me. I felt used that day and when confronted about it he says I don't go out of my way to do stuff for him, and I am selfish. I am literally disgusted by his desperate behaviour and I don't know what to do.

 

Please help me see reason in this and that I am right to feel angry and offended.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I see that your membership is new so I want to say first, WELCOME to Swingersboard.

 

Second, I will say that marriage in not supposed to be a zero-sum game. You have no obligation to do something for him owing to the single fact that he had done something for you. Tell your husband that Michael said so.

 

Third, this all-in-all sounds like abuse.

 

Sending you my sincere wish that you either work it out or, if not, work your way out of it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Please help me see reason in this and that I am right to feel angry and offended.

 

He's selfish and being stupid and you are more than right in feeling angry and offended. I would NEVER ask Ms. Gold to 'take one for the team', regardless to who the other woman was. The two of you need to sit down and have a serious talk (or bring him here to see what you have said) and most likely take a break (or even stop) swinging. What he is doing isn't going to end well and needs to be addressed soon than later. Good luck and let us know how things proceed.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

First off, welcome to the site, we're happy to have you as a member. I'm sorry it was something bad that brought you here, but you have come to the right place to get safe and sane advice.

 

What you describe is very one-sided, and as already mentioned, that isn't going to end well. I think the starting off with different levels of enthusiasm for it isn't all that uncommon. Through poor choice of playmates or whatever, some people are just slower on hitting their stride and really enjoying themselves, or maybe it's not that at all, they just aren't going to enjoy it period (and that's perfectly ok).

 

What concerns me more though is this has moved well beyond those getting started bumps in the road. This seems to have moved into something where he is using you to get what he wants. What he did at the club was disrespectful and wrong on all counts - it was to you, it was to her, and it was to the other husband. You don't mention anything about any permission being sought from anyone for what happened. It was all about what he wanted. The good thing from a larger perspective is people like that don't last long in swinging. There are rules to this game, and if you don't follow them, you will soon find yourself on the outside looking in. That's the larger perspective, but what is more important is your perspective and what it's doing to you and to the relationship. I agree that it's time for all swinging to come to a total stop, and counseling would be a good idea too. This one area may be his weak point and that's his only shortcoming, but honestly, I doubt it. If he is that way about sex, sooner or later he will be that way about other things. Two years being married really isn't long enough for everything to have shown itself.

 

It would be wise to try to get a handle on those things now and start working on them if you want the relationship to be a long one. If he refuses, then sadly you are in a place where it may be decision time. It's a difficult place to be in, and wishing you the best on getting it worked through.

[Dhv88 15]

Thank you for this.. at least i know I am not being paranoid.

[Glida 250]

I apologize in advance if I come across as harsh but having been in your shoes too many times, I think you need to understand the position that your husband is in. One where you his wife thinks and feels one way but acts another. He's not a mind reader and your actions tell him that you are somewhat happy to go along with his ideas. This is in your hands, if you don't feel 100% then don't do it. Complaining halfheartedly and then allowing yourself to be persuaded is giving him mixed signals. Whilst I think his behavour sucks, you are letting it happen.

 

You are not being paranoid his behavour is real but you seem to be enabling it. Tell the truth, be honest and stand by your words.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Just wish we had more positive things to say to you. We really wish you the best and please let us know what happens.

[Guest]

To be honest I think your husband sounds pushy and like he doesn't respect your wishes and tries guilt tripping you into playing with people.

 

I would suggest a compromise, for example....

 

Meet someone, single or a couple that you do like and then play with them on a regular basis.

 

That way your not pushed or thrown into difficult situations all the time but your husband still gets to explore with you as well.

 

Good luck

[dan63 106]

I'm actually somewhat surprised he hasn't been booted from a club or party before if that is typical behavior.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Please let us know how things are going...

[Dhv88 15]

Thank you all for the concern?.I have spoken to him about it and he regrets his actions for the other day. May be I I was sending mixed signals.Hopefully we will follow threesomes before jumping to couples for now.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Take your time, there's no rush. Please remember to let us know how things are going. We wish you both good luck.