She's too concerned with the other guy in MFM threesome?

[Initwithher 40]

My question is it normal or appropriate for the wife to be concerned about whether the single male is comfortable and making sure he's pleased and pleasured?

 

At our first play I (male half) had some issues regarding playing, since then (it was few months ago) I am trying hard to convince my wife that I worked out my issues by talking with her and I am comfortable with any situation comes up while playing with our friend. The past couple of meetings we had with our friend, they were not 100 percent comfortable and I assured my wife and our SM friend that I am ok with any kind of play.

 

He's respectful to me and my wife and attractive so it's all good, but my wife mentioned that in some conversations he would be more comfortable with her and she would be more comfortable with him if they played alone. He had some issues not having orgasmed I guess because I was present, so I feel like she is going out of her way to make him comfortable in all levels so he's satisfied. Is that normal?? Any input greatly appreciated.

[Funguy796 44]

Hello, here is my insight as the "extra guy". First, I sense that you are not quite comfortable with alone time so I would not have that happen. If you are ok with alone time, sometimes it is better for the guys to be alone first. I have had some very interesting conversations with the husband that were very helpful...like, she really likes this....if you want to squirt,do this, are you good doing?

 

She really gets hot and wet etc etc. If there is only alone time with the extra guy and her or you start to feel left out, have a code word between the two of you. Establish trust slowly. Us guys know we are less than a dime a dozen.....Yep. It pays to be a humble guy.

 

The more experienced I get, the better I can read both the wife and hubby. Are they on the same page? If not, I normally say something like "you are both very attractive but I don't want to create any drama so I am stepping awhile" This is never done DEAR JOHN style but more like I apologize for not creating "the magic". I enjoy MFM because DVP is so awesome and you all need to work together and trust each other for that to succeed and when it takes a few tries and everyone laughs, you know it is good. I hope that makes sense. Please let me know how it works out and if this was helpful.

[Initwithher 40]

Thanks for your advice, very helpful. Yes, we decided all three of us that things happened very soon, that emotionally I think I wasn't ready, although I was mentally. So we talked saying that we should take it slowly, so that's what we been doing. So it's working out well, the wife is getting use to it and so I am. I it guess needs little more time and talking often to be great again, because mrs definitely doesn't want to see me get left out even unintentionally.

[Guest]

Two things that jump out at me are.....

 

1: Be Thankful: Your wife hasn't just agreed to this idea, she is actively trying to help make it work, she is coming up with suggestions, she is trying to make people feel comfy, she has spoken with you about the subject, she is willing to speak to your friend about the subject. I mean you do understand a lot of men have serious trouble just trying to get their wives to talk about this subject / to even consider this subject / not to shout at them about this subject / to take any interest whatsoever in this subject.

 

Trust me a lot of men face a real uphill battle just trying to get their wife or girlfriend to relax with this subject, a lot of women in this lifestyle never talk about swinging, never seem interested in swinging, get over worried about swinging, that a lot of women FIGHT AGAINST the idea of swinging, but you seem to have a wife who is willing to talk about the subject, willing to meet people, willing to make suggestions and take an active role in things.

 

Its funny really because over the years I have heard this a lot....

 

For whatever reason the man of the relationship wants his wife to sleep with other men, he has fantasies about seeing his wife riding another mans dick, he has fantasies about his wife having a male lover, and over time he talks his wife into trying. THEN when it does actually happen, when his wife does actually sleep with another guy he freaks out and starts accusing his wife of some kind of wrong doing. Accuses his wife of liking the other man more / wanting the other man more / playing with the other man more than she did with him.

 

That sometimes I guy spends 2 years convincing his wife to try MFM threesomes and then when it happens the husband freaks out and shoots himself in the foot, that he spoils his own fantasies because once burnt a women sometimes never goes back to the same subject again, the women will quickly end up saying....

 

"I'm NOT trying that again, the last time we tried that you freaked out and become all paranoid and controlling, it was YOU who wanted this and I did exactly as you asked and now your worried and acting insecure, sorry but your not secure enough for this, your not grown up enough, you say all of these things you want and when they happen you act like a upset child"

 

Honestly it can be a real mood killer and easily wipe out your chances of exploring further with this lifestyle, basically your job is to be happy / excited / supportive, to show your wife that sure she can fuck other people and its not a problem, that you are perfectly okay with it, that you don't get jealous, you don't get paranoid, you don't become upset.

 

Overall be thankful that you have a partner who is willing to talk and come up with suggestions because many men don't have that partner, they have a very difficult battle on their hands.

 

 

2: Not Cumming: Well this is perhaps a long shot but in general I try to avoid guys who say they have trouble when cumming / pain when cumming / pain during or after sex / stomach issues during or after sex. That not been able to cum for a man is a sign of sexual infection. Chlamydia is well known for making men struggle to cum, or be in pain when they cum. If a man is in pain during sex, or has pain when cumming I avoid them totally.

[DaddyzGurl 31]

I know its been a year or more since you made this post so in that regard I really hope everything is going well with you guys & you worked out the kinks (no pun intended).

 

I just wanted to put in my 2 cents for what its worth from a female side of a swing couple's perspective.

 

Honestly, the first concern I read about her wanting to make sure he climaxes if at all IS normal for me at least. I enjoy being a little slut for my hubby & one of the things that concerns me most is making a man climax for me & fill me up. So yes, I would have to say that's normal. Aside from that i have limits & boundaries when it comes to the other man & I prefer not to take things to a personal level. Some examples of this include no kissing, no looking into his eyes, no anal etc.. My hubby screens everyone very well & I trust him with my life when he makes his final decisions. He talks to them a bit & in conversation tells them our rules, guidelines & expectations. This can sometimes be frustrating & take some time in finding someone willing to commit to it all but when we do its a lot of fun!

 

What I suggest is that you & your wife keep playing together with different men. Before screening them have a talk with your wife & see what the two of you can agree on in terms of limits & boundaries you are both comfortable with then make it known to the SM before playing. Eventually the two of you will both become more comfortable with the scene & hopefully have a SM in mind that you both are comfortable "hotwifing" (sex separately or on their own) with.

 

It is very rare that a man gets to have an involved wife that makes suggestions & initiates the topic at all, we are few & far between even I sometimes have problems being vocal, so consider yourself a lucky man & take advantage of her willingness to play by talking these things out with her & making decisions about your common grounds.

[Erik13 157]

Single guys are a dime a dozen. Their place is to make YOU feel comfortable, not vice versa.If he doesn't like the arrangement, find another one. With that said, once we know and trust a single guy, I have no problem with the wife playing alone.

[Initwithher 40]

Welll, just a little update and answer some of the comments as intelligently possible, she still seeing same SM, which that part turns me on and she claims she does this to turn me on, btw we have very active sex life everyday, and it’s very detailed & lengthy daily, but she doesn’t have any of that with her SM friend orgasm or making her climax, but in another hand I can get her to climax daily at least half a dozen times,so I’m that matter I don’t get the her attraction to SM, as of last three times she has visited him at he’s state 600 miles away, she claims he hasn’t satisfied her in any ways close to what I have, and to say some text messages been erased from her phone and phone calls as well I am sort of cooled of from this pretuceler SM, I have no contact with him at all, only my wife, I feel this is not right or. Common at all??!!. But I know she loves me and we been together for over 30 years so I respect her wishes and choices, and she doesn’t want to try another SM !!?? Which we been with another SM before this one and he was great at all aspects of our fantasy, but she still trying to make this SM work for our fantasy, which my opinion he is not capable of making her climax as I could, so I don’t get the attraction????!!! I hope I made some sense, I really appreciated comments above and coming forward, thanks an advance

[machiavel55 81]

Welll, just a little update and answer some of the comments as intelligently possible, she still seeing same SM, which that part turns me on and she claims she does this to turn me on, btw we have very active sex life everyday, and it’s very detailed & lengthy daily, but she doesn’t have any of that with her SM friend orgasm or making her climax, but in another hand I can get her to climax daily at least half a dozen times,so I’m that matter I don’t get the her attraction to SM, as of last three times she has visited him at he’s state 600 miles away, she claims he hasn’t satisfied her in any ways close to what I have, and to say some text messages been erased from her phone and phone calls as well I am sort of cooled of from this pretuceler SM, I have no contact with him at all, only my wife, I feel this is not right or. Common at all??!!. But I know she loves me and we been together for over 30 years so I respect her wishes and choices, and she doesn’t want to try another SM !!?? Which we been with another SM before this one and he was great at all aspects of our fantasy, but she still trying to make this SM work for our fantasy, which my opinion he is not capable of making her climax as I could, so I don’t get the attraction????!!! I hope I made some sense, I really appreciated comments above and coming forward, thanks an advance

 

You're right to question the whole thing....just my opinion, but I don't think you're getting the truth....women are very aware of men's competitive attitude regarding making them reach orgasm..so her saying she never reaches orgasm with him sounds very suspicious and is a very poor lie....

[Numex 2,420]

Sexual play with other people is all for fun. I agree with Sun&Moon, you're lucky to have a willing and understanding wife, don't over think it.

[Initwithher 40]

Sexual play with other people is all for fun. I agree with Sun&Moon, you're lucky to have a willing and understanding wife, don't over think it.

 

 

Believe me not trying to overthink anything, yes this is supposed to be fun for both of us but if I am excluded from 90 % of the fun that’s not to kind of fun I was looking for, I get it it’s her body being pleasured and I am there to support her no matter what, but supposedly she is not getting much of the sexual pleasures from him, and supposedly he is not eather!! So what is the ATTRACTION?? Something I am not getting it ??? Yes we have great communication about all this, just can’t put my head around it,

Truly thanks for all of you guys input greatly appreciated

[Numex 2,420]

So what is the ATTRACTION?? Something I am not getting it ???

 

He's a new toy, something different, a novelty. The one thing none of us can be to our spouse is someone else, but that's the fun. You've been together 30 years, that's a lot of sameness. My wife and I have been together less time, but we both like someone new. Infatuation or whatever it is will run its course.

[Jane1902 476]

She visits him 600 miles away? Is this what you agreed to with giving them alone time? Personally I don't buy the not orgasming bit, but do understand the newness being exciting. While it may work for some, at this point something seems a little off.

[Initwithher 40]

She visits him 600 miles away? Is this what you agreed to with giving them alone time? Personally I don't buy the not orgasming bit, but do understand the newness being exciting. While it may work for some, at this point something seems a little off.

 

Actually no we didn’t plan on things folding this way First we liked the idea of SM for 3 some, then it turned out to a just her and him, I figured people do get more comfortable when alone and that happened while he visited us I will be in balcony smoking cigarettes and they are alone then I will join in , then she suggested that idea to go visit him 600 miles away, I am here to please her and be supportive of what ever she wants to do to a limit of course, then she visited him few times, once 3 day weekend then another 3 day weekend, then was. A 4 day weekend!!! When I asked if she had fun she said not really they only had sex 1 time in 4 days!!! Which she is use to me every day and she is multi orgasmic but she said no she didn’t orgasm while she was visiting him 4 days she claims she likes to be on her own in a different place city and enjoy being single sort of, I figured we been together over 30 years why not!! She was never experienced anything like this, but on top of that hiding text messages phone calls u was uncomfortable with that, when I said anything she assured me that that is nothing more than just a friend!!! But the other part I don’t get is why single male will go along with someone elses partner lies about not keeping me in the loop what’s going on??!! That is not how we started this the began with, so therefore my confusion comes and don’t know really how to take the whole experience, thanks for your comment btw,

[Initwithher 40]

Okay,he can't orgasm with you around. Translation: They're fucking each other into next week and having a blast. Good fro them. She doesn't want a great fuck partner spoiled and he can't orgasm with you around because of guilt.

 

Actually it’s opposite they don’t have sex as many times she would like or orgasm he’s not eather so when I ask what is the attraction?? She says I just like being alone somewhere else and be like I am single again then I come back to you??!! When I ask her that you could find any couple or single male will treat you 100 time better then he is and show you good times, she says he is not a threat to our relationship that’s why she keeps in friendship with him, not much of sex or orgasming going on that’s what she says because I don’t keep contact with him at al because I don’t agree how he does this SM fantasy it’s not what I expected, that is why I am confused how to handle this awkward experience!!!!!

[Initwithher 40]

Btw she is very attractive lady, very sexual she turns heads every where we go she is like to top 5 percent females every event we attend to, it’s not like she is not attractive she is 36 -28 -30 her size and we are mid 50 s couple she has no problem 25 to 40 year olds hitting on her, just wanted to put that out there, thanks again for everyone’s in put and patience

[Tahoecple 319]

There have been a number of post like this one over the years and I can’t understand what’s so confusing about this subject. I’m not saying that my view of this is the correct viewpoint, I’m just saying that you need to view this for what it is, and if what’s taking place is alright with you then go for it.

 

First swinging is the act in which a couple gain pleasure or enjoyment from sexual contact with other people. If one of you is having fun and the other isn’t I don’t consider that swinging. But that’s neither here nor there, if what’s taking place is what turns you both on whatever it’s called is irrelevant. What you need to do is to wise up to what’s really taking place.

 

The first thing you need to know is that there’s not a woman in this country that’s going to make multiple six-hundred-mile trips to see a man that’s not rocking her world. You can call what she’s doing anything you want. The bottom line is that your wife has another man in her life. I will just say that if she’s telling you what you say she’s telling you, and you’re accepting that as fact. Then you may want to google the term GULLIBLE.

 

The two of you wanted to invite another man into your play time to spice things up a little. That means he’s joining you and is expected to play by your rules. If he’s not happy with playing with the two of you in a three-some scenario that’s fine. Send him on his way and find somebody that is. All of this talk about wanting to make him feel comfortable and going along with what he wants is a crock. If he can’t get off doing what gets the two of you off, then he’s not what he represented himself as being.

Your wife has feelings for this man and she wants her relationship with him to be exclusive. She doesn’t want you included in whatever is taking place between the two of them. We’ve only had a glimpse of what’s going on, but if what you’ve said is true you owe it to your relationship to either discover the truth or put an end to it before it’s too late. Don’t try to bog this down with labels, this man is searching for a relationship, and from the sounds of it he found the target of his search in your wife.

[padoc 1,703]

You're not "initwithher" but the other guy sure as hell is. It may already be too late for you but you need to take steps to get your woman back.

[Initwithher 40]

There have been a number of post like this one over the years and I can’t understand what’s so confusing about this subject. I’m not saying that my view of this is the correct viewpoint, I’m just saying that you need to view this for what it is, and if what’s taking place is alright with you then go for it.

 

First swinging is the act in which a couple gain pleasure or enjoyment from sexual contact with other people. If one of you is having fun and the other isn’t I don’t consider that swinging. But that’s neither here nor there, if what’s taking place is what turns you both on whatever it’s called is irrelevant. What you need to do is to wise up to what’s really taking place.

 

The first thing you need to know is that there’s not a woman in this country that’s going to make multiple six-hundred-mile trips to see a man that’s not rocking her world. You can call what she’s doing anything you want. The bottom line is that your wife has another man in her life. I will just say that if she’s telling you what you say she’s telling you, and you’re accepting that as fact. Then you may want to google the term GULLIBLE.

 

The two of you wanted to invite another man into your play time to spice things up a little. That means he’s joining you and is expected to play by your rules. If he’s not happy with playing with the two of you in a three-some scenario that’s fine. Send him on his way and find somebody that is. All of this talk about wanting to make him feel comfortable and going along with what he wants is a crock. If he can’t get off doing what gets the two of you off, then he’s not what he represented himself as being.

Your wife has feelings for this man and she wants her relationship with him to be exclusive. She doesn’t want you included in whatever is taking place between the two of them. We’ve only had a glimpse of what’s going on, but if what you’ve said is true you owe it to your relationship to either discover the truth or put an end to it before it’s too late. Don’t try to bog this down with labels, this man is searching for a relationship, and from the sounds of it he found the target of his search in your wife.

First of all let me say that I believe you hit the nail right on the head, your explanation mDe almost everything clear to me and greatly appreciated your positive and helpful input, Thanks again

[Initwithher 40]

So, what ya gonna do now ‘Brad’ ?

 

I think what I need to do is this experience getting out of control, I thought this was about us, not you and SM, and go from there I guess, but definitely no contact with that SM, it’s totally drama, I rather be not in LS then being in this situation, thanks for all your comments, greatly appreciated

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Tahoecouple knows his stuff and they have been around for awhile (check out their experiences in the Stories section). If you aren't both having fun, then you both need to walk away.

 

...as of last three times she has visited him at he’s state 600 miles away, she claims he hasn’t satisfied her in any ways close to what I have

 

Then why does she still visit him?

 

...some text messages been erased from her phone and phone calls as well

 

This is what I would really be concerned about. Once things start disappearing, secrets start happening, possible lies and deception...well, it's not part of the trust, love and communication that is needed to be successful in swinging and starts leaning into the realm of cheating. You are doing the right thing about having them end it. I just hope that they really do end it and not keep things going behind your back. I wish you the best, but keep your eyes open and verify that they trust you have in her remains untarnished. Let us know how things go forward.

[Achilles84 20]

To be honest, it's all on you and your wife. Communicate with her and tell her how you really feel. If I have never met you and I can sense you're not into the fact they want to play alone... But you haven't voiced that to your wife... There's a problem. If you allow it before you're COMPLETELY ready to, it will create a world of mistrust, questions, anger, and ultimately arguments and resentment. Your mind will go wild while it's actually happening, if you're having these feelings and it hasn't yet. And more often than not your mind and gut feelings are correct (even if they're not... If you can understand that).

 

My advice: imagine the worst case scenario for you, of them playing alone. Is that something you can stomach? If not.. tell her. If so... Fuck it. Let him fuck the wife alone and try to enjoy it.

[Initwithher 40]

Latest update!!! Yes First of all I like to thank everyone who put their thoughts and comments, greatly appreciated, yes we had been communicating a lot and I expressed my concerns regarding this specific SM experience,and all that went on, she agreed and did apologize for not being understanding, we agreed that this specific SM it’s just not fit for our kink/ fantasy, because of lots of things just didn’t match up to our liking, but we are still having fun and did had some other experience with a SM which we played once before and everything was just sexy and Perfect, so we put the bad experience behind and looking to have more fun to be had,

Thanks again for everyone’s support/ Comments

[BobGann 40]

Latest update!!! Yes First of all I like to thank everyone who put their thoughts and comments, greatly appreciated, yes we had been communicating a lot and I expressed my concerns regarding this specific SM experience,and all that went on, she agreed and did apologize for not being understanding, we agreed that this specific SM it’s just not fit for our kink/ fantasy, because of lots of things just didn’t match up to our liking, but we are still having fun and did had some other experience with a SM which we played once before and everything was just sexy and Perfect, so we put the bad experience behind and looking to have more fun to be had,

Thanks again for everyone’s support/ Comments

 

This seems to be the rare case where some communication worked and avoided a lot of drama. Like other posters have said, single guys are a dime a dozen, if one isn't working for you both throw him back and put on fresh bait LOL

[10thBadger 25]

On 8/17/2017 at 1:14 PM, Initwithher said:

My question is it normal or appropriate for the wife to be concerned about whether the single male is comfortable and making sure he's pleased and pleasured?

 

At our first play I (male half) had some issues regarding playing, since then (it was few months ago) I am trying hard to convince my wife that I worked out my issues by talking with her and I am comfortable with any situation comes up while playing with our friend. The past couple of meetings we had with our friend, they were not 100 percent comfortable and I assured my wife and our SM friend that I am ok with any kind of play.

 

He's respectful to me and my wife and attractive so it's all good, but my wife mentioned that in some conversations he would be more comfortable with her and she would be more comfortable with him if they played alone. He had some issues not having orgasmed I guess because I was present, so I feel like she is going out of her way to make him comfortable in all levels so he's satisfied. Is that normal?? Any input greatly appreciated.

Dude, screw that. If your wife is making the other guy feel better that she is willing to make you feel as her husband. She’s got major problems and those problems should be with you and not in a good way. You are supposed to be number one and he is supposed to be Just a addition. If she is trying to cuddle him to make him feel good and he is telling her that he wants a one on one because that would make him feel better and she goes along with that, I will tell dude you need to leave, and I will tell my wife we need to have a good talk

[10thBadger 25]

On 6/21/2018 at 10:18 AM, DaddyzGurl said:

I know its been a year or more since you made this post so in that regard I really hope everything is going well with you guys & you worked out the kinks (no pun intended).

 

I just wanted to put in my 2 cents for what its worth from a female side of a swing couple's perspective.

 

Honestly, the first concern I read about her wanting to make sure he climaxes if at all IS normal for me at least. I enjoy being a little slut for my hubby & one of the things that concerns me most is making a man climax for me & fill me up. So yes, I would have to say that's normal. Aside from that i have limits & boundaries when it comes to the other man & I prefer not to take things to a personal level. Some examples of this include no kissing, no looking into his eyes, no anal etc.. My hubby screens everyone very well & I trust him with my life when he makes his final decisions. He talks to them a bit & in conversation tells them our rules, guidelines & expectations. This can sometimes be frustrating & take some time in finding someone willing to commit to it all but when we do its a lot of fun!

 

What I suggest is that you & your wife keep playing together with different men. Before screening them have a talk with your wife & see what the two of you can agree on in terms of limits & boundaries you are both comfortable with then make it known to the SM before playing. Eventually the two of you will both become more comfortable with the scene & hopefully have a SM in mind that you both are comfortable "hotwifing" (sex separately or on their own) with.

 

It is very rare that a man gets to have an involved wife that makes suggestions & initiates the topic at all, we are few & far between even I sometimes have problems being vocal, so consider yourself a lucky man & take advantage of her willingness to play by talking these things out with her & making decisions about your common grounds.

Everything you said was not his question

 

He said is it normal for his wife to try to make the other man feel comfortable or more comfortable that she is trying to make him as her husband.

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/16/2018 at 6:51 PM, Initwithher said:

Welll, just a little update and answer some of the comments as intelligently possible, she still seeing same SM, which that part turns me on and she claims she does this to turn me on, btw we have very active sex life everyday, and it’s very detailed & lengthy daily, but she doesn’t have any of that with her SM friend orgasm or making her climax, but in another hand I can get her to climax daily at least half a dozen times,so I’m that matter I don’t get the her attraction to SM, as of last three times she has visited him at he’s state 600 miles away, she claims he hasn’t satisfied her in any ways close to what I have, and to say some text messages been erased from her phone and phone calls as well I am sort of cooled of from this pretuceler SM, I have no contact with him at all, only my wife, I feel this is not right or. Common at all??!!. But I know she loves me and we been together for over 30 years so I respect her wishes and choices, and she doesn’t want to try another SM !!?? Which we been with another SM before this one and he was great at all aspects of our fantasy, but she still trying to make this SM work for our fantasy, which my opinion he is not capable of making her climax as I could, so I don’t get the attraction????!!! I hope I made some sense, I really appreciated comments above and coming forward, thanks an advance

She a straight lying  to you. The whole purpose is for her to have a good time to climax or have a orgasm. The fact that she is traveling 600 miles to not be satisfied is a total farce. She’s not just having sex with him, she is having a pure relationship with him. That is why she was more apt to want to have one on one with him because that made him feel better. You are being played like a fool. As my friend has said, you are a clown in a one-man circus and both of them are laughing at you. If you enjoy that then that is cool but you already know the answer. She is cheating on you