Has etiquette changed in swing clubs?

[HoustonCple 23]

Or am I just getting cynical?

 

I've been lurking the board and have enjoyed the conversations and useful information. Wife and I have been enjoying the lifestyle off and on for ten years. Between kids and other obligations, finding time for adult fun is often difficult. We both agreed to take one day out of a month to enjoy the clubs.

 

Last night we went to a club in Houston and was quite disappointed. Although lately we have witnessed some of these behaviors in New Orleans, Dallas and Austin.

 

1. Since when is it ok to open a closed door to a private room? Single men, I'm talking to you. Often times couples need "preparation time". Myself, I'm not young anyone so a warm up period of the nether regions is required. Same can be said for the women. Wait for the door to open. Don't diminish a slim chance you might have.

 

2. Touching others without permission? Voyeurs like to watch and some like to be watch. Don't ruin it for everyone. Wait for some type of positive signal before taking such liberties.

 

3. What is going on with the LOUD conversation not related to the situation at hand? VIP areas and private rooms or connecting hallways not the proper place for banter. Take it to the common areas!

 

4. If you enter a play area or accept a invite, men--- be ready to play! I know that hydraulics fail at times. However seems the wife and I have been batting below .500 past couple months with other men. Awkward for everyone! Stop masturbating a few days, get some ED pills, stop watching porn for a week, etc (not judging, I've had to take this advise myself)

 

Also, if you are in the meet and greet area and haven't talked to your significant other in an hour, why are you in the club? If you don't talk to each other, no one will approach you for a conversation. This is how perceived "cliques" get started. People want to mingle and talk to each other. If an open effort is not made, you won't meet anyone.

 

Sorry for the rant. We are extremely busy. The few opportunities we have at play seemed ambushed in one way or the other the past few months by others lack of consideration.

 

Off my soap box, just had to get this off my chest.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Sadly, it probably is the club ownership that is the problem. At my favorite club, the owners were very clear on what the rules were and one strike your out. Sounds like the clubs you have been visiting are more interested in the money.

[Erik13 157]

Very good points. We were playing at a club recently and a single guy just walked right up 6 inches from me and asked if he could watch. I snapped at him and said no.

[padoc 1,703]

Perhaps you're simply getting older. We've found some of the same behaviors at clubs and have attributed it to the process of our maturation and the steady influx of younger people to swinging. The 20/30 somethings we see in SFla seem to have fewer manners and a bigger sense of entitlement than 15 years ago when we started in this hobby. As for single guys, what's new? The behavior you've described we observed at our 1st club visit in 2002 in Pennsylvania. It has to do with blood volume. Our theory is that many single guys do not have enough blood volume to sustain an erection AND higher brain functions simultaneously, hence the bad behavior. While we really miss the excitement and erotic atmosphere of the clubs, we've found that our club nights are becoming fewer with each passing year because of some of what you described and in addition, most clubs play awful music at the decibel level of a B-52 at takeoff speed. On the other hand, we recognize that we can't expect people to conform to our standards of behavior so have started to avoid places where there are a lot of single guys or rude and pushy people.

[HoustonCple 23]

Blood volume, ok that is funny. Hope you don't mind me using your material!

 

We have become much more liberal. We still cling to being spontaneous. All this effort to find "Like minded individuals" via other media's can be time consuming and exhausting.

 

Don't get me wrong, we still have had some outstanding experiences in the club scene. Being able to immediately (see, hear, look) at potential potentials is better than the online shenanigans. My opinion.

 

What happens at the club stays at the club!

[njbm 2,877]

We much prefer meeting another couple or attending a small house party that is not open to the public. But these meetings are fraught with their own perils. Just have to keep a sense of humor and be thankful for your own primary relationship.

[Funguy796 44]

As a single male, I have never attended a swing club. Up here, it is clear that clubs want only couples and ladies. I meet couples on SLS and I put alot of work and kindness into each meeting. And I learned from more experienced couples....it's always better to meet somewhere where the meeting can be brief or as long as it is wanted but not to expect anything is the greatest gift I learned. I wish you all well.

[Guest]

To be honest the entire idea of a swingers club just puts me off / doesn't interest me at all.

 

I mean firstly about 90% of the stories I have heard about swingers clubs seem to be negative, for example.

 

- Clubs that are just packed to the brim with creepy single guys and hardly any women

- Rude single men just walking into private rooms constantly with no restraint or security to stop them

- Couples ending up having sexual situations almost forced onto them

- People just randomly walking up and trying to have sex with you with no permission

- Security or bar staff just standing their watching you have sex

- CCTV Cameras actually recording you have sex with strangers

- Arguments breaking between couples or even singles

- Men asking to sleep with peoples wives without even introducing themselves

- Men who have had sex with 200 different people in a year asking you for sex

- Random fetish people attending such clubs and asking people to take part in their fetish desires

 

But I think what puts me off the most is simply the hygiene aspect. In my life I have worked in about 4 or 5 different night clubs and I already know just how BAD the cleaning procedures are. Generally the people who work in clubs are younger low paid people and come 2am they do NOT want to spend the next 5 hours scrubbing the place clean. Come closing time they will pick up any rubbish, quickly wipe the tables and then will be off home. I'm actually guessing if you went in their with a forensic light geared up to detect bodily fluids then the entire place would glow, there would be bodily fluids all over the place.

 

Look at modern day crime scene investigation, they can find particles of blood trapped in carpets that are years old, they can find skin particles, hair, bodily fluids on object you would not even imagine. In some cases people have committed murders and then spent several days cleaning up the mess with bleach, they have cleaned the entire place, they have hoovered, dusted, scrubbed the floors, they have removed all traces of blood then the crime scene team goes in and still finds traces everywhere.

 

However for me that's the point the people cleaning these places are not a professionally equipped crime scene team, in fact its a low paid worker called Bob who has a cheap smelly pop and bucket, and really Bob is more interested in getting home early so he can masturbate and play on his play station. I remember many years ago when I was working in one of the most popular night clubs in my city, it was a large club with about 7 different bars, it had all sorts of stuff, lasers, lighting rigs, soft seating, chill out rooms, 4 or 5 different rooms of music, and sure at night when the lights were off and lasers were dimmed it looked really posh. Then one day after all the customers wobbled out the door at 3am they flicked on all of the lights and that was my first real look at a nightclub, I was nearly sick.

 

I found the plush soft seating was actually covered in patches of chewing gum, sick, split drinks, mould, the walls were actually sticky with spit, bodily fluids, sick, everything from the door handles to the light bulbs were covered in a greasy like dust, the carpets were terrible, and you know what the cleaning staff and security all just spent an hour walking around picking up money off the floor, picking up bags of drugs off the floor, picking up phones, sun glasses and all sorts of things people had left.

 

The cleaning staff simply removed the bottles and beer cans, swept the floor and the job was done, there was 0% disinfection, no cleaning chemicals used, no anti-bacteria wipes, no wiping down of furniture. Sure at night with dim lights and laser effects the place looked great, flick on the full power bright lights and you soon realised what a dump the place was, just how unclean the place was.

 

Guess its just my personal opinion but I have never been interested in sex clubs, the stories I hear never actually seem that good.

[njbm 2,877]

I need a hot shower and penicillin!

[HoustonCple 23]

As a single male, I have never attended a swing club. Up here, it is clear that clubs want only couples and ladies. I meet couples on SLS and I put alot of work and kindness into each meeting. And I learned from more experienced couples....it's always better to meet somewhere where the meeting can be brief or as long as it is wanted but not to expect anything is the greatest gift I learned. I wish you all well.

 

I think this is great!

 

One of the reason I think we have had zero issues between us is that we keep our play completely spontaneous. We have zero emotional bond before and after our play time with others. Hell, most of the times we can't remember names! The after glow last a few days, weeks it is really hot!

 

I might have to open things up to house parties. But that means we would have to know more people. Double edge sword...

[larry818 58]

Well, I'm coming up on 30 years of going to Freedom Acres here in So Cal, and I can say it's pretty much the same good club now that it was then and the folk there are about the same. We must be lucky. Some things have changed, gone is smoking inside, the big indoor hot tub, and most everyone we've met there over the years. It seems the regulars only last about 3 years then gone. Back then they were only open on Saturday night, now they're open 5 nights with Single Guy Sundays which we mostly go to 'cos it stars early and ends early, so folks party earlier. It's good for us folks with kids. I'm also surprised that the single guys have never been a problem there.

 

What has changed is viagra and condoms. 30 years ago condoms were not so prevalent and of course no viagra. Now with the combination of those two, I see guys going at it for what seems like hours. That never happened "back in the day"®.

[shy_couple 459]

Part of this sounds like clubs that admit single men. We gave up on events that allow single guys a few years ago, largely for the reasons you listed. Over generalizing; but too many think they are entitled since they paid double the cover charge compared to everyone else.

 

It's ashame but more club owners are allowing single men, probably because the temptation of doubling the revenue. We have seen this kill parties and turn them into sausage parties. Last one we went to had a decent rrputatio but allowed single men. When we got there, there were 3 other couples besides the owner and at least two dozen single men. We had a couple of drinks and left in under an hour swearing to never attend another party with single men again.

[Guest]

It’s disappearing everywhere. We live in a big city. People no longer walk to their right, instead they walk straight into, sometimes texting, sometimes not, but its like you’re invisible. We were in our local couples club. A guy had come up to me several times, flirted but then would disappear, almost like he had ADD. Now, I heard his wife telling him it was time to go. He again comes up to me, asks if I want to go to the playroom, never mentions anything about his spouse or mine. I tell him, your wife said you were leaving in 15 minutes. That’s plenty of time he tells me. I told him, plenty enough time for you to go up and do it alone maybe……. Sorry, just a rant I guess.

[Guest 2B13RFUN]

Yeah, well, I have never had great outcomes at the swing clubs. Found them too restrictive (dress codes, etc.), not amusing (theme parties, etc.), lack of amenities(BYOB...lol), cost(membership fees plus event fees) and more.

 

Do enjoy hotel takeovers though; but that's a different environment.