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My wife and I are just starting into this. We might be overthinking every step before we make it, but I'd rather do that than not think something through enough. Plus the conversations that come from it feel like they're doing good things for our relationship, and I KNOW they're doing great things for our sex life!

 

In my reading, it seems like there are concerns from some more experienced swingers about playing with an inexperienced couple like us. I can't worry about someone else's hang-ups, but don't want people put off simply because we're newbies.

 

The concerns I've seen brought up include couples only being curious but not actually sure they're truly interested, or flaking out, up to one partner being apparently uninterested in the lifestyle.

 

Sure, we're new, we're a little nervous (the wife prefers to say anxious), and will want to start a little slowly with our first partners, but we are definitely in.

 

So, the question then is: is there something you look for in a profile, or when meeting a couple, that would give a green flag, even though the couple are very new?

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Make sure that they know that you are both on the same page and excited to do this. It's not just the man dragging the woman along with her not wanting to really participate (we had one woman tell us when her husband stepped away that she is doing this just the one time to 'satisfy' her husband...like he would be done with doing it the one time). Let them know your limits and boundaries. Also, that you might be new, but you are both ready to proceed and are bringing no drama. You are a tight secure couple and this or anything else isn't going to damage the relationship you already have. You are not looking for a replacement for her (and vice versa). When you meet a potential couple, you need to feel comfortable with bringing the topic of sex up. We have also met couples where they almost seem afraid to mention sex. This can put off some other couples since sex is the reason you are even meeting. Just be open and honest with what you want, expect, and already know. It comes across as confidence (which it actually is) and lets others know that you are in this as a team and are going to stay together as a team. Of course, only say these things if they are true. If not, then you still have some work to do before continuing.

 

Not nervous or anxious, but it's excitement tempered with the unknown since you never really know what will happen until you cross this bridge. Good luck and let us know how things go for you two.

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I really appreciate all of that. We're continuing to talk, and in our discussion of how we would proceed from an initial introduction, that came up: we'd have to be able to talk about the sex, or there's no point! It's not always easy to do so with strangers or new aquaintances, though, so I'm glad you mentioned it- an attempt to not come across as uncomfortable in that discussion hadn't occurred to me, but I can see how it would make another couple hesitant.

 

I believe I said something similar on my intro thread, but the whole vibe here makes it all seem so positive. It's hard not to feel that way after spending time here.

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Green flag = both the woman and the man appear in profile pictures.

 

Green flag =. Any language indicating earnest intent.

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Bottom line is that both couples are there to find another couple and have some level of sex. We've met more than a few couples that were hesitant to even talk about it...how will they do when it's time to do more than talk. Also, a couple avoiding talking about sex sometimes indicates that the Ms. may not know that is the reason they are there. Bringing it up is easy, just ask how long they have been interested in finding another couple and about their experiences. This, more than anything, says that the green flags are waving since it says that both of you are on the same page and not afraid to talk about it.

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That all makes sense, and actually gives me a bit more comfort. My wife and I want to be upfront and would expect the same from any other couple. It sounds like our being above board and honest from the get go is likely to yield the best results, and I'm not sure we could go about any other way. We just need to make sure we're vetting any potential partners as well as we can. I'll probably search the forum for those answers next.

 

The more I read, the more I feel like we're on the same page with those of you that are successful in the lifestyle, both in expectations and in approach.

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Guest 2B13RFUN

It's iffy. Some may be willing to mentor you along; others want straight to the sex. The situation is fluid and not everyone in the "lifestyle" (so hate that word) are flexible or patient.

 

As for a green flag? You will have to give a reason to wave it...lol...Simply expressing the same sentiments and concerns with prospective play partners, might be a positive step towards getting the "go" flag.

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A few years ago we were the new ones and we threw out the green flags to couples who claimed they were experienced and still found many who then flaked out. We were open about our wants. We sent face pics when we thought we found the couple that was real. I can tell you the Red Flags.

Dick or crotch shots. Bathroom selfies of just the woman. Not being able to send a picture of the two of them together clothed. Unwillingness to talk.

After the problem we found in meeting couples we decided we would meet new couples, new to swinging, and let them go at their own speed. After trying to figure out the phonies and scammers we have met some great people. My husband and I go at the speed the couple sets. Some take a little push but we never are pushy. Not every couple will go through with it. Some take a few meetings before going all the way. We discuss things at their comfort level but will discuss why we are meeting. We meet mostly couples where the wife is curious. Some are only looking for a bi experience.

I think it shouldn't take long to know who is willing.

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If this forum is any indication of the swinging community at large, this is going to be far more comfortable than we ever dreamed. Not to say easy, or not awkward... Y'all have been wonderful around here. We sincerely appreciate that.

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Guest 2B13RFUN

Lol...oh, it won't be easy. Not saying that to discourage, only to be honest. Sometimes you will become distraught, disgusted, disillusioned and disheartened. Just keep it in perspective is all. It's good and bad and, at times, just mediocre. BUT-when it turns out well, you'll know the legwork paid off.

 

Good luck!

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We're not necessarily looking for easy, we're looking for fun, and have decided that the fun we're having together as we work our way into trying this out, is reward enough. Everything else- just finding a couple to play with, then finding a couple we really connect with and is really fun to play with, and whatever else comes over the horizon -that's all secondary to what we're doing together, and it'll come in time. We're already reaping the benefits.

 

Thanks again, all.

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The easiest green flag for us would be that we like you. If we would enjoy another couple in a vanilla situation, we would be just as likely to enjoy them in LS situations.

 

Our criteria for propective LS couples is kinda similar to the hippocratic oath doctors take. First, do no harm. We do not want to destroy anyones marraige and we don't want anyone doing that to us. If that feeling is mutual, things are likely to progress. We have declined offers based on that in one or two cases. There is another couple we would love to play with but have not approached them because we felt like it would harm their marriage.

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