Wife wants to bring in another man

[Mikensam30 19]

We have been swinging for about 4 years now. She is bi and I'm straight. We have done ffm, couple swaps, and it's been great. Recently she has shared a fantasy of bringing in another man to have a threesome with her. I've actually enjoyed watching her with male halfs when we are with a couple. But the idea of bringing a single man is driving my anxiety crazy. I want her to fulfill her fantasies. Has anyone ever been through this and how did you coupe. Plus she recently told me she met someone at her work who comes in and works on the building from time to time who she says she extremely attracted too. I'm not sure how I feel about that being she has picked someone on her own. Any advice would be great

[ViSexual 1,008]

You know, from what you wrote, it sounds like she's met a guy that she'd really love to have sex with but is trying to make it OK by having it include you.

 

If you're not feeling good about a threesome but want to please your wife, why not give her a kitchen pass? I don't know about you but I'd love it if my wife wanted to go out with someone by herself.

 

And, keep in mind, there are lots of couples who swing separately.

[Guest]

This should be a matter of her wanting to do another man, not a specific man whether it’s as an MFM or just more of a hotwife thing. In any case, it shouldn’t happen unless you’re totally into it. Swinging should be about the two of you as a couple, not about her desire to try out some guy that she seemingly has the hots for.

[Mikensam30 19]

I would be included as well. We talked about my concerns. She reassured me it's just sex, just like every other time. She wants to try DP this time around which is her real fantasy about bringing in another man. She does not want a couple this time around because she wants to be the center of attention. Guess what bothered me is that she had ran into someone at her work,and had been messaging and flirting without me, since before we only talked to unicorns and couples through a group chat with all parties involved. I brought up the idea that we can find an attractive stranger for this and she seems excited about it.

[adamgunn 1,460]

I'd be curious as to why you're reluctant. Since you are swingers, she's already been intimate with other men.

 

Is it that you're jealous?

Is it simply because this is a new situation?

Is it because you're worried she might develop 'feelings' for the guy?

Is it because while she's getting some from someone else, you won't? (A perceived 'unfairness.'

 

Why are you having these feelings? Once you understand that, then you can decide whether to let her go ahead, or put a stop to it.

 

Good luck.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Plus she recently told me she met someone at her work who comes in and works on the building from time to time who she says she extremely attracted too.

 

NO! This is a very bad idea (search swinging with friends). First, it's someone that she knows and both are already attracted to each other. He's not attracted to her thinking about you still being in this mix. He wants her, and most likely not just for a night and not with you in the room. Second, if it were to happen and later things go south, is she willing to loose her job? If it's someone who comes into her office then it can easily get out as to what 'happened'. Once that cat is out of the bag, how long would she be effective continuing to work there? Once this gets out to the office, how long before it gets out to everyone? Third, taking someone who ISN'T a swinger and trying to make them into one is rarely a good plan. They just aren't prepared for everything it entails. He is probably looking for a partner, not just a plaything. With SO MANY single men already in the L/S looking for women, it's just much safer and easier to pick one of them. The risk/reward is just too high and chances of drama too great.

[machiavel55 81]

I would be included as well. We talked about my concerns. She reassured me it's just sex, just like every other time. She wants to try DP this time around which is her real fantasy about bringing in another man. She does not want a couple this time around because she wants to be the center of attention. Guess what bothered me is that she had ran into someone at her work,and had been messaging and flirting without me, since before we only talked to unicorns and couples through a group chat with all parties involved. I brought up the idea that we can find an attractive stranger for this and she seems excited about it.

 

I don't think your wife is being genuine with you. She says it's only sex and yes, that's possible but only when you're with them and probably not for him. You would be included only when you're all 3 together, but he has direct access to her, knows she likes him and he's not a swinger. Why would he want you around?....this is a terrible idea, it will cause problems and drama. Unless you're willing to enter hotwife or cuckold territory, put your foot down.

Now of course your problem is they see each other at work, so I hope for you can trust your wife.

[Mikensam30 19]

Thanks for all prospectives to this, she had told me that he used to dabble into the lifestyle with his ex and wants to get back into it( so does every other guy out there) I also agree that it would be a bad idea to allow him to join being he does come her work

[BnA588 18]

Yes, very bad idea to use this particular man.

 

As far as the anxiousness, I was on edge for the two weeks leadin up to our first dabble into the lifestyle, a MFM threesome. I mean up to his arriving at our hotel room door. We sat and talked for a bit. He was experienced in the lifestyle, respectful, and our talking alleviated much of the anxiety. And all of that was gone to be replaced by a great love for my wife as I gave her a gift of another man entering her and seeing her pleasure as they played. It was a most amazing experience, one I am not so patiently waiting to see again.

[Guest]

Hey, like everyone else has already said it would be an amazingly bad idea for your wife to play with a man who she works with.

 

Generally most swingers do not play with friends / work mates / people who know their families ect, because there is too much that can go wrong.

 

My general advice would be to meet a man that neither of you know, to meet a stranger and make him a new play mate. However this is just my own personal experience but swinging with so called "Single Men" can be a difficult situation. I mean YES there are thousands and thousands of men out there looking for sex, and YES getting another man to have sex is really easy because most guys do want to have sex.

 

The problems however is a good percent of them can be rude, pushy, downright weird, and the over ruling fact that a huge majority of them are not single at all, in fact a lot of them are cheating on their wives or girlfriends and are using swinging sites in the hopes of finding quick, easy, no string sex. Keeping in mind if they are willing to lie to their wives, work mates, and their family then they will not think twice about lying to you as well.

 

However I'm NOT saying all men are bad, I'm simply saying there are some bad ones out there.

 

I mean sure by all means you should let your wife explore the MFM situation, by all means let her explore with you and another man, it is really good fun, but I personally advise such people simply to use a bit of caution when meeting men, that using a little caution and preventing problems from happening is better than trying to cure the problems after they happen, for example:

 

- Meet a nice guy who looks clean and healthy, someone who is willing to chat with you a bit.

- Meet him for at least 1 or 2 social meetings to see how you get along in general.

- Do not give him specific details about your life, for example:

 

- Don't tell him where your wife works

- Don't tell him where you the husband works

- Don't tell him your home address

- Don't give him your wife's contact details such as phone number, email, chat programs

- Don't tell him your working patterns, what hours your at work

- Don't tell him what clubs, pubs or hobby places you attend

 

Instead simply talk about hobbies you like / about what music you like / about sex / ask him questions about his life / chat in general without giving away specific details about your life.

 

Whilst you are meeting this man for a social coffee or drink then look out for any red flags, look out for any danger signs, watch for him telling you lies, some of the things to look for would include:

 

- Dirty unwashed hygiene, dirty clothes, unwashed greasy hair, filthy finger nails, un-brushed teeth, semen stained clothes, generally bad hygiene.

 

- Nervous behaviour, checking his phone every two seconds to see if the wife has text asking him where he is, looking at the door every two seconds expecting his wife or wife friends to walk in the door and catch him out, constantly looking at his watch because he only has 40 minutes before he needs to run home to the wife he is cheating on.

 

- Nervous unsure answers regarding STD'S / STI'S. If you directly ask a man to his face about when he last got sexually screened for STD'S and he gives a very direct solid quick answer then that is a good sign, if however he stares off into space, breaks eye contact, looks unsure and says "Hhhhmmmm? Eeerrrrr? Hhhmmmmm?" like he is trying to dream up an answer then that usually means he hasn't been checked out.

 

- Ask about his hobbies, personally I try and avoid people who have violent or dangerous hobbies such as boxing / martial arts / weapons collecting / shooting because for whatever reason if this goes wrong, if this man becomes obsessed with your wife, if you fall out then the very last thing you want is a trained fighter type causing chaos in your lives. This is just my personal opinion but when meeting a single man I try and find a guy that I know I'd be able to protect my wife against.

 

- Look at his body, look for things like rashes, lesions, sores, look at his general bodily health, look for any signs of drug abuse, does he have scars on his knuckles / bruised knuckles from fighting.

 

- Assess his outlook on fighting, this can easily be achieved by simply saying YOU went out to a club 3 or 4 weeks ago and just wanted a nice night out but some drunk man tried to start a fight with you so you had to leave. Some men will say that is shocking, some men will say that is terrible and you did the right thing by leaving, other men however will openly say "I'd have kicked his f**king head in" that if a drunk man started a fight with them they would smash a pint glass into his neck, men who give those types of answers are worth avoiding.

 

- Look for prion tattoos, these are the self done simple "Indian Ink" like tattoos that prisoners sometimes cover themselves in. The same could be said for racist tattoos or gang tattoos.

 

- Try and find out if this man is willing to have a MFM threesome or if he is actually homophobic and just wants to sleep with your wife. Some people are actually very very homophobic, that sure they want to sleep with your wife but the idea of even been around another man naked totally freaks them out, some men are so homophobic they will become aggressive, hostile, nervous when put in the same room as another naked man. Ask the man questions such as if he minds been around another naked man, if he has any experience been around another naked man and watch how he reacts.

 

- Look at his body language in general, if he is folding his arms / sitting on his hands / avoiding eye contact / making rapid eye movements / covering his mouth/ becoming uncomfortable then there is a good chance he is lying to you about things.

 

 

Look for any danger signs, try and get a good general idea about this man and then leave with your partner and go home and discuss what you thought?

 

IF you decide to meet him again for anything sexual then.....

 

 

- I strongly suggest meeting him in a hotel room at first, do not invite him to your house until you played with him sexually at least 2 or 3 times and have had chance to assess if he is safe and matches what you are looking for.

 

I'd also recommend doing a little research on local hotels because some hotels are very lax where security is concerned, some hotels you can simply walk straight into and up the stairs to the bedrooms, other hotels are now becoming more wise to the party or group sex lifestyle and have installed advanced security features such as security guards to make sure only paying guests go upstairs, doors that need swipe cards, rules policies saying you are only allowed paying guests as visitors. For example in my home city there are a few hotels where you do not even have to pass the hotel reception to get to the bedrooms, you simply walk in the door and straight up the staircase and you avoid seeing any hotel staff at all, where other hotels in the same city you have to approach the main reception to even get to the rooms, or they have electronic doors that only open with guests keys and so on.

 

Basically if your going to pick a hotel to play in its better to pick one where your guest can easily get to the room without having to pass the main reception, and without bumping into security guards or locked electronic doors and so on.

 

OVERALL:

 

Guess I'm trying to say yes give your wife all the MFM action she wants, give her DP, let other men enjoy her, ride her all over with another guy, just do it safely, make sure you meet a clean enough, safe enough guy to explore this with.

[Guest]

If it were just about sex, she would walk on down the road with you to meet a guy that you’re more receptive to. In our case, we had done 2 or 3 MFM, all with different guys, and yes, like your wife I told my hubby, I think I would like to try DP next time as long as we are doing theses. Is there a way we can work it into the evening……. If I start chatting or flirting with a guy or if a couple approaches us, all he has to do is rub one finger back and forth across his mustache a couple of times, and it mean no, not this guy. Or, I can do the same (no mustache, just like a nose itch. In either case, we can discuss why no later, but its a no, lets move on. In this case, you should be saying no. Finding another guy to share in giving the wife a great evening is about as hard as finding ant or flies at a picnic. You can be selective and still get it done tonight or this week, depending on her needs.

[CandDinCo 69]

NO! This is a very bad idea (search swinging with friends). First, it's someone that she knows and both are already attracted to each other. He's not attracted to her thinking about you still being in this mix. He wants her, and most likely not just for a night and not with you in the room. Second, if it were to happen and later things go south, is she willing to loose her job? If it's someone who comes into her office then it can easily get out as to what 'happened'. Once that cat is out of the bag, how long would she be effective continuing to work there? Once this gets out to the office, how long before it gets out to everyone? Third, taking someone who ISN'T a swinger and trying to make them into one is rarely a good plan. They just aren't prepared for everything it entails. He is probably looking for a partner, not just a plaything. With SO MANY single men already in the L/S looking for women, it's just much safer and easier to pick one of them. The risk/reward is just too high and chances of drama too great.

 

There is a lot of insight here. The flirting between them behind your back should be a huge red flag. Some would say she is already cheating.

 

She says it is just sex but that isn't entirely true. She already has a working relationship as well as a friendly relationship with him WITHOUT YOU. You should also keep in mind that because she works with him, she spends a lot more time with him than with you. If a full blown affair doesn't already exist between them, It soon will if you allow this to happen.

 

If you want to have a MFM with her, pick someone you know.

[CandDinCo 69]

Deleted. Duplicate post

[luvin eye full 140]

Thanks for all prospectives to this, she had told me that he used to dabble into the lifestyle with his ex and wants to get back into it( so does every other guy out there) I also agree that it would be a bad idea to allow him to join being he does come her work

 

LOL when did she talk to this man about sex? at work? did you know before hand she was going to ? i think she has done it already now wants him and you for the mfm. to many red flags here man.

 

I know for sure if i can home and told the wife i wanted to do a fmf and that i had already done texting , talking and found out there history in regards to the ls ( which means she is talking to a work fellow about your sex life - did you know ) - i think she would have something to say lol