Wife not into it anymore

[Hotcouple2627 25]

Me and the wife have tried fmf and mfm a few times, we both enjoyed ourselves each time and since I have wanted to try MFM again, the wife had seem interested but not so much lately, she had said to me that she feels her body is not as sexy anymore and I don't know if that is part of the reason. We do experience with and use toys often in bed and today she told me that she likes using the toys but is really not at all interested in welcoming anyone else into the bed anymore. I am down with whatever she wants to do and will not push her to do anything she does not want. Just interested in som responses from others that have might of been in a situation like this before.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Sometimes people enjoy this sort of thing for a while and then just lose interest, for any number of reasons. My wife lost interest about 15, or so, years ago.

 

And, yes, I've tried to get her interested again many times. But I finally realized it had to be her own idea and I simply make sure she knows that, if she changes her mind, I'm all for it.

 

This is something you both have to want. Her, going along for you is only going to make her more against it later.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

...she had said to me that she feels her body is not as sexy anymore and I don't know if that is part of the reason.

 

Maybe think about visiting a club or nudist resort...not to play, just to visit. If she isn't feeling sexy anymore, once she sees the ranges of people at a club/resort, she most likely will realize that she isn't 'that' bad (if that's her in your avatar, she's actually pretty great). Other options includes taking her shopping for some sexy clothes. If it's just her not feeling sexy, you can help with this and get her going back into the right direction. Sexy has nothing to do with beauty (which is only skin deep). Sexy is an attitude that comes from deep inside and always trumps beauty.

 

If it's that she just doesn't enjoy playing anymore, then until she is ready to start again (if she is ever ready to start again) you are both done (team effort). Also, maybe take a look at how you can grow your relationship with her. Maybe she just isn't feeling as connected with you as she used to. No matter what the reason, it never hurts to build on the relationship. Please keep us updated as to how things are going.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Maybe think about visiting a club or nudist resort...not to play, just to visit. If she isn't feeling sexy anymore, once she sees the ranges of people at a club/resort, she most likely will realize that she isn't 'that' bad (if that's her in your avatar, she's actually pretty . . .

I can affirm what GoldCoCouple say. My own wife felt much better when she had a chance to see that swingers really do come in a wide variety of sizes and shapes.

[Guest]

In my own personal experience when a women decides she is not interested in this lifestyle anymore, then its final and they rarely change their minds.

 

However there are various things you can try, for example:

 

1. SHOW HER: Like the folks above suggest you could take your wife to a swingers club or nudist beech and show her that people / swingers come in all shapes and sizes. For me however that could be a little unpredictable, that actually you could turn up to said club or nudist beach and find it mainly populated by young, slim, attractive people. That forgive me if I'm wrong but the people your wife needs to see in this lifestyle and people who are older / bigger / in less healthy shape than her which would perhaps boost her confidence in some respects.

 

2. PORN: I'd suggest a more accurate way of achieving this would be by using porn films as a tool. This however my require some time and effort on your behalf. For example you could suggest to your wife that if she has gone off the idea of swinging that maybe you could still watch threesome / foursome pron together on occasion. Then in a discreet way you pick / view the kinds of things you need her to see. For example you could pick group sex based porn where the people involved are older / fatter / less attractive than her. The other aspect to watch out for is what kind of porn does your wife enjoy, I mean not everyone likes the super dirty super hardcore style of porn. With that in mind if your wife hates anal sex then do not show her porn films packed full of anal sex, if your wife doesn't like swallowing a mans cum then don't show her pron films full of swallowing cum. Your looking for porn films that "Show Her The Type of Sex She Wants" but with people who are less attractive than her. This however is not a quick fix, you can not simply watch 1 or 2 films and suddenly its all okay again, you might have to watch 100, 200, or even a 1000 different films before she comes round to the idea in her own time.

 

3. SUCCESS AND ACHIEVEMENT: This is perhaps the longest and most effort based option, but one I have had success with in the past. I mean firstly what is the problem? Well the problem is, your wife doesn't feel good enough, she doesn't feel sexy enough, she has lost some confidence in her body. In which case wouldn't the solution to that problem simply be to make your wife feel sexy and confident again?

 

That can be achieved by pushing your lives into a "Period of Success & Achievement"

 

That statement however can cover a huge wide variety of things, it can contain small insignificant things, right up to big life changing moves, but the general idea is to get a period of "Positive Energy" flowing within your relationship, to show your wife you and her can succeed, can achieve great things, to replace her lost confidence by real actions, for example.....

 

- You could start a new diet together and aim to lose enough weight so you are both healthier.

 

- You could join a gym together and head to the gym at least 3 times a week for a good weight loss workout, and yes do it together, do it as a team.

 

- You could take up a new hobby or sport, something that your wife is interested in or could be good at, active hobbies such as golf, swimming, tennis, bowling, country walking are all good options.

 

- If your wife does lose enough weight, if she becomes even more toned then in turn she will be needing new clothes which again is a chance to make her feel even sexier, so sure go out and by her a new wardrobe full of nice clothes and she will begin to see and sense the achievements she has made.

 

- Again once your wife has lost weight / become more toned she will also require new underwear which is a chance to introduce some new sexy outfits and underwear for her to use. Yes in most cases women will pick basic functional and comfy underwear, but you also have the chance to throw in some very sexy underwear, some of the "I'm having sex tonight" type of underwear which perhaps could make her feel more sexy.

 

 

If your following what I'm saying then with each good, positive thing you do together your wife will star to feel better, she will start to feel sexier, start to see achievement and success which will lead into her feeling more confident, feeling healthier, feeling as a couple that you can succeed in tasks you set, it will create positive energy. In the background you are telling her that you are proud of her, that she looks hot and sexy, that she has worked really hard, that she looks great and so on.

 

But still there are lots of other things you can do to create this period of success and achievement, some of which are even environmental changes, for example:

 

- If the garden at your house has been bugging your wife, if it needs some work then by all means get some cash together / book a few days off work and spend a weekend with your with blitzing the garden, if needed have contractors in to finish any professional jobs but try and do as much as possible yourselves. Pull out all the weeds, cut down any unsightly bushes, re-paint the garden fence, add new garden furniture, maybe buy new plants and plant pots or create a new flower bed. This again will show her that you can succeed together and will higher her opinion of your house, make her feel prouder, make her feel more eager to have guests over for BBQ's or garden party days and so on.

 

- If your house needs work, for example your wife has wanted a new kitchen, or the bathroom decorating for sometime then again gather some cash and free time and make it happen. Show your wife that your not stuck in a rut, your not in a relationship with no action, that you can achieve good positive things together and sure get your house painted, do the old DIY jobs that you have been putting off and make sure your wife helps and has a real opinion on what happens. She wants the bathroom painted blue then paint it blue together, she wants a new white kitchen then get her a new white kitchen which she helps fit, after which you can say "Look what we have achieved together" and that your thankful for all her help and proud of her for working so hard.

 

- If your bedroom is dated, if your bedroom is cluttered then you can take this chanced to create a nicer, sexier, cleaner environment. You can re-paint the walls, add a new carpet, buy a new super king size bed, add dimmer lights, add feature lights, add new furniture or shelves. If you do it together as a team and let your wife have a real say in what happens then again she will see the success you have accomplished, she will feel sexier and more comfy in her new bedroom.

 

- If your house is cluttered, if you lack storage space then maybe buy a new shed for the garden, buy a large secure wooden shed and spend a weekend clearing out the loft or garage together, de-clutter the entire house, make a cleaner less cluttered home of which your wife can be prouder about and feel more comfy living in. Again she will see hard work, success, achievement and sure she might moan the entire way through, she might even get grumpy about the hard work and then once its done she will see a huge sense of achievement.

 

 

There are even romantic sides to this plan, for example:

 

- Set a date night once every few weeks where you go out together for a nice meal, don't avoid this subject, don't put it off but instead make sure to take your wife out somewhere every few weeks, go for a shopping trip in the city together, take her for lunch, take her to see a film, have an evening meal in a restaurant, wine and dine her which in turn will make her feel more special, that she is worth your time effort and expense.

 

- If your with has always wanted a certain holiday, for example maybe she has always wanted to see France, then by all means why not save up together to make that dream become possible for her.

 

 

THE OVERALL EFFECT:

 

Well its like a "Domino Effect" with each new thing you achieve, with each new success, with each new edition to your lives then your wife will begin to feel better, more confident, sexier, more comfy, more secure and will see that together you can achieve great things. This should be a happy time, a time of self success, a time where you do and achieve things together. NO the man doesn't decorate the entire house alone, NO the man doesn't do the entire garden alone, NO the man doesn't treat his wife like a helpless DIY fool, instead you do it together, and with each step you are proud of her, happy for her help.

 

Some of the most successful people in life wake up each morning and ask themselves....

 

"What can I achieve today?"

"What can I achieve this week?"

"What can I achieve this month?"

 

They set goals and with each goal they knock down, with each achievement they earn they become more confident, more healthy, cleaner and better.

 

The US naval commander Admiral William H McRaven says....

 

"Start each day by making your bed. If you start each day by making your bed then it will encourage you to do another task,and another, and another, it will give you a small sense of pride. And by the end of the day that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed, making your bed everyday will also reinforce that the little things in life do matter. If you can not do the little things right then you will never be able to do the big things right, and if by chance you have a miserable day you will come home to a bed that's made, that you made"

 

 

This is a highly ranked military expert who sees the value of success and achievement, that sees how completing tasks can have a tremendous impact on your life, on your pride, happiness, determination, how it can make you healthier, cleaner, even in this case feel more sexy. No this will not be an easy or quick fix but imagine two years later, imagine after you have been on a diet or attending the gym together for two years, imagine after your wife has lost even more weight, after she has new sexier clothes, imagine when the DIY jobs at the house are done, when your wife has a new kitchen or bathroom to be proud about, imagine her sense of pride, success and achievement knowing you completed all that together as a team.

 

If over a few years you can achieve some great things, can enter your life into this happy period of change and success then after all of that your wife might be more willing to explore with others, she might feel more confident, more secure, sexier. Sometimes the way to get swinging is simply to focus on your own relaitonship, to focus on your own life together. The better and more secure your wife feels about your own life and abilities together the more confident she will feel adding others into your sexual lives at a later date.

 

 

4. TIDYING: Another way that can help secure swinging as part of your life is to take pressure off your wife. In a lot of homes couples face a daily routine, or daily grind. For example in my house my partner does all of the washing and dying of clothes which is a large enough task at times. In which case you can make your wife feel happier / more relaxed if YOU sometimes take away the burden of those everyday house chores. If your wife always washes the pots then on a few nights a week you do it instead. If your wife always washes the clothes then a few days a week you do it instead. If your wife always hoovers the house then instead you hoover the house instead and when she gets home from work let her know the hoovering is done and meet her with a glass of wine and let her relax for the evening instead.

 

Having rest and relaxation time is a vital part of our lives, just been able to sit there without facing a mountain of jobs at home lets us rest and feel better. In world war two the famous American 101st airborne landed in Bastogne, which became known as the "Battle of the Bulge" which was Hitlers last attempt to fight the allies back. The men of the 101st said that even 1 hour away front lines did wonders for a soldiers mind frame, that simply getting to relax away from the work for a few hours was enough to send them back in fighting spirit.

 

The same can be achieved at home, by taking away "Some" of the tasks your wife faces everyday she will have a little more chance to relax, a little more chance to think, to enjoy hobbies, it will take the weight off her feet. If your wife feels in a relaxed, rested state where the chores are done she will then be more likely to consider sexy play with others, she will be in a better frame of mind.

 

 

 

OVERALL:

 

Its not an easy road, its a time consuming long road full of effort, but in the long run if your wife loses weight, if she feels sexier, if she sees you can succeed, if she sees all of the achievements you have done together, if she feels more secure in her relaitonship then sure in the long run she will be a lot more confident to invite others around to play.

 

Think about every battle we have ever faced, think about every war we have faced, well where do they all begin?

 

They begin AT HOME they begin with the hard work of the men and women, they begin with building a force, with building a stronger unit, with training, with achieving goals. It seems a lot of people on this site are from the USA. In which case "Pearl Harbour" is a great example. The US was attacked, but it didn't strike back straight away instead in focused on its problems at home, it built new ships, it built new planes, it built new army units, slowly over the months it entered into a momentum of success.

 

But have no illusion that success started AT HOME and its the same with swinging, the more confident your wife feels, the more secure she feels about her home and relationship, the more success and achievement she accomplishes then the more likely she will be to swing in years to come. Its a very basic concept, with any problem we build a force or team to overcome that problem, so basically maybe your answer is starting at home, to make your wife feel sexier, feel better, feel more secure, to show her you can succeed and with that her courage will increase.

[luvin eye full 140]

As others have said - look after what is bothering her be her emotional (and every thing else) rock,

Once you two have over come any body issues or what every it may be then ask one more time if she still says no then fine - not everybody wants to screw others - just be thankful you have a wife that gave it ago and gave you some memories to smile at.

 

Best of luck to both of you.