Can this turn into some form of addiction?

[Dr_Bear 18]

For 10 years now, me and my wife have been having FFM threesomes (or FMF, or whatever - me, my wife and another bisexual girl). It was something that came out of her fantasy of having sex with another woman and the fact that she did not want to do it alone.

 

We had a GREAT time doing this. At one point there was even some romantic involvement with another girl and, surprisingly it worked out fine until she decided to pursuit a monogamous love interest. Even if unicorns are hard to find, being quite young and good looking we had no problem in meeting some really nice girls over the years. Even if there was a opportunity to meet more than 3-4 girls/year we had been keeping it like the bonus in our sex life and never abused it. Even if we really like it and we had a girlfriend that was single at the time and wanting us, even then, sex would happened about once a month and a lot of hanging out, going to the movies, pools, etc. We were (and still are) verry good at managing this - sex with another girl only a few times/year ,sometimes even whole years passed and no sex happened, mainly because we had little time or, once i even wanted to see if we are ok without it, and we were.

 

Last year, we decided that fantasies involving other men piled up and we are ready to try a sex club. So we did. and we did. Boy...WE DID. I mean, if tomorrow we will go again, it would be like the 20-th time in 6 months! My wife really enjoys the thrill of having many men (and occasionally women) and has great fun in orgies. Going to a club where we meet strangers and fuck turned out to be a really lazy experience. Meeting a girl involved online convincing, some dates before, some dates after, sleeping over, etc. The sex was great but had its limitations and the work, even if it paid off, quite hard. Going to the sex club...well, it was like a box of chocolates! Never know what you will get!

 

Even if after all it's the same thing (a bunch of people looking to fuck each other), it's not really like that. She had the opportunity to try everything on the menu and, to some extent even some things that were new to her imagination!. For example, last time, we had double vaginal penetration!. Some guy proposed and we said yes...and she has this dumb smile on her face since then

 

Now, the problem.

Yes, it's fun.

Yes, sex life after a club visit is crazy (we literally end up with sores and blisters and need to take some time off, usually during her period)

Yes, it's not boring even if we clearly abuse it.

But also.....

Yes, when we have sex we only talk about what happened at the club last time....

Yes, when it's Saturday night and we cant go (period, kids at home, a wedding, some other thing) we do think about it like "Damn, hate that we can't go"

Yes, it's really lazy and I do feel that we have tons of candy for free while a unicorn was one precious candy for a lot of hard work.

Yes, sometimes it's boring and I say to myself - this was the last time for a looong time, until next weekend when I do feel the need to go (and she does too even if she said the same thing a week ago - it was boring, we will not do it for a while).

 

So, I'm asking from experienced people...I do feel we overuse this. I am afraid that we can get addicted and our sex life and fun life will be having a hard time if we give up, even for a short period. Like drug addicts, I feel that we need some special somethin' somethin' to make the party better. Like enhancement is mandatory not optional....

 

We do like it, we really are good at it (the club owners count on us, especially on slow nights) and they don't even charge us anymore....

 

So, what do you make of this? I feel that we are on a road that pretty much has no return.

 

Thanks for reading (sorry for the mistakes, english is not my primary language)

[JandKinBoise 858]

I don't think this is all that unusual. Something as new and exciting as this isn't going to lose its thrill for awhile. You are getting to the point right now that it won't be that long when you both decide to skip a Saturday. Then, most likely, your swing life will mellow out to a more manageable and less life consuming hobby. For now, don't sweat it, dive in!

[luvin eye full 140]

I'm not sure if there is a problem in so much as you guys still like what your doing.

 

Having siad that - do you think about life in general the same way EG: you get bored or look at where things are taking you - or do you only do that ( thinking ) now and agian?

 

I ask because if it's your natural mind set then ok things are fine and it will run it's course.

But if this type of thinking is not your natural mind set then some thing is bothering you and i would say stop until you guys get a handle on what it is that makes you feel this way ( this comes from many years experience lol )

We have always had the mind set that it should be fun ( we just have a different Fun Park then others lol )

 

Lastly do you want to be on a road you can not return from? i think that is the main question here.

 

best of luck.

[Guest]

We started with MFM. Had our first with the guy half of a couple we had met while on vacation. He came to town on business and wanted to meet for drinks at his hotel. Two weeks later, hubby, then bf, and I were sitting at a bar at a resort, a young man sat on the other side of us and I began chatting with him, found myself flirting with, even seducing him so much so that hubby whispered in my ear, do you know what you’re doing. I told him yes. And yes, we then had our 2nd one and probably added one or two a month and then added in swaps with a visit to the local couples club. Like anything knew, we enjoy it a great deal initially. Now, it’s more like something we do on vacations, out of town weekends, only occasionally in our home town.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Anything can turn into an addiction. If you don't make love to each other on a regular basis then this is a problem. If you need this to get excited, then this is a problem. If you aren't interested in each other other than when you are planning on a visit to the club, then this is a problem. If your 'normal' life seems boring and the only thing that brings excitement to your relationship is this, then this is a problem. If you are having problems in your relationship and they are being overlooked or ignored because of the excitement of this, then this is a problem. If you two are drifting apart or not as close as you once were, then this is a problem. If none of those things are true and this is bringing you closer together and 'adding sprinkles' to the ice cream sundae that is your love for each other, then this isn't a problem. If it IS a problem, then you both need to stop now before you can't come back.

 

As mentioned, there is something called NRE (new relationship energy). While it is usually reserved for a new male/female coming into the relationship, I guess it could also be extended for a new 'type' of relationship (one that involves NSA sex with others). As mentioned, once the newness wears off, things will calm down and go back closer to your normal.

[3waypleasure 58]

We have been swingers on and off for many years. It seems we go through phases where we are more into it, followed by long times where we are completely monogamous. When we first started we were addicted. Now it is not a high priority, swinging once a months is "really into" for us. We have lived out every fantasy, and just being with a stranger isn't a thrill anymore.

 

Now, most of the time having sex with others just reminds us how great the sex we have between us really is. We are real good for channeling sexual energy we get from swinging back into our own relationship. The "thrill" of swinging does wear off over time.

 

We are just coming off a 3 year break, so it is kind of "new" again, but can tell already the thrill will be short lived.

[PSULioness 857]

As others have said, anything you do can be addicting. For some sex is a drug and like all drugs addiction is possible. Sex triggers chemicals in your brain like a drug. People can also be in denial that they are addicted to something. I know people who are addicted to the gym. Exercise triggers chemicals as well. When an activity dominates your life it is unhealthy.

While we are still new to this and there is still a sense of excitement in planning, and yes we get excitement in planning, my only sexual addiction is my husband.

[kikonkrome 844]

Is it interfering with your job? Is it interfering with family (sounds like a no as you take time for the kids)?

 

I don't think you are addicted, just enjoying life. I love motorcycles and scuba diving. I think about it all the time. I also think about sex all the time. I do not consider myself addicted to any of them. I have strong family relationships and a successful career.

 

I would say enjoy yourselves and do your thing...oh yeah let me know if you guys come to Chicago!!

[Enjoyopensex 19]

Can this turn into some a form of addiction?

 

I've been this lifestyle as married and widowed and i enjoy every minute as my wife had.

If I remember addiction of any sort useally interfers with a persons resoncablities, and abuilities arriving on time to work sober, or coherent for appointments and if kids are in your life then be their for then when you suppost to be . These are some of the issiues a person of addiction has.

Now i dont go out every day for this lifestyle fun, could if like to but usually on weekends but i don't HAVE TO as a addicticton this is a common issues having to have drink or what ever!

I enjoy the people i play with and the bottom of this is we are humans and it our natature to have sex!

As a side note: If this addiction , then this is one i've enjoyed as a swinger for over 25 years off and on. Wouldn't change a thing.

 

Ps: note: If I am additicted then it the best thing my wife and I have enjoyed in our lifes. We both enjoyed the wonderfull human touches and compassion along with mutual feels we all recieved and share having shared sex with others of like mined.

 

Ed

[Guest]

I'm not sure if the correct word is addiction or obsession.

 

Addiction usually implies some kind of psychical dependency.

 

Where obsession is more a mental dependency.