A Tricky Situation:

[jordan11 15]

TLDR: Personal History and Guys not taking into consideration what I want in bed.

 

 

My Husband and I are relatively new to the life style ( sub 1 Year) but have been married over 15 years and still loving it. We still get called out by kids for their being clothes in the front yard or why the bathroom door at a party is locked for way to long. A little back history. I'm apparently what the kids these days call Bi-Flexible? I actually asked what that was when reading an article about it. It means that in the right situation with the right person your hetrosexual self can be bisexual. Cool Okay. We dated a lesbian couple for a while ( penis penetration sex not allowed) and we've hooked up with our best friend a couple of times. He still wasn't allowed to penetrate her in that way either. We had a random oral swap with a set of friends of ours. And he let me relieve a good friend of ours that was going through a break up ( he was there and participated ) this was all prior to us actually joining the life style. We did the standard head out to the club things the first time. Get way to nervous and just nail eachother all night in the different play rooms. We've gotten better at our game. The first couple of encounters always involved girls that were interested in "testing" out their bisexual curiosity. I played along ( no truly bi) in hopes of getting him some play too. Well the last 2 times we went out to play we had a different encounter where we actually met couple both interested in playing ( the point of this long drawn out tail) 1st couple he was attractive to me and she to him. Awesome cool Go for it. NOPE!!! She kept telling me how much I was going to love the way he did things. NOPE. And he wouldn't take direction would allow me to show him what I wanted. Just kept going his own way, which I understand is her way, and works. but damnit! Not good. Ladies he was a mouse clicker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ( you get it) So I shake that one off and next time we're out. Same thing! No questions, no suggestions I show or tell him what I like. This one ( Obviously the sub in the pair) decided this was the time to pick up his skirt and grab his boys. He told me he knew what I need and how I needed it. O.o Umm..... I noped the F*$% out. So I guess my real question here is how do I get guys to take this into consideration? I'm not a crazy ball buster but I do like to enjoy the sex that I'm having.

 

 

Help!

[ViSexual 1,008]

Maybe if you and your husband meet couples online? This way, you can exchange emails detailing what you like, and don't like, and the man will know it all beforehand.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

So far it sounds like you have just been unlucky. Personally, I LOVE it when a woman tells me what she wants and how she wants it. We both like 'learning' new things...one of the reasons we are here. Maybe meeting couples on line as suggested is an option for you. Just don't speed too much time emailing and texting since once you meet in person, there may not be the same interest. Maybe you just haven't met the right couple at the club yet. It makes me crazy with how many men in the L/S have problems taking direction or already 'know' what women want. Just keep looking but don't be afraid to walk away from a couple if things aren't going where you want them to go. I don't know what else to say here...is there something that you would like me to do or say different?

[Wornsilver 219]

For the life of me, I cannot understand why a man wouldn't take advice and guidance from his partner! I'm searching for the right metaphor--you would not serve meat to a guest who you knew was a vegetarian. We respect the dietary wishes, why would we deny the sexual preferences when we know that abiding by that coaching would give us a better experience. SMH

[CandDinCo 69]

Yes. Most men do try to please the woman we are with. We get a sense of satisfaction from that. Listening to her is a skill.

 

Having said that. Variety is a big part of the LS. When I was a kid my parents taught me that when someone else is cooking your dinner, you don't say you don't like it. You shut up and eat it. As a result, I found out I like a whole lot of foods I would never have tried otherwise.

 

It's OK to tell a guy what you like, but don't be afraid to let him introduce you to new things. (As long as you are comfortable with them)

[jordan11 15]

Yes. Most men do try to please the woman we are with. We get a sense of satisfaction from that. Listening to her is a skill.

 

Having said that. Variety is a big part of the LS. When I was a kid my parents taught me that when someone else is cooking your dinner, you don't say you don't like it. You shut up and eat it. As a result, I found out I like a whole lot of foods I would never have tried otherwise.

 

It's OK to tell a guy what you like, but don't be afraid to let him introduce you to new things. (As long as you are comfortable with them)

 

LOL I'm not sure I could be introduced to a new thing. Unless it's something I've watched on the internet and want to erase from my mind. I know there is the old saying don't knock it til you try it, but we love sex ( we've tried it if we wanted to) . I think your food analogy is interesting. My mom made me eat everything served. I had to try it twice to be sure i didn't like it. I do the same thing in life. I try everything twice to be sure. The situation I'm refering to involves things I'm intimately familiar with. It involved a total lack of skill ( I'm not familiar with that I'm familiar with what I enjoy and what doesn't do it for me.). The guy that said he knew what I needed continued to lick his fingers before touching me even though it wasn't necessary ( sorry to blunt) he never thought to explore first. The other one just tap tap tapped away. With his tongue with his fingers. Zero motion to the ocean. I wasn't ejoying myself so talked to my husband and we were out. I really hope this is a bad luck situation. I'm not down for meeting random people on the internet at this point. I like the safety of the club situation but I feel like I needed a screening card or something. Maybe make a fun we just met questionaire or something ( not really but Jeez!!)

[CandDinCo 69]

Think back to the beginning of your relationship with your husband. How did your husband get so good at satisfying you? I'm sure he didn't start out that way. I bet you taught him what you liked. The new guys haven't had your likes explained to them. Take the same approach

[njbm 2,880]

Everyone tries the go to moves that work on their spouse. It's what people know. Expect it. But most men want to please. If I am asked to do something in a non-demanding way, I will do it...as long as it's "normal."

 

Remember the Meatloaf song: I would do anything for love, but I won't do that?

[jordan11 15]

You're completely right. He did take the time to learn what I wanted and enjoyed. The people I'm coming across aren't allowing for the same situation. They have told me they know what I need or blatantly ignored my cues and attempts at assistance. That's the problem I'm having at this point. I'm not a crazy control person but I do know what's best for me and I'm being ignored. It's weird to me because of my husband. When we first went in to this I was always reminding to pay attention to his partner, they aren't all going to be me. He needed to listen to them and watch them for pleasure cues and requests.

[luvin eye full 140]

Your going to find this in every age group as well as all different situations - some people just do not take cues or requests lol - though most do...

 

So do not give up but find others and try again - you will find that for the most part you'll get what you want.

Like in anything in this life some get it and some don't.

 

Good luck

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Next time you are in our neighborhood, stop by and teach us a thing or two...