How to approach a couple at a club?

[3waypleasure 58]

We have started frequenting swing clubs more often. The clubs near us seem to be very clickish, and when we approach groups talking, we are quite often ignored.

 

Lately, my wife has taken a more bold position. She sees a guy she likes, goes up and openly starts flirting and talking with him even if he is standing in a group with his wife and others. She then invites me over and introduces me.

 

Many times the guy will introduce his wife and I immediately try to strike up a conversation with her. On several occasions, the wife acts very cold towards me and will hardly speak. I had one woman, just stand there staring at her husband and my wife engaged in conversation, just rolling her eyes and totally ignoring me.

 

It seems that my wife approaching the husband is a turn off for many women. If they are there to swing, why would that bother them?

 

Should I approach the woman?

Should my wife approach the man?

Should she approach the woman?

 

What is the proper etiquette for approaching a couple, especially if they are standing in a group with other couples?

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

I think a better question is why don't you try finding another club? If the club you are going to isn't friendly, find one that is...

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I'll second the notion of finding a better club...once is chance, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern. You say the clubs close to you are like this, and I know having to travel further will mean you will go less often, but when you find a good club, I think it will be worth it...quality over quantity.

 

From what we've seen, often times it is the wife who does the approach, so I don't really see any problem there. The only thing I picked up on your post that may be a possibility, not saying it is, but when I read your description of how when your wife sees a guy she likes she goes straight to him. A direct approach is good, and honestly, something that we struggle to be very good at ourselves so we envy those who can, but the target needs to be the couple, not just one of of them. If it's obvious she's zeroing in right on the guy and blowing right by the wife in doing so, that's usually not going to get a very good response. It wouldn't from us I know, doesn't matter which one of us was getting targeting and which one was getting shouldered off to the side.

[kikonkrome 844]

I think you guys should keep up the work. Yeah that gig with the wife ignoring you, is part of the scene, time to eject. Same thing will happen when you approach a woman and the guy just stands there or doesn't say anything, or my favorite, when a woman approaches you and her partner is PO'd and won't talk to anyone. All of the above has happened to us and weirder, frankly (Ok the one I can't get my head around, women that make out with me to get to my wife, when their partner isn't around, I stop asking questions).

 

Anyhow we quickly learned to stop asking too many questions and start talking to as many people as will talk to us. No harm no foul, and if only one of the couple we are interested in is interested in us, bail.

 

I will add this as well. It is a shallow game. Make sure you look the best you can possibly look. Your potential partner doesn't know you and may never want to know you. Dress sharp!!

 

Good Luck and have fun!!

[njbm 2,880]

We have seen it all Swingers are the friendliest people if they want to do you and the rudest if they don't. Our personal favorite move is when the husband is drooling on my wife (sometimes quite literally) and the wife of the couple has left and walked away after the four of us started talking. I am no ogre, I would say I am above average on looks and HWP.

 

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you hit paydirt. But if that club is snobby, find another venue.

[3waypleasure 58]

Our personal favorite move is when the husband is drooling on my wife (sometimes quite literally) and the wife of the couple has left and walked away after the four of us started talking. I am no ogre, I would say I am above average on looks and HWP.

Had a very similar situation a few weeks back. A guy approached me and my wife and started talking. His wife was frantically look around for anyone else to talk to but us.

 

Later the guy apologized to us, saying his wife was mad at him for approaching us without getting her OK first. His wife didn't like my wife because she was too tall and not petite (my wife is 6', HWP / full figured ). I was a bit confused and asked him if his wife was bi. He said no, but his wife likes to tell him who he should be attracted to. I really appreciated him being honest.

[Alura 2,774]

My late wife, Laura, and I were not club people, but I can tell you how we approached attractive couples in an otherwise vanilla situation.

 

We always approached as a couple. Further, we would look at the way they were standing. Laura would take one of my arms and we would approach the couple so that I was facing the woman and she, the man. She would deliver the opening line, an introduction: "Hi, Y'all! I'm Laura and this is my husband, Raul."

 

We had a compliment prepared (to be delivered by Laura) that explained our approach. "I was admiring your Navajo jewelry from across the room. It's wonderful!" is an example.

 

It is better to approach a couple, rather than a group of couples. A conversation will be going on and your approach may seem to be a rude interruption.

 

During the initial conversation look for several tell-tale indications. Is the conversation lively and mirthful? Don't look only for positive indications, like smiles, but for negative ones like doubtful looks. If they constantly peer over your shoulders, they were likely hoping for someone else.

 

Buy a good book on body language and study it together.

 

Good Luck!