Going from being half a couple to single male

[phxswingcurious 19]

Anybody have any advice for a guy who was half of a swinging couple who is now separated, awaiting a finalized divorce? A few specific questions I have: Should I wait until the divorce is final or since we are already living apart and officially separated is that acceptable? Can I use the same online profiles, just putting a note saying I'm now single and removing all her stats and pics? I can't change the profile to show single male when it was started as a couple but I have paid for the annual membership on multiple sites. Also, I understand the sometimes difficult plight of the single male in the LS but does anyone have any specific insight as to how I can expect my experience to be different as a single male?

 

Thanks in advance for the replies. And no need to feel bad for me about the divorce. It's mutual and unbelievably amicable. We are still and will remain friends.

[adamgunn 1,460]

SLS, if that's one of the sites you're on, will allow you to turn your profile from couple to single - just get a hold of customer support. If that doesn't work, boldly put "I'm now a single male" at the very top of your profile. I went that way, didn't have any problems. (Well, at least not any that aren't associated with being a single male!)Yes, you should remove all references to her from your profiles.

 

You're separated, you're on your way to being divorced. If you met a young lady at a bar, say, and she wanted to have fun with you, you'd go, wouldn't you? So the same principle applies to the LifeStyle - just be upfront and honest with potential playmates.

 

The best of luck to you. You're going through a bad patch now, but I promise it'll get better.

[BuiltForSin 66]

Sorry for you are going through, been through a divorce in the past and it was a horrible horrible experience.

 

Here is the thing - you need to look a little broader rebuilding your social life. I understand the appeal of swinging to single guys but the reality is unless you are really into MFMs you are better off at "normal" singles venues. Single men in the LS are treated like dirt. They are not allowed into events and clubs. When they are allowed in they pay much more, get the riot act read to them upon arrival, are not allowed into certain areas and are treated as guilty until proven innocent if anything happens. Things that were just fine as a couple and don't even register if you are a female will get you marked as a creep and have people flipping out on you. On top of this nobody *nobody* really cares if you have any fun or your needs are met in any encounter, you are just supposed to be grateful to be included.

 

Is this really what you want to be doing while rebuilding your social life?

[phxswingcurious 19]

Great point! I am also getting out into the world of singles dating again, but I don't want to quit the LS totally. But great point and thanks for the honesty.

[3waypleasure 58]

Great point! I am also getting out into the world of singles dating again, but I don't want to quit the LS totally. But great point and thanks for the honesty.

I went through a divorce a number of years back, and immediately tried the online dating, both normal sites and adult sites.

 

I suggest when you start dating a woman, before it gets monogamous / serious ask her to attend a swing club or party. I was surprised how game most were within a few weeks of meeting. At one point I had a choice of 4 single women, who would attend lifestyle parties with me.

 

I met my current wife on AFF while she was going through a divorce. She became both my submissive and swing partner about 2 weeks after I met her. Our bachelor / bachelorette party was an epic swing event. Our wedding night after party turned into an orgy. Honeymoon was a swingers cruise. We have tried being monogamous at a couple points during our marriage, but keep coming back. I'ts never really been a part of our relationship.

[kikonkrome 844]

I agree with BuiltforSin. You are now single. Suck it up butter cup and delete the old profiles and start new ones where you are single. Really how much money will you be out a few hundred bucks? How much are you paying the lawyer handling your divorce, a lot more than that I bet.

 

Secondly as you are only separated, make sure you are in a no-fault divorce state. Google it. The last thing you want is her to see the profile and use it in front of the judge.

 

Single men in the lifestyle are at the bottom of the stack. Changing a couple's profile to a single profile just puts you farther down the bottom of the stack. On the opposite note, YOU ARE A SINGLE MALE, opportunities abound. Not just in the lifestyle but out of it as well. Nothing is stopping you from dating multiple women. There are lots of single women out there that just want and have guys take them out for a 'romatic date/weekend/vacation' and then go back to being a single proper nurse(love nurses), teacher, single Mom whatever. I have a two good friends that just kinda serially dates, she just always looks for the next good time.

 

I would also recommend checking out the guides on meeting women. There are books and online stuff. Sometimes it can be a bit misogynistic, but if you push through that, you'll learn a thing or two.

 

As you are in the middle of a divorce I would also highly recommend seeing a therapist, this is a tough ride to do alone.

 

Good Luck and Have Fun

 

As you are in the middle of the divorce

[phxswingcurious 19]

This is really encouraging and fantastic advice, thank you!...Except for kikonkrome. Don't tell me to "suck it up buttercup". That's offensive and you're just plain wrong about several things but I won't bother.

 

By the way, update: I have gotten several emails from a particularly attractive couple who understand my situation and want to meet, and a certified, gorgeous UNICORN who likes to play with single lifestyle guys. We actually sexted for hours on Sunday and have plans to meet next weekend. I've also had GREAT luck on the singles sites. So I will continue to utilize both. And I'll try to introduce the LS to some of the women I meet on the singles sites.

 

And kikonkrome...yeah, thanks, but I don't need your books on how to meet women either, buttecup.

[kikonkrome 844]

@phxswingcurious

 

I would still recommend the therapist though buddy.

 

Good Luck

[3waypleasure 58]

Secondly as you are only separated, make sure you are in a no-fault divorce state. Google it. The last thing you want is her to see the profile and use it in front of the judge.

Even if you are in a no-fault state, character can still affect custody issues.

 

When my wife went through her divorce, her ex tried to make her look like an unfit mother to get full custody of their children. He tried to paint a picture that she was "a drug using slut" and actually called her that in front of the judge. He claimed to have copies of her online profiles and claimed he had witnesses to her drug use (smoking pot).

 

The judge didn't take kindly to what he called "a feeble attempt at character assassination". She ended up with 75% of the assets, full custody of the kids, and he had to pay all her legal fees. He really screwed HIMSELF over.

[2NoLimit 95]

Can I use the same online profiles, just putting a note saying I'm now single and removing all her stats and pics? I can't change the profile to show single male when it was started as a couple but I have paid for the annual membership on multiple sites. Also, I understand the sometimes difficult plight of the single male in the LS but does anyone have any specific insight as to how I can expect my experience to be different as a single male?

 

Here is our take on single guys in a couples profile. It's just creepy!! We believe your odds will be even harder, and if you move to a singles profile afterwards we will still remember and go to the next.

 

It's creepy to us because we are not looking for single males (at this time), and one of the options on the site is to be invisible to single male profiles...Yet here is a single that created a couples profile just to snoop on profiles like ours. (I know your story is different. But we don't know that). Our first reaction is to block without reading the profile at all.

 

Now if we decided to look for a single male our opinion will be more towards a single male profile (we feel he is at least being honest about himself) then that of a single guy that's using a loophole to see profiles that some couples don't want to be visible to them otherwise.

 

Anyway wish you luck in your next chapter in life.

[phxswingcurious 19]

UPDATE: Wow, guys. This has been way easier than I anticipated. First, I was finally able to get Kasidie to update my profile to single male. I agree with 2NoLimit that it would be creepy to have a single guy with a couples profile. Glad thats over! Feel free to check it out and give any feedback on the profile itself - buddyluv1980. I've also now met 2 couples and played with an absolute knockout last night- my first MFM! It was fantastic and they spoke very highly of my demeanor and how I handled being the extra male. Oh God it was so hot. They promised a validation soon as well, which should increase my odds even further. I've also been on 2 dates from singles sites. But whats even better, to me, is the unicorn I met. She is amazing and freaking adores me so that has been super fun and getting better every day. She thinks it's hot that I played last night and the four of us are now talking about meeting up together. She may not be a Unicorn for very long. So, yeah, life is freaking fantastic right about now.

 

As far as the divorce goes, 3waypleasure, there is no custody battle because we never had kids. Just the dogs and a turtle. She gets the turtle, I get the dogs. Divorce papers are already filed and they are way more than fair to me. No judge. No court appearance. Super clean and easy. She knows and is ok with the fact that I'm a SM in the LS now and she thinks I'm going to be great at it. She still made me a birthday cake and her parents still got me a gift. I'm telling you, this is the coolest divorce ever.

 

Kikonkrome - I will be seeing a therapist. That was good advice, thank you. Sorry if I jumped you a little bit before. The wording just rubbed me the wrong way, but I know your intentions were good.