My wife is uncomfortable wth her body to swing

[KnkyCoupl4Coupl 24]

Hello all, in the past my wife and I had some experience in the lifestyle. We stopped 14 years ago and had two kids. Both kids were C-section, she has gained some weight, and feels her ass is saggy now. We have talked about getting back into it and talk explicitly about the different scenarios when we are having sex and it is so hot. However, she is reluctant to take action because of her body issues now. I always sincerely tell her how good she looks but she says I am biased because I am her husband. I am not pushing it at his point, but want to keep the subject on the table in hopes that she reaches a point where she feels comfortable with her body on her own. It seems like time has gotten to us. We are in our 40s and I feel we are still very viable candidates but we're not getting any younger. We used to go to parties where she could walk around in lingerie. Now she would not do that and I suggested meeting couples more discreetly and avoiding the party scene but she still feels uncomfortable. I get it and I am not pressuring her, but continue to tell her how good she looks while remaining objective to the changes in her body and not trying to pretend they are not there. I have taken action to exercise and stay at least trim, but it is up to her to do something about it. Not sure what I am after here, but I feel as if it is a fantasy at this point and that it will never happen. Has this happened to anyone?

[kikonkrome 844]

Yeah well it is up to her to do something about it.

 

Ever thought of working out together? Kind of a bonding experience?

 

This will certainly bring out your insecurities. Do you guys do a date night once a week? There are all sorts of body types in the lifestyle. All sorts of interests. I know I prefer more of a 'mommy' body than a young girls.

 

I think getting out for regular vanilla dates would be a big help, fun and you guys can grow closer.

 

Good Luck have Fun!!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I think the concern is about universal across swinging, everyone has some type of insecurity on some aspect of their physical appearance. Not to say you shouldn't work on whatever it is you think you need to work on, since that is likely to have positive benefits in lots of ways in many different aspects of your life, but I'm a firm believer in that sexy comes from within. I've met some woman that come closer to meeting the society-imposed standards of beauty and sexy, and they had the sexual attraction to me equal to that of a fence post...they just didn't have the "it" factor. Then I've met some others who were more regular people with all of the associated "flaws" that living life brings, and they were hot as hell.

 

I am in no way saying that great looks automatically equals not sexy inside, because that's no more true that saying great looks do equal sexy inside, just that people are individuals and what is inside is more important than what is on the outside.

[padoc 1,703]

Working out together is great. Investigate modern medicine. There are things that can be dome for sagging skin or to repair the ravages of childbirth. Still, sexy and desirable is a state of mind to some degree. I(Mr Doc) have a vanilla friend who is about 20 lbs overweight, had 3 kids, and is late middle age. I wish I could convince her to get naked with me. She is just incredibly sexy. Maybe its how she carries herself or her attitude but she just exudes sexuality. Sexy is a state of mind as well as body and sexiness is often in the eye of the beholder. I'd suggest you two get out there and explore a little.

[luvin eye full 140]

I would think that you need to help fix the thing that hold her back 1st then think about playing again (if you ever do)

 

Sometimes it's hard to get going again in the fitness area because of other problems (thinking bad backs, torn muscles and so on) and sometimes it is just the thought that "I'll never look 20 again".

 

Take your time and spend a year one getting into shape with her and enjoy that for a while - then later ask again if it's still no then forget it and be happy you have had a wife in this life that at one stage did play and gave some great memories to the both of you.

 

Best of luck.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

This is a very common question and the answer is still the same (pulled from some of the other threads):

 

Women (usually) seem to come here wondering if they are 'enough'...good enough or pretty enough or skinny enough to be swinging. What they are told (and usually need to see to believe) is that there is someone for everyone here. Just that a woman is interested in swinging makes them very exciting from the start. After 40, almost all women have something that they wish was better, but after 40 most men realize that the biggest sex organs are a woman's brain, personality, and confidence. While we also commend you for working out and encourage you to keep it up (it will keep you around longer until we all have time to play together ), looks become less of a priority with age. Remember, beauty is only skin deep and is fleeting, but sexy comes from much deeper within.

 

Go to a nudist beach or resort and most of anyone's body issues will be releaved. Swingers (and nudists) are not just the 'beautiful people', but the every day people (there's more everyday people than beautiful people...it's just a numbers game). Ten minutes at a nudist anything and you'll be saying to yourself 'I'm really not that bad'...and you most likely are not. Real women HAVE curves and are more beautiful because of them.

 

What do swingers look like (I'm paraphrasing)? Look at the average people that surround you every day. Now picture them naked. Swingers, just like everyone else, come in ALL shapes and sizes. At the same time, there are people who love different shapes and sizes. Once you go to a club, a meet and greet, a swingers resort, or cruise you will quickly realize that you aren't that bad (and better than some). Personally, we (both Mr and Ms Gold) happen to really like curves on a woman and aren't interested in those skinny sticks in most ads (afraid that they could be broken ).

 

Beauty is only skin deep, but sexiness is something that is projected from deep inside and usually has little to do with beauty.

 

All of the above are our quotes taken from similar threads. If your wife isn't feeling attractive, then you need to start reminding her that she IS. After that, as stated above, take her to a nude beach or swingers club so she can see how others look. Usually, making plans to attend a club will help motivate both of you care more about how you look (at least it does for us and we're not anything that special ). The bigger question here is you need to find out if there is a problem with your wife and how she is viewing herself. This is something that you need to talk with her about and find out what the issue is. Otherwise, plan on going to a club just to look and see how you stack up.

[Naughtyvanessa 49]

She has to be comfortable with her body first! These days you can work out at home - pilates video on YouTube - every morning 15 min for a start and than if she feels sexy and hot in her body than perhaps swinging can happen.

 

But if she feels not good with herself it is difficult.

 

I have a girl friend , married 3 kid and she is a "bigger size" but she feels sexy and comfortable and she is a swinger and she knows how do dress hot with her "big curves". She has so much self esteem and people love her the way she is and not an inch less! If you feel not comfortable with your own body it is irrelevant what size you are.