Hello all, question about swinging separately

[Milf84 15]

Just joined and seeking a little advice. My husband and I have been LS for a total of 5 years, together 10 years. We recently started hall passes.

 

I have always been the one that wants sex all the time in our relationship. I would have sex with him every day if he would be up for it. Husband is usually telling me he is too tired and we end up having sex once a week.

 

I have been trying to get it through to him that if he can't make time for me, why would he make time for a playmate? To him we see each other every day (during the week we usually see each other for about an hour and he's too exhausted to have sex) and I shouldn't have a problem with him having an occasional hookup, despite me feeling like I was turned down by him all week long.

 

He says that I overthink things. So I thought I would ask fellow swingers.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I kind of look at swinging separately as the something that should only be considered when things are just perfect. If there are any soft spots in either your relationship or your swinging life, then doing hall passes are best put off until you have those soft spots repaired to 100% solid. In this case, there are some things that you aren't satisfied/happy with, and so you need to work on those first and foremost before thinking about expanding your swinging horizons. It sounds like you realize this, but he may not, or else he does and just wants to look past it to get what he wants. I'd suggest taking a breather from swinging entirely until you can rebuild your relationship as a couple, including your sexual relationship. Once that is rock solid again, then there's always time to talk about hall passes.

[couplers 4,614]

... We recently started hall passes... why would he make time for a playmate? To him we see each other every day (during the week we usually see each other for about an hour and he's too exhausted to have sex) and I shouldn't have a problem with him having an occasional hookup, despite me feeling like I was turned down by him all week long...

 

It seems to me that if your relationship is otherwise good, then you are the one that should take advantage of the hall passes. As a woman you can have your pick of men and have your fill of sex. It will probably spark more interest by your husband as well. As for him, regardless of how good your relationship is, variety is what often gets people going. Good luck and please let us know how it goes.

[Milf84 15]

You would think after being in the lifestyle, I wouldn't have so many questions lol. But hall passes are rather different.

 

Is it strange that I don't have a desire to play with others when I feel like I'm not getting enough from him?

[couplers 4,614]

... Is it strange that I don't have a desire to play with others when I feel like I'm not getting enough from him?

 

Perhaps. What you're probably not getting from your husband is attention and affection as well as sex. You need to work on that with your husband. Be helpful and understanding and work together. In the meantime, it's between you and your husband whether you and/or he getting sex from others would help or hurt your relationship. Keep an open mind, in my relationships (in a poly family) us having someone else to have sex with during a tiff with another actually helps a lot.