Wife wants rough role play in sex but I don't know how

[Guy1964 177]

I have come to see that I am a babe in the woods when it comes to sexuality. One thing I love on the boards is how open couples can be in sharing shat they want. My wife had me read the Fifty Shades trilogy, which I loved. I thought she just wanted me to enjoy the literature and I did.

 

The other day I playfully slapped her bottom and she wanted me to do it again as she lay over my lap. The morning, out of nowhere, she said I want sex! She wanted to play a game where forced her. She had me hold her wrists and during intercourse she seemed to be pretending I was forcing myself on her. She let me hold her wrists and she would say "I don't want this" but then responded more sexually. It was obvious she was gently acting out a rape scene. I enjoyed it and went along, even telling her to put her chin down when I wanted her from the back. As I was obviously nearing climax she wanted to pretend to fight when I held her wrists down. I then pushed her legs apart, held her arms and applied the vibrator until she came. She then wanted me on top holding her wrists and being aggressive while she would say "I don't want this" she would speak in a playful-enough voice that she wanted to continue.

 

She obviously wants this role play, but I'm inexperienced at giving it to her. I don't want her to feel coerced in any way. This is obviously important to her. Suggestions on how I can help while broadening my own sexual boundaries?

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

First, talk to her (outside of a sexual environment)! You can start by telling her that it was really hot and ask if this is something that she wants more of. It sounds like she is trying to share her fantasies with you...let her do this (and you should share yours with her). More and better communication only helps make a relationship stronger. It may feel odd at first, but it's just play! Mostly it sounds like she wants you to be more dominate in the bedroom (and you sound like you aren't comfortable with that). That she is feeling close enough to you to share these secrets is a very good thing. Since it seems like something she wants, wouldn't you LIKE to have her do the things that you have kept secret? As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, and both parties are consenting, there's nothing wrong with this...go for it and enjoy yourself. Don't be afraid to open yourself up to her, after all she is the most important person in your life.

[Lionheart72 2,189]

I would like to second what GoldCoCouple said...talk to her, outside of sex, and discuss these new desires. Listen to what she has to say, and be honest with her about how you feel about it.

 

On a more specific topic, I have had a play partner who was also into roleplay and specifically into the kind of consensual-non consent roleplay you describe. For me, it was an edgy and somewhat uncomfortable area to explore (honestly, largely uncomfortable because I really enjoyed it and that spooked me a little). I found the key thing to remember in consensual-non consent is the consensual element. You aren't really forcing her, you are playing a game.

 

Another thing that I found helped was planning out our "scene" (to use the bdsm term) ahead of time... not in every detail but in a general overview. That way we were both on the same page in terms of what we wanted and what we were comfortable with. That reinforced both the "game" and "consent" elements. We were doing things we'd agreed on ahead of time.

 

Also, remember your safe-words. It's become a little cliche but it's actually important in bdsm and roleplay. Have a word or phrase that means "stop" and when that word is spoken, the game stops... right there, no ifs, ands or buts. My local bdsm community uses a "stop light" code - green means "don't stop", yellow means "I'm ok to continue but don't do that again", red means "stop." Very valuable, especially in a roleplay scenario. When my play-partner was whimpering "oh god, please no, don't, stop" I knew to go harder. If she said "red", I knew to stop.

 

In summery - talk to her, plan out your scene, remember your safe-words.

 

(Now, excuse me while I adjust my pants. Damn, I need to find a new play partner who is into this kind of stuff. )

[Scaredstiff 129]

I have found myself in a very similar situation Thanks to the 50 shades novels, my wife likes the idea of being dominated , and like you I'm not all that comfortable with it, I like it but it doesn't come naturally to me, I am getting better with it though , it's fun to practice and practice makes perfect. I noticed my wife squirming in her seat when we watched the second movie during the scene with the spreader bar, so I got one , put it on her and used a riding crop on her pussy, we had never done anything remotely like this previously and although I wasn't massively into slapping her clit (for fear of hurting her) seeing her so turned on just drove me crazy , we've been together 20 years and I remember thinking "you dirty little girl, how long have you been fantasizing about this?"

 

I love the way she still surprises me now and then

[luv2was 117]

All the comments about communication are spot-on.

 

That your wife has opened herself up to you like this shows a tremendous amount of trust. You are both very fortunate.

 

If y'all can move forward with open minds, while also maintaining an attitude of acceptance, you will likely achieve heights in your relationship that you never imagined possible.

 

Education is the key. You are entering a new world. Fortunately there is a LOT of good information on the web (though separating the wheat from the chaff is sometimes a challenge). Explore alone, and together. As you learn, it will become easier to find a path that is suitable to you both.

 

Keep up the good fun.

 

;-)

[Guy1964 177]

I want to thank everyone who responded with your excellent guidance, and I don't want anything to think I was ignoring you. Right after this posts, we had a medical emergency with my mother-in-law, and that has dominated our lives for the past few months. She is in another state, and my wife has been focused on that. That's resolving, and we've just now started talking about these things again. I like the ideas of encouraging her to share her fantasies at non-sexual times, and of me doing the same. I had a somewhat sexually repressed past, and we had a very upfront talk while we were driving. I made the comment that I had done things with her that I had never done before, and she replied, "What about the other women you were with? Did they just lay there?!?! I said "Pretty much," and that opened a dialogue about exploring new avenues and fantasies.

 

Again, I really appreciate all your responses and I don't want anyone to feel slighted because I didn't reply. I'm sure you understand the situation. Thank you all very much.

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

Thanks for the update. Let us know how things go from here.