Dress to impress - why just the women?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Been out of the loop for a bit and finally back in... attended my first big event in several years. The one thing that really struck me was the complete imbalance in presentation between males vs females. 90%+ of the females dressed to impress (even if they didn't dress to theme - which, of course, most did - it was Naughty Schoolgirl night), yet less than 10% of the men bothered to even dress nice (not even talking about dressing to theme, but just not in shorts and a tank top).

 

My theory (please feel free to dispel it) is that most of those couples were there just for the girls to play and thus the guys did not feel any need to impress. About half of the guys who did bother to dress nice were single guys and actually made the statement to me that "I'm single I know I have to do more to stand out" (well played).

 

As a woman who is there to play with guys (as much, if not more than, to play with women) it irks me that guys don't make an effort. It's a huge turn-off to see guys looking like they aren't doing anything more than running errands on a Saturday afternoon.

 

I'd love to get ya'lls thoughts on this dichotomy, and find out if other women are seeing the same thing.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Dear Julie,

 

First, welcome home. We’ve missed you!

 

You are quite correct, couples are often asymmetric with respect to the care and thought they put into dressing up for party. We have noticed similar: the ladies put more effort into their costume than the men. Your theory is one possible explanation. There are others that might complement, for example:

 

1. Women seem to embrace the fashion aspect of gatherings differently than men. Men think nothing of wearing the same jacket and slacks a couple of days in a row. We know no women who would ever wear the same outfit two days in a row barring exigency (such as being snowbound at an airport). On average, women seem to take much more care about the impression they make with their dress, regardless of whether it is a business suit or a bustier.

 

2. Women seem to embrace the social aspect of parties, vanilla or lifestyle, differently than men. On average, they like the flirt, the glance, the touch, the seduction more than men. Many women will include an unique article of clothing, a piece of jewelry, a new color lipstick or nail polish —something to spark conversation. Men, not so much.

 

It creates for some awkward situations. Many men let their “dating skills” atrophy. They miss opportunities to connect. It’s a bit frustrating for many couples.

 

There is a silver lining. The gents who take even a modest amount of care with their appearance, can engage in conversation beyond the weather and sports teams, and who are tuned to the glance, the touch and so on tend to have a great time in these settings. They are also the ones who seem most attuned to their lady’s experience.

 

Kind regards.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Our favorite swing club has a dress code: no denims and no short pants. One day of the reasons we like the place.

[kikonkrome 844]

I agree with you totally and I'm a guy!!! I don't get it!! I dress really well, fashionable clothes, polished shoes, etc. I do weeear jeans but they're high end jeans, sorry slacks for evening wear are kinda dated. That's another thread.

 

No I have no explanation. Yes it's a turnoff for us if both members of the couple do not dress to impress.

[kcjones 59]

OK ladies, here's some insight on the how and why men dress the way they do:

 

Men decide what to wear primarily by how comfortable the clothing items are. The most comfortable clothes are the ones they wore the day before. Men don't shop for clothes for recreation, but solely for necessity. When they do shop, they look to buy the same clothes that lie in their closet, but in a different color or size. I am almost always the best dressed man in the room, yet I occassionally slip back into this stereotype. Men have less reason to dress up than in generations past. Most men only wear suits for job interviews, weddings, and funerals. Most pastors don't wear suits anymore, killing the term Sunday's best. Put a guy in a new or uncomfortable environment, and he will default to his comfort outfit.

 

Men refuse to listen to their wives, when it comes to clothing, and wives are afraid to give fashion advice because he won't listen. I think women in the lifestyle have an advantage. I guarantee a man will listen to the fashion advice from the wife on another couple or unicorn.

[Wornsilver 219]

OK ladies, here's some insight on the how and why men dress the way they do:

 

Men decide what to wear primarily by how comfortable the clothing items are. The most comfortable clothes are the ones they wore the day before. Men don't shop for clothes for recreation, but solely for necessity. When they do shop, they look to buy the same clothes that lie in their closet, but in a different color or size. I am almost always the best dressed man in the room, yet I occassionally slip back into this stereotype. Men have less reason to dress up than in generations past. Most men only wear suits for job interviews, weddings, and funerals. Most pastors don't wear suits anymore, killing the term Sunday's best. Put a guy in a new or uncomfortable environment, and he will default to his comfort outfit.

 

Men refuse to listen to their wives, when it comes to clothing, and wives are afraid to give fashion advice because he won't listen. I think women in the lifestyle have an advantage. I guarantee a man will listen to the fashion advice from the wife on another couple or unicorn.

 

Pretty glum view of the male part of the species. I'm not sure I agree, I try to look nice and wear clothes that are not only comfortable, but serve the purpose, e.g. athletic, business, out for the evening, etc. When I had a "power position" as an executive, I still had a pretty lithe body and I wore moderately expensive suits, ties and I bought the best shoes I could find.

 

Just my take.

[larry818 58]

I think this is just what our society has devolved into. My kids are in high school now, and what I see there is the girls are all dressed nicely, fashionably, and the boys are dressed like total slobs. Ünderwear hanging out, pants around their ankles, etc... Makes me glad to be a child of the '70s. That and I caught the tail end of the sexual revolution.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

The situation is much as you describe: men seem to take less and less care in their presentation. Candidly, Mrs. FL notices such things and has no interest in people who do not take the time to bathe, groom, and dress appropriate for an occasion. She interprets such efforts as a sign of respect. It's curious how little care and thought goes into photographs at dating sites. Small wonder that there are few responses. For our part, we look for couples who look after themselves, and that initial presentation matters. We are not saying that a ball cap and jeans are inappropriate--at a ball game they are surely appropriate. But at a social function whose purpose is to excite the opposite sex? Some assembly required.

[padoc 1,703]

We met a couple for dinner earlier this summer at a very nice place in Naples. We had exchanged emails and private photos and I was certain that we had a really good match and Mrs Doc was completely on board. We had a nice dinner and some pleasant conversation. They had told us up front that they had early morning boating plans so it would be simply a meet and greet. Couple of days later, they contacted us for a play date. Mrs Doc said absolutely no. Her reasoning was this…."We met at an upscale restaurant, you were wearing slacks and a dress shirt, I was wearing a sexy sundress and ONLY the sundress, she was in a short skirt with a loose flowing top and no bra. HE showed up in a fishing shirt, cutoffs and flip flops and hadn't even shaved. No effort no sex". I guess you really do only get one chance to make a 1st impression!!

[adamgunn 1,460]

You do realize, don't you, that he's gonna turn around and call you "too picky."

[padoc 1,703]

Have you looked at our pics??? I'd say it was his loss.

[dan63 106]

Have you looked at our pics??? I'd say it was his loss.

 

Ok, I looked at your profile on SLS. Definitely his loss.

 

And BTW my compliments to the photographer. Great model and great pics.

[Muskyfins 15]

Not all guys fit the mold. I cant set the dress code where I work and my boss lets office personnell get away with jeans and t shirts. Unacceptable as far as I'm concerned.

 

Any man worth his salt should know how to dress. Not just for clubs. For whatever the ocassion. Cut off shorts are basically unacceptable just about anywhere. Clothes should fit properly. If a guy doesnt have fashion sense he should go to a high end mens clothing store and ask lots of questions.

[Guest]

Most of our MFM activity is with guys that we are chatting with in a bar. Their dress and hygiene are definitely factors. Hubby has commented many times about how he is always surprised that its not about physique and good looks, he has both, but more about the guy who dresses and can make me laugh….

[normals 21]

Women go to private parties and clubs in some very sexy gear, see-through, skin-tight, camel toes etc. Delightful to look at.

 

Perhaps somebody can explain why men dont wear similar stuff. eg Lycra wrestling gear, Zentai suits, bike pants, skin tight leather etc as a lot of the gay people wear.

 

Are the men too shy?

 

I mean its not as if it is ruder than people watching you having sex

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

normals said:

Delightful to look at. Perhaps somebody can explain why men don't wear similar stuff. eg Lycra wrestling gear, Zentai suits, bike pants, skin tight leather etc as a lot of the gay people wear.

 

Are the men too shy?

It may be that the best looks in theme costumes are found in the gay men's catalogs.

[BuiltForSin 66]

normals said:

Women go to private parties and clubs in some very sexy gear, see-through, skin-tight, camel toes etc. Delightful to look at.

 

Perhaps somebody can explain why men dont wear similar stuff. eg Lycra wrestling gear, Zentai suits, bike pants, skin tight leather etc as a lot of the gay people wear.

 

Are the men too shy?

I mean its not as if it is ruder than people watching you having sex

 

Because men are trying (at least the ones that make the effort) to convey a masculine sense of "sexy" where as the the items you mentioned is more applying the traditional feminine sexy to a male body.. Nothing is 100% but for who the hetro male is trying to impress that Borat bikini generally isn't going to work beyond being a joke.

 

I'd be happy if we could just keep the flip flops and shorts out of our local clubs.

[normals 21]

Yes fundamental Law. it just seems to me that the ladies go to a lot of trouble to look very alluring, yet the best men are expected to turn up in is clean normal clothes and no flip flops.

 

BTW we call flip flops = thongs down here. so we wear thongs in all sorts of circumstances. LOL.

 

But back to the original discussion, while a borat is mostly just a joke, there are lots of stuff like your onsie that seem to me to be better than normal street clothes.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Yes Fundamental Law. it just seems to me that the ladies go to a lot of trouble to look very alluring, yet the best men are expected to turn up in is clean normal clothes and no flip flops. ...Or is built for sin right in that this stuff is applying tradition female dress.

 

There are a couple of possible explanations. (1) Men do not have expectations or know what is expected of them; (2) Men don't care; and (3) Men are a bit fearful of pushing the self-expression envelope. We think all three apply.

 

That said, most women would like to be on the arm of a man who is (for whatever reasons) attractive, knowing that she is indeed going home with a man who becomes that center of attention at a party. In polite circles, this is the "last dance" line of thinking. For us, there are the arenas of lust and play; then there are arenas of love and commitment. The former feeds the latter.

[BuiltForSin 66]

There are a couple of possible explanations. (1) Men do not have expectations or know what is expected of them; (2) Men don't care; and (3) Men are a bit fearful of pushing the self-expression envelope. We think all three apply.

 

We visited Club Privata a couple of weeks ago.. Here is their stated dress code:

 

Men: Casual Slacks, Designer Jeans, Dress Kilts (no utili-kilts) Collared Button Down Shirt, Pull-Over Collared Shirt, Dress Shoes, Designer Boots or Upscale Modern Comfort Shoes. NO t-shirts, NO exceptions.

 

Women: Sexy, Flirty, Sassy!…Skirts, Slacks, Designer Jeans, Booty Shorts, Lingerie, Dresses, Blouses, Halters, Hose & Heels, Sexy Stilettos & Flats, Thighs & Boots...whatever makes you feel sexy & sassy.

 

The expectations are a bit different

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We strongly believe that if you don't make an effort to present your best side, then nobody else will make an effort to get to know you. Too many men think its all about the women and forget that they are 1/2 of the couple. It's really not that hard to look nice when you go out with your woman. Sure, occasionally you can catch a fish with only a worm, but most lures are colorful, nicely presented, and look good enough to eat...

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

chiccouplexx said:

Most of our MFM activity is with guys that we are chatting with in a bar. Their dress and hygiene are definitely factors. Hubby has commented many times about how he is always surprised that its not about physique and good looks, he has both, but more about the guy who dresses and can make me laugh….

 

That would be me as well. Hitting back out a a single female I've been amazed at some of what I've seen on guys that I've met... for example: a guy wearing a shirt that it looked like he'd pulled out of a pile on his floor... and another guy wearing a shirt that was literally falling apart.

 

As we looked around this party before we walked in I was looking for guys who stood out and there were very few. I saw some who were good looking or really well built but then they killed it with what they had on which seemed to showcase an attitude that said they didn't care. There was one guy who literally looked like he was wearing his gym clothes (but perhaps that was his take on naughty schoolgirl). One person commented that the guys were wearing what they had worn to school... which in a way kinda made sense.

 

 

BuiltForSin said:

We visited Club Privata a couple of weeks ago.. Here is their stated dress code:

 

Men: Casual Slacks, Designer Jeans, Dress Kilts (no utili-kilts) Collared Button Down Shirt, Pull-Over Collared Shirt, Dress Shoes, Designer Boots or Upscale Modern Comfort Shoes. NO t-shirts, NO exceptions.

 

Women: Sexy, Flirty, Sassy!…Skirts, Slacks, Designer Jeans, Booty Shorts, Lingerie, Dresses, Blouses, Halters, Hose & Heels, Sexy Stilettos & Flats, Thighs & Boots...whatever makes you feel sexy & sassy.

 

The expectations are a bit different

 

As it should be... and that's what I was used to prior to my recent return to clubs. Every club I'd been to had had a similar dress code (heck, most vanilla clubs I would go to had a similar dress code). Of course, having the dress code and enforcing it are two different things, but generally it was enforced to enough of an extent that everyone in the club looked reasonably like they'd made an effort... which is really what it all comes down to.

[LecrameMark 15]

Recently me and my wife started to discuss about swinging , she bought a lot of clothes from Lily Lulu Fashion and she don’t know what to wear. Last week we missed a session because her underwear wasn’t compatible with her stockings and dress. This week I bought a lot o stuff for her just to arrive there in time. Now she is happy and so I am. My partners were pleased and asked if I am gonna come again. My wife got a little bit jealous but it is her fault. Now we decided that once a month we go to the swingers club.

[LecrameMark 15]

Recently me and my wife started to discuss about swinging , she bought a lot of clothes from Lily Lulu Fashion and she don’t know what to wear. Last week we missed a session because her underwear wasn’t compatible with her stockings and dress. This week I bought a lot o stuff for her just to arrive there in time. Now she is happy and so I am. My partners were pleased and asked if I am gonna come again. My wife got a little bit jealous but it is her fault. Now we decided that once a month we go to the swingers club.

 

Hey if anybody is interested in joining us just tell me, preferably couples

[LForward1 17]

It's not only women. I know that if you want to find a hot chick, you have to dress well and take care of yourself

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

It's not only women. I know that if you want to find a hot chick, you have to dress well and take care of yourself

 

So often I see a young man out with a young woman where she is looking absolutely FANTASTIC and he looks like some schlub found in a gutter somewhere. I want to go up to the guy and slap some sense into him.

[JessicaJamison 861]

Agreed!  The boys need to step it up!  I make my husband put on a nice suit and button down generally if we are meeting another couple.  Hopefully the females appreciate the efforts I put into dressing him lol.  If I am on the prowl and I see a well dressed guy that is where I am gonna start looking cause it is a huge turn on.