I need a refresher course

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

After a few years off from parties, I returned with a new friend in tow to help me feel more at ease. He's new to things so rather than opt for a party where I knew I'd have some friends I directed us to one neither of us had been to... then proceeded to do everything wrong.

 

I know better. I'd just forgotten. We did a few things right and made a few mistakes as well... the mistakes had pretty big effects

 

We arrived early (at the beginning of the party) because I hate walking into an already crowded party. I prefer to let the room fill around me so that my comfort level can increase as the party fills up. We were actually a little later than I usually try to be... yet when we walked in the room was still pretty empty...

 

Mistake #1: We headed to a table in the back corner (in non-swinging situations this is my norm, but I forgot that in social situations it's generally a bad idea).

Mistake #2: We sat down (at a table with other people). Again, I forgot. My MO for years was to not sit down (almost ever unless we knew it was with someone we were interested in), instead we'd drop our things and then proceed around the room to meet and greet anyone and everyone.

Mistake #3: We stayed put. The longer you stay put the harder it becomes to get up and move around and meet people. This is a classic newbie mistake... the sitting and waiting for people to come to you... I know better...and yet I did it anyway.

 

It's so easy in these situations to blame everyone else when you don't end up meeting people. We did meet two couples (the couple we sat down with and one other couple we'd met in the hallway on the way to the party who later joined our table), unfortunately there was no mutual interest with either couple. At first I couldn't figure out what had gone wrong and wanted to blame the party. "It was like these people just came with the people they wanted to play with... there was that one guy who came over to say hi, but his wife wouldn't even leave their table of friends.....). However, looking back and after re-reading my own damn book I realized it was all on me, because I knew better.

 

Needless to say our next party went very differently... sit, we did not. Meet people, we definitely did. Have a great time? Oh yeah. Even old hands need a refresher course when it's been a while.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I'm not surprised the woman that wrote the book (well, one of them) on swinging was able to step back, analyze what went wrong and why it went wrong, then take ownership and correct it. Glad to hear the second party was fun.

[kikonkrome 844]

We blow so hot and cold when it comes to working a room. I mean sometimes you ' a generic you' are really on and everybody's your friend!!!

 

Other nights like the one we just had. We couldn't make anything happen and yes I mostly blame us as we just didn't have the energy.

 

I notice this too after we 'take a break', or we just have other things going on. It takes a few runs just to get comfortable again. Kinda like skiing. It kinda takes a few trips just to get in the groove.

[Judy39 145]

That's a great post - thanks! A useful reminder.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

However, looking back and after re-reading my own damn book I realized it was all on me...