Getting started as a single woman

[Isidore 17]

Hi everyone. I am a happily married woman in my early 30s. I have always been sexually adventuress, very kinky, and open to various forms of non-monogamy. Over the past year, I have been thinking of swinging, and have finally decided to take the next step. My husband is supportive, but has no interest in participating for now, so I'll be broaching the lifestyle on my own.

 

That brings me to my question - what are some strategies to navigating safety/comfort in this environment? I have started a profile on SLS, and found myself somewhat put-off by the response. Many people are very aggressive, won't take no for an answer (I have to refuse an average of 2 times per person), and want to meet immediately. As a single female, I don't feel comfortable meeting with a complete stranger (especially single men) right away. Is that expected/ normal for this community? I need to get somewhat of a feel for the person before I know whether I want to meet with them, not to mention whether I feel comfortable doing so. It feels like there is a lot of pressure to act quickly.

 

I have considered swinging clubs as a possible starting point (I am in the Boston area), but I fear that I will not feel comfortable on my own with everyone else being coupled. How common are single females in such settings? Do any of you single females out there have any advice/perspective on what it is like to visit clubs on your own? Is brining another female friend (as a non-partner) common?

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

How common are single females in such settings?

 

Single females in the community are referred to as 'unicorns' because of their rarity (actually unicorns are more common). I'm guessing that most people who are contacting you want to meet to make sure that you are what you say you are. Too many 'swinging single women' are not...well, women. Because of your rarity, people want to meet you just on the outside hope that you might be what you say you are but to also make sure that you are not just a troll or pix collector playing on the internet.

 

The other side of this is you ARE a rarity so YOU get to set the rules. First, are you looking for just men, women, or couples to play with? You MIGHT be better with trying to find someone who does house parties and contact them. House parties are usually smaller events usually limited to couples (and of course unicorns) that are vetted and therefore there usually isn't the 'feeding frenzy' of fresh unicorn blood in the water in a pool full of parana. The other option is to just ask your husband to go with you to a club for the first time...not to do anything, just to get the feel of the place and maybe make a contact or two. Just remember, YOU have all of the power here, don't forget that. You control what, who, when and how anything proceeds. Anyone who is less than completely professional and polite get ignored.

 

Don't be intimidated by people who are too pushy. They know that you are most likely getting 100's of replies and are just trying to get your attention. Unless you are looking for just men, I would NEVER agree to meet with a guy alone (my wife can't make it this time but she will the next...just say no). Take your time and be particular. Have fun and if you need any more help or suggestions, we would recommend you stop by our house for a chat...anytime, just say when, we are always available!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I am not a woman but I will offer advice that I have read from female members of this Swingersboard when similar questions have been raised. Ask a friend whom you know well and trust and who can also be trusted to not tell people what you are up to. Have her accompany you to a swing-club party. This trusted friend need not be a swinger. This is just so you do not appear to be alone.

[Jane1902 476]

There are a lot of trolls in both single males and couples. I avoid people that ask for more pictures right away. Don't waste your time responding to too many you are not intrested in it only seems too encourage them more. My profile states no reply is no interest. Be clear in what you want. I do meet single males alone in public places. One of the best was an afternoon meeting that we knew in advance because of the timeing no play would happen but just to meet each other. I like meet and greets with no play after. What about the possibility of your husband going to a club or party with you and only the two of you ahve sex with each other and perhaps you'll meet others for another time?

[luvin eye full 140]

Male here, You say the husband is not interested - ok but surly you both want you safe? Do not go alone at all. while most people are cool you will always get the one/s that don't care how you are treated.

 

Even if your partner is not going to join in still get him to go at lest until you know some trustworthy people there.

 

Do you think your husband ever will want to join you in this?

I get your husband does not want to join in but why not? I would not encourage any one to do this without finding out the why not and covering all that goes with that in a marriage.

So you have talked about all the emotions that may come for both of you and what to do if so?

 

Sorry i just worry for couples where one does not want to do it and the other just does it any way = i mean is it really that the partner supports the other in doing this or is the partner just saying ok for fear of loss?

 

And no i am not saying this is your case - just be careful.

 

good luck to both of you.