Strip Clubs as a first step

[J&BinNJ 15]

This is my first post other than our intro. This my be a stupid question, but here goes. I had seen in other places couples going to strip clubs or being told to try strip clubs when starting out in the lifestyle. Aside from it being erotic, what is the purpose? Or is that the only purpose?

 

Five years ago my husband and I went to New Orleans for our 20th anniversary and went into one of the strip clubs. It was the first time I'd ever been in one soI found it kind of exciting and scary at the same time. My strict catholic upbringing and all !

 

While we were sitting there having a beer and watching the show, a half naked man came over and asked my husband and I if we wanted to come to the back for a "private" show. Well we said no because we were not sure what he meant by that! Of course we were too shy to ask what he meant by a "private" show. Now, 5 years later we are kicking ourselves for not finding out.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Good morning, J&BinNJ! I don't have a single answer to your question, but really laughed at the part about "now 5 years later" and your continuing curiosity about what the stripper meant by a "private show."

 

Sounds so much like me...only I can be much slower. As in almost 20 years. Then, like...slap myself across the forehead. Oh! Now I get it!

 

Suggestion...as it is now time for the 25th anniversary...why not another trip to New Orleans? Go find out! "We decided to take you up on that private show offer."

 

Have a great day!

[J&BinNJ 15]

LOL!

 

It's taken YEARS to stop thinking like a good catholic couple! We're getting there tho!

[Tom & Bonnie 99]

Many couples go to strip clubs as a lot of couples start off in the lifestyle searching for the "Elusive Bi Female"

 

LOL.

(There are a lot of jokes I could put in here about our very own EBF but I will pass....)

 

As many couples learn, finding the Holy Grail would be easier than finding a single, bi female playmate. But, they do notice other couples in these very same strip clubs and soon form a friendship. That and the fact that a lot of strippers are bisexual and enjoy giving the ladies attention as well as the men.

 

Hope this helps...

[EternallySingle 32]

I had a friend who worked at a strip club (we used to sing karoke together on Thursday nights) and she was sitting with a couple. Every ten minutes or so she would send one of the waitresses over to my table to deliver the lyrics to some song, telling me in code what they were talking about. After two hours of not being able to watch the girls on stage for laughing at her notes I went over to the couple and said jokingly "What, you're trying to keep my girl away from me?"

 

The two dancers nearby laughed, but the husband actually looked scared and said that he and his wife were thinking about going to a swing club but the wife had never been around naked women with him present. So a friend suggested they come to the club and have her buy him lapdances to see how she would react afterwards. My friend later cursed me out because she said she nearly had them ready to ask us to join them later.

 

Learned two things. One, some couples go to clubs to get used to seeing their S/O in a sexual situation where nothing is going to happen before taking the big step. Two, always let your girlfriend/wife do the talking when there's a possibility of having sex with another couple, especially if they approached her first.

[hotcpl4unfla 19]

Initially, when my wife and I decided to try the lifestyle, the idea of a "gentleman's club" appealed to both of us, since she had a curiosity about being with other women, and I had a voyeuristic approach to the whole thing. I think we were hoping that this would be the catalyst that would get her to find the "elusive bi female" so many refer to. In all honesty, that is a unrealistic approach (in retrospect- we never tried it in the end). Most strippers are working girls who want money. Many are not looking to "hook up" with couples unless there is some monetary (read prostitution) compensation involved. Now, I don't know about you, but I am not going to risk all I have to pay some woman to be with my woman! Furthermore, those few that are willing to do that may have some diseases that I would like to stay away from. Not to mention some have some seriously skewed emotional issues neither of us want to deal with. As far as the "take the girl to the strip club" for a lap dance and get her hot and bothered about another woman rubbing on her, SURE! For a woman who is bi curious, that might be the thing that makes up her mind one way or another. But beyond that, don't think about a relationship or one night stand coming out of it. I'm sure it can happen, but that's probably a road better left untraveled, IMHO.

[Dani&Drew 15]

I used to work at Deja Vu in Kzoo. That's pretty much soured me towards strip clubs in general.

 

Even before I worked there, I didn't really see the point. Overpriced drinks and overloud music, all to look at and talk to girls who wouldn't be coming home with you anyway. Feh.

[Tom & Bonnie 99]

Originally posted by DrewnDani

... I didn't really see the point. Overpriced drinks and overloud music, all to look at and talk to girls who wouldn't be coming home with you anyway. Feh.

 

AMEN! That's why we don't frequent them either... That, plus having girls giving us lap dances free for years because they wanted to, sorta spoiled us..

[hoistsail 18]

In Raleigh, NC there used to be strip clubs that would have dancers for an hour or so and then let the couples dance for 1/2 hour. Used to have great times there with 3 or 4 other couples.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

On the topic of strippers,

I once went to see male strippers. Anyone else ever been? I was struck by the fact that the men encouraged touching. They were extreemely interactive - getting women to help them take their clothes off and touch their chests and stuff... What a fun time

 

~Piggy

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The only real reason I can see for going to a strip club as an early step in swinging is just to see each other's reactions to the nudity/ lap dances / etc.

 

Especially if there is

 

a) fear that she might be jealous of you getting attention from another woman (get a lap dance in front of her and see how she reacts).

 

b) possible interest on her part towards other women (have her get a lap dance and see how she likes it).

 

I've seen some posts where people have the idea that they can go to a strip club and take a stripper home. That's about as far from the truth as things come. The girls are there to make money and while they may see overly friendly to you, chances are they just want your money.

[BiCoupleNJ 15]

Quote

Originally posted by JustAskJulie

I've seen some posts where people have the idea that they can go to a strip club and take a stripper home.

...

The girls are there to make money and while they may see overly friendly to you, chances are they just want your money.

 

Oh Julie... you can not be more accurate about that one!!!

 

We know several active and former dancers, as well as quite a few former waitresses from a now-closed Hooters that was in our area. They will all very readily admit to being little more than a big tease while on the job. They also will admit that the primary goal for the night, outside of making money, is to make you feel as if you are the only other person on earth that matters to them... and that they will be coming home with you. Once they have that seed cultivating in your head, the typical person will think nothing of dropping $50-75 on the girl.

 

We know of girls that make easily $500 in a night on slow nights and upwards of $2-3k on a good night on the weekends during the summer.

[NotsoNew 17]

We went to a few strip clubs together before we started to swing. For us, it is something we still enjoy a few times a year (especially with another couple). Sure it is expensive, but it is also a bit erotic. Problem is, he buys ME the lap dances!

 

After thinking about it, guess it isn't a problem!!

[Sparkysweet 15]

Being a newbie, the Strip Club we went to, was a great safe way to see how I would react to someone being sexual with my husband and I ended up knowing how I would respond to a Woman being sexual with me. We had an exotic very personable young lady sit down and chat with us, but needed to go to prior commitments. Well she is one of the most popular dancers there, little did we know. It took about a half hour before she was to come back to our table. In the meantime, I had gone to the restroom and when I came back, she had started the lapdance with my husband, I was shocked, and extremely jealous much to my surprise. I then tried to get out of my lapdance, but my husband told her to take my face in her hands and make sure, I was further shocked to find this extremely erotic and sensual. I have never been attracted to a woman sexually, but it opened sexual, erotic sensations I had not experienced before. We have gone back a couple of times and I know that I am totally cool with another woman pleasuring my husband, and I am exploring that possibility myself. This Strip club is very classy and not totally nude, and although it is a financial transaction, there are woman who enjoy pleasuring and we watch to see who enjoys what they do and those who are just looking for their $20. I am always up to new ways to pleasure my man, and the good dancers are in awesome shape and in my opinion earn every single penny. I watched one dancer last weekend who knew how to work that pole and had gymnastic skills that would make Mary Lou Reddin Cry, and the most sexual face and a body to kill for. I enjoy the music and food is awesome and cheap. But it is not an every day or weekend thing, It just is an erotic time and has been a great safe way to expand into soft swap swinging. Newbies, I reccommend this, find a classy, erotic, great music place. I always dress to kill, and tease my husband also, sometimes we barely get out of the parking lot.

[Sparkysweet 15]

Call the strip club, sure is cheaper than flying somewhere you have been when you can visit somewhere else, say Desire in Cancun and have an erotic, sensual, time within your boundaries!

 

We had a great time when we went at the end of September, hope to get back maybe in the spring.

[J&BinNJ 15]

Thanks for all the responses. I would like to try this. I agree it would be a good test to see if I'd be jealous. My only thought would be, if I (or any woman) wasnt jealous with this (lap dances) is that any guaranty that I (or any woman) wouldn't be when you see your mate acutal having sex with another woman?

 

I've never seen a lapdance in person, however from what I understand, the customer is not allowed to touch them is that true?

 

If that is the case, I know I wouldn't be jealous of that, I'd probaly laugh the whole time.

[fun_pairTX 26]

Strip clubs have never done much for me, oh well. When I was single however I used to keep my eye out for clubs that were featuring male strippers. I would head down to the clubs parking lot around 11 or so and wait for the partially intoxicated, and definitely horned up ladies to head for their cars. Even as big and uglee as I am I never left alone.

[Sparkysweet 15]

I thought you could not touch them either, just ask the club what the rules are, each one is a bit different. I thought I would laugh and be embarrassed, but I closed my eyes and felt the sensation, the music, and was surprised the different level of sexuality and eroticism (sp) it brought. About seeing my husband pleasure another woman, I have had to visualize this big time, however if we swing (we have not to date) we are starting verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slow, many dates and first time will be watching and being watched. I may never get to the full swap, I am going to continue as long as I and my husband are enjoying the sexual horizon and not one little bit more. I am finding that I go outside of a prior non comfort zone let hubby know I am okay for another step and then opps, he has to process that, some things he thought he was okay with, we have changed our rules boundaries and where I was the last one in on stuff, we reevaluateing to both our comfort levels, and I'm no longer last to be ready on everything (just most everything!) Heh keep in touch, being a newbie, I am watching the other newbies for help.

[BiCoupleNJ 15]

Originally posted by Sparkysweet

Being a newbie, the Strip Club we went to, was a great safe way to see how I would react to someone being sexual with my husband and I ended up knowing how I would respond to a Woman being sexual with me...

I was shocked, and extremely jealous much to my surprise...

I was further shocked to find this extremely erotic and sensual. I have never been attracted to a woman sexually, but it opened sexual, erotic sensations I had not experienced before.

 

Sparky,

 

Great advice for a couple new to swinging. Strip clubs weren't quite as comfortable and well accepted when we started out in swinging about a dozen years ago... you still had to go to the really seedy side of town and the places were filled with bikers for the most part. Now that they are an accepted entertainment option, it is a lot safer and much more pleasant to visit.

 

Your comment about being jealous when you first saw your husband getting the lap dance isn't really odd at all. I would think that pretty much every woman in here can attest to feeling at least a little jealous, if not a lot, the first time they saw their husband or partner with another woman. The way you went about it, in a strip club, was an awful lot safer than how most of us go about it... with actual swinging being the first time I saw Jerry with another woman.

 

And I think that most women would also agree that they were pretty shocked when they first found out that another woman could make them aroused and get them horny... I know that I was totally shocked at first! The first time I did bi, Jerry had a friend of his from his Air Force days come to visit for about 5 or 6 days. Each day that she was there, plus most nights, she did something sexual to me. And that's how it was for the first 3 days - she would do something sexual to me while I would just lay back and appreciate it. It took me until the 4th day... and Jerry telling me that this would be the best and safest opportunity I would ever have to reciprocate... for me to actually do something to her. I don't know if you have actually taken the step to do something sexual with another woman, but my advice is, now that you know from your feelings at the strip club, by all means, act on your desires! The only question you'll have after you actually do it is "Why did I wait so long?"

 

Liz

[michelle101 15]

My husband and I have never tried swinging, but we are considering it. We were thinking of going to a strip club together so he could get a lap dance and I could watch. We figure if I am ok watching that ( actually I think I would like it a lot ) that we may become more comfortable with the idea of swinging. We are not uncomfortable with the idea, just unsure. So all you veteran swingers out there please tell me, do you think this is a stupid idea or could it be a way for us to test the waters so to speak? Thanks

[luvinit 30]

I think it is a great idea, why don't you get a lap dance for yourself also

 

The biggest thing is communication, we talk, talk and talk some more!.

[mrs good times 73]

I think that is a great idea too.

 

Mr. and I started going to strip clubs several years before we ventured into swing clubs. I enjoyed watching him get lap dances and I liked watching the girls dance (try to pick up a few moves for later). Many of the girls we met at the clubs really like it when the wife tags along and on slow nights will sit at the table and have a drink and talk.

[BradAndJanet 70]

I think that if you're into it, why not? I'm sure it will bring up a bunch of new things for you to talk about and that's always good. Have fun!

[RNDNV 16]

Not a bad idea Michelle, but you should know that the "commercial aspect" of strips clubs and the straight forward reality of swingers clubs are, in my opinion, like apples and oranges; two different things. Your idea is a soft and easy sensation start, however, you should understand that the Lifestyle is a different thing altogether.

 

As "veteran swingers" the best advise we can give you is take it slow, and take your "baby steps." Here is a suggestion of steps that you can modify to your speed and feelings, but remember, both of you need to be true to yourselves and go at the pace of the person who is the most cautious.

 

STEP ONE: After your strip club experience, share what you felt with your husband, and ask him about his feelings and really try to listen to what he says from a non-judgmental viewpoint, and ask him to do the same for you. Share, talk, and really be with each other, and if you guys find yourselves getting all hot and worked up talking about it, then by all means have some good lovin' with each other.

 

STEP TWO: Come back to this website, together, and feel free to both share your experience and read the other threads, together. Check out swinging related websites, especially those that offer advice and philosophical viewpoints, and discuss those viewpoints with each other and ask yourselves if they ring true to you.

 

STEP THREE: Go to a swing club. Get to know the owners, tell them you are "newbies" and have them introduce you to people. Experienced swingers are very helpful to newbies and always more than willing to give advice (just look at me just rambling on and on). Listen to it all, take it in, and talk about it with each other later. If you both want to, go on the dance floor with other couples and swap dance partners and work yourselves up from casual dancing, to slow dancing, to dirty dancing if the mood becomes you both and you feel good about it. This is a very easy form of "soft swinging" that can lead to greater aspects of soft swinging, to include "same rooming," which is having sex with each other while another couple is having sex with each other in very close proximity to you guys.

 

STEP FOUR: Whenever you guys are up for it, you may consider "full swapping," which is, as you can imagine, what you think it means. But before you do this, talk about it first, a lot, and also, DEFINE YOUR BOUNDARIES AND RULES BEFORE YOU PLAY!

 

Good luck, have fun, play safe, and stay close.

 

Love, RNDNV

[michelle101 15]

Thank you everyone for your advice. RNDNV you made some really good points and gave me alot to think about. I will check out those web sites soon. By the way, full swap does not always mean separate rooms does it? It can mean full swap in same room. Correct?

[Just_us49 32]

Not a bad idea Michelle, but you should know that the "commercial aspect" of strips clubs and the straight forward reality of swingers clubs are, in my opinion, like apples and oranges; two different things. Your idea is a soft and easy sensation start, however, you should understand that the Lifestyle is a different thing altogether.

 

I tend to agree here, It's one thing to see your husband with someone that you are pretty sure isn't going to do anymore than lap dance with him. It's a whole different story when it happens in a club and you know more could possibly happen if all are agreeable.

 

RNDN gave you some really good advice. We pretty much made up our minds early on actual full swap would be a rare thing for us and always in the same room. One thing we have come to appreciate about starting with most couples we play with is by starting with a same room play session you get a chance to observe each others bedroom manners/techniques. So far, that has really helped to make the next time (if we full swap) be a whole lot better. I always do better on the second seesion. (less anxiety) We go to a couple of clubs and the regulars have kinda figured out how we are...we flirt and play publicly, but a private show ain't happening very often.

 

So just remember whatever you do, you can always slow it down and take your time until comfortable.

 

Have fun...

 

-D

[RNDNV 16]

Thank you everyone for your advice. RNDNV you made some really good points and gave me alot to think about. I will check out those web sites soon. By the way, full swap does not always mean separate rooms does it? It can mean full swap in same room. Correct?

 

Yes michelle, you are correct. Full swap can be done same room or separately. Typically, that can be broken down into another step process as well. Generally, couples who full swap most definitely (but not always) at least start off doing it "same room." However, with repeated experiences (both generally but more especially with a particular couple or group of couples) you might find yourself transitioning to being comfortable with not only separate room play, but separate (time wise) play as well.

 

Let me give you an example how things could look in time.

 

Let's say after some years of experience you and yours establish a close group/network of play couple/friends. One of them owns a vacation home and invites you and your hubby along with three other couples whom you all know each other well from prior individual and group play. Well all five couples are real comfy with each other and over the course of a weekend everyone is having terrific fun with each other, and there comes a point where your hubby is beat and tired, and you are horny as hell and want to play with a couple of the other guys who are "up" and ready for it. So your hubby kicks back and watches you play with these two other guys while the wife of one of the other guys sits next to your hubby and they start talking about real estate prices in your home town, all the while the wife of the 2nd other guy you are playing with is in another room having a threesome with some other guy and his wife. Well you are going at it hard and heavy with these two other guys and your hubby grows bored of watching you and is having a good conversation about real estate with this other wife so they retreat to the kitchen to fill up their drinks and talk about home improvement while you continue to have great sex with two guys in bedroom one while three other people are having great sex in bedroom two, and several other people are on the deck getting some sun while your husband and another woman are talking about real estate in the kitchen.

 

And everyone is all cool about everything.

 

Sounds nice doesn't it. Geez I love swinging.

 

Love ya.

[intuition897 2,179]

I think a strip club would be a great way to introduce yourselves to the idea of taking sex outside of its usual comfy boundaries. Sure, try getting him a lap dance...or maybe one for yourself if you're into girl/girl fun. A lot of men are aroused by the idea of two chicks getting it on. But I agree with the above posts to some extent: exotic dancers are professionals and they (as far as I know) don't do anything more than put on a show. But still, having another woman shake her ass provocatively for your husband would give you an initial indication as to whether or not you would be comfortable with the idea of him having sex with another woman. I wouldn't make my final decision based on just that, mind you. Next step as RNDNV said is to try a swing club, because exotic dancers aren't swingers (well maybe some are, but it would be unrelated to their work). I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at a club. You won't be pounced on like fresh meat as soon as you walk through the door. You'll just find a lot of other nice people like yourselves having fun and flirting with one another. Many people just enjoy the sexually charged atmosphere and make out or play with their own partner. Others like to get out on the dance floor and do some dirty dancing. Some like to watch, some like to be watched... It's a little bit of everything

 

And BTW, swinging is whatever you want it to be. You asked about full swap having to be this or that; it's not a goal to reach or anything, it's just what they call it when everyone plays full-contact with each other. Likewise, soft-swap is a sliding scale from playing only with your own partner in the same room as another couple all the way to same-bed/girl-girl/heavy petting/oral sex activities but no intercourse with other partners.

 

Hope you two have fun with all this. Wishing you luck.

[agilemicpl43sum 15]

I just had to chime in here....We are also newbies and actually still looking for that perfect situation...but a few weeks ago, I took my husband out to a strip club for our anniversary. We had a blast! I bought him a lap dance...and mind you, this club was very secluded and not too many rules. He had his hands all over her beautiful body..rubbing her tits..her ass. It was incredible and yes, it did prove that jealousy would not be a factor with us. It was a very expensive night..but well worth it.

[michelle101 15]

Well, test run complete... We went to dinner for our anniversary last night. We happened to go to a resturaunt a short way from Providence R.I., which, if you know the area at all has a few strip clubs to choose from. It wasn't something we had set in stone,as I was still thinking about it. On the way home I said " What the hell. Let's go."

 

My first thought? FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!! Once I got comfortable I had the best night I've had in a long time. The girls made me feel very welcome, most telling my husband "lady's first." and putting their tits on the side of my face. One girl caressed my tits while telling me she liked them because they were big and real. I think this one particular girl went further than most would, she gave me a kiss goodbye on the lips, tounge and all. A first for me. Anyway, we only stayed for awhile, (babysitter time limit) but long enough for my husband to have a lap dance while I watched. I loved it!

 

There wasn't even one little twinge of jelousey. No heart skipping a beat, realy, I just felt horny. While I was watching , I thought of something RNDNV said about the commercial aspects of stripping vs the reality of a swing club. It is quite possible that that is the reason I felt nothing. I knew this woman wasn't going to have sex with my husband. So, in a way, I guess testing the waters isn't possible, we will just have to try swinging to find out, but for now, that was a whole lot of fun. My husband said he realy liked it too. Getting a lap dance while I was watching was a big turn on for him. I think he liked the woman touching my tits as well. I have to say, when I got up to use the rest room, I was very wet. I guess it surprised me a little. We will go back soon. One small observation... the woman were so damn soft.

how do they get their skin that soft anyway? Just a thought.

[BradAndJanet 70]

michelle101 said:

...One small observation... the woman were so damn soft.

how do they get their skin that soft anyway? Just a thought.

Next time, ask them while they're kissing you.

 

I'm glad you had a good evening. One step at a time!

[CandTinLorainCo 16]

Hi everyone

My husband and I have never tried swinging, but we are considering it. We were thinking of going to a strip club together so he could get a lap dance and I could watch. We figure if I am ok watching that ( actually I think I would like it a lot ) that we may become more comfortable with the idea of swinging.

Oops.... Honestly, 1 doesn't really have to do with other. Strip club could lead to feeling horny or whatever. Really isn't going to allow you the feeling that seeing your "SO" with another person will though. As you stated, "you knew she wasn't going to have really have sex with your husband". So not even a twinge of jealousy was felt, there was no concerns. But what if they were having sex?..... Step back, relax, close your eyes and imagine that for a second....imagine him going down on her or moaning in ecstasy while he's inside of her.... and vice versa, have your "SO" read and do this also...feel that in the pits of your stomach or in your heart? If so SLOW DOWN. It's natural and its to be expected especially for "newbie's" as well as veterans, now talk to each other and see if your truly "OK" or not? If so.. continue on.

 

Remember key things here...COMMUNICATION, HONESTY, TRUST, COMMUNICATION, and MORE COMMUNICATION really can't stress this enough!

 

There is no problem in stepping out and re-evaluating your situations and re-thinking thoughts on "swinging", you may just like the idea of "it" but find you end up resenting what has been done later on.... COMMUNICATE. Entering into this "lifestyle" is drastic on both parties mentally, physically, and emotionally, and is not something to do light hearted just based on the thought of it. Remember once the "deed" is done, it's done! Forever in your hearts and minds.

 

My wife and I started "soft" with touching, feeling, oral, some FF, MFMF same room... Now we've reached a level of say "RND" (see above) where we no longer have rules and boundaries persay and just go with what feels good for us and the other. After all that is why most people enter the "lifestyle" is for pleasure. There is none if your afraid to enjoy it or worried "what if?" or "can I?" and so forth.

 

I hope this helps its just MO and please look around, talk to others, ask questions, if you haven't take a look at FAQ"S and getting started as they are full of info for people such as yourselves or those who are re-evaluating to their choice... We have no regrets on our decision to continue as we both truly love it, however for those that have "crashed and burned" I'd almost bet you they wished they went slower and thought it out before hand.

 

Keep in mind as I think you saw and have learned a "Strip Club experience isn't (although it could be) a swinging experience." They truly are as different as night and day. Good Luck and Enjoy whatever you decide to do!! Feel free to ask or comment anytime just hope it helps in some manner.