Jealous about my husband giving oral

[Stargazer899 16]

My husband and I have a pretty good sex life and do it multiple times a week. We've talked a lot about swinging and plan on dipping our toes in soon. I know that feelings of jealousy are possible, and we are planning on taking things very slow.

 

In our sex life, I give him a BJ almost every time we have sex, as foreplay and also to avoid the need for lube. He goes down on me maybe once a month. I'm not sure if this is common for couples but it was the same thing with my 2 exes as well. It has made me a little insecure about my lady parts. He says that he doesn't mind doing it, as long as it's clean, and I told him I have no issues with cleaning off right before, if that's what he wants. But so far, the frequency hasn't really increased.

 

I'm worried that in a swinging situation, I will see him go down on another woman more eagerly and frequently and feel like there's something wrong with me. Has anyone experienced this before or has any insight?

[Erik13 157]

No. Everytime my wife and I have sex I go down on her. I think you need to have a serious talk...maybe it's just something he doesn't enjoy? You shouldn't feel insecure about it.

[dan63 106]

I don't know that a serious talk is necessary, maybe just a reminder when things are getting hot and heavy that, "hey, I need a little help down there." You gotta remember, for us guys, when the little head starts swelling up the big head many times becomes oxygen deficit. Does it show that maybe he isn't attentive to you as he should be? Sure, but that doesn't mean he can't change his ways.

 

Now if he never went down on you, then you might have an issue to deal with, it really sounds like many times he just isn't thinking about it. I can also assure you that there are many women out there who would be tickled to death to receive that just once a month.

[HornyToronto 51]

OK, I'm going to wade in on this one since it seems to be an issue with MANY women. C'mon guys, get with it! It is a well know fact that women don't always have orgasms through intercourse. Some women never will. However, I have never encountered a woman who doesn't cum from oral stimulation, if performed properly. Why is it OK for you to get your rocks off, but not her? Guys, stop being so selfish and learn how to please your partner. I don't think I'm the exception to the rule, however, my wife says that NONE of her previous lovers EVER spent the time and effort to please her orally the way I do, and she loves me all the more for it. I also get more action because of it.

 

Stargazer, if you are "doing it" multiple times per week, but only getting licked once a month, you need to be more emphatic about your needs. You are sucking him EVERY time you have sex you claim. Why can't he do the same. Certainly helps with the lube before "doing it", wouldn't you agree? You need to sit down and have a good talk with your partner before and during sex. Be nice about it, but convey to him that he has to stop being so damn selfish and self-centred!

[HornyToronto 51]

...and one more point, you should correct this issue BEFORE you experience your husband going down on a play partner in a swinging situation, otherwise, it will surely cause problems.

[SASS 69]

...and one more point, you should correct this issue BEFORE you experience your husband going down on a play partner in a swinging situation, otherwise, it will surely cause problems.

 

I agree that you should address this and work it out before you play, you might also consider he just doesn't enjoy it that much? In which case he should still be willing to do it for you each time because you enjoy it. maybe you could use some flavored lotions to make it more appealing for him? Maybe you should make it a rule that he not do that to another woman during play, as you don't feel comfortable with him doing that when he wont do it for you more often.

 

hope it works out for you.

[Guest]

I didn’t have a guy go down on me until I was 28 and then my husband of 8 years finally started. I’m not sure why the change. He passed away about 10 years later and I began dating and learned that most men do it, and basically we women should expect it as much as men expect us to perform oral. I think you need to resolve those issues before you move on to swinging. But more to your point. It’s not about frequency, my current hubby goes down on me even when we aren’t “having sex”. He’ll take me through multiples. But still, we have done same room swaps where I got shamed and banged and look over and see the lady with him experiencing extreme pleasure from his tongue and I do get a bit jealous and value him all the more.

[luv2was 117]

I guess I was fortunate that my first long-term lover, back in my early 20's, knew what she wanted and was not afraid to ask for it. Consequently I have generally always made Cunnilingus a part of playtime with my partners. I have found it invaluable for "priming the pump" so-to-speak, and am willing to go down on her just about anytime (before, after, during, whenever). I guess I can think of a few instances where a pre-wash would be desired, but I have seldom found it necessary. Maybe I am more unique than I think. :-o

 

To be bluntly honest, it gives me quite a thrill too... Knowing that I can please my partner so thoroughly. (A woman who can have multiples is a massive turn-on for me. But I can testify that everyone is not capable of that.) I am more than happy to please my partner orally until she pushes me away, which is usually the signal I wait for. There is nothing more satisfying than looking up at your lover's face and seeing them stupid-drunk with pleasure after a good session. There is a certain sense of power in all that as well. ;-)

 

Everyone is wired differently. Personally I believe it is unlikely that one person can provide every physical want for one other person, hence the desire to look elsewhere for complete satisfaction, and the development of cultures such as Swinging. That is indeed a selfish desire however, and should take a backseat to the core relationship (when times get tough, etc.), be it a couple, polyamorous, etc.

 

As for feelings of jealousy, that sounds like a great place for y'all to start for working on mutual communication skills. Dealing with feelings of jealousy is a common topic, addressed frequently in these forums, often with very good experience examples. You've already got one in this thread. These forums are an excellent place to start if y'all are testing the waters, thinking of entering the Lifestyle. The education value here is remarkable. Explore it together, and apart.

 

It sounds to me like y'all have the hardest part out of the way. You both have a mutual interest in adding others to your playtime. That is exceptionally rare in both my experience and observation. Take your time, and enjoy the journey. Seek out wisdom (there is plenty of it here on this BBS). The rewards will likely be plentiful.

 

:-)

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Sex is about pleasure. Communicating what makes you feel good, what you want, and the actions that you want repeated and intensified is part of the deal. Established couples usually--but not always--know the other's responses and can read the other's responses. Yet even after 42 years together, we still unhesitatingly let the other know what we want more (and less) of.

 

The jealousy issue is a separate matter. A new partner will evoke new sensations, new energies. That's the point, isn't it? If you find a man who goes down on you and your spouse is seeing/hearing/sensing your pleasure, he'll respond.

 

As for your "lady parts", there is almost certainly 'nothing wrong'. If you are concerned, see your healthcare provider. Ask about the common problems such as yeast, trichomonas, and bacterial vaginosis. Part of what providers do is provide reassurance.

[Scaredstiff 129]

You definitely need to resolve why you aren't getting as much oral as you would like before doing anything else, are you shaven down there or trimmed? Could be that hair puts him off maybe? Not expecting you to answer that here of course but something to think about.

 

My wife will usually whisper into my ear "I shaved my pussy today" while we're having dinner or watching tv, then I know she definitely wants a long oral session and there's no way I'm getting out of it lol, but like most have already said I also love giving oral, I prefer it to receiving to be honest.

[marriedcouple84 24]

Dont be jealous when it comes to swinging..its only for fun and excitment..

Even if he goes down , this doesnt mean he likes her more..but he is in a situation different..

Imagine urself with a man u like only for one time.so u will try to do everything u can in this one time..

[scots 33]

Do you have the same misgiving about sucking another cock while he's watching? Do you think you will enjoy that more than sucking his? Relax and enjoy.

[Poo bare 15]

I go down on my wife almost every time we have sex however I have been with women in the past who Maybe didn't smell very good or they didn't shave and that kind of turned me off so I would just ask you is there anything more he expects and maybe he's just not that into it