Setting up first MFM threesome for wife?

[Sdc11 15]

My wife is fully aware about my fantasy to see her being pleasured. Her biggest concern is the aggressive stance of guys should she not find interest in them. She is really picky and will not just go with anyone.

 

I am dying to make this happen but simply do not know where to start. We have been to strip clubs, swingers clubs, etc. Her and I are open minded and love that environment.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I'm not sure that stripper clubs are a good place to find the right guys. Have you considered nude resorts?

[Guest]

Consider swinger resorts, swinger club meet and greets, a couples club with a facility on a night when they allow select single men, or just being sexy and friendly at a nice hotel bar.

[adamgunn 1,460]

You say you've been to swinger's clubs, how was that experience for her?

 

I understand that she's 'picky.' She has every right to be. She has every right to say, "No, thank you." whenever she finds a man not to her liking, including being too aggressive.

 

From what you say, I'm not sure she's entirely invested in the process. Keep talking with her, let her know that whatever happens it's her choice, and enjoy the ride.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Let her be picky. There are SO MANY single guys out there in the L/S, let her find the one she wants. Don't bother with strip clubs...you may find a guy but not a guy with experience in the L/S. Stick to swinger clubs, house parties, meet and greets, etc. BTW, there might be more to her not being able to find someone...maybe she is just making sure that it's going to be okay and that you don't have problems with it. Take your time, there's no rush (other than you wanting it to happen...now!). Just enjoy the ride and don't keep pressuring her to get this party started.

[Sdc11 15]

The times we hace been to swinger clubs, she has enjoyed it. We have played the pick up bar scenario in public but no one that she is attracted to has approached her. She thinks house parties are bit too personal as we just started adventuring. She does enjoy on-premise clubs because of the open mind atmosphere. Any good recommendations in NC?

[whtriddle 17]

What do you mean by "aggressive stance"?

 

Are you talking a 3-some MFM or are you guys into cuckolding?

 

We are not into cuckolding ourselves but I do very much enjoy my wife enjoying herself. The clubs or such are a crapshoot as you don't get enough time to get a sense of a person. Our best experiences in MFM have been from vetting people on the LS sites and in some communication before. My wife also involves herself in the communication leading up to a meet and we always meet first and see if we "click". That's been the best way for us.

[Sdc11 15]

I am talking threesome. By aggressive I mean pushy taking things too fast or not smooth enough. Which site did you have better success with?

[Guest]

The biggest question on my mind is NOT what you want, and NOT how to find some guy to play with, but its simply.....

 

What does your wife want?

What would make your wife feel the safest and most comfortable?

 

Yes there are thousand upon thousand of guys into this lifestyle, but in general guys do offer a variety of things, some of which can be terrible, some of which can be great, but that does heavily depend on certain factors, for example it heavily depends on what your looking for, your desires, morals, sexual confidence, your communication levels with your wife and so on.

 

The main risk here is that you meet a random guy and the experience turns out to be very bad indeed, the experience for your wife is very negative and that will effect her mood about this subject, it will effect your relationship, will effect your chances of doing this again. That actually a bad / wrong experience could easily put your wife of the entire subject.

 

Say for example you and your wife went to a restaurant and your wife ordered a fresh salad, you sit their waiting for over an hour and begin to think the waiters have forgotten all about you, that your food is taking such a long time and none of the waiters explain the situation. Finally your food arrives and place a stone cold plate of chips and under cooked steak in front of your wife. The chips are stone cold, soggy, not what she ordered at all, the steak hardly looks cooked at all and their is still fresh blood ruining all over the plate, and when you do complain the waiters are fairly rude, they insist that is what you ordered, they don't want to correct the order, they are to busy to mess around with your mistakes or complaints, your wife decides to eat a small amount of the food and spends the next two days feeling sick.

 

Would your wife want to eat at that restaurant again? NO SHE WOULDN'T!!!!

 

The same example applies in this lifestyle, if you meet a man and its totally not what your wife was expecting, totally not what would make your wife feel safe and comfy, and it turns out to be a negative experience then she might not want to explore that experience again at all. Its not the end of the world, no one is saying your first experience has to be totally amazing, just that you fully need to assess what your wife would want from this situation, for example:

 

 

- Is your wife very confident sexually, would she prefer simply meeting a man she likes the look of and fucking him that night?

 

- Is your wife less sexually confident, would she prefer to meet a guy and have 2 or 3 coffee or drink dates with him first, would she prefer to get to know him a little, to see if the chemistry is right?

 

- Would your wife prefer an older man / or a younger man?

 

- Would your wife feel terrible finding out the man you pick is actually married or in a relationship and cheating on his partner with you, or would she prefer a truly single man?

 

- Would your wife feel put off by a man who drinks and parties heavily, a so called "Man's Man" who spends his time inn pubs, bars, nightclubs, or would she prefer someone more reserved?

 

- Would your wife feel comfy with a guy who smokes meaning he probably has clothes that smell of smoke, and breath that smells of smoke, or would she prefer a none smoker?

 

- Does your wife prefer taller or shorter guys, is she attracted to bigger guys, thin guys, guys with muscles?

 

- How would your wife react if the guy you meets ends up been a recreational drug user, pot smoker, or uses hard dance associated drugs?

 

- What education level is your wife most comfy with, would she prefer to meet someone with a basic education level, or someone who has advanced degrees?

 

- What about penis size, would a very large penis simply hurt your wife, does she prefer a more medium sized penis, small penis?

 

- How will your wife react if the man you end up playing with suddenly lets you know he is already sleeping with another 2 or 3 couples and not just you?

 

- How many times would she like to meet a man before you all experience sex together?

 

- Where would she like to experience that sexual play, at home, at a hotel, and their place, what would make her feel the safest?

 

- How intense is your wife's views about hygiene, does she expect people to be totally clean, groomed, trimmed, or is she okay with a guy who doesn't bother about them things much?

 

- What doesn't your wife want to do, does she dislike anal sex, does she dislike giving blow jobs, does she not like cum in her mouth, figure out what she doesn't like before communicating with a guy?

 

- Does your wife have any strong religious or political views that might put her off certain people who don't share similar views?

 

 

The more you find out about what your wife wants, what would make your wife feel comfy and safe the better, that will allow you to create a character profile in your own mind, that will allow you to tailor make a experience that better suits her, that ticks her boxes.

 

Two of the extremes are:

 

 

1: Your wife just wants to go out to club, party, drink, dance, then pick some guy she finds sexy and fuck him all over for a while.

 

2: Your wife want to meet a nice stable man, wants to meet him for several coffee dates where you can chat, get to know each other, ask questions, maybe meet him again for a meal, then maybe invite him round to your place and start very slowly, spend a few hours chatting, building up trust and chemistry, then after she is comfy try the sexual stuff together.

 

 

Two more extremes would be:

 

 

1: Your wife isn't bothered at all if this other man is married, cheating, sneaking around, she isn't bothered at all if he is sleeping with other people, she will happily have sex with him anyway.

 

2: Your wife is strongly put off by men who are cheating, she doesn't want to sleep with a man who has lots of other sexual partners.

 

 

NARROWING THE SEARCH:

 

Generally the way you narrow the search is by eliminating the things your wife doesn't want. If your wife doesn't want to play with a married man then when a man contacts you and says he is married, or you suspect he is married or cheating then stop contact with that person. If your wife would prefer a younger man then don't speak to the much older guys who contact you. If your wife would prefer a more educated person then pick someone with a good job or decent education levels and so on.

 

 

The more you find out about the type of experience your wife would feel comfy with the better, who does she want to meet / where / when / how / under what circumstances. If you provide her with a half decent match and an experience she feels comfy with she will most likely be okay about exploring more.

[whtriddle 17]

I am talking threesome. By aggressive I mean pushy taking things too fast or not smooth enough. Which site did you have better success with?

 

It's not that there is one particular site. It's what Sun&Moon and others talk about in their post responses. It's quite simply knowing yourselves, being honest about what you want and getting to know people. I sometimes use the term "vetting" someone - it sounds a bit business like but that's kinda what you need to do IMHO.

 

It often goes sometihing like this for us - we find a profile which is well written and intelligent with some pictures that actually look like some time and thought was given to selecting the pictures. The Mrs has her type and she will say let's see how it goes. The initial conversations are with me and the Mrs reads them later (she will join the conversations when she feels like it). A good number of the men usually flake at this point or some flags show up that have us thank them and we move on. If the conversations go well we meet in a public place for a drink and see how we all get along. There is often a difference between an online personality and a RL personality. If that meeting goes well we will play. The only time we have ever met someone and played that same night was with couples. We never have done that with a SM.

 

So really try and get in tune with what you guys are looking for and take your time selecting someone to be with. My wife calls me the PR person, she doesn't get interested in all the talking and sorting through the messages, I actually enjoy it. To me it is very much like dating in that you will talk to a lot of people and eventually end up meeting the right one at the right time and those end up usually being the best dates for us (both 3 somes and 4 somes).

 

When we first started we didn't understand what some folks meant when they mentioned they wanted to "click" or have the "right vibe" with people. We do now. It's a slower process but we aren't looking for numbers and so far we have not had anyone stand us up and no show on a meet. Even the few folks who after we have met and did not end up playing are still friends.

 

Take the time to understand what you both want out of it. Understand that, at least for us, we are not looking for someone to date or such, just someone who we sexually click with and it all just kinda flows when it's right.

[Nicejoey22 15]

Have you guys figured it out yet? Let us know your solution