Disrespectful or sexist?

[onefuncpl 22]

So we met a couple that we had been chatting with online for awhile. We met and had some oral play, then we met again and had sex. The husband reached out on LinkedIn to congratulate me on my promotion. I told my husband and he seemed fine, and when the guy spoke with my husband on the phone he mentioned it. Apparently, I thought things were ok, but my husband is a bit upset because he felt that the guy should have ‘asked’ him first before reaching out to me. Really??? I mean we hooked up with this couple twice already. I gave the guy and his wife my number and Facebook link to my blog that I started. This made my husband upset. Is it a rule that the husband should asked the other before contacting? even though the wife has her own number and social media account and shares any all contact with the husband anyway? Now my husband doesn’t want to play with them anymore, and thinks the guy is sneaky but I don’t think so. .......help!

[N&G 207]

There are no rules in the lifestyle other than those that you make for yourself. My female half doesn't need my permission to communicate with other men and I don't need her permission to talk with other women. Of course other people here may have different views but it's really something between your husband. If you gave the other guy your social media information I don't see how it's his fault for contacting you.

[couplers 4,653]

I gave the guy and his wife my number and Facebook link to my blog that I started. This made my husband upset.

 

It amazes me that couples are fine with their spouse having sex with someone else, but then gets upset with social contact or kissing or any number of other things.

[Erik13 157]

It amazes me that couples are fine with their spouse having sex with someone else, but then gets upset with social contact or kissing or any number of other things.

This 100% I read a lot on here that only the guys should talk to each other and vice versa. We have a single guy that she plays with and I don't care if my wife texts him. Are they not supposed to communicate at all until it's time to have sex? Swinging is about trust...

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

We have been with one couple for almost 5 years and we still don't allow cross man/woman contact. Email, text, facebook, phone, etc. Nothing good can ever come from it so why do it at all? Either it's man/man, woman/woman, or all four combined. We never want to invite drama into our lives...

[SASS 69]

we allow cross contact but we have only ever been with singles besides the one couple that were already our best vanilla friends. one thing we started doing is using kik and starting group chat. that way everyone knows what is going on and has no question what was said to who. we like that much better. And it helps weed out the shady single men because they will have an issue with him being on the chat too and then we know not to continue talking to them. I am not sure that I even want to hook up with a couple because of all the drama. the one time we did, it was a lot of drama and everything I read on here just supports my theory that couple=drama

[Erik13 157]

We have been with one couple for almost 5 years and we still don't allow cross man/woman contact. Email, text, facebook, phone, etc. Nothing good can ever come from it so why do it at all? Either it's man/man, woman/woman, or all four combined. We never want to invite drama into our lives...

 

But if you all trust each other what's the problem? I agree social media is a bad idea, but why not texting?

[couplers 4,653]

It amazes me that couples are fine with their spouse having sex with someone else, but then gets upset with social contact or kissing or any number of other things.

 

This 100% I read a lot on here that only the guys should talk to each other and vice versa. We have a single guy that she plays with and I don't care if my wife texts him. Are they not supposed to communicate at all until it's time to have sex? Swinging is about trust...

 

I have a different view. It's not about trust; trust has been taken out of the equation. We are the best of friends who share everything. I mean what is hubby or anyone else in our family going to do that I need to trust them with? That one of them might make social contact with someone and set up a trist? I don't need to worry about that because he (or any one of them) can do that anyway without any consequences or repercussion from the rest of us. But because we are best friends who share everything, any one of us would tell the others way in advance about what has us excited, intrigued or fascinated. We talk it out not out of trust, but a desire to share. The same goes with money, the kids, the house, etc.

 

That's how we girls got another male lover into our circle - Clair found someone she liked and before doing anything talked to all of us in the family about it. We all go excited about the possibilites and went about it together.

[luvin eye full 140]

Neither one of you is "Right" or "Wrong" or "Disrespectful or sexist" You both have different boundaries.

 

This kinda thing happens and normally to new people / couples that have not gone over there boundaries very well or simply did not think of it.

 

What shows here is that both of you need to talk it out with the compassion you "once had " for each other not get on a forum and cry foul.

 

That said instead of thinking my husband is Disrespectful or sexist try thinking why does it bother him and how can i help, Just like if something bothers you he should do the same.

 

Why is it that so many today seem to forget that if there partner is upset about some thing in the LS they should be there for support because your partner comes before any other person in the LS

( i'm not saying you should just bend over and take it - no just put there shoes on for a minute)-

 

Have we all forgot who our partners are?, or is that we have become so self centered that we feel like there feelings should not over ride our lust / fun /anything else you want to put here.

[Guest]

This is an old discussion but it depends on the rules the couple decides upon for themselves and their goals. We only play when we are together, we both have “veto” power over with whom. So, we’re generally together when we start talking to couples or men and we really don’t give out phone numbers or personal or professional social media addresses, just our swingers one. That’s not to say that at a couples club, its not uncommon for a guy to approach me first to start the chat. That happens and is fine. But, if he were wanting me to play alone in some fashion, then I would expect that talking alone would be a part of it.

[Guest]

Its one of our rules that the male were playing with does not have my girlfriends contact details.

 

I tried that once some years ago and honestly it was a big mistake, the man in question bombarded by girlfriend with messages, virtually stopped talking to me, and it wasn't long before he was asking my girlfriend to meet him alone for sex, in the end we had to change my girlfriends phone number to stop him messaging her.

 

Having sex with someone is one thing, but sharing contact details is the way affairs start, that sure you can be friendly with another person, can arrange some sexual fun times with another person, but that doesn't mean you want that person messaging your partner 20 times a day, and yes some of them will message 20 times a day.

 

I have heard about this many times before, but in many cases if a single person or even a couple get hold of the females number / face book / email then it does not take long at all for them to try and cut out the other man and ask the women to meet alone.

 

Some couples out there will meet other couples, get the women's number, then ask them to meet alone without their husband, that actually a lot of couples or shall we say men are not looking to play with couples they are looking to sleep with other women and the moment they get a women's contact details they will try and change this situation from group sex to the women meeting them alone.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

But if you all trust each other what's the problem? I agree social media is a bad idea, but why not texting?

 

We started with this rule in place and have just kept it. It seems to make the other couple more comfortable and we just haven't come up with a good reason to set it aside. It doesn't hurt anything and only protects and comforts the women.