We Can't Get the Ball Rolling....or We Can't Shut Them Up!!

[PebblesCanDo 45]

OK, this may be long... We've been having fun with other couples for a couple of years now, and we've had some good times! Our biggest issue is getting things started. We generally host in our house or at a hotel which means we've had limited experience in cutting to the chase! Can you give me ideas, describe your routine?

It's difficult because I'm shy (until I'm not) and he's quiet and very polite. We limit ourselves to singles or couples at this point but would enjoy multiple couples, but until we figure out the social aspect of everything our frustration just mounts.

Example: 2 days & 2 nights in a hotel with another newbie couple, separate rooms. We brought munchies and drinks, we planned on lingerie shows for the guys, and just a great weekend of sex!

What we got was no response during the day (they were napping), neither had a bite of our food(they had gone out and we had been waiting for them to eat **starving**!) other hubby doing lots of talking in the evening and we had sex with our own partners on the same bed. The next day was about the same, they went out to eat, nothing until the evening, full swap but it was meh...then lots more talking from the other hubby.

Like I said, we're polite, even when people are rude. At home it's a bit easier because we get the hot tub going, but we aren't home for awhile now, we're in the RV. We went to some lengths to do the weekend bit with these two, had to take our dogs with us (they were not a problem), hauled food, toys we promised to show them, lingerie, etc. to a city an hour away,which would have been no big deal, but they were apparently oblivious. Did we do too much?

Most of all I'd love some scenario's that would give us some sort of guidelines or ideas on how to get them going after we get them here! One other question, when we have a "date" we always shower and look nice, use deodorant and don't wear sweats and such, are we weird or are they?

[Wornsilver 219]

You guys are rock stars, the other couple, just rocks. Why don't people make the effort, honor the effort of others, present themselves in nice (not necessarily fancy) apparel and act like considerate citizens? I don't know the answer, but you should be lauded for your preparation, consideration and noble tolerance of these clods. Way to go, there are better ones out there.

[JandKinBoise 858]

It's really hard to tell what the heck happened in this situation. Reading it, I felt like maybe the other couple was not fully aware of your expectations. They acted like friends on a holiday, not swingers.

There is the possibility that once the event was unfolding, the other couple was not as ready as you guys to jump in the deep end. Nerves can get pretty intense in times like this. The husband's rambling may have been a sign of that.

I know it feels more comfortable going into this with other couples that share your experience level, but if getting things going is a problem, maybe a more experienced couple would be good for you guys. Getting things rolling becomes easier with experience.

Can you tell us about the time before the trip? Did it seem like everyone was on the same page?

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

When we were just starting out, we were meeting couples for dinner and it seemed like we would talk about everything...except sex. So we decided to make sure to bring sex up as a topic whenever we were meeting a couple. Usually it was something simple like how long have the two of you been doing this or just asking about their adventures. At least this got the topic started. Some would quickly steer away from sex (and usually we would then steer away from them...if they can't talk about sex, how will they be able to do anything else?) but others would open the door and walk right in (and thank us for bringing it up since they didn't know how to start). We would then talk about limits and rules so that everyone was on the same page with expectations. Usually after the dinner (or meeting) we would follow up (if we were interested in them) with an invite to do something, but that something would include where things were (hopefully) leading. This way everyone knew what the basic plan was. Sometimes things would go different from the plan or someone would pump the brakes (both are okay) but the basic outline was at least out there to follow.

 

The short answer is to be a good communicator and help them communicate as well.

 

Last: we consider what we are doing as 'couples dating'. As a result, we do everything that we would do if we were still dating and looking for a (single) partner.

 

we always shower and look nice, use deodorant and don't wear sweats and such

 

Minimum REQUIREMENTS. If you aren't going to make an effort, then no effort is what you will get in return.

[PebblesCanDo 45]

We met each other twice before, had conversations for a week before, knew they were new and were patient about the whole situation. They were into it, both of them said they had a great time, both nights. As they say, that's in the past now.

We are more interested on how others get things going. We've had great times with others, we just want to smooth out our game a bit! We did talk about the fact that we don't need to know their life story,that isn't the point,we do want the basic knowledge that they are mentally stable, have a reasonable IQ and hygienic! This is when a good mentor would be helpful.

[N&G 207]

It's the host's job to start the party. If you set up the date then you have to come right out and ask if they want to play. If you met them twice already then it should have been clear that it wasn't going to be a social meeting. What was the reason that you spent two days with them? Unless it was some kind of lifestyle hotel takeover we would not go away with another couple unless we knew them fairly well. It sounds to me that you wasted a lot of time with a couple that was never that interested in the first place.

[PebblesCanDo 45]

We are displaced while our home is being repaired so we decided to stay in a hotel for the weekend because we've been in our RV for six weeks. During conversation with them the subject came up and they said they would like to stay for the weekend too and get to know us better and experience the lifestyle. They asked us to be patient, which we were.

I guess the point of the post was to have some of you more experienced, outgoing folks to tell us how you get things rolling, our experience was an example.

How long does it take? How well do you want to know them? We do great if it a MFM, that's easy. Just a few scenario's to get our creative juices flowing.

[N&G 207]

It sounds like the other couple wasn't sure about what they wanted but in any case weren't on the same page as you. This sounds typical of newbies but everyone was a newbie at some time. How long does it take? I would say as long as you are willing to wait before moving on. We look for people who are willing to play on the first meeting if all agree. We've found that if we don't play that day we will usually never play at all. How well do you want to know them? For us it's as soon as they are naked. We're not looking for a dating relationship. If we become friends afterwards that's great but our purpose in meeting is for sex. Of course I am not speaking for anyone else here. If you require more of a relationship there isn't anything wrong with that, it's just not what we got into the lifestyle for. With enough time you will become more confident about what you want and don't want and will only put time and effort into those contacts that you think will work for you.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

That you spent a weekend with them and nothing happened (other than they seemed kind of disrespectful to the two of you), we would most likely move on. It sounds like they are new and not fully ready for the next step. It sounds like they are not a match. Everything starts with great communication and they don't sound like communicators. Start looking for your next couple (or drive the RV to CA...we both love the idea of a lingerie show). Good luck and keep us updated.

[goodtimes4us 20]

We seem to have the same problem at getting things started. I know when we were new another couple had us play some games to break the ice, one of them being sexy dice. It took hours of warming up before we finally played. Others that are more forward with us seem to get us to play a lot sooner. Our problem is we aren't forward enough sometimes (or I don't take their hints seriously enough I guess) so we end up missing opportunities. We're trying to figure out what to do to speed things up as well. The thing that I am going to focus on is maybe being more subtle with hints like touching their back, arms, legs occasionally to test waters and boundaries, flirt a little more and maybe play some games as well.

 

We have a newer couple coming over tonight and we're going to have a few drinks, get in the hot tub and maybe play sexy dice or truth or dare if we need to in order to get things going. When we've seen more successful couples at parties it seems that they just go for it. The more you put things off the more the other couples get disinterested. I hope that helps.

[adamgunn 1,460]

I know, it's a little daunting, but . . .

 

Our eventual solution was pretty simple. One of us got the partner of the other sex close and said, "Hey, I really think you're sexy. Would you like to?" She/he would either say to me/her, "Sure!" -or- they'd say to their SO, "You wanna?" Usually, within a few minutes we were all making out.

 

Every great once in awhile, the person that got the question would skitter off. In that case, we knew they weren't really interested in going further that night.

 

Either way, it was cool, and we'd gotten them off the dime.

[padoc 1,703]

Mrs Doc seldom wears underwear when we go out on a "date", Usually an easy access dress, sundress or skirt/top and maybe (if its a chilly evening in SWFL) a thong. If we go back our place or their's and things seem to falter a bit, she'll approach the other guy, drop her dress or pull off her top and say, "lets get this party started". She has, on occasion, done the same to the other woman saying, "I think the guys would like us BOTH naked". It's never failed us!

 

[PebblesCanDo 45]

Soooo yesterday was a totally unplanned day that ended up with us bringing home, in the middle of the afternoon, a lovely couple from Colorado, they were in their late 50'2, early 60's. We met, had a coke, came home, talked for half hour and got naked in the RV and had a blast! At first I thought OMG, 60! Yippee... Then, after it was all said and done, I said "you've totally transformed my profiling of the 60 year old man!" Amazing!

Then, a surprised had been planned by my hubby.....a 27 year old BBC! We had no problems getting the ball rolling yesterday!I'm pretty sure I didn't imagine or dream all of this soreness up!

[HornyToronto 51]

PebblesCanDo...thanks for the thumbs up to the 60 somethings! I am 63. Recently a member messaged us to share information and perhaps get together. I sent them some basic information, including age, and never heard from them again. Oh well, their loss! My wife and I often go at it for 4 or 5 hours. She claims that no other man she's ever been has eaten her pussy and got her off over again the way I can.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Padoc: That would work for us! She's a beautiful woman!

 

Pebbles: Sounds like you were able to find another couple to overcome your 'problem'. Congrats and welcome to the club.

[PebblesCanDo 45]

You are very welcome! For a long time we were only getting responses from older men and an experience or two made me lower our age group! Then all of a sudden it was 20 something single guys! That just confused me! I can say, without a doubt, that a man with some maturity is much better than a fumbler! We've contemplated giving the 27 year old BBC a few lessons, that might be fun! I truly believe that a mentor should be available in any situation, a go to for questions!

[PebblesCanDo 45]

Well, we're going to try a house party. We did a few years ago and it was an epic fail. Hopefully we have enough knowledge and excuse the pun "balls" to have a really good time! Cross your fingers!

[PebblesCanDo 45]

One more thought, because we too have been ignored after sending our stats. This is a totally different arena than any other, age, weight, breast size, etc. shouldn't come into play. I realize that not everyone will be attracted, but charisma and chemistry go much farther than looks in my book. Those that turn others down because of age or weight may have just turned down the best time they'd ever have! One of the last couples we met with, when I asked him what he did, he said he was in Law Enforcement, this did make me turn my head like the chick in the Exorcist since I was using a vape pen that did not have tobacco in it! Glad he didn't arrest me!

The groups you work with, that you have day to day experiences with, the ones that match your "class" or whatever you want to call it, may not be the groups you play with. You may fall into a group that is totally different, tattoo's, piercings, bikers, whatever, but they may be the best play partners you could ask for. This lifestyle isn't for the narrow minded!

[PebblesCanDo 45]

Thank you!!! I guess some folks weren't raised right or have no common sense! I am hard pressed to be rude to someone, but have decided that I will not put for time, energy, effort and $ and be disregarded. It may just as well have been us not being clear, but I did tell them I was bringing food, etc. Who know? Fooled me once...

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Common sense is no longer common...

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Every situation is different. On one hand it's easy to say "avoid newbie-ish" couples/people and things will roll smoother, but I've had the same problems with more experienced couples (especially the can't get them to stop talking part).

 

What I've found does help the most is

1. Make sure there is mutual interest in play before getting together into any play scenario. I know you said you'd met hotel couple a couple of times before, but it sounds like that was the first intent to play occasion so it kinda makes sense that things would move slow. It may also have helped if there'd been a little more expectation laid out for the weekend. "Hey let's get together and spend the weekend TOGETHER doing x,y,&z". The fact that they disappeared all day every day leads me to believe that they weren't totally comfortable yet and were "hiding" a little bit, then came out in the evening when (just a guess) alcohol was probably a little more free flowing, which leads me to...

2. If they have to drink to play, move along - they aren't ready

3. Have something worked out with your own partner so that if things aren't moving well or if they get stuck you can get things rolling even if it's just on your own. My current partner and I have a thing where if he gets stuck in a conversation too long (which has happened a few times) I pull my boobs out. This is his sign to wrap that conversation up because I'm bored. Also, nothing gets things moving quite like naked boobies. At some point, someone's clothes have to start coming off. It's hard if you aren't the outgoing type or are afraid of rejection. In this case I look at it from the aspect of I know I won't be rejected by my partner so whatever else happen is bonus. If you get things going with your own partner chances are they will follow suit or join you in some way and things can move from there.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

I pull my boobs out. This is his sign to wrap that conversation up because I'm bored.

 

This also says to everyone else it's time to get this party started. Exposing boobs will almost always end a conversation and start something else (and something that we never get board with).

[BabeAndApe 70]

One more thought, because we too have been ignored after sending our stats. This is a totally different arena than any other, age, weight, breast size, etc. shouldn't come into play. I realize that not everyone will be attracted, but charisma and chemistry go much farther than looks in my book. Those that turn others down because of age or weight may have just turned down the best time they'd ever have! One of the last couples we met with, when I asked him what he did, he said he was in Law Enforcement, this did make me turn my head like the chick in the Exorcist since I was using a vape pen that did not have tobacco in it! Glad he didn't arrest me!

The groups you work with, that you have day to day experiences with, the ones that match your "class" or whatever you want to call it, may not be the groups you play with. You may fall into a group that is totally different, tattoo's, piercings, bikers, whatever, but they may be the best play partners you could ask for. This lifestyle isn't for the narrow minded!

 

What would he do, write in his official report: "On [date/time] my wife and I met another couple for sex [at addresss] when I observed the other female smoking what smelled like marijuana from a vape pen..."? Law Enforcement, overall, remains a socially conservative profession and being an open kinkster / swinger could end a career in many departments. Its stupid, but puritan values often reign supreme. Let alone the fact that his report would be public record and he would have to testify to same in open court! I promise you, no *sane* LEO who meets you to swing will arrest you on the spot over a little pot. They might choose not to stay, but... risk a career over a petty arrest? Not gonna happen!