Too many softies

[3sumfun38 26]

We have been with 10-12 couples and more times than not the male half can't get hard. My wife is getting discouraged and has made comments like she is the problem. I've told her that she is not, she is 5'8", 145 lbs., 36DD, very pretty.

 

Just wondering if anybody else seems to run into this? It really puts a damper on things.

[Judy39 145]

Were they experienced? Because if not then that's not uncommon. Being watched is hot in theory but in practice it just feels like pressure at first, until you get used to it.

[3sumfun38 26]

from what they told us they had been in the lifestyle for years. we on the other hand have only been doing this for 7 months or so and i haven't had this problem

[kikonkrome 844]

We actually notice the same thing. Something we call swinger dick, like it's almost hard but can't quite get there.

 

Not entirely sure what the solution is?

[BuiltForSin 66]

It usually goes away after a few encounters. I think from the teenage years on men work at not getting hard in public situations as it is *extremely* embarrassing. It's difficult to turn that off. Our first few club adventures this happened and on or last two it happened for the other guy and it sparked a conversation - pretty much every male had it happen the first time in public or group situations...

[PaCouple8585 19]

If you like the other person or couple try a 2nd time since both us guys the first time my wife and I got with another couple we had the same problem but the 2nd and there after have been so much better. I know as the guy that had that problem I felt horrible for it happening so she’s most likely not the only one disappointed about it happening.

[Erik13 157]

10-12 couples in 7 months???? can you give us some tips lol

[3sumfun38 26]

we mainly go to the clubs, we do have some criteria but we are not as picky as some people, we are out to have fun, , the club scene is the best for us because if you don't click you can move on and not waste your time. we have met some people from online but no matter how much we chat or send pics for some reason it doesn't work as good as going out

[njbm 2,871]

ED meds, Viagra, Cialis, etc. I call it my insurance policy. If a man has trouble achieving erection, this is the ticket.

[TwoFunTexans 103]

ED meds, Viagra, Cialis, etc. I call it my insurance policy. If a man has trouble achieving erection, this is the ticket.

Those don't cure an over thinker's brain. Viagra can't help me if I'm not comfortable and relaxed with the situation. I've started to see my pattern with this issue and if I haven't had time prior to play to make out, touch the Mrs and vice versa playfully, or just go from a club to a room suddenly I'm probably going to have issues with someone new. It's 100% my brain and while I'm sick of it, I'm at least learning what my issue is so I can work around it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Unfortunately I am in the same boat: over thinker's brain. I wish I could occasionally turn it off, or even down. Comfort, planning and preparation makes it much easier to be successful so that's what I do.

[JandKinBoise 858]

It would be really cool if we could go into our first event with the expectation of not participating with our dicks. If it works, great but if not, that's what we expect.

Getting past this is twofold. There is the over stimulation which causes it in the first place. Then there is the complete and total mental breakdown we put ourselves through due to this happening.

Guess which one has the bad kind of snowball.

[njbm 2,871]

On the way to a lifestyle event, I tell my wife I have no idea how my little friend will work tonight. It is a weird companion.

[3sumfun38 26]

we understand that some people have medical issues or other causes, but our problem is that it starts to play with my wife's head and she thinks that maybe it's her not being attractive enough to turn the guy on.

[Guest]

There are LOTS of reasons why men fail to get hard, some of them would include:

 

 

1. Nerves: The man is nervous at the new situation, he is worried his performance will not be good enough, body and penis size won't be good enough, he over thinks the situation.

 

2. Sexy Women: This perhaps sound strange but sometimes the new women he is about to sleep with is too sexy / sexier than the women he usually see's and the man begins to think this women is really sexy, I bet she is really experienced, I bet she sleeps with much sexier men than me, I bet she is use to men with bigger dicks than mine.

 

3. Relationship Worry: If your meeting a couple then its not uncommon for the male to struggle to get hard at first, not because he doesn't like your girlfriend / wife, not because he doesn't like the situation, but because he is very worried about his own wife and how she is going to react to this situation. This happened to me many years ago, we had a foursome with another couple and my dick was rock hard, I proceeded to fuck this new girl all over the bed, then all over the sofa, I proper enjoyed the experience and cum very heavily which felt great. When we got home later that night my own girlfriend became jealous and began an argument with me, she was rather jealous of this younger women, it caused me 3 or 4 days worth of stress for no reasons. Some weeks later we met that couple again and I just couldn't get hard at all, I was too worried about the backlash / reaction my girlfriend would have. I needed to know my girlfriend was secure and happy before I could relax and think a lot of guys are the same, that deep down they really want to explore group sex but behind the scenes are nervous at the backfire they will get from their wife, meaning a lot of guys in relationships will need 3 or 4 attempts before they figure out there wife is okay with it.

 

4. Life Stress: Sometimes everyday work and life can get in the way of swinging, if a man is tired / over worked / not slept well / recently had arguments with his partner / recently had big money problems / has family issues / debt issues / job issues, than all of this can have an effect.

 

5. Already Cum: I think in a lot of cases some men ruin their chances by masturbating or even having sex before they attend a group sex meeting. They will sit there all day thinking about the group sex action later that evening, they get horny, they think reaching orgasm now will make them last longer later so they either have sex with their partner before meeting, or they masturbate. Then when they do meet later they either can't get hard, or get a very weak erection.

 

6. Heavy Food: Sometimes if people have recently ate a large meal or very heavy sitting foods that take a long time to digest then that can also have an impact, makes them feel tired, groggy, and they will struggle to get hard after until the majority of the meal is digested.

 

7. Alcohol: This is another big cause of men not getting hard, that before meeting a lot of people will have a few drinks for courage, some men however react very badly when drinking and get erection problems as a result, what people call brewers droop, erection problems cause by alcohol.

 

8. Smoking: Smoking tobacco or even cannabis can have an effect on a mans ability to get hard,, often heavy smokers will suffer erectile dysfunction as a result of smoking.

 

9. Medical: Obviously there are a host of medical issues or medications that could be causing the problem.

 

10. Hiding Something: This is perhaps the most worrying and dangerous aspect, and whilst it doesn't happen often, it does happen on occasion. That the man in question does not get hard properly because in the back of his mind he knows he has an untreated STD / STI. That maybe he has genital warts that are not currently flared up, maybe he has Chlamydia, maybe he has a urine infection, maybe Gonorrhea, or maybe he has recently been with someone he knows isn't clean.

 

 

Overall.

 

 

The way to combat this situation is to meet people more than just once, generally a lot of guys will need you to meet them 3,4,5 times before they begin to feel comfy.

[lovefest04 699]

Maybe she's too attractive and the guys are shy.

[lnw 145]

Sun and Moon has provided the best summary of this issue that we have seen. And we agree with all of them and have experienced some of them.

 

Since we have seen a thing or two, we have expereinced it on both sides (me not getting hard when needed as well as the other guy not getting an erection). What we have learned is that while ED drugs can help, they are not the full solution. What we have found works many times is for the guy to reconnect with his spouse for a few minutes of attention and then move back into the game. That works for us and we have seen it work for those getting with us.

 

The other big thing that helps is for the woman to realize it is not her and to let the guy she is with know that there are other ways to satisfy and continue.

[Newcouple17 101]

Going back a couple of weeks to our first time, this almost stopped us and might of steered us away from swinging all together. We've since discussed it and neither of us can quite put our fingers on the actual reason?

Our first time with another couple almost didn't happen. We'd been to a club, which although it was nice and we chatted to several couples....not to mention watched some pretty erotic displays, nothing was going to happen. Anyway we're basically heading for the door when we're stopped by another couple. We are still blaming the whole sexual situation and the hot people we watched enjoying each other, as we never actually meant to do anything other than meet some people and get used to the idea of playing at a club?

Anyway half an hour later after having a quick conversation, we're all heading back to our hotel! I'm not saying that they did anything wrong at all, but things moved extremely quickly, with almost no time to think. It felt like only minutes, but was certainly longer and we were all naked. I was with the couples husband, we were kissing and he was touching me. From the first time I saw it, he was hard and I mean hard! As I look over, theres a problem. Neither are making a fuss, but its just not getting hard. I know D and he's not going to be happy. I'm starting to think I've got to stop, but well I'm pretty turned on and felt this was a now or never moment.

And just to clarify, she was beautiful, very pretty and trying very hard to help. It was denied later, but I saw a worried face. So I went to D and I whispered that if he wasn't happy lets call it a night. Do assured me that he didn't know what the matter was, but wanted us/me to continue. Now I was pretty turned on, but there was no way I was carrying on without him doing the deed as well! I suppose it should have been awkward, but it didn't seem to be? Anyway we kissed and basically he was hard!

After a few moments we parted and I went back to the other couples husband and that was the only time it happened.

 

I've/we've hesitated to write this as its not something we'd like to dwell on, but I felt that its important to share the not so good moments as well as the amazing ones.

Basically I feel for you, but it happens...apparently quite a lot.