The discussion

[Mormon&Curious 15]

How to discuss swinging with a wife who does not talk about sex? That is my question. We are having good sex often. We have friends who swing. She just never talks about sex, even with me. Any suggestions?

[TricianMike 774]

Do your friends who swing talk about it in front of her? If they are open, get them to start the discussion.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Honestly, I think the first thing you need to do is talk about sex. An open, honest, frank and non-judgemental conversation, fully dressed and without erotic intent. Just a calm, open conversation about sex. Once you can do that, you can move on more in-depth topics like sexual desires and fantasies, which can reasonably lead to a conversation about swinging.

 

You can start as simply as "Dear, I'd like to talk to you about sex." Perhaps move toward: "I'd like to know what you enjoy/desire during sex." (Generally people love talking about themselves.)

 

Depending on your wife's personality and upbringing, you may get some push back, ranging from blushing to outright refusal. Don't try to force it. Be gentle, sincerely interested and, above all, set aside this ulterior motive of talking about swinging for now. Just honestly try to learn more about her inner sexual world and share yours with her. You may be surprised what you learn.

[Guest]

I have dated a few women like this and the one bit of "Strange Advice" I could give is to make sure your in private, get the women to acknowledge you are in private / that no one else can hear you speaking / get her to acknowledge that no one else is going to overhear your conversation before you begin speaking about anything sexual.

 

This has happened to me 3 or 4 times in my life, but basically.....

 

1: Park: I remember sitting in a large public park with a girl I was dating. It was a warms summers day and we were sitting on the grass, looking around us in all directions we could not even see another person at all. The park in question is massive, I could have literally SCREAMED MY HEAD OFF and not a soul would have heard us. I could have shouted "HELP, HELP" at the top of my voice and no one would hear us, there wasn't another soul in sight so I brought up the subject of sex / swinging and my girlfriends rather abrupt and upset response was.....

 

"I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS IN PUBLIC!!!!"

 

I was rather shocked, I looked around in all directions and couldn't even see another person at all, we were totally alone sat in the middle of a massive field, but my girlfriend freaked out and froze up and became rather offended because I had tried speaking to her about sex whilst in a public place.

 

2: Train: A few years later I was dating a different girl and was travelling home on a late night train, it was already late at night, it was dark outside and we were the ONLY PEOPLE in our train carriage, it was like a ghost train, we were totally alone, again I could have shouted at the top of my lungs and no one would have heard us. Thinking it was okay to speak I brought up the subject of sex as we chatted and again the girl I was dating freaked out, asked me to stop talking about sex in public, became shy, moody, offended that I had started talking about our sex life, and really there was only us there.

 

3: Garden: Some years ago now me and the girl I was dating at the time spent a few days off work and tidied up our back garden. We had a fair sized and private back garden surrounded by walls and when we had finished we sat right at the back of the garden on a nice area of decking. We had pulled up all the weeds, had cut back the bushes, had cleaned and re-painted all the decking, the garden looked wonderful and we sat there on a sunny afternoon and again we were totally alone, no one could hear what we were saying, in fact one of our neighbours was still at work and the other neighbour was a deaf old man who could only hear you if you shouted at him. I again brought up the subject of sex, and again I was hammered back by the girl saying....

 

"I DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK ABOUT THIS IN PUBLIC / OUTSIDE / WHERE SOMEONE COULD HEAR US!!!!!"

 

 

In all three cases it was fairly clear to me that NO ONE could hear us, that we were in private, I mean honestly all three occasions I could have SHOUTED and no one would have heard me. From that point onward I always get the women to acknowledge were in private, get her to acknowledge no one can hear us before I speak about anything sexual.

 

This fear of speaking about naughty subjects can even transfer into the home.

 

I remember the girl I tried speaking to in the garden was even worried about about speaking about sex in my house, she was worried my neighbours might hear us through the walls, she was worried the post man might hear us or that someone stud outside might hear us. It was all rather insane.

 

I remember thinking that I could travel to mount Everest, me and my girlfriend could climb to the very top off the mountain, we could be totally 100% alone, and if I mentioned sex my girlfriend would have said...

 

"I DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK ABOUT THIS IN PUBLIC"

 

I could spend 100 billion pounds building a base on the moon and when we got their my girlfriend would have said "I do not want to speak about this in public"

 

 

I now start such conversations by saying something like....

 

 

"Hey babes, I wanted to chat with you about a strange / sensitive subject, but you are aware we are in private at the moment? You are aware no one else can hear us?"

 

 

Just keep in mind people who don't speak about sex are often very nervous when speaking about sex.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Just start talking more with her and work your way there. Eventually try talking about what she likes and doesn't like and finally bring up sexual fantasies. One step at a time.

[Mormon&Curious 15]

Yes our friends have talked about it. Oddly, my wife has talked about their swinging in general terms but she does not talk about sex with me. She very much has a to each their own attitude about our friends.

[Mormon&Curious 15]

Thank you all for the responses. The advice is helpful. I will keep you posted.

[JandKinBoise 858]

This is an assumption but...Your name has the issue listed. LDS is not just another religion. Stepping out of the comfort zone, which is small and very restrictive, is nearly impossible. This isn't a Sunday church. It is nearly every day from birth. Before you will ever get her to openly talk about sex, this wall needs to come down. Good luck with that.

[larry818 58]

My last long time girlfriend and her husband are LDS. We even occasionally did MFM. I'd say, most are just people like everyone else.