Puzzling first time

[jujusasa2225 15]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years, we are both each other's first partner and our relationship has only gotten stronger and stronger over time. She told me she wanted me to sleep with another woman for a long time, but I was never really into it as I felt it would be like cheating on her. A few months ago, she started talking about swinging, and I was surprised to find myself interested in the matter. She was not sure she wanted to have (penetrative) sex with another man (she said she couldn't imagine it with someone else than me)but wanted to experience oral sex with a man and play with a woman.

 

After a few failed attempts online, we found a couple we both thought were interesting. We met them for drinks and really clicked with them, we ended up kissing them at the end of the night and scheduled another date soon after. After speaking with my girlfriend, she told me she was attracted to the other guy and would want to have sex with him. Since I enjoyed watching her kiss the guy (and very much enjoyed his girlfriend's company myself) I said I was okay with it.

 

On the night of the date, we have dinner with them at their place, we have a lot of fun. We smoke a joint, but there isn't much alcohol. We had talked about the rules online, but we restate them again, same room, full swap. The other guy asks if going in another room could be ok, since we really like them and do not feel bothered by this idea we say yes. I start out by kissing his girl, he starts with mine. After a few minutes, he takes my girlfriend to another room, I feel like it might be a bit early for that, but since I have his naked girlfriend sitting on my lap I go on with it. Minutes pass, my girlfriend comes back to the room I am in and asks if we can stop. Everyone agrees that we should stop if she doesn't feel comfortable, she is relieved. The other guy asks if we would like to get with our respective partners, get in on in different rooms to see if we can get it started and be more comfortable. My girlfriend agrees, we try to start but it doesn't work, I can't seem to get a hard on (even if I'm turned on, but I figured this night might have been a lot all at the same time). After some time we get dressed, ready to leave. The other couple are having sex in the other room, but they stop as we are about to tell them we want to go. They stop, they offer us to talk and have some drinks, we agree since they are very understanding and we like them a lot. About half an hour later, my girlfriend expresses the desire to experiment with the other girl. Everybody agrees, she starts out alone with her, but everybody quickly joins in to caress both girls (after having everybody's consent). Each of the girls gets oral sex from everybody else, at some point I am giving some to the guy's girlfriend while mine is blowing the other guy, but things get weird. The problem, it seems, was that the other guy didn't feel my girlfriend was really invested in him. She told me she was a bit cold with him and even asked to stop to watch me eat the other girl (who was enjoying herself loudly, probably didn't help). Everything kinda naturally stopped and we went home feeling a bit overwhelmed.

 

After talking about it a lot, we both felt the experience was positive for us, and we were able to better understand our boundaries. The price of this understanding came out in the form of messages from the other couple stating how they felt they had adapted to our desires to make us feel alright, but felt like we didn't fulfill theirs. The guy's ego was clearly hurt, but they still left the door open for another meeting. A long conversation followed. My girlfriend assured the other guy that she felt attracted by him, but that the chaotic atmosphere made her feel anxious. We said we would be comfortable to see them again for a same room soft swap (since my gf told me she wasn't sure she would ever be into penetrative sex with someone other than me), the other guy wasnt really into it at first but seemed to soften as his ego was being healed. We finally agreed we would meet to do a more formal, friendly couple activity to get know each other better and see where it goes from there. What I am uncertain about, though, is that we will be able to come to an arrangement since the other guy sounded adamant about having separate rooms sex. Should we stop seeing this couple, even if we enjoy their company, because our desires do not seem compatible at the moment? It is important to note they had threesome experiences, but no swinging experience before us, so we feel like they (like us) might still be setting up their boundaries and could enjoy something softer and less 'free-for-all' with us. I feel bad that their first experience with us turned out negative for them, but I really wonder if we could build on the mutual attraction and general chemistry we have as couples to continue our experiences without making anyone feel unsatisfied.

 

Quick endnotes:

1- Couldn't get hard all night, felt terrible about it for a bit, but nobody ever brought it up and my gf was supportive afterwards, so I barely see this as problematic (I also did a lot of soul searching and reviewed my perspective of swinging to reduce my possible anxiety)

2- Didn't talk a lot about the other girl because she didn't express any discomfort, I had fun with her and feel like she had fun with me.

[JandKinBoise 858]

Welcome to The Swingers Board. Quite an opening post! I think others here will be much better at advise on this situation than me, but I'll offer my $.02. The hardest part of swinging is finding 4 people that get along well and have some chemistry. It sounds like you have that part. Now it's just working out the details. Beware though, that it sounds to me like the husband will agree to anything but will again try to get your wife alone. Boundaries not only need to be communicated, but also enforced. Good luck and let us know how it progresses.