Wife overseas swinging for first time right now. Need advice, please

[mncurious 20]

Hi everyone! How was your Thanksgiving holiday? First, thanks everyone for the honest, upfront, and real world experience. My wife and I are here in no small part due to the wisdom of the collective on SB. To be honest, I made many mistakes (most painfully described here on SB) which almost ended our marriage instead of opening it to others.

 

Thankfully I started following the advice many of you provided instead of trying to do things without my wife's knowledge no matter the motive. We even saw a marriage counselor per several suggestions from other swingers and polyamorous partners. So thank you all again!

 

My wife went on an African adventure with her father and a few siblings last summer while he performed some work and research. He paid for them and so all we needed to provide was money for the flight and spending cash. While at one of the lodges, my wife had a tour guide who really liked her. We were doing okay but our marriage still had some problems with regular sex and a few other issues being addressed in therapy.

 

The tour guide did his best to hide his interest in my wife but even her siblings could tell he was favoring her on the safari adventures. She told me she was enjoying the attention and interest of another man. Because she was with her family, it was not the best place to meet or even entertain an offer from another man.

 

For whatever reason, maybe I had a sixth sense, once my wife returned from Africa, we had some really hot fabulous sex. A day later, she told me she had something to confess. My wife then went on to tell me she didn't totally reject his advances. Turns out, her and the tour guide kissed, felt each other up, and would have went further but it didn't feel right to her since I didn't know or consent. Hearing this, I was immediately hard and we had even hotter and more orally focused sex as she told me about the experience and how she liked it. We both had intense orgasms.

 

Seeing my response, we kept talking about it and had some of the best sex in our marriage and most since our honeymoon. Finally, my wife asked if I would really want it to happen and not just be a fantasy. I told her yes and that is how the process started. We worked out the logistics with all three of us. Her African boyfriend was more than happy to host my wife, keeping her safe, provide all kinds of identification, use condoms, and with me contacting him if necessary.

 

My brave adventurous wife flew out last weekend and has been with her African lover for several days now. They have had lots of sex and my wife has been so thankful and appreciative of my letting her go on this trip. It's both arousing and frustrating I am not able to be with her and see them together. I don't think they will be taking any videos or pics (my wife was concerned about them being made public) and it's hard to communicate given their location in the bush and savannah.

 

The advice I could use from you all please is on how to welcome her back home after she recovers from jet lag. It's not the typical first time swinging, if there is such a thing. What should I say and do reconnect and let her know how proud I am of her for being brave enough to not just open our marriage but in this way?

 

Also, how can I use any of my senses to have evidence of them together if they used condoms the entire time and there's no memory from pics or video? How have other husbands and lovers turned on by this "viewed" or had a scent of their wife with another man?

 

Thanks again for the advice and hope everyone has a great holiday season!

 

Will update once my wife returns and share our experience for others to enjoy and learn from, too.

[jnrswinger 62]

This sounds like a rerun of a post that got almost universally panned on another forum website. No one believed anyone would pay thousands of dollars for their wife to go halfway round the world and have quick fling with some character in one of places with the highest rates of AIDS and other STDs in the world. Not to mention personal safety. In the other version she already had sex with him and made a big deal about him being Black. I have to agree it would be incredibly stupid. It is just not believable. There are tons of eligible men close to home, no one is that dumb. Think about how ridiculous the whole premise is!! The next town maybe - couple of gallons of gas at most - but friggin' Africa!!! It sure smells like pure fantasy - which is fine as long as the author admits it. Hopefully the people this forum are not that gullible.

 

I hate to flame, but really!!!??? And I apologize to the regular readers, but this one is way beyond asking for it.

[edman 24]

Well, the OP has continued his story on another site. The following is what he says happened. She would not have sex with op when she got back. She said she was worried about STDs that might infect him. She got tested. Twice. Clean. When that excuse ran out, she told him she could not have sex with him because he wasn’t aggressive enough in the bedroom like the black lover was. Also, some physical issue in regards to standing back door position, due to different heights. Latest, they have gone back to having sex as before. In all other respects their marriage is OK. OP would have been resigned to no sex with his wife, because he has a medical issue that makes it difficult, and he wants her to be happy.

 

My theory (not what op says): she fell in love with the African guy and then when she got back she wouldn’t have sex with her husband because she felt that would be cheating on the African guy. She communicates with the African guy and he probably recently told her he had gotten with some other woman, girlfriend or maybe married. Thus wife went back to sex with husband, as doing so would no longer be cheating on the African guy.

[jnrswinger 62]

Well, the OP has continued his story on another site. The following is what he says happened. She would not have sex with op when she got back. She said she was worried about STDs that might infect him. She got tested. Twice. Clean. When that excuse ran out, she told him she could not have sex with him because he wasn’t aggressive enough in the bedroom like the black lover was. Also, some physical issue in regards to standing back door position, due to different heights. Latest, they have gone back to having sex as before. In all other respects their marriage is OK. OP would have been resigned to no sex with his wife, because he has a medical issue that makes it difficult, and he wants her to be happy.

 

My theory (not what op says): she fell in love with the African guy and then when she got back she wouldn’t have sex with her husband because she felt that would be cheating on the African guy. She communicates with the African guy and he probably recently told her he had gotten with some other woman, girlfriend or maybe married. Thus wife went back to sex with husband, as doing so would no longer be cheating on the African guy.

 

Yep! That's about it. But reading what you said, it sounds like he has 3 different versions floating around. Some of the details are modified so he has fabricated it differently. Like going with her father. Not having sex with the guy in this version. Having sex with the guy but not the husband because of STD risk in the other version. Vacation - sorry "adventure" - verses work. Etc. I'm not sure which came first actually. Looks like he keeps changing it after people call him on various ridiculous points and he's hoping eventually he'll come up with a version someone will actually believe. It's obviously pure fantasy, he would have to be a complete imbecile if even the basic premise was true - her too come to that. If he would just be honest and say it was his favorite fantasy it would be fine. Why is it that some people have such a burning desire to try to get others (strangers at that) to believe their fantasies are true? Does it make then feel like their fantasies are real themselves? But that's silly - they know they are not!