The morning after talk

[Newcouple17 101]

Almost certainly a silly question, but one that's caused us disagreement...the morning after talk?

Bearing in mind we are only interested in same room swapping, how much detail is shared and questions answered given that you were in the same room?

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Why even wait until the morning after? Talking about what just happened is one of the hottest things (IMHO) we do. Comparing notes on what someone did that was new or spectacular (or not so great) is exciting and fun. If you are having problems with communicating with each other, there could be a deeper issue here. Who is having the problem and in what way?

[Newcouple17 101]

Why even wait until the morning after? Talking about what just happened is one of the hottest things (IMHO) we do. Comparing notes on what someone did that was new or spectacular (or not so great) is exciting and fun. If you are having problems with communicating with each other, there could be a deeper issue here. Who is having the problem and in what way?

 

No communication has never been a problem! lol

I (guy) would like to hear about all the little things/feelings, while my wife thinks that as we're both in the room that should be fine. Obviously with zero previous experience to discuss its not something she's used to talking about?

[Guest]

We have it the next morning or even on the drive home. Did you get off,what did you like about, what didn’t you like. What was this or that that you heard or saw but couldn’t quite make out? Would you do them again?

[Newcouple17 101]

We have it the next morning or even on the drive home. Did you get off,what did you like about, what didn’t you like. What was this or that that you heard or saw but couldn’t quite make out? Would you do them again?

 

Yep that's the kinda thing I guess my husband wants, but do I need to talk about it?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

We have it the next morning or even on the drive home. Did you get off,what did you like about, what didn’t you like. What was this or that that you heard or saw but couldn’t quite make out? Would you do them again?

 

This describes us too. Like a lot of things in swinging, the first time or two that conversation felt a little different just because what you were talking about was new and different, but then after that, it's as natural as any other conversation.

[Newcouple17 101]

This describes us too. Like a lot of things in swinging, the first time or two that conversation felt a little different just because what you were talking about was new and different, but then after that, it's as natural as any other conversation.

 

Why talk about something when your both in same room? Besides I want to discover new things about myself, but don't necessarily feel right explaining noises and stuff.....isn't it a bit you know....

[Sereno & Rider 26]

Interesting. Since my wife and I are kinda in the same situation. We have been talking about our past relationships with others but she is reluctant to give details and usually I get "I don't remember." To me, simple questions such as: What was the attraction? What did you two have in common? Where did you meet? How long did you date before sleeping together? How did you feel about the sex and what turned you and him on?

 

She just says... "I don't remember." It's like me pulling my own teeth out. lol. She very seldom will ask me about my past so I gently will work it into our talks when I feel it would help her.

 

Since we just returned from our great experience at Hedo, I make some comments trying to share the experiences and to keep that vibe going. I was right there and saw mostly what was going on and joined in at the end. She does talk and brings up a little but she said that "I'm beating it to death". Though she understands that it is a turn on for me to get a little more details I'm understanding that she is not getting that same turned on feeling. Quite the opposite.

 

Reading here and other threads, this appears to be a basic difference between men and women?

 

I like to be more verbal during sex and she does not at all. I ask her; where she goes during sex and she says that she does not really go anywhere in her head and that she is in the moment and feeling what is going on and does not really know what is going on around her. Is this common for other women?

[Newcouple17 101]

Interesting. Since my wife and I are kinda in the same situation. We have been talking about our past relationships with others but she is reluctant to give details and usually I get "I don't remember." To me, simple questions such as: What was the attraction? What did you two have in common? Where did you meet? How long did you date before sleeping together? How did you feel about the sex and what turned you and him on?

 

She just says... "I don't remember." It's like me pulling my own teeth out. lol. She very seldom will ask me about my past so I gently will work it into our talks when I feel it would help her.

 

Since we just returned from our great experience at Hedo, I make some comments trying to share the experiences and to keep that vibe going. I was right there and saw mostly what was going on and joined in at the end. She does talk and brings up a little but she said that "I'm beating it to death". Though she understands that it is a turn on for me to get a little more details I'm understanding that she is not getting that same turned on feeling. Quite the opposite.

 

Reading here and other threads, this appears to be a basic difference between men and women?

 

I totally get your wife. If your together surely that gives you enough information?

[BabeAndApe 70]

I totally get your wife. If your together surely that gives you enough information?

 

Not necessarily a gendered issue. I don't discuss past relationships except in vague terms with Babe. Nor am I a guy who goes sniffing around his exes. They are exes and those relationships are over for a reason. And, those reasons have nothing to do with Babe. This, however, is very different! You definitely need to "check in" about how you both feel, what you both think, what was good, what was bad, and whether you would do them (or it) again. This is a very intense and intimate experience you will be having together and you will need to process it together. That doesn't mean you need a blow-by-blow porn recap (you were both there), but the internal part of the experience you both had does need to be discussed.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Yep that's the kinda thing I guess my husband wants, but do I need to talk about it?

 

Yep, it's called communication and trust. ESPECIALLY if he wants to talk about it. Usually it's guys who have this problem.

[Sereno & Rider 26]

I guess I should shed a little light on why my wife and I talk about the past. My wife was always somewhat reserved and I knew that she had secrets. With all current news of women being forced, we talked about that. Then she started to open up about how she felt and experienced the same thing years ago several times over several years. Powerful men or men that would pay attention to her and make her feel good... just to find out that all they wanted was a BJ or fuck. Her feeling used, powerless and ashamed. Years of thinking that it was "her fault", at least in part.

 

Some of her sharing was just to learn about her and the relationships that she enjoyed and perhaps I could do some things that I had not done before... let's try somethings new, exciting and adventurous. Talking about the good, the bad and the ugly helped us both. Cleared the air that she/we didn't know was polluted. Got rid of the guilt that she should not have been carrying and by letting me in, that I was more of a caring and understanding husband then she realized and that everything between us is REALLY good and solid.

 

This was a major turning point in our 30 years of marriage.

 

Those talks led us to my 1st post, 1st time WOW. A completely different wife that was confident and was so sexy that had my jaw dropping to the ground. That's a different event and sharing.

[Newcouple17 101]

Not necessarily a gendered issue. I don't discuss past relationships except in vague terms with Babe. Nor am I a guy who goes sniffing around his exes. They are exes and those relationships are over for a reason. And, those reasons have nothing to do with Babe. This, however, is very different! You definitely need to "check in" about how you both feel, what you both think, what was good, what was bad, and whether you would do them (or it) again. This is a very intense and intimate experience you will be having together and you will need to process it together. That doesn't mean you need a blow-by-blow porn recap (you were both there), but the internal part of the experience you both had does need to be discussed.

 

The comments you refer to aren't comments made by both of us!

We're completely happy with everything so far.....except discussing the details after the actual meet?

[Newcouple17 101]

Yep, it's called communication and trust. ESPECIALLY if he wants to talk about it. Usually it's guys who have this problem.

 

Well as the guy half......I really want to hear all about it!

[Sereno & Rider 26]

Well as the guy half......I really want to hear all about it!

 

Me too! (must be a guy thing.)

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Why talk about something when your both in same room? Besides I want to discover new things about myself, but don't necessarily feel right explaining noises and stuff.....isn't it a bit you know....

 

One, because we may have been in the same room and even next to each other on the same bed, but I'm concentrating on my playmate and she's concentrating on hers. We keep a general sense of how the other is doing and how things are going in case of any problem, but that's about the extent of it.

 

Two, you may be next to their body but you can never be in their head. So, talking about it is the only way to see what each liked, didn't like, learned, want to do next time, want to avoid next time, etc.

[Sereno & Rider 26]

One, because we may have been in the same room and even next to each other on the same bed, but I'm concentrating on my playmate and she's concentrating on hers. We keep a general sense of how the other is doing and how things are going in case of any problem, but that's about the extent of it.

 

Two, you may be next to their body but you can never be in their head. So, talking about it is the only way to see what each liked, didn't like, learned, want to do next time, want to avoid next time, etc.

 

Exactly!

[Newcouple17 101]

I guess I should shed a little light on why my wife and I talk about the past. My wife was always somewhat reserved and I knew that she had secrets. With all current news of women being forced, we talked about that. Then she started to open up about how she felt and experienced the same thing years ago several times over several years. Powerful men or men that would pay attention to her and make her feel good... just to find out that all they wanted was a BJ or fuck. Her feeling used, powerless and ashamed. Years of thinking that it was "her fault", at least in part.

 

Some of her sharing was just to learn about her and the relationships that she enjoyed and perhaps I could do some things that I had not done before... let's try somethings new, exciting and adventurous. Talking about the good, the bad and the ugly helped us both. Cleared the air that she/we didn't know was polluted. Got rid of the guilt that she should not have been carrying and by letting me in, that I was more of a caring and understanding husband then she realized and that everything between us is REALLY good and solid.

 

This was a major turning point in our 30 years of marriage.

 

Those talks led us to my 1st post, 1st time WOW. A completely different wife that was confident and was so sexy that had my jaw dropping to the ground. That's a different event and sharing.

 

Well its fantastic to hear that you've got past guilt that was wrongfully felt and it definitely sounds like sharing has brought you both closer.

[Newcouple17 101]

Me too! (must be a guy thing.)

 

Well I was starting to wonder if it was just me!

[Newcouple17 101]

One, because we may have been in the same room and even next to each other on the same bed, but I'm concentrating on my playmate and she's concentrating on hers. We keep a general sense of how the other is doing and how things are going in case of any problem, but that's about the extent of it.

 

Two, you may be next to their body but you can never be in their head. So, talking about it is the only way to see what each liked, didn't like, learned, want to do next time, want to avoid next time, etc.

 

Better said and basically what I've been trying to say.

[hkdilbert 182]

Yep, it's called communication and trust. ESPECIALLY if he wants to talk about it. Usually it's guys who have this problem.

 

Lots of good posts here. Agreed it is all about communication. Most of us are here to go through this WITH our other half and their concerns, problems, enjoyment, etc are all very important to us. Being in the same room just does not cut it in terms of understanding what is in their head - feelings, likes, dislikes, etc. For me I want to know if everything was ok and if not how we can make things better the next time around. For things that went well - great - now we know what works for both of us. This is a journey we make together and it cannot happen with little communication between the partners.

[machiavel55 81]

I totally get your wife. If your together surely that gives you enough information?

 

Let's say that you experience that night with that other male partner some exceptional chemistry. Even though you are in the same room, your husband will not be aware of it. Would you share that information with him?

[Newcouple17 101]

Lots of good posts here. Agreed it is all about communication. Most of us are here to go through this WITH our other half and their concerns, problems, enjoyment, etc are all very important to us. Being in the same room just does not cut it in terms of understanding what is in their head - feelings, likes, dislikes, etc. For me I want to know if everything was ok and if not how we can make things better the next time around. For things that went well - great - now we know what works for both of us. This is a journey we make together and it cannot happen with little communication between the partners.

 

We completely agree, communication is key and we're totally happy talking about absolutely everything except it appears after the deed has been done? Its all down to the unknown, but I'm sure that will change!

[Newcouple17 101]

Let's say that you experience that night with that other male partner some exceptional chemistry. Even though you are in the same room, your husband will not be aware of it. Would you share that information with him?

 

I (the husband) wants to hear all the details and I'd be desperately disappointed if she didn't enjoy the experience!

So yes I'd want to know and I'd be ok with that.

[CandDinCo 69]

I came here with the exact same question. If you search my posts for getting the wife to talk you will see some pretty good answers. I believe that good communication is key for a relationship to survive this lifestyle. If you have to guess what your partner thinks about things, I guarantee that you are guessing wrong. That's a recipe for disaster.

[Newcouple17 101]

I came here with the exact same question. If you search my posts for getting the wife to talk you will see some pretty good answers. I believe that good communication is key for a relationship to survive this lifestyle. If you have to guess what your partner thinks about things, I guarantee that you are guessing wrong. That's a recipe for disaster.

 

It was more about the unknown and how we'd each react and feel about each other than the actual conversation........which we've now had.

[EastInWest 1,524]

We usually end up talking about this kind of thing during sex. It's just easier to get it out when you're both horny and looking for more stimulation.

 

Fortunately, there's plenty of extra sex in the aftermath of play, often starting before breakfast the next morning. Mrs. E is the same way though, at least early on she was having a hard time talking about sex and has only gradually opened up. I see it from the husband's point of view, though, which is I want to share details.

[Newcouple17 101]

We usually end up talking about this kind of thing during sex. It's just easier to get it out when you're both horny and looking for more stimulation.

 

Fortunately, there's plenty of extra sex in the aftermath of play, often starting before breakfast the next morning. Mrs. E is the same way though, at least early on she was having a hard time talking about sex and has only gradually opened up. I see it from the husband's point of view, though, which is I want to share details.

 

I feel guilty talking about the details, silly seeing as we're both watching each other at the time?

[EastInWest 1,524]

I feel guilty talking about the details, silly seeing as we're both watching each other at the time?

 

I mean, it's a team activity. You're both there and it's a shared experience.

 

I understand why talking about sex might be uncomfortable, especially if you weren't used to talking about your past, etc., with him before. Mrs. E was kind of the same way when we met. I definitely understand why it's something he wants to talk about with you, though.

[Newcouple17 101]

I mean, it's a team activity. You're both there and it's a shared experience.

 

I understand why talking about sex might be uncomfortable, especially if you weren't used to talking about your past, etc., with him before. Mrs. E was kind of the same way when we met. I definitely understand why it's something he wants to talk about with you, though.

 

Yes everybody seems to understand! lol

[EastInWest 1,524]

I don't know if this helps or not, but in our case, when we first met, we were somewhere on the "friends with benefits" spectrum for a while. Mrs. E had been raised pretty conservatively and while she was very horny, she'd only had a few partners before she tried to settle down, and talking about sex wasn't really something she knew how to approach.

 

I just had a very different attitude toward it and it was pretty startling for her to have coffee with somebody who wasn't judgmental and was much more experienced, but because she had the motivation to step up and try new things, she really grew into it. Those first conversations, though, where she's shaken up with embarrassment about pretty tame stuff, it's like... "you had fun, right? stop worrying about this. it's a hilarious story. did you spit or swallow?"

 

Even after what we've done up to this point, she can still be shocked to find out about the sex lives of others. Shaking off the idea that sex is some shocking thing to feel ashamed about is a ton of work if you're used to carrying that idea around. Getting that kind of open communication about sex going though is really rewarding, especially if you're swinging.

[Newcouple17 101]

I don't know if this helps or not, but in our case, when we first met, we were somewhere on the "friends with benefits" spectrum for a while. Mrs. E had been raised pretty conservatively and while she was very horny, she'd only had a few partners before she tried to settle down, and talking about sex wasn't really something she knew how to approach.

 

I just had a very different attitude toward it and it was pretty startling for her to have coffee with somebody who wasn't judgmental and was much more experienced, but because she had the motivation to step up and try new things, she really grew into it. Those first conversations, though, where she's shaken up with embarrassment about pretty tame stuff, it's like... "you had fun, right? stop worrying about this. it's a hilarious story. did you spit or swallow?"

 

Even after what we've done up to this point, she can still be shocked to find out about the sex lives of others. Shaking off the idea that sex is some shocking thing to feel ashamed about is a ton of work if you're used to carrying that idea around.

 

Maybe??

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I'll ask her if she enjoyed it or not.