Wife's first time also first interracial. Need advice.

[mncurious 20]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks for the fun posts and advice. Hope you enjoy our story and offer us good suggestions going forward.

 

My wife recently returned from opening up out marriage for the first time. It was with a man she met on a recent trip overseas. They spent an entire week together and used most of the 30 condoms we bought for the trip. Only once did the condom break but since we use script birth control, we are not concerned as he gave her proof of being std free.

 

This was also my very White wife's first time having sex with a Black man. Let's just say she is sad she waited so long to have a Black lover. Her orgasms were beyond intense seeing his BBC slip inside of her. He was also much more dominant and assertive during sex with my wife and was able to take her from behind and bring her to climax which is very hard to do.

 

Since she returned, we haven't had time to connect sexually due to jet lag, kids, and work. She said it was a really great liberating experience overall. My wife still keeps in touch with him even though they both agreed it was mainly about sex, not a relationship. There seems to be plenty of NRE.

 

Here's where I need your help and assistance. Last night while surfing the net, I received an invite to join a FB page for White women and Black men. I had another window open with a joint shared email. I did click on it and couldn't see if my wife was a member or not since it was a closed group.

 

Facebook doesn't show ads by mistake or randomly. Should I assume my wife is now checking out these FB groups and possibly a member of them?

 

What is the reality from the group here when a married White wife not only has her first swinging experience but with a Black man for the first time, too,?

 

Should I be concerned about anything or is this natural and normal for my wife to want another interracial experience after her first time with a Black man being so amazing and incredible?

 

We agreed not to share social media messages or emails between my wife and her lover unless she wants to. We also talked about swinging once she returned so I can't say what she's doing is behind my back or not mutually agreed upon. Should we revisit our rules and communication expectations?

 

Thanks for the advice and please reply on or offline.

[padoc 1,703]

Your relationship is in SOOOOOOO much trouble!

[Judy39 145]

"Since she returned" is how long?

 

I think you're jealous and/or anxious - otherwise you'd ask her, not us, about the FB group. You can still ask her though. Seems like you're not comfortable doing so, but it'll do you good whatever the outcome.

 

If she did join the said FB page - is that off limits from your point of view? You don't say. Maybe you don't know.

 

Talk to her.

[mncurious 20]

Your relationship is in SOOOOOOO much trouble!

 

In what way? Why do you say that? Thanks.

[mncurious 20]

"Since she returned" is how long?

 

I think you're jealous and/or anxious - otherwise you'd ask her, not us, about the FB group. You can still ask her though. Seems like you're not comfortable doing so, but it'll do you good whatever the outcome.

 

If she did join the said FB page - is that off limits from your point of view? You don't say. Maybe you don't know.

 

Talk to her.

 

Hi and thanks for the nice reply. She’s been back for a week now but is still concerned and aroused by the fluid bonding (std’s but loved the feel of it). We haven’t been able to connect sexually or even talk much since she came back.

 

I’m not jealous but more curious and yes I would say anxious. We’re going on a date Saturday to talk about the trip. I will see if she brings it up during our talk.

 

It’s not off limit to me at all she would join this kind of FB page. Just very surprising and totally unlike her behavior before the trip last week to open up our marriage.

 

Thanks for the advice!

[njbm 2,878]

We like to play together. It’s a good way to make sure everyone is playing and not having an extra-marital relationship. That’s how we roll. If others are turned on by the hotwife scenario, good for them.

[Myzyri 38]

We agreed not to share social media messages or emails between my wife and her lover unless she wants to. We also talked about swinging once she returned so I can't say what she's doing is behind my back or not mutually agreed upon. Should we revisit our rules and communication expectations?

 

What I quoted is the most important. YES, revisit your rules and communication expectations. You're obviously insecure, inadequate, anxious, jealous, and/or confused about what she wants, what she's into, and what her expectations are. You need to sit down and talk to her immediately about what's going on, how you both feel about all of this, and how you'll proceed. Don't put it off, don't hold, back, don't lie (tell her what you've discovered), and don't be an asshole. Talk to her from a place of concern about your emotions, her emotions, your mutual needs, your separate needs, and basically, keep your cool. The second you raise your voice or start accusing her in any manner that she deems aggressive, she's going to shut down and turn into a bullshit artist just to get you off her back.

[mncurious 20]

Thanks but I think you really misunderstood my post and don’t understand our marriage at all.

[Myzyri 38]

Thanks but I think you really misunderstood my post and don’t understand our marriage at all.

 

Ahh, you're a cuck doormat. Gotcha. Just keep doing what you're doing then.

[Tahoecple 319]

For us what you’re talking about in this post isn’t swinging, it might not be cheating being you knew about it, and if it doesn’t qualify as an affair it damn sure borders on one. You can’t spend a week alone with another person, have continual sexual relations with that person, and spend a considerable amount of time with them without at the least some kind of emotional connection and involvement. In our relationship for either of us to spend a week with a stranger isn’t something that would happen. There are so many ways that can go wrong, not the least of which would be her safety. Taking somebody to bed for a romp during a party or something before coming back to me is one thing, spending a week with them is something all together different.

 

What concerns me the most about the OP is the fact that after your wife spent a week with another man, there hasn’t been any reconnection sex. My wife and I engage in that as soon as we can after any encounter she has with another man. It’s inconceivable to me that if there was no emotional involvement on her part that she wouldn’t insist on reconnecting sexually with you immediately. For me that would be a big warning sign. As for me if that would have been my wife, I don’t care what else I have on my schedule, we’re going to have sex on the first night she gets home and she’s going to tell me all about her week, in detail.

 

To me you both seem to be far too cavalier about this. The only answer I can come up with for that is that one or both of you aren’t treating this with the urgency that you should be. If you don’t have a problem with her having an affair that’s your business, but if you want to maintain a relationship with this woman you need to be more involved in her activities.

 

The other thing you mentioned in the OP is that they burned through, “almost thirty condoms.” Now it’s true I don’t know how many almost is, I do know that thirty would mean she would have had to have gone through more than four condoms a day for the whole week. I’ve known some horn dogs in my day and I don’t think there’s a man that’s walked the face of the earth that is capable of sex four or five times a day for seven days straight with the same woman. Now that leaves you with two possibilities, either this man has the libido of a Greek God, in which case you’re not going to compete with this dude. Or your lady was having group sex all week and she was supplying the condoms. In either case you two need to talk before it’s too late.

[mncurious 20]

Hi and thank you Tahoecple for the advice and information. It was only one guy and maybe it was a little overestimating. She had around 30 for both oral and regular sex. It was 7 days and so at around 3 per day, that makes it about 21 or so. One broke and they didn't notice until it was too late.

 

That's why we haven't had sex yet. She wants to get tested first. We're going to try with th condoms this weekend thanks to a babysitter. Just hope it's not too late.

 

It sounds like her and this guy did hit it off really well sexually. She said he was super hard,talented, and she was his first White woman. While the interracial component was a turn on for both of them,they also hung out and traveled around the country like a typical couple. My wife said they didn't receive one comment or dirty look.

 

It definitely wasn't cheating but maybe the start of something more than just swinging. One thing for sure is that we do need to talk.

 

Thanks for your comments and feedback.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

What concerns me the most about the OP is the fact that after your wife spent a week with another man, there hasn’t been any reconnection sex. My wife and I engage in that as soon as we can after any encounter she has with another man. It’s inconceivable to me that if there was no emotional involvement on her part that she wouldn’t insist on reconnecting sexually with you immediately. For me that would be a big warning sign. As for me if that would have been my wife, I don’t care what else I have on my schedule, we’re going to have sex on the first night she gets home and she’s going to tell me all about her week, in detail.

 

Second this. To be successful at swinging a couple MUST have a huge amount of trust and great communication skills. If this was me...well this situation wouldn't have happened since neither of us would go off for a week with another lover alone. When she returned, you both should have MADE the time to reconnect and talk about this RIGHT AWAY. Not wait until it was convenient or wait for the next weekend. Like the other posts we are also concerned about what is happening and what isn't happening. Please make the time for the two of you to reconnect and talk about this ASAP. Take the advise of all of us, this isn't right...there are red flags waving all over the place.

[mncurious 20]

Second this. To be successful at swinging a couple MUST have a huge amount of trust and great communication skills. If this was me...well this situation wouldn't have happened since neither of us would go off for a week with another lover alone. When she returned, you both should have MADE the time to reconnect and talk about this RIGHT AWAY. Not wait until it was convenient or wait for the next weekend. Like the other posts we are also concerned about what is happening and what isn't happening. Please make the time for the two of you to reconnect and talk about this ASAP. Take the advise of all of us, this isn't right...there are red flags waving all over the place.

 

Thanks for the additional information and feedback. This is why we're here as it's our first time. It's now been two weeks and we haven't reconnected sexually yet. Can't until at least Saturday due to work and holiday events.

 

There's plenty of trust and I still don't know the reason for the ad. We did communicate super well during the trip and have talked since she returned. Again, because the condom came off once, she wants to be tested just to be safe. Pregnancy risk is also low.

 

They are still communicating and per our agreement, I don't need to know what they are discussing. I do know they want to see each other again and both had a fantastic experience. He knows about me and is okay being with a married woman. There are signs of NRE but we can discuss that this weekend. We can't connect sexually without condoms until next week, almost a month after the trip. She's nervous about even using condoms even though he tested negative and is giving her proof asap. Trust me, I want to connect.

 

Thanks again and happy holidays.

[mncurious 20]

"Since she returned" is how long?

 

I think you're jealous and/or anxious - otherwise you'd ask her, not us, about the FB group. You can still ask her though. Seems like you're not comfortable doing so, but it'll do you good whatever the outcome.

 

If she did join the said FB page - is that off limits from your point of view? You don't say. Maybe you don't know.

 

Talk to her.

 

Thanks for the note and advice. She came back from Africa over two weeks ago now. I would say anxious but not jealous at all.

 

It's okay if she joined this and other FB pages but if she meets someone online, she has to tell me per our agreement and let them know she's married.

 

Have a great holiday season!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

The best time to reconnect is RIGHT NOW! Make the time, call in sick, miss a party, this is and always should be WAY MORE IMPORTANT than ANYTHING else. Reconnect using a condom if it makes her feel better. Her not wanting to reconnect even if you do wear a condom is just another red flag. The longer it takes to reconnect, the greater any potential damage is done. Do some research on 'cuckold'. It could be that he has told her not to have sex with you, only him now. You need to take back what is yours from him. The longer the delay, the more we are concerned about your relationship being damaged. Don't put this off any longer!

[machiavel55 81]

Thanks for the additional information and feedback. This is why we're here as it's our first time. It's now been two weeks and we haven't reconnected sexually yet. Can't until at least Saturday due to work and holiday events.

 

There's plenty of trust and I still don't know the reason for the ad. We did communicate super well during the trip and have talked since she returned. Again, because the condom came off once, she wants to be tested just to be safe. Pregnancy risk is also low.

 

They are still communicating and per our agreement, I don't need to know what they are discussing. I do know they want to see each other again and both had a fantastic experience. He knows about me and is okay being with a married woman. There are signs of NRE but we can discuss that this weekend. We can't connect sexually without condoms until next week, almost a month after the trip. She's nervous about even using condoms even though he tested negative and is giving her proof asap. Trust me, I want to connect.

 

Thanks again and happy holidays.

 

Every man is different....If anything close to this had happened with any of my GFs when I was in the LS, I would have raised hell, asked for immediate no contact and insisted on working on our relationship.

 

You took a huge risk by allowing that one sided sexual excursion. It sounds more like what husbands involved into hotwifing or cuckolding do.

 

You are being way too forgiving and allowing her to develop her feelings for him while you're being completely ignored. If that's your thing, good for you.

 

If not, put your your foot down, ask to read all the communications before she deletes the posts…..you will probably read hurtful stuff…. insist on NC and reclaim your wife and your position in your marriage.

Good luck. Looks like you will need it!

[mncurious 20]

Update

 

Thanks everyone for the posts, suggestions, concerns, and comments. We talked and she said all is fine and we will reconnect after her STD tests come back negative. He was also tested and is clean. She also said now she doesn’t want to hear anymore about the use, or not, of condoms.

 

My wife also admitted having a strong physical attachment and almost perfect sexual compatibility with her new boyfriend. They are in sync with a shared sexual libido and his techniques to get her to climax. She told me I am still her primary partner and more fun out of the bedroom. We agreed she could go see him again so long as our sex life stays intact. Probably the same time or even a little longer. They can still communicate from IM to calling each other. So it looks like all is going well.

 

Thanks again everyone and we look forward to more advice from the wisdom of the crowd here.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

:redflag:

 

This is NOT a good idea. If you both feel you must keep doing this, it should be one night only and not extended time without you. I can't tell you how dangerous the path you are on is. Turn back now.

[luvin eye full 140]

LOl

 

so what other things has she done to make you understand that her new BF is not only better then you but she does not care?

 

lol i think your a cuck and you like it. that's great for you - but do not lead us down the garden path.

 

Like your wife and her new lover are doing to you. with your full knowledge.

[sweetsnspeed 52]

We think either OP is a fool or cuck who is going to end up alone soon, or is getting off on stringing other users along with a giant line of BS. More likey the latter.

[Myzyri 38]

LOl

 

so what other things has she done to make you understand that her new BF is not only better then you but she does not care?

 

lol i think your a cuck and you like it. that's great for you - but do not lead us down the garden path.

 

Like your wife and her new lover are doing to you. with your full knowledge.

 

I said the same thing, but tried to be as polite as possible. OP told me I was way off base. I'm guessing he's either in total denial and his wife is just "shopping around" while she strings him along OR it's all BS.

[Myzyri 38]

you're attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis: You're screwed.

 

Big Big Theory! WOOOOOT!!!

[machiavel55 81]

Update

 

 

My wife also admitted having a strong physical attachment and almost perfect sexual compatibility with her new boyfriend. They are in sync with a shared sexual libido and his techniques to get her to climax. She told me I am still her primary partner and more fun out of the bedroom. We agreed she could go see him again so long as our sex life stays intact. Probably the same time or even a little longer. They can still communicate from IM to calling each other. So it looks like all is going well.

 

Thanks again everyone and we look forward to more advice from the wisdom of the crowd here.

 

Well if you call that ''all going well'' you seem to have found your calling. Good for you.

 

If any of my gfs in the LS had told me that my new position in her life was only 'more fun out of the bedroom', I would have told her that I was happy for her and her new stud and that starting immediately she would have to look for a place to stay 'outside of what use to be our relationship'.....lol....

[AngelandTiger 364]

Hi and thank you Tahoecple for the advice and information. It was only one guy and maybe it was a little overestimating. She had around 30 for both oral and regular sex. It was 7 days and so at around 3 per day, that makes it about 21 or so. One broke and they didn't notice until it was too late.

 

That's why we haven't had sex yet. She wants to get tested first. We're going to try with th condoms this weekend thanks to a babysitter. Just hope it's not too late.

 

It sounds like her and this guy did hit it off really well sexually. She said he was super hard,talented, and she was his first White woman. While the interracial component was a turn on for both of them,they also hung out and traveled around the country like a typical couple. My wife said they didn't receive one comment or dirty look.

 

It definitely wasn't cheating but maybe the start of something more than just swinging. One thing for sure is that we do need to talk.

 

Thanks for your comments and feedback.

 

 

I'm inclined to agree with the others in this thread that find red flags in the situation in which you currently find yourself. While my wife an I seldom have "reclamation sex" after an event (she's usually exhausted, and we save it for the next day), the idea of such a long time passing without SOME form of re-connection seems unusual and disquieting. From what I gather, this is the first time your wife has had sex with another man, interracial or not; this is your first embarkation into sex with others. How in the world did you decide that that first foray would be on a solo trip to Africa?? Was this something you agreed on immediately? What are her feelings regarding a situation in which you do the same as she did?? Do you both have the freedom to do this, or is it a one-sided sort of thing? I have to agree with the others in that there is indeed a significant issue here. If you guys are into cuckolding and hotwifery, that's just fine, as long as you both agree. However, that doesn't seem to be the original motivation.

 

As far as the FB ads, I'd say to her something on the order of, "Hey, I just started to get a lot of unsolicited FB ads about interracial sex (describe the ads). Have you been checking that sort of thing out??". The lifestyle must be approached with total honesty and open communication.

 

I do have some concerns regarding STI exposure. First of all, absolutely none of this should be construed as medical advice; you should consult your physician for specific recommendations in your case as soon as practical. Consider: Your wife was on a continent where the risk of STI exposure is significant. She was provided proof of STI negative testing by her partner. However, given the state of the art of STI testing, there remains a window during which STI infection is undetectable. The duration of the window depends on individual physiology and the specific test administered. In my mind, the only value of STI testing (specifically with respect to HIV testing) that is not serially performed (every 3 months x 2, in some cases x 3) is in the information that the individual has, in fact, been tested. A negative result on such a test only says that the individual has no DETECTABLE HIV at the exact moment that the test is read. As all of us should know, seroconversion of an infected individual may occur soon after the test or at some later time. Using condoms at this point is wise of you; your physician will guide your decisions at this point if you consult him/her (and you should), but you may want to consider using condoms until 2 or more (depending upon the test) successive STI panels come back negative. Your physician will, of course, have specific recommendations.

 

I hope things work out in a positive way for you.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

A week in Africa for the first time sex? I don't believe the story at all.

[mncurious 20]

I'm inclined to agree with the others in this thread that find red flags in the situation in which you currently find yourself. While my wife an I seldom have "reclamation sex" after an event (she's usually exhausted, and we save it for the next day), the idea of such a long time passing without SOME form of re-connection seems unusual and disquieting. From what I gather, this is the first time your wife has had sex with another man, interracial or not; this is your first embarkation into sex with others. How in the world did you decide that that first foray would be on a solo trip to Africa?? Was this something you agreed on immediately? What are her feelings regarding a situation in which you do the same as she did?? Do you both have the freedom to do this, or is it a one-sided sort of thing? I have to agree with the others in that there is indeed a significant issue here. If you guys are into cuckolding and hotwifery, that's just fine, as long as you both agree. However, that doesn't seem to be the original motivation.

 

As far as the FB ads, I'd say to her something on the order of, "Hey, I just started to get a lot of unsolicited FB ads about interracial sex (describe the ads). Have you been checking that sort of thing out??". The lifestyle must be approached with total honesty and open communication.

 

I do have some concerns regarding STI exposure. First of all, absolutely none of this should be construed as medical advice; you should consult your physician for specific recommendations in your case as soon as practical. Consider: Your wife was on a continent where the risk of STI exposure is significant. She was provided proof of STI negative testing by her partner. However, given the state of the art of STI testing, there remains a window during which STI infection is undetectable. The duration of the window depends on individual physiology and the specific test administered. In my mind, the only value of STI testing (specifically with respect to HIV testing) that is not serially performed (every 3 months x 2, in some cases x 3) is in the information that the individual has, in fact, been tested. A negative result on such a test only says that the individual has no DETECTABLE HIV at the exact moment that the test is read. As all of us should know, seroconversion of an infected individual may occur soon after the test or at some later time. Using condoms at this point is wise of you; your physician will guide your decisions at this point if you consult him/her (and you should), but you may want to consider using condoms until 2 or more (depending upon the test) successive STI panels come back negative. Your physician will, of course, have specific recommendations.

 

I hope things work out in a positive way for you.

 

AngelandTiger,

 

Thank you so much for the advice and feedback. We hope you had a great Christmas holiday and enjoy the New Year's Eve weekend. You probably gave us the best advise so far and we appreciate your candor. To be up front, I do have the ability to swing as well but my wife doesn't want to know anything about it and so far, I haven't met anyone yet. Her test did come back negative for HIV and her boyfriend's being tested or has already been tested again.

 

Also, she hasn't been going to any interracial dating websites. Just a weird coincidence. We did talk about this beforehand, weighed the pros and cons, and decided it would be okay since she knew this guy and he was being very upfront and honest. Plus, I felt it was a good situation to open up our marriage given what my wife told me happened when she was over there last summer. They did kiss and feel each other up but when she asked him to stop, he did without any hesitation. They did kiss a few more times but that was all. So, there was a physical connection and not just some random guy from a swinger's club or craigslist ad. It would have been a fantastic experience for both of us had the one condom not broke/come off and they fluid bonded. My wife seemed really upset about not wanting to have sex but didn't want to give me any STDs if she did have one. The test came back a day or two before we left for Christmas vacation and so we didn't have any time to connect sexually.

 

She will be tested again in a few months per her ob/gyn and until then, we are going to wear condoms and no oral sex which is really sad for me. Since I still want to have hot sex with my wife, I don't think it's cuckold but we possibly have a hot wife situation if I don't decide to swing myself. The only person she wants to have sex with besides me is her new boyfriend. He was tested last summer and now will be tested again this month and share the results with my wife. If negative, I think it's safe to say they will meet again because my wife said it was one of the best weeks of sex in her life. He both showed and told my wife the same, even with condoms which might not be needed next time if both of them are negative and we all remain a closed group.

 

Have a great weekend and thank you again.

[mncurious 20]

A week in Africa for the first time sex? I don't believe the story at all.

 

We really don't care what you think, if you can do it without pain, or believe our experience.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

Clearly you care, as you had to respond. True not caring would have ignored the comment.

[mncurious 20]

Hi all!

Update part two

 

Happy holidays for one of the last Times this years. The tests for STDs came back negative!!! Her lover is also getting tested again just to give my wife peace of mind.

 

The bad news is we still haven't connected and will not be able to until mid January due to travel. My wife insists on using condoms until she's tested again in a few months but to be up front,she hasn't expressed any interest in sex since we returned from Christmas travel out of state.

 

I'm starting to see why so many of you were worried about us. She is still keeping in touch with him about both STDs and their recent time together. He wants to see her again and she does too so long as the next test is negative again. I think at this point it might be at least a hot wife situation as many of you told me. She told another female mutual friend of ours what really happened last week. Sounds like she was really happy about her independence and encouraged her to keep exploring her new sexual relationship.

 

Is there any way to nip this in the bud? Or is it probably too late?

[luvin eye full 140]

lol yes there is away to stop it all - WAKE UP

 

But that would spoil the story -

[edman 24]

Hello mncurious,

 

I read posts on this board now & then, but am not in the lifestyle. I think your thread may be a creative writing project designed to suck all the kind folks here into a lot of dialog. But on the slim chance this is real, I suggest you read what I might call "The Saga of Loki and Sif". It is more than 460 posts so it will take at least a month to read it, but as you are not having sex with your soon to be ex-wife, you may have the time. Search on this board for "Emotional & logistical problems of an open marriage", by poster CallMeLoki . In particular, look at their written agreement, which is sort of the Magna Carta of extramarital exploration. If you can't read the whole thing, read the last 60 posts or so to find out how well that worked out for them.

 

Wishing you a happy new year, sir.

[mncurious 20]

Hello mncurious,

 

I read posts on this board now & then, but am not in the lifestyle. I think your thread may be a creative writing project designed to suck all the kind folks here into a lot of dialog. But on the slim chance this is real, I suggest you read what I might call "The Saga of Loki and Sif". It is more than 460 posts so it will take at least a month to read it, but as you are not having sex with your soon to be ex-wife, you may have the time. Search on this board for "Emotional & logistical problems of an open marriage", by poster CallMeLoki . In particular, look at their written agreement, which is sort of the Magna Carta of extramarital exploration. If you can't read the whole thing, read the last 60 posts or so to find out how well that worked out for them.

 

Wishing you a happy new year, sir.

 

Hi Edman,

 

Thank you for the post and this is a real event with plenty of proof from credit cards to emails. I will check out the link and see how much of it I can read. Good to have feedback from someone not in the lifestyle but why are you here? Just a voyeur or curious?

 

Wishing you a Happy New Year, too.

[EastInWest 1,524]

You'll forgive us OP, but for some reason, "a black guy came inside my wife without my permission and we're supposed to be very upset but I promise I'm totally not getting off on it" is a running theme with new posters. Her literally flying to Africa for it is the icing on the cuckold fan-fiction cake. Sorry if it really happened, but I've seen a half dozen variations on this story and they never quite add up, the skeptical response is fair.

[luvin eye full 140]

"Sounds like she was really happy about her independence and encouraged her to keep exploring her new sexual relationship."

 

"Is there any way to nip this in the bud? Or is it probably too late?"

 

 

lol

[mncurious 20]

Thanks for all of the advice and the Loki story suggestion especially.

 

It sounds like we are more open marriage than swingers per many of you with intelligent replies. We will post our first experience later this week and then stick to the open marriage and poly forums where we belong. We are not typical swingers.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

...she hasn't expressed any interest in sex since we returned from Christmas travel out of state.

 

Re-connection is important to reestablish your bond and relationship. That she continues to resist and keep her distance from you is NOT GOOD.

 

Is there any way to nip this in the bud? Or is it probably too late?

 

Sit down with her and have a talk. Tell her that you are VERY CONCERNED and uncomfortable with what has and continues to happen. Tell her that you are worried about your relationship together and that you think for the time being she should stop communication with him. Then see what she says...and more importantly does. See if she stops or if he has already become too important to her to give up talking (and so much more) with him. Either she will stop because you asked and she loves you more than him, she won't stop and keep talking with him regardless of your feelings and request, or will continue to communicate with him in secret. Anything but the first option and you have your answer. Good luck and let us know what happens.

[edman 24]

Folks,

I exchanged a few PMs with OP and there is a lot more to his story than what he posted. I advised him to go to another specific website for support for the particular situation he described to me.

Happy New Year!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Folks,

I exchanged a few PMs with OP and there is a lot more to his story . . .

I suspected this might be the case. I hope the exchange proves helpful.

[jnrswinger 62]

Hi everyone,

 

 

.....Since she returned, we haven't had time to connect sexually due to jet lag.......

 

Since jetlag only lasts a day or so at most, she must have got right on it as soon as she got home!!! Yes, I would say you are heading for a Queen of Spades Hotwife/cuckold relationship at full speed ahead.

[ThisGalNextDoor 17]

Re: FaceBook part of the question. Here is an excerpt from an article explaining that your wife did NOT necessarily do anything on FB but did perhaps search interracial on the Internet somewhere:

 

Some ads you see on Facebook are posted using this Exchange platform. Let's use a scenario to understand this:

 

You are planning to buy a new laptop. You go on Apple's website and sift through their catalog. The website would place a cookie on your device. Advertisers can just specify on Facebook Exchange that users with a cookie from Apple's website be shown an ad from Apple.

 

So, when you log into Facebook, you would be shown an ad from Apple. It does not matter that you were logged out of Facebook when you visited Apple's website. The ad will be shown based on your browsing habits outside of Facebook. In a sense, Facebook might not even know that you visited Apple's website, as the ads are created using your data (using tracking cookies) compiled by the advertisers. In addition, you might see the same ad on other websites, too (not just on Facebook), as the same advertisers engage with different ad exchanges.

 

Although, from my experience to join a PRIVATE group usually someone must submit your name (perhaps her new friend).

 

Now as to why she might 'want' to belong to one of these private groups, I will speak from personal experience. I belong to one private group of Swinger friends and I did belong to a BDSM/Swinger combined group. Both were more out of curiosity, I thought it would be sexy and fun,both were at the beginning but eventually they became like any other FB group of friends (blah blah blah) LOL

 

I hope you two have a wonderful date night going over her fabulous week and what might be ahead for both of you.

 

ENJOY

[jnrswinger 62]

OK, so I have dragged my ass through this entire, may I say pathetic, thread. I'm going to be brutally honest and not be as nice about it as some of you have. Time to call it. It's complete BS. 100% fabricated fantasy. The idea that someone is going to spend thousands of dollars to go to the HIV capitol of the world for a week of sex with some character and their husband is going to let them is insane. Not to mention someone's estimate of $4-5,000 is probably being generous. He is trying to keep it consistent, but the story keeps changing slightly as he is called on it. And to have us believe he's going to let her spend thousands more just to go have sex with him again!! AND he claims there's no emotional connection! What a joke.

 

If his wife wants to be a QoS there are millions of great Black men in his own country - and probably thousands in his own area - who will fuck his wife for him for free. And the ONLY thing that is probably true is his sexual inadequacy, so maybe she should do that and get herself some decent satisfying sex for real. Maybe they will let him watch how a real man does it - and he would love that LOL!!! The whole story is so contrived and full of ridiculous scenarios. I agree with many of you - he's either a wannabe cuckold telling us his fantasies or he's using us to practice his porn writing skills (they need a LOT of practice). There are so many dumb ass things in his story it's ludicrous.

 

It's not even a swinging situation. It's Hotwife/cuckold and his comment about him allowed to swing but she doesn't want to know shows he has no idea what swinging is. Oh, wait.... and yet they hadn't talked about swinging yet.... hmmmm! He's trying desperately to keep his story consistent but it's getting too long for him to keep going back and checking continuity and he's forgetting exactly what he said. In addition to the HUGE red flags there are lots of little goofs typical of this kind of thing. Example: The condom broke.... the condom broke..... then it came off!! (Or did he take it off deliberately LOL!! That will be the next story twist... well not now since I trolled it.) Oh, wait .... maybe he's a African prince and he needs to gets money out..... LOL!!

 

This whole thing is too stupid for words. Even if it were marginally real anyone in their (partially) right mind would have served the divorce papers by now if only to protect their finances. He needs to stop fluffing his yarn on here and go play on OHW where he can read and make up all the Hotwife/cuckold stuff he wants to and jack off to his heart's content. I guaranty his wife has no idea about any of this crap he is posting and if she knew she would be royally pissed off. I'm not going to read any more of this garbage thread. I only hung in there this far because sometimes train wrecks have a morbid appeal - or in this case provide a few laughs.

[pete c 34]

Being one that can appreciate a good troll job, I just wanted to say bravo sir!!!! Well played.

 

A good troll job needs to start out believable. This one was....for a bit.

[forsure79 26]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks for the fun posts and advice. Hope you enjoy our story and offer us good suggestions going forward.

 

My wife recently returned from opening up out marriage for the first time. It was with a man she met on a recent trip overseas. They spent an entire week together and used most of the 30 condoms we bought for the trip. Only once did the condom break but since we use script birth control, we are not concerned as he gave her proof of being std free.

 

This was also my very White wife's first time having sex with a Black man. Let's just say she is sad she waited so long to have a Black lover. Her orgasms were beyond intense seeing his BBC slip inside of her. He was also much more dominant and assertive during sex with my wife and was able to take her from behind and bring her to climax which is very hard to do.

 

Since she returned, we haven't had time to connect sexually due to jet lag, kids, and work. She said it was a really great liberating experience overall. My wife still keeps in touch with him even though they both agreed it was mainly about sex, not a relationship. There seems to be plenty of NRE.

 

Here's where I need your help and assistance. Last night while surfing the net, I received an invite to join a FB page for White women and Black men. I had another window open with a joint shared email. I did click on it and couldn't see if my wife was a member or not since it was a closed group.

 

Facebook doesn't show ads by mistake or randomly. Should I assume my wife is now checking out these FB groups and possibly a member of them?

 

What is the reality from the group here when a married White wife not only has her first swinging experience but with a Black man for the first time, too,?

 

Should I be concerned about anything or is this natural and normal for my wife to want another interracial experience after her first time with a Black man being so amazing and incredible?

 

We agreed not to share social media messages or emails between my wife and her lover unless she wants to. We also talked about swinging once she returned so I can't say what she's doing is behind my back or not mutually agreed upon. Should we revisit our rules and communication expectations?

 

Thanks for the advice and please reply on or offline.

 

If your wife just spent one week with this guy and now is corresponding regularly with him this has gone way past you agreed upon rules. You need to confront her immediately on this. She needs to show you any site that she belongs to that gives her the ability to correspond with him. She needs to delete her access immediately.

 

Unfortunately I think the damage is done to your marriage. This is the most common type of post on this forum and r/swingers. These type of situations where the husband lets the wife have a hall pass for a vacation with here lover normally dooms the marriage. I would have a good divorce lawer on standby just in case your confrontation with her is a disaster.

[jnrswinger 62]

Hi all!

Update part two

 

Happy holidays for one of the last Times this years. The tests for STDs came back negative!!! Her lover is also getting tested again just to give my wife peace of mind.

 

The bad news is we still haven't connected and will not be able to until mid January due to travel. My wife insists on using condoms until she's tested again in a few months but to be up front,she hasn't expressed any interest in sex since we returned from Christmas travel out of state.

 

I'm starting to see why so many of you were worried about us. She is still keeping in touch with him about both STDs and their recent time together. He wants to see her again and she does too so long as the next test is negative again. I think at this point it might be at least a hot wife situation as many of you told me. She told another female mutual friend of ours what really happened last week. Sounds like she was really happy about her independence and encouraged her to keep exploring her new sexual relationship.

 

Is there any way to nip this in the bud? Or is it probably too late?

 

Oh, there's definitely a way to nip this in the bud! Stop trying to make up this stupid CRAP!! It's so stupid it's not even funny anymore. It's bullshit.