Three weekends in a row too much?

[Newcouple17 101]

Ok so we're new to swinging and have recently swapped with our first couple, we've met them twice....the last two weekends. They've now just invited us to go to the club with them where we first met them.

 

One, is three weekends in a row too much?

 

Two, how is it perceived if you turn up in a foursome?

[Judy39 145]

I can't play every weekend because of other commitments, but some people do. It's up to you to decide whether fun every weekend is too much or not.

 

Foursome in a club is fine, why wouldn't it be?

[Newcouple17 101]

I can't play every weekend because of other commitments, but some people do. It's up to you to decide whether fun every weekend is too much or not.

 

Foursome in a club is fine, why wouldn't it be?

 

I think ideally we'd have a few weekends for ourselves, but with the holidays fast approaching?

 

As for the club, is there any preconceptions if you turn up with others? I'm not saying that we want to play with anyone else, its definitely not about numbers for me. And if I'm honest going to the club was ok and if we hadn't we would probably not have met anyone yet, but neither of us are that fussed rushing back?

 

And they've mentioned that they know several couples who regularly attend.

[adamgunn 1,460]

When you're in a club with another couple, the assumpiton by others is that you're a foursome. They will probably treat you that way until proved otherwise. The way to combat this - if you wish to - is to split off from your 'regular' couple and circulate.

 

I would wonder what the expectation of your other couple is. Do they expect they'll be playing with you and that you won't be playing with anyone else? If so, you're on the way to becoming a 'semi-committed foursome.' Now you mention that the couple knows other people. Do they expect to be playing with others, that you may be playing with the clique - or with others - as well?

 

I think you need to understand the desires of the other couple.

[Newcouple17 101]

When you're in a club with another couple, the assumpiton by others is that you're a foursome. They will probably treat you that way until proved otherwise. The way to combat this - if you wish to - is to split off from your 'regular' couple and circulate.

 

I would wonder what the expectation of your other couple is. Do they expect they'll be playing with you and that you won't be playing with anyone else? If so, you're on the way to becoming a 'semi-committed foursome.' Now you mention that the couple knows other people. Do they expect to be playing with others, that you may be playing with the clique - or with others - as well?

 

I think you need to understand the desires of the other couple.

 

Yes we need to have a conversation with them before we decide.

 

I kind of thought there might be some sort of assumption by others. We're definitely not rushing to meet any other couples at the moment, although we wouldn't want anyone else put off talking to us.....just in case?

 

We're not prepared to play in a large group at the moment either, just in a foursome. We also just assumed that the four of us would be playing together at some point, but by the way it was suggested....now I'm not sure!

[BabeAndApe 70]

The correct frequency is the one that works for you. We have swinging-related excursions 1-2 times per month (club, meet another couple, etc). Swinging only works when you nurture your own romantic relationship. So, if you need more "us time" to strengthen your own coupling, take it. We had a lady from a more experienced couple share a useful anecdote with us. There was a point where her husband lost interest in swinging. She said, over a period of weeks and conversation, she realized it was because they were swinging all the time and weren't having their own date nights and regular playtime as a couple. She said refocusing on that reignited his interest in swinging again. I would say, swing as often as feels right for you, but be mindful of your own relationship in the process. Trial and error will teach you what is best FOR THE TWO OF YOU.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Easiest way to find out what is and isn't expected is to ask them. It sounds like you two are looking for FWB...you need to find out what the other couple is looking for. Three weeks in a row isn't too much when you are starting out, but I think everyone will be taking the next weekend or two off. We personally try to limit our interactions to about once a month, but that's just us. What works for the four of you is what works for the four of you. The trick is to keep something fun from becoming an obsession but at the same time keep everyone satisfied and not thinking what happened, where are they.

[Newcouple17 101]

The correct frequency is the one that works for you. We have swinging-related excursions 1-2 times per month (club, meet another couple, etc). Swinging only works when you nurture your own romantic relationship. So, if you need more "us time" to strengthen your own coupling, take it. We had a lady from a more experienced couple share a useful anecdote with us. There was a point where her husband lost interest in swinging. She said, over a period of weeks and conversation, she realized it was because they were swinging all the time and weren't having their own date nights and regular playtime as a couple. She said refocusing on that reignited his interest in swinging again. I would say, swing as often as feels right for you, but be mindful of your own relationship in the process. Trial and error will teach you what is best FOR THE TWO OF YOU.

 

Yes, completely agree. We're happy with this weekend, just not sure whats expected?

[Newcouple17 101]

Easiest way to find out what is and isn't expected is to ask them. It sounds like you two are looking for FWB...you need to find out what the other couple is looking for. Three weeks in a row isn't too much when you are starting out, but I think everyone will be taking the next weekend or two off. We personally try to limit our interactions to about once a month, but that's just us. What works for the four of you is what works for the four of you. The trick is to keep something fun from becoming an obsession but at the same time keep everyone satisfied and not thinking what happened, where are they.

 

I think we should discuss what we're looking for regarding this couple and then have a conversation with them and see if we're all on the same page?

[BabeAndApe 70]

Yes, completely agree. We're happy with this weekend, just not sure whats expected?

 

The only way to find out is to ask!

 

Just make sure you preface whatever conversation you need to have with how much you enjoy their company.

[Newcouple17 101]

The only way to find out is to ask!

 

Just make sure you preface whatever conversation you need to have with how much you enjoy their company.

 

Yes we do enjoy their company, but they know that we are new to all this?

 

We might be reading too much into things...we need to have a good conversation tonight.

[Guest]

I remember after the first time, I couldn’t wait for the weekends so we could try it again. That wears off after awhile and we become more “sensible” about it all (decide that its a lifestyle and lifetime opportunity so settle into a pace that is more livable. Note, there is a difference between going with someone to the club and just meeting them there. You may just want to meet them there.

[Newcouple17 101]

I remember after the first time, I couldn’t wait for the weekends so we could try it again. That wears off after awhile and we become more “sensible” about it all (decide that its a lifestyle and lifetime opportunity so settle into a pace that is more livable. Note, there is a difference between going with someone to the club and just meeting them there. You may just want to meet them there.

 

Yes we're a bit like that at the moment, I guess its just new?

 

We're meeting them there, we all figured that would be for the best.

[adamgunn 1,460]

"I remember after the first time, I couldn’t wait for the weekends so we could try it again."

 

For a decade, I always looked forward to the times we spent playing, which was usually at least two weekends a month, and some weeknights. It was our social activity, and we found it much more pleasurable than meeting vanilla couples or groups for a dinner or at a cocktail party.

 

The right amount of swinging time is what makes both people in the relationship happy.

[Newcouple17 101]

"I remember after the first time, I couldn’t wait for the weekends so we could try it again."

 

For a decade, I always looked forward to the times we spent playing, which was usually at least two weekends a month, and some weeknights. It was our social activity, and we found it much more pleasurable than meeting vanilla couples or groups for a dinner or at a cocktail party.

 

The right amount of swinging time is what makes both people in the relationship happy.

 

Yes it certainly feels like a bit of a novelty at the moment I guess?

 

We're finding ourselves doing different things and maybe pushing ourselves?

 

I'm particularly surprised at just how different certain things are with someone else and although we're still not looking for hundreds of different partners I think we're happy to expand our numbers a little bit?

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

It's called NRE (new relationship energy) where everything is exciting and, well, new. It will lessen over time and you won't feel the need to constantly be experiencing the rush (kind of like an orgasm...one almost always leads to wanting another, but imaging if an orgasm never ended). You do need to have a light talk (don't get all serious, keep it light and just a part of conversation) about what everyone is looking for. They might just be looking for play partners, or FWB, or a poly relationship, or just a few times together in the hay and then on to the next couple. Do you know what the two of you are looking for as well? Just ask what kind of relationship they are looking for in a casual way and keep it light (don't want to destroy the mood)...and stop analyzing it so much. Are you having fun? Then just enjoy the fun you are having. Live in this moment and enjoy it (I saying this to also remind myself the same thing).

[Newcouple17 101]

It's called NRE (new relationship energy) where everything is exciting and, well, new. It will lessen over time and you won't feel the need to constantly be experiencing the rush (kind of like an orgasm...one almost always leads to wanting another, but imaging if an orgasm never ended). You do need to have a light talk (don't get all serious, keep it light and just a part of conversation) about what everyone is looking for. They might just be looking for play partners, or FWB, or a poly relationship, or just a few times together in the hay and then on to the next couple. Do you know what the two of you are looking for as well? Just ask what kind of relationship they are looking for in a casual way and keep it light (don't want to destroy the mood)...and stop analyzing it so much. Are you having fun? Then just enjoy the fun you are having. Live in this moment and enjoy it (I saying this to also remind myself the same thing).

 

I guess things might have changed a bit from what we initially discussed and wanted. As for them, I'm pretty sure that we're just their latest conquest.....we're under no allusions.

 

Personally I just wasn't expecting certain things to be so different?

 

And yes we're both having fun and definitely enjoying the experiences.

 

And I just can't help myself! lol

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

LOL...yes, things 'evolve' and can change quickly. This is one reason to keep the communication with your spouse open since things can change so quickly. Rules change, limits change, expectations change, just keep talking.

[Newcouple17 101]

Yes they do.