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mncurious

Wife's first time opening up our marriage. NRE, or are she/we polyamorous?

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My wife recently returned from opening up our marriage for the first time. It was with a man she met on a recent trip overseas. We talked about it and planned her return trip for months. He sent her any documents she requested and had no problem talking to me if I wanted to. We agreed to split the costs for the trip.

 

We established clear boundaries and communication expectations. They spent an entire week together and used most of the condoms my wife and I bought for the trip. Only once did the condom break but since we use script birth control, we are not concerned as he gave her proof of being std free. She's still concerned and wants to get tested before we have sex bareback again. We still haven't had sex since she returned.

 

About the experience

This was also my very White wife's first time having sex with a Black man. She's 42, her lover's 47. Let's just say she loved her first time having a Black lover. Her orgasms were beyond intense seeing his BBC slip inside of her. His, too as it was his first interracial relationship, too. He was also much more dominant and assertive during sex with my wife and was able to take her from behind and bring her to climax which is very hard to do. I'm much more chill during sex and like her to take the lead. She's okay but much prefers his style.

 

The only issue from the trip was that one time the condom came off during sex and they didn't notice until it was too late. My wife's a little nervous and is being tested asap, at least for any stds.

 

Since she returned, we haven't had time to connect sexually due to jet lag, kids, and work. She said it was a really great liberating experience overall. My wife still keeps in touch with him even though they both agreed it was mainly about sex, not a relationship. There seems to be plenty of NRE.

 

What is the reality from the group here when a married White wife not only has her first swinging experience but with a Black man for the first time, too. So many firsts!

 

Should I be concerned about anything or is this natural and normal for my wife to want him again so quickly after her first time opening up our marriage? Or is it also being with a Black man who by her own words was so amazing and incredible? Or is it just NRE with her new lover? They definitely have some emotional attachment after being together for an entire week 24/7. Lots of sex, kissing,and travel together. From what she said, their mutual attraction has little to do with race and more to do with just a visceral physical and emotional connection.

 

We agreed not to share social media messages or emails between my wife and her lover unless she wants to. We also talked about swinging once she returned but she has already talked about going back to see him in Europe next year. They still keep in touch and talk after the trip.

 

Does this sound like a poly relationship developing or just NRE from the long swinging adventure?

 

Thanks for the advice and please reply on or offline.

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Well, right now it sounds like NRE. Unless she's not willing to have other experiences (you said you two talked about swinging,) I wouldn't worry too much. However, I would make it a priority to reconnect - that's important to temper the NRE.

 

On the other hand, if after a couple of weeks she's still not reconnecting with you, she's not considering swinging, I'd say there are some problems that need to be worked out. And until they are worked out, I'd be very cautious about letting her see him again.

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Well, right now it sounds like NRE. Unless she's not willing to have other experiences (you said you two talked about swinging,) I wouldn't worry too much. However, I would make it a priority to reconnect - that's important to temper the NRE.

 

On the other hand, if after a couple of weeks she's still not reconnecting with you, she's not considering swinging, I'd say there are some problems that need to be worked out. And until they are worked out, I'd be very cautious about letting her see him again.

 

Thank you for the reply adamgunn. She's already hinted at not swinging after she came back from her trip with him. They have had a physical and emotional connection since last June when they first met but only kissed and rubbed each other a little. My wife stopped before it went too far since I didn't know and hadn't given permission to actually open up our marriage.

 

It was once she returned we discussed this and decided to open up our marriage at least once so she could go back to see him again. They kept in touch online for months and talked on the phone,too.

 

She said the physical bond was super strong and they had sex several times the first day, even with jet lag. As much as she was nervous about STDs I think she also loved fluid bonding with him now two weeks ago when the condom broke. Also the interracial aspect plays a part too as he is her first Black lover.

 

This is why I am here. I think it's both NRE and maybe more. They still keep in touch and they are already planning to see each other in 2018. Per our agreement, she had full license to explore opening up our marriage on her terms. I just wasn't expecting her to becomes so emotionally attached to her new boyfriend. seven days together 24/7 with lots of intimacy really changed my wife's mind since she never wanted to swing before her trip. We actually almost separated over it a few years back.

 

Sadly we can't reconnect for another few weeks at least due to her wanting to get tested for STDs.

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I see that you’ve made a new post on this subject, I don’t know why unless you’re trying valiantly to find somebody to reinforce your belief that you’re not being a fool. If that’s the case you’re not going to care much for the rest of my reply I’m afraid. There are so many things that I see wrong in what you’ve told us that I’m just going to go by the numbers and tell you what it sounds like to me.

 

1. You sound very insecure to me, it appears you are trying to be worldly and understanding but deep down this is bothering you. You’re looking for validation of what you know is a very bad situation.

 

2. In this post you casually mention that your wife originally met this man when she was in Europe several months ago. Then from that time until she reunited with her lover in Africa a month ago he pursued her online and by phone. You didn’t mention it, but you must have seen while this was going on how her attention focused more on him and less on you. That’s because you’ve allowed the contact that’s allowed you wife to fall in love with another man.

 

3. Regardless of the excuses that you’ve been given for her refusing to have sex with you after her return, it seems to me that the true reason for her not being intimate with you is because she’s found a man that she wants to be with. She appears to be home to tie up loose ends before returning to her lover for good. She may still have feelings for you but there seems to be another man in her life now that she truly wants to be with. If she was worried about STD’s she would have been tested on the day she returned, STD’s in this case is merely an excuse for not being sexually active with a man she no longer wants to be sexually active with.

 

4. You sound more into the racial aspect of this than she does. You see the enticing aspect of their union, while she only sees a man that rock’s her world.

 

5. You understand that it’s not normal behavior for a spouse to have hidden FB accounts for her to correspond privately with her lover. I think you’re just desperately searching for somebody to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with that, well I’m afraid you won’t hear that from me. The bottom line is that if there wasn’t anything to hide in her correspondence then they wouldn’t have been hidden from you. I’m not talking about the times that you’ve caught her talking to her lover when she blows it off with, “it’s (???) honey would you like to say hello.” I’m talking about the times you haven’t caught her corresponding with him when the conversation is more likely, “honey I can’t wait to be with you forever.”

 

To be honest I think you two should be seeking some professional help before it’s too late. You don’t need help from a swinger’s web site you need somebody to wake you up to wants going on here before you find yourself being the ex-husband to the woman you love. This isn’t swinging, this is a marriage coming apart.

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I noted on the original blog that I thought your marriage was in BIG trouble. I did not have time or perhaps, because your foolishness was so obvious, the inclination to go into a more specific response. Tahoe covered it quite well. You should follow his advice TODAY but it's probably too late.

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MnCurious, you certainly can reconnect. Penetration might be off limits, but talking, kissing, fondling is fine. Even if she might have an STD. Please, push her into putting you and your needs before the other man. Please.

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They have had a physical and emotional connection since last June when they first met

 

...and decided to open up our marriage at least once so she could go back to see him again.

 

...they are already planning to see each other in 2018.

 

...she had full license to explore opening up our marriage on her terms.

 

I just wasn't expecting her to becomes so emotionally attached to her new boyfriend.

 

We actually almost separated over it a few years back.

 

All of these are HUGE :redflag:

 

It sounds like SHE decided to open up your marriage so she could have this affair...I don't hear where you really had any option in the matter and that you are perusing an open marriage yourself. You 'almost separated over it a few years back'...what is 'it'. Is it this guy? In which case this has been going on longer than you have implied.

 

The STD excuse is nothing more than an excuse to not reconnect with you. As stated, if she was really concerned about it, she would have already been tested.

 

I would recommend looking up 'cuckold' and 'bull' and doing some reading. It sounds like this is what she is involved with: a strong bull calling the shots (including not having sex with you) and she is obeying his orders. Could be wrong, but even if I am, what she is doing isn't treating you with respect or love.

 

I think everything THO has said is right on. This NEEDS TO STOP NOW (although it sounds like it may already be too late and trying to get her to stop will just be giving her an excuse to leave). This is not looking like it is going to end will. It most definitely NOT SWINGING. Good luck and let us know how things continue.

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Thank you. We'll try it tonight. The results came back negative on the first test but the doctor said to come back in a few months for another test. Might still use condoms but I will let my wife do what feels comfortable to her. Happy Holidays.

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All of these are HUGE :redflag:

 

It sounds like SHE decided to open up your marriage so she could have this affair...I don't hear where you really had any option in the matter and that you are perusing an open marriage yourself. You 'almost separated over it a few years back'...what is 'it'. Is it this guy? In which case this has been going on longer than you have implied.

 

The STD excuse is nothing more than an excuse to not reconnect with you. As stated, if she was really concerned about it, she would have already been tested.

 

I would recommend looking up 'cuckold' and 'bull' and doing some reading. It sounds like this is what she is involved with: a strong bull calling the shots (including not having sex with you) and she is obeying his orders. Could be wrong, but even if I am, what she is doing isn't treating you with respect or love.

 

I think everything THO has said is right on. This NEEDS TO STOP NOW (although it sounds like it may already be too late and trying to get her to stop will just be giving her an excuse to leave). This is not looking like it is going to end will. It most definitely NOT SWINGING. Good luck and let us know how things continue.

 

We both went into this with our eyes open about what could happen from a terrible experience to pregnancy to STD to a toe curling experience to a strong emotional bond. If all of the condoms would have worked, we would already have reconnected and had fantastic sex. This is only an issue due to my wife's concern, now unfounded, about an STD. We plan to connect tonight or next week for sure.

 

It will still be an open marriage (I don't have any desire to swing now) but only for her. She hasn't really given off any cuckold or bull vibes from what I can tell right now. Well, except we did talk about me going down on her after her boyfriend finished but that's it. She doesn't want to stop as of now except she wants to get in a little better shape for the next experience. Now her test came back negative, her first open marriage experience was all positive and as good as she hoped it would be per her words. I don't think she will want to stop now. I think she still has serious NRE with her new boyfriend and they are still talking at least by email and IM.

 

Have a happy holiday season. If anything changes we will post again. Thanks for your concern.

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:trainwreck:

 

Just my feelings, but I just don't see this ending well...wish you the best anyways.

 

Thank you. Actually, we are doing okay and communicating well. My wife does want to connect sexually once I return from my trip out of town. We plan to talk more about her experience in Africa.

 

What we have discovered is that we are not considered swingers by most everyone here. After looking into it further, you all are right. We are more hotwife, open marriage, and we will see about any poly triads. It's why we will no longer be posting outside of the this forum and the swinging and open marriage forum. You and many others have great knowledge and advice on swinging and we will try to use some of the suggestions where they make sense. But they are just that, swinging advice, not hotwife or open marriage experiences so what works for swingers may not be applicable to us.

 

 

Thank you for all of your support GoldCoCouple and others but we are no longer going to be looking at any other threads or even posting our first experience. They just don't apply to us and we don't want to be disrespectful to the serious committed swingers like yourselves on here with our non-swinger stories or requests for help.

 

Have a great 2018 and don't worry about us, we'll be fine.

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What we have discovered is that we are not considered swingers by most everyone here.

 

LOl That's because your not any thing but a door mat - or a good story teller.

If you think loving partners treat each other this way in any kind of context with out it being a role play kinda thing is in my view wrong.

 

and the part that get me is that you know and let it happen - but then say "oh should i stop it" lol

 

I think you are a cuck and you want it to be this way and this is all crap stories to make you get off = BUT if your not and all this is true = then you soon will be lol

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      They both started cleaning up a little and I slowly came out of the crowd that had gathered. She saw me and gave me that dirty little smile she sometimes gets. My wife asked me if I had enjoyed her show. She said she needed to have a little more cum in her pussy tonight and she now wanted mine. Her new little friend just kind of sat back in the corner and decided to watch us.
       
      I knew I wouldn’t last long because I had almost cum multiple times just watching her. With some of the crowd still watching I got undressed, and slid my wet with pre-cum cock into my wife’s cum-loaded pussy. I fucked her until she started cumming. Her cunt convulsed so hard that it squeezed my cock and made me start to cum. I came in her pussy, mixing my cum with my wife’s new fuck buddies cum. I pulled my cock out and watched it all slowly slide down her ass. She got up and went over to our young fuck buddy and she gave him a long passionate kiss and said thank you for such a great time. He gave her one last little finger fucking and handed her a card of his if we were ever in the area again.
       
      He left after he got dressed and we got cleaned up and went out to the main room. I had multiple people including women and even the bartender say that my wife was one of the women they would like to fuck if they ever got a chance after seeing her in action. I guess I’m the lucky one here.
       
      Later that night when we were driving to our resort, she slipped her hand down pants and put her fingers in her pussy. She brought them out and rubbed them on my face. She smiled and said we gotta do this again sometime as we pulled into the parking lot to call it a night.
       
      And what a night it was.
    • By C3po
      This all started around forty years ago when my wife Beth and I had dated for a few years then married. It wasn't long after we married that I introduced her to her first big realistic porn star dildo.  When she first saw it she laughed and said, "That'll never fit in my pussy, are you nuts?!" But she agreed to trying and found not only did it fit but she really enjoyed it. She was amazed by how much she enjoyed it.  So much so that she requested I use it on her quite a lot. She also discovered she enjoyed big cock porn, she was fascinated by it. Soon was I combining using a huge dildo on her at the same time she watched big cock porn, this led her to experience huge orgasms. She couldn't get enough. She was finally exploring her sexuality and expanding her outlook on sexual pleasure.
       
      One night after some really hot sex I  questioned her if she ever fantasized about fucking other men, especially well-hung men. She responded that of course she did, stated that most women had this fantasy, and she believed it was quite common. So I pursued it further and asked her if she wanted to try another man's cock and how much did she really desire to do it? She said that it sounded exciting and fun but she would never do anything to endanger our marriage. I said,  "What if I told you that I wanted to watch you have sex with another man, one that had a really big cock. Would you then consider it?" She laughed and said she'd be game if it was something I was serious about and really wanted her to do. She said, "Come on, let's be real. It's exciting and fun to imagine it, but to really do it? Please! That's a major game changer."
       
      So I said, "I'm very serious. I've watched the way you enjoy the dildos especially while watching big cock videos. It turns me on big time seeing how excited you get and how many times you climax from doing these two things at the same time. I want to watch you do it for real. No BS, just watching you getting slammed by a big cock would be a huge turn-on for me. So what do you really think now that you know that I'm serious and am giving you this opportunity?"
       
      I could see her giving it some serious thought, she didn't get mad or upset at me or the idea, no resistance whatsoever to my request.  The more she considered the idea the more it appeared to me that she was very intrigued with the idea and it excited her.
       
      She started asking all kinds of questions, like wouldn't I be jealous, or think the worst of her, or what if she really enjoyed it and wanted more or didn't feel comfortable screwing another man, then what? Were there any rules and what were the consequences? Was I absolutely sure that I really wanted her to do this, because once done there was no going back!
       
      After she finished asking everything she had concerns about I answered all her questions and we talked about the rules/boundaries we would have in place to keep it fun and exciting without any reservations or guilt. This was to make sure she fully understood my concerns and alleviate all of hers as well. It seemed she came to a decision at which point she smiled and enthusiastically said yes, she'd do it! Did I have someone special in mind she wondered? She said she had to agree to my choices for her sexual escapades or it wasn't gonna happen.
       
       I then informed her I was thinking of Bruce. Beth squealed with glee, she admitted she has had fantasies about Bruce for some time now and I couldn't have picked a better choice for her first time. She would absolutely love to fuck Bruce. She said she was getting wet thinking about sex with him.
       
      A few days later I met up with Bruce for an after work drink. As we enjoyed several drinks we talked a lot. Soon I steered the conversation towards my wife Beth. I asked  Bruce to be honest and tell me what he thought about Beth. He admitted he thought Beth was smokin' hot. She had a killer body and was just gorgeous, always was friendly, and liked flirting with him when they were together. I asked him if he' ever had the chance would he consider having sex with her? He looked a bit concerned by my question but answered yes, he wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of such an opportunity. So I told him that Beth really wanted to have sex with him, and that I was okay with them hooking up. I explained that was my kink watching her get fucked by other men, it really turned me on. Bruce considered it for several minutes then said okay sure, he'd love to fuck Beth. Just give him the details when we're ready to make it happen.
       
      When I got home I told Beth about my conversation with Bruce and what he said. She looked startled and said she couldn't believe I did that. So I asked her if what I did was so wrong and did she still want to go through with it? She excitedly said Oh hell yes she did, and no I wasn't wrong! So we made plans and set a date for Beth's first cock. 
       
      The night arrived finding Beth both excited and hot with anticipation. She was dressed to kill showing off her sexy body wearing no underwear. When Bruce knocked on the door I answered it and escorted him into our house. Beth entered the living room and gave Bruce a big hug pressing her chest and pelvis into him and then kissed him on the lips. Bruce kissed her back and he sat down pulling her on to his lap. Nether one of them wasted any time, tongues going everywhere, hands exploring and groping each other, clothes coming off. Soon they were both naked and Beth got a pleasant surprise, Bruce was very well hung. She giggled with delight.
       
      Beth took Bruce's hand and led him to our bed. She pushed him down on the bed and went to work on Bruce's big cock giving him an enthusiastic blow job. After a while Bruce flipped Beth on her back and went to work on her pussy and clit. Beth orgasmed in minutes, fully enjoying Bruce's skilled tongue. I stood in the background watching the show.
       
      Soon Bruce moved into position between Beth's legs. As he rubbed his cock against Beth's open pussy and clit she responded with loud moans and started pressing her pussy against Bruce's cock. As he slid his huge cock into Beth's pussy she had a big climax. As he went deeper he increased his speed and Beth climaxed again. She was enthralled with his big cock pumping her pussy, she was moving her hips and swearing, telling him his cock felt so good. She looked over at me and said she loved how good his big cock felt inside her. She told Bruce to stretch her pussy good, to fuck her hard. She was in sexual ecstasy, a place she'd never been before. Her facial expressions showed pure bliss and the sounds she was making were hot as hell. I never seen her so turned on, she must of had a dozen orgasms, many of which were huge.
       
      They fucked each other hard for a good twenty minutes then Bruce erupted into Beth's pussy, filling her with his cum. This gave Beth another climax. Afterwards he laid on Beth for a minute then rolled off her. He'd destroyed her pussy, it gaped open with his cum dripping out of her. They kissed and he got up to dress while Beth laid there spent. She looked at me and smiled big time. She said, "Your turn!", so I took sloppy seconds and enjoyed it beyond belief. Bruce watched us have sex then commented that watching real sex was so much hotter than any porno ever could be. He understood my enjoyment of watching my wife fuck other men. He said he'd like to do it again and Beth was all for it. So they made plans to hook up again. Then Bruce left.
       
      Beth and I talked about how well things went, and how she wasn't prepared for how much she enjoyed his big cock. It was mind boggling! She thanked me profusely for asking her to do this, the opportunity to experience such awesome sex. She says she'll never be the same again and is looking forward to more big cock sex. So our new lifestyle began.
    • By StartingOver60
      I am curious, when you are with another partner for the evening do you tend to have a new approach to adventure?
       
      Does the opportunity to be with someone new give you the feeling that you are free to reach out to new levels that you may not share with your spouse?
       
      Do you do things like swallow or go down on your new partner and not your spouse?
       
      Do you ever just let go and accommodate the requested new situation pushing the agreed upon boundaries/limits of your spouse?
       
      Do you have stronger or multiple organism's with you new partner?
       
      Do you have sex more times during the evening encounter than with your spouse?
       
      Do you look forward to a specific partner that elevates your experience?
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